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Born in the 50s

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Comment by junebug132 on January 8, 2012 at 3:06pm

Paula Renee,I think some people are just ignorant.I can't imagine being with anyone else.I'm so offended by eharmony and tried to ask them not to contact me.With no resolution.Stephenkansas so sorry for your loss.I think for me it's going to take alot of time.As probably everyone on here.One day at a time,one step at a time.I think that's the best any of us can hope for.

Comment by stephenkansas on January 8, 2012 at 2:53pm

I don't think I've posted here...But I have similar feelings maddogllady.  I'm 59 and lost my wife on Nov 10th.  This experience has left my emotions totally scrambled.  I'm starting get them sorted out, but everyone here knows it takes time and I'm learning that too. 

I don't want anything out of life right now except to reconcile what has happend and to find peace with it.  I don't think I can start thinking about the future until I get things figured out.  I'm pretty sure "e-harmony" is not going to happen any time soon! 

I've been looking all over to find support groups in my area.   I hope I can just find some group(s) of people going through similar journeys that I can relate to.  I think if I can find people who "get it" it will be easier.

Comment by Letha on January 8, 2012 at 2:49pm

I'm in the same boat..not OLD, not YOUNG. Married 38 years and now facing my life in a totally different way..alone. I hate the thought of growing old alone..but also can't imagine ever living with another man at this point. I'm far too set in my ways, and any man would have BIG shoes to fill..impossible ones really. Like I recently told someone..why would I want to marry again when I alreay had the best? It just stinks to find yourself alone, when you thought you'd grow old with your spouse.. and then they're gone.

Comment by MissingCB on January 8, 2012 at 2:29pm

Junebug132, I also moved 6 months after my husband died to our dream home (turned nightmare) in a golf course community.  It was a new community so I helped start a "women's club", dinner club, etc.  After years of hard work, Cruella deVille moved in and must have thought I was competition.  She got her own groupies and eventually convinced "my friends" that the dinner club should be for couples only.

Comment by MissingCB on January 8, 2012 at 2:17pm

Welcome maddogdolly!  And, junebug132, at least it is just eharmony and not the "stepford wives" in your neighborhood & church.  My husband was in a coma when a church member patted my arm and said, "Don't worry, you're young, you're pretty, you'll find someone else."  I wanted to scream, "You're old and you're stupid and I was hoping he would wake up from the coma."  I did work but my husband's business was our primary source of income and it died with him (with help from competitors, his own son (my drug addicted stepson) and the economy and type of business. 

Now, (long story), I am on disability and every time I start to get healthy, something else happens.  I just wish I could move w/o giving my house away and start over somewhere where no one knows me.

Comment by SallyStarre on January 8, 2012 at 2:13pm

Maddogdolly there are many of us in that 'too young to be old to old to be young' category.  My husband died almost 10 months ago and it has been two steps forward one step back.  We must take each day as it comes and roll with the emotions and pray that someday life will kick in again.  God Bless

 

Comment by junebug132 on January 8, 2012 at 1:55pm

I am exactly in your position.I'm 57 and my husband died Sept.25,2011.I feel completely lost.My husband never wanted me to work outside the home and he treated me like a queen.Now,everything has been turned upside down.My oldest son has taken me in and is being wonderful.I have been trying to find a job,but without any job experience I'm having a hard time.Even Walmart doesn't want me.I miss my husband so much.I'm trying to handle everything and go on,but I keep thinking I'm in for a very lonely and sad life.Like you said too old to be young,but too young to be old.Is anyone else on here being bothered by eharmony?I've written them and asked them to stop sending me stuff and that it is inappropriate for them to send me stuff.I have no interest.Anyway,they are still sending stuff.I'd like to know how they got my name.

Comment by maddogdolly on January 8, 2012 at 1:27pm

Hello.  My husband died 8/5/2011.  It's been just over 5 mos.  It felt sudden, but was in fact, liver disease that took him.  In hindsight, I realize he'd been going downhill for several months, but I misread the signs as depression (which was also there).  Finally we got a diagnosis on June 6, and he died a day short of 2 mos. later.  He spent the last 3 weeks at home under Hospice care.  It was Hell to say the least, but the 5 mos. since then has been no picnic either.  He was just short of his 57th birthday, I just turned 56.  We have 3 grown kids, 25, 23 and 19.  Life has been hard for all of us.  It's just so sad.  I read alot about what to do/not do, expect, not expect.  At some point I guess I should start looking forward, but I have no idea how to do that, as I can't stop looking back.  We were together for 35 years.  I don't know how to be mid-50s and start life over again, with a whole different plan.  I'm too young to be old and too old to be young.  I would love to find others in a similar boat.

Comment by MissingCB on January 8, 2012 at 12:59pm

Thanks also, Junebug132, for your prayers.  Strength is what we all need.  And, joy.  I just want some of my joy back.  And, don't want to feel like every day of my life is a chore and that someone or something isn't waiting in the wings to just knock the crud out of me.

Comment by MissingCB on January 8, 2012 at 12:54pm

Thank you Dianne.  Everyday the wound looks better.  My biggest problem is that I have only told a few people b/c I had to leave town (my ex-stepson stalks me and has broken in) to come to the town she is in to start the wound treatment.  My husband's treatment was so different, thank goodness.  And, being at a different facility & away from my hometown is helping.  I just now have such guilt feelings b/c of finances, I had to discontinue my quarterly pest control and keep thinking this would not have happened if I had continued w/the exterminating.

Also, at my son's wedding, everything, absolutely everything was perfect.  With the exception of my hateful sister who I prayed would not show up but did.  I was so full of joy that night and it showed.  My 4 best friends from elementary school even came to town for it.  My pastor told me, "See Paula, this is the start of your new life."  I felt on top of the world and then feel like my daughter getting bitten by that brown recluse is just something trying to take away the little bit of joy I finally felt.

 

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