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Born in the 50s

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Comment by Mary99 on August 9, 2011 at 5:31pm

Today would have been our 36th wedding anniversary - it's the third one I've "celebrated" without him.  I went into work for half a day and then just said - "I'm outta here", no reasons, no excuses.  I went out to a movie - "Cowboys and Aliens" so nothing romantic.  Then I went shopping for a new cart to pull behind my soon-to-be-son-in-law's 4 wheeler.  No romance there either.


Afterwards I went to Barnes and Noble and then out to eat at a nice Mexican restaurant by myself.  I had a big margarita with my enchiladas and went home to give the dog her new dog toy. 


My son remembered and called, although we never mentioned the 'A' word.  It's rather a cosmic joke on me that his in-laws happened to have gotten married on the same day, only 5 years later.  I look at them and envy them the anniversaries they still have together.  


I'm glad the day is almost over.

Comment by shirley on August 9, 2011 at 10:20am
Where's the "LIKE" button?? I resemble that remark, Wendy pie!
Comment by Wendy pie on August 8, 2011 at 9:32pm
Hello all you old hippies!
Comment by wannabmartha on August 8, 2011 at 2:53pm

Yay Drewlady! So glad to have you on board!

Comment by Drewlady on August 8, 2011 at 2:37pm

Good evening. I just joined this  Born in the fifties group.I was widowed May 2009 after we saw our oldest graduate college, did not make it to our son's favorite waterfront restaurant for a celebration. Drew was 56. He and I seven years ago were  diagnosed with diabetes one day apart. Drew had complications he was very overweight and was compromised by two meds. One is now restricted the other was recalled after the recipe for this heart med was doubled for seven months and shipped all over.

We are in this village and and I think it takes a village to cope with our heartache. wannabmartha I am so very sorry for your double loss . Years ago Drew and I lost our middle baby  a daughter to multi organ failure at age seven months. My cousin said to me after her death and after Drew's death 'the only thing I can think of to do is pray and clean for you '! (She cleans when upset.) Extra prayers to you !!  Prayers for all of you!! So very glad you have all found our village.Let's spread the word about WV.

Lin, I am a social worker as well.I'm with a medical center. After losing Drew within 6 weeks I joined 2 groups . July 2010 I began facilitating a suburban Philadelphia chapter of Widows Wear Stilettos.September 2010 my proposal for a program for staff who have had a loss or losses and wish to participate was approved by HR.

I also began doing lots of volunteer work with my sorors and started golf and yoga lessons. And hitting the gym every day. My Drs kept saying if I didn't get my sugars under control I would be in the hospital. Stress related as I am very slender.

What ever I could  think of to do I do just that.I go to everything I'm invited to even if I have to push myself. I put together a dinner group and a theatre group. Every six weeks some from every group go to dinner. Quarterly a bunch of us see a play. Often widowed staff from work join us. Four of us in my area became widows within six weeks.

It helps having something to look forward to.

                                                                  Take good care of yourselves!

Comment by danny's girl on August 4, 2011 at 9:49am

For the first time since Danny passed away in December I made plans to get away for a few days with his sister and my sister. We went to Cape Cod, stayed at a place we have stayed at previously with Danny and I felt fine doing that because it brought back memories of good times. But something strange did happen while we were in the hot tub Monday evening. Danny's sister and I were sitting in the hot tub talking when a teenage boy (about 16 years old) came into the hot tub and sat down. I glanced up and caught my breath because he looked just like Danny looked when I met him in 1973 when HE was 16. His hair was the same cut, color and long style (from the 70's) that Danny wore. My SIL stepped out of the hot tub within 30 seconds of the kid sitting down. I sat for a few more minutes and realized it wasn't just the hair, but the nose was the same & the shape of his face. The difference was that he had brown eyes and Danny had crystal blue eyes. When I got out of the hot tub, my SIL said to me "I couldn't stay in there, that kid looked just like Danny!" So I know it wasn't just MY imagination.

Before Danny died he told me not ot worry because he would ALWAYS be with me...I think the kid in the hot tub was his way of letting me know he meant what he said. It turned out to be a very nice getaway:)

Comment by flamingt on August 2, 2011 at 3:43pm
@ Martha...Quieting the mind is really what it takes.  I try to get about 15 minutes to 45 minutes a day finding quiet.  It's amazing what one can do by meditating (or praying for some).  It's been a practice that look forward to.  There are many "guided" meditations that you can find to get you started.  You just have to learn to relax, accept your "monkey brain" and say "goodbye, I don't need you right now"...and then learn to breathe slowly in and out - 6 seconds in the nose.....the exhale out 6 seconds.  Calming music helps too.
Comment by Marsha on August 2, 2011 at 2:31pm
Wow lanzini. I so wish I could see my husband. I'm almost 7 months out and I can feel him close at times. Miss him so much. Keep wishing I could talk to him. I've heard we can if we quiet our minds. Something I definitely have to learn to do. Thank you for giving us all hope.
Comment by flamingt on August 2, 2011 at 12:38pm
I wasn't sad at all...and I wasn't frightened.  I was amazed that he was smiling and grinning at me just as if he were here...poking fun at the fact that there is another dimension here.  He didn't believe and any of that...and I think I manifested him here to remind me that I am moving forward exactly as I should be.  I know there was an energy there that caused that manifestation...and it was validation to me that he is happy, relaxed, and doing exactly what he planned on doing all bring joy.
Comment by shirley on August 2, 2011 at 11:46am

@lanzini- when you saw your husband in the hallway how did you feel? I was just trying to imagine how it would be to experience that and I have to believe it would make me happy & sad all at the same time. But oh so nice to remember so vividly the smile...

btw, we are almost neighbors. I live in sacramento :)


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