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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

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Comment by Abby on July 29, 2011 at 6:51pm

I am not sure the pain EVER ends but most seem to say it subsides.  I too feel like I am just existing and waiting for my life to end. In reality I know that I am too young to think this way and that many people do find happiness after such horrendous tragedy.  I guess they must be the lucky few or maybe at some point something good will happen for all of us. I thank you all as usual for your great insight and kind words. I hope that we are all OK at some point during this journey of hell.  It just HAS to get better because it certainly could not get any worse!

Abby

Comment by Marsha on July 29, 2011 at 5:34pm

I lost my husband 6.25 months ago and cannot imagine going out or even meeting anyone. We were married a little over 32 years. What the hell is dating anyway? Such a foreign concept. I've actually had people tell me right after I told them my husband had passed away in January that I was still young and needed to find a boyfriend and/or get marriend again! Couldn't help but think how they would like someone saying this to their spouse! I am sorry for the reason all of us are here. I look forward to get to know all of you as we take this journey. Guess I'll get use to typing through the tears. Wonder when this pain will end.

Comment by patsy on July 29, 2011 at 5:19am

Hi Melina, while I am so very sorry for your loss, I am also glad to meet you. I agree with every word you wrote. I am at 20 months, and I feel exactly as you do about meeting someone else, that I am marking time until my life ends, and have nothing to look forward to. I, too, am waiting for it to pass, hoping it will.

 

Abby, you are certainly not alone. I have had huge crashes and smaller setbacks well after 6 mos.,  even this year. One way in which time helps is that these events become fewer and farther apart. The "ok" days become more frequent. However, we never have to act that we are ok. I still have spells of anger too. We are all here together for each other.

 

(((BIG hugs)) to all, Patti

Comment by juliefx on July 28, 2011 at 7:12pm
hi abby just like you i have not been on line,not had a bad a few days where i think im ok and it comes back with the biggest force that i am back where i started and i have fallen apart again i miss my micky,i just cannot go on ,i want him with me,i want the old times back,abby you are not on your own,its 4 months for me and its harder now then ever ,try and stay strong,my heart and throughts are with you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Comment by puddy on July 28, 2011 at 6:19pm
Hi Abby....wondered what happen to you.  Having a few months behind you... 2 mos and 8 days...I am still raw.  I fake everything...I dislike when people unknowingly comment "have a nice day".  My days are horrible and I know this long journey is going to be hell....living hell.  I am seeing a therapist, psychiatrist, grief counselor, etc.  Feeling crazy...sure do!  I hate this house right now...just constant reminders...could I move...could not handle it.  I started  screaming WHY?....but there will never be an answer.  This unfortunately was God's plan and he left us here for a reason...guess we will find out why sometime down the road.  I am glad you can say you are feeling "pretty ok"...it sounds positive!  We will all get through this...I stay at the day-by-day...no plans..no nothing.  Work, see friends, go exercise, movies, etc.  Take care of yourself...we have to make ourselves #1 right now...
Comment by Abby on July 28, 2011 at 4:41pm

I have not been on line lately as I have been busy and feeling "pretty ok" for a stretch and then BOOM/CRASH I feel like my life has come crashing down around me for the zillionth time. I am trying to see if there are any triggers and sometimes there are, but other times, for no apparent reason, I get so angry and so sad and go buzerk at my husband for leaving me! I know this is irrational but it is the truth. When will this roller coaster end and when will I start to move upward with the odd blimp instead of feelings of being OK with more often than not the overwhelming sadness?  You are all right....no one understands our pain more than we do. You just don't put in your time and then move on and build a new life. I must say that I am so tired and worn out from feelings of sadness and from missing my husband so much that it aches.  I am just over 6 months out and I feel like everyone around me feels like I should start coming out of my depression. I am soooo tired of "acting" in public, so tired of people asking me "how are you doing?" I feel like saying I am SUPER NEVER BETTER....how the hell do they think I am doing?  I lost my life partner, the only man I ever loved and my life is lonely, empty and filled with sadness. Yes, I have a lot to be grateful for but  I really  do not feel that way. I just don't understand why these kinds of horrible things happen and yes I wonder, selfishly, why me? why my husband? we had everything a couple could ever want and now I have only memories of happier times.

Thanks for listening. Good to be checking back to make sure I am not going totally insane.

Abby

Comment by shirley on July 28, 2011 at 3:01pm

Yes, this journey will likely having you questioning your sanity at some point.

Probably one of the best things we can do is reach out to each other so we don't feel so alone in our craziness.

Comment by Robert's Baby on July 28, 2011 at 12:43pm

I'm really glad that someone else relates this experience to being 'biploar'! That's exactly how I feel sometimes. Some days filled with great hope and expectation and then the crash! I had begun to wonder if I needed medical attention but this site and your comments help me to understand I'm just walking down a road that has no detour .... just have to walk the path before me.

 

Comment by Elle on July 27, 2011 at 9:28pm
LOL--thank you, wannabmartha. I think we would ALL agree that widowhood invokes a very unique "craziness" that has it's very own personality that only we widows can identify---or at least understand and relate to! I was just sharing with a WV friend in an email how it feels very much "bipolar"! Happy one hour, crying the next. Feeling like you're moving in a positive direction, then feeling like you cannot even move (or breathe) at all! Feeling like there's hope, then feeling devastated---again. Up and down, up and down. Crazy-making. But we are all in this thing together, and that somehow makes it a little, tiny bit more bearable. WV is a life-saver, cherry flavored! (The red ones were always the best!) So glad I found this place---and you all!
Comment by wannabmartha on July 27, 2011 at 7:44pm

Hi you all!

Elle, I'm so glad that you joined us here in the group "born in the 50's" It's nice to meet you. =)

Your comments to everyone here is so welcome and nice. This widow stuff is for sure crazy making but I like your idea of being crazy together!

 

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