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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum


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Giving Myself a Panic Attack

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The hardest time of day

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Deja Vu all over again?

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Problems with moving

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Comment Wall


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Comment by Marsha on October 28, 2011 at 12:10pm
(((((jmstls))))) Nights and weekends are the worse especially at the beginning of this journey. I'm 9.5 months out and weekends are starting to be ok. Still have tears but able to function. Take baby steps and do what feels right to you. There is nothing to feel guilty about. We're all trying to find a new "normal" and the new us. Hard road to travel. Praying you find some comfort today.
Comment by Widow in Paradise on October 27, 2011 at 5:52pm

I just passed the 10 month mark and I agree that your feelings are very typical and you just have to take it easy on yourself.  I go through the same thing of feeling guilty, but I remind myself that my partner would want me to be happy.  Just take it a day at a time and know that you are not alone.  Wishing for peace and strength for all of us.


Comment by Mary99 on October 27, 2011 at 6:28am

jmstls: for a while, EVERYTHING is going to make you feel guilty - like you shouldn't be living, eating, walking, watching TV, etc. because he can't do those things.  Don't give in to those feelings!!!!  You deserve to continue living, to have fun, to enjoy a walk with a friend, to get whatever enjoyment you can out of life!  I always said, if my husband didn't like me remodeling the house/taking a trip/going out to the movies/etc. then he should have stayed around.  If your husband was a good person, then he wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life being a monument to loneliness.  If he enjoyed life, you have to believe that he would want you to enjoy life too.


Take a walk, every day if possible, just to get out and look around at your neighborhood.  Don't shut yourself away because of guilt that you're alive and he's not.  Push those thoughts away - firmly.  


You've got a lot of rough road ahead.  Yes, I work too and I know that days were easier to deal with than nights, weekends and holidays.  Come back and visit the board whenever you need to.  These people understand what you're going through and will offer advice if you're looking for it, an outlet if you want to vent, and a shoulder on a bad day.  Take care - and take a walk.


Comment by Joyce on October 27, 2011 at 5:40am
(1mrypp ) Sorry for your loss, I'm also a new member and my husband dies just two weeks ago.  I was also looking for some comfort, knowing that people in the same situations usually understand one and other better.  I do work and that seems to help during the day, but my nights and weekends are very, very difficult.  I did finally go out with a friend last night for a walk but I kind of felt guilty doing it.  I know that doesn't make sense but that's how I felt.
Comment by SallyStarre on October 19, 2011 at 11:43am
1mrypp Sorry for your loss.  My husband died 7 months ago and I feel as though I am just existing.  I keep going through the motions and hope that someday life will kick in.  You are not alone in how you feel.  I cry a lot but there are times I laugh.  I will always miss his physical presence but will forever carry him in my heart.  I think what is especially difficult for our age group is that we are at that 'in between' stage.  I was looking forward to retirement but now I feel what is the point.  One day at a time.
Comment by Marsha on October 19, 2011 at 11:26am
(((((1mrypp))))) I'm sorry for the loss that brought you here but glad you found WV. Here you will find you are not alone and what you are experiencing is the new normal for us. Don't ever apologize for your feelings. I am at 9 months out today and have cried more than I ever thought possible. There is a lot of love here at WV and a lot of support. When you feel up to it please join chat. A great place to find comfort on your bad days and a great place to smile too.
Comment by shirley on October 19, 2011 at 9:10am
1mrypp - you are not at all selfish, we have all felt exactly the same way. of course we feel you pain and hope that our words can bring you some shred of comfort. thank you for finding this site and you never have to apologize for your feelings. (((hugs)))
Comment by mahagen on October 19, 2011 at 6:19am
1mrypp, we have all been there.  I too wonder where I will find joy again.  That is part of my daily prayer, "please help me find joy"  Nine months isn't very long.  Don't think you should be over it by now, and ready to quit crying.  I'm so sorry you had to find this place, but hopefully, we can all help each other.
Comment by 1mrypp on October 19, 2011 at 6:10am
Hi. I am a new member. In an attempt to find comfort meet a kindred soul who can relate...I stumbled into this website. My darling has been gone 9 months. I miss him so much I don't think I can stand it. My guts are twisted up constantly, I cry hard whenever I am alone. I have cried more since january 21st than I have in my whole life put together - actually, that is the biggest understatement of a all time. I see no more joy in life. The thought of a future without him brings me to tears and despair. I apologize for my selfishness. I know all of you are grieving and am very so sorry for your loss.
Comment by mahagen on October 19, 2011 at 5:05am
 It's a gray, rainy day here.  October....didn't think about this being a hard month, but it is.  Mike loved October.  We usually took a couple Fridays off to play: go to apple orchards and pumpkin patches, maybe start Christmas shopping.  And there is FOOTBALL!   


And then, Oct 14 is my service anniversary at work.  Last Friday marked 20 years with the company.  That day was never supposed to happen.  I was supposed to retire in 2008, but instead, I had to become the sole support of us, the us that doesn't exist anymore.  My boss got me a cake, most everyone came over and said, "Congratulations, that's great!", but it wasn't something I wanted to celebrate, as it was never supposed to happen.  The fact that it did happen emphasized that our plans didn't work out. Today is the Service Anniversary Luncheon.  The company bigwigs will be there to tell us how great it is that we made these milestones of 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years.  I will paste a fake smile on my face, and try to look down when the tears start to well in my eyes. 

And I will get through Sunday, which will mark 18 months since Mike was called Home.


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