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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Camp Widow San Diego

Started by Kathy. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Jul 9. 8 Replies

social security widow/widower benefits

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Crazy - taxes

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Comment Wall


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Comment by flamingt on September 27, 2011 at 8:06pm
All I can "peace and clarity".....I got immersed in my writing!!!
Comment by flamingt on September 27, 2011 at 8:02pm

Hello's been awhile since I have posted here....but I just wanted to let you all know that I look in, check out everyone's posts, and if I can ad any positive thoughts, I'll always try.


The Ups and the Downs....yes, we have them.  But think about this...if we didn't have the downs we wouldn't enjoy the ups?  Right?  The illnesses that some of us can manifest from loneliness is scary.  When we write things that take us down...we kind of sit there for several days wondering "what brought that on???"  Well...we all need to set our vibration in an upward movement.


If you're religious...then you know you're going to heaven, right?  Everything goes UP!  If you're spiritual, you might know that "just being here" will get you over the bumps in the road.  A little practice with that, and you can achieve "hailstorms!".  Praying, meditation, "just being"....brings you peach and clarity.  Breath in a long breath, and SLOWLY let it out.  Think of unicorns, rainbows (suggested by my sweet granddaughter a couple years ago)...anything that gets you "there".


My vision is a nice white sand beach with turquoise waters, the sand just kissing my toes!  Breath in, breath got it???


Finding love in yourself....will bring love to you.  When you radiate happiness, smile a lot (just practice in the mirror here), don't share your grim story (when you do're just telling another story to remind you are a widow) happiness in everything.  Hate to sound a bit Zen here....but MAN...does it work!!!


I went off my anti-depressants (on them for 15 years)....started dancing (didn't care what I look liked...just did it!)....and enjoyed life!


For years...some of us at least....knew the inevitable was going to happen.  We paced ourselves in the "doing"...making sure everyone was taken care of...and we didn't take care of ourselves.


It doesn't cost a thing......JUST BE!  Enjoy your morning routine....watched the hummingbirds, the dragonflys, pet your them!  Every notice how THEY smile when we just pet them softly and peacefully.


Everything unfolds for a reason...including the fact that you just might meet another person who will be a companion, lover, or great friend.  Who will hold you, tease you, and support you.  You are not made to be here alone....ever.


Yes, the loves of our lives have left us.  But now it's up to us to make sure we enjoy the lives we have to it's fullest and don't look back.  Love you all......

Comment by Paula on September 27, 2011 at 5:57pm
Boburly , it is so true. I have really been trying to accept the fact that I really may be alone for the rest of my life. I hate it. I have tried the online thing and speed dating and the rejection has been horrible. I hate hate hate it.
Comment by Doran on September 27, 2011 at 5:52pm
Sunday it will be three months. The ups and downs are getting old. just when I think every thing is better something happens to knock me down. After 7 years of brain cancer I thought I would better prepared for her death, was wrong there was nothing that could have gotten me ready for what happened on that horrible day. It was the day my world ended. My friend,confidant,the love of my life was taken from me. How in the world will I ever recover from that?
Comment by shirley on September 27, 2011 at 5:34pm
I hear very few stories about widows/widowers in our age finding love again and it is so disheartening. I have tried to meet men through online dating and it seems as though half of them aren't interested in finding someone. I have so much love to give the right person but now I wonder if I will ever get a second chance at love.
Comment by teacher 720 on September 27, 2011 at 5:13pm
It has been 4 years and 4 months for me. I have been "dating" some if you call  going out once and then deciding nope he is definitely not the one!  I started meeting some men through Christian mingle and although they have been very nice I just do not feel anything. I think I compare everyone to my hubby and he was my soulmate and best friend. I am about ready to give up. I guess I WILL NEVER have that kind of love again. I will not settle either!!
Comment by Abby on September 27, 2011 at 5:03pm

Thank you for the 'hope' Patricia as that is all we have to hang on to. No one truly understands the depth of despair we are in and it is hard to blame them. I certainly would never have imagined how horrendous this pain is and the deep feelings of despair and darkness that I have gone to. I have had my share of physical pain over the years but nothing that could ever touch this kind of pain. If I do survive this, I hope that I am as caring a person as you to come back to this site and offer hope to all of us.  You and flamingt are wonderful human beings to keep giving back to those of us who have walked your walk and are hoping to survive this hell.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart


Comment by Patricia on September 27, 2011 at 2:40pm

It's been over 4 long, lonely years for me.  I didn't ever think it would get easier but it does.  I didn't ever think the ache inside of me would go away but it has faded.  I stayed in bed so long that my body still hurts from it but I am up and working again.  My social life is still pretty quiet but I even invited myself to a party this summer.  I wasn't going to let them forget about me and then hear about what a great time it was.  And it was a great time.

I think that the rest of the world expects us to be over it alot sooner than is humanly possible so we put those expectations on ourselves.

Don't be hard on yourselves.  You will feel better someday and it does come but everyone is different.  I loved John so much and he was my life so losing him was like losing my life.

Hugs to all of you who are so early in your grief.  I would never want to go back there and wish so much I could say something that would ease your pain.  All I can give you is the hope that it will get better. 

Comment by jerseygirl22 on September 26, 2011 at 2:28pm


i know its been 9 years for me and put my name out there to date. gone on a few dates but the guys here don't a girlfriend. they just want a sex partner. i'm hopin to find a true and honest guy too. i don't want to be alone or take care of  any man either. hugs to all.

Comment by tink on September 26, 2011 at 2:18pm

Hi there I am coming up on 7 years.  I have put my name out there to date but it

seems there is no one out there.   I agree that Monday to Friday is okay because I work full time it is weekends and holidays that get lonely. I don't have children but the fact that life goes on it sooooooooo true  we become stronger   and we do survive.   I lost my first husband when I was 35 I remarried  but I am again alone. I do hope there is someone in my future but what will be will be. In the mean time I travel and do everything I want to alone or not  take care everyone and keep smiling



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