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Born in the 50s

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Anyone experiencing loneliness?

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Anniversary Today

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social security widow/widower benefits

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Comment by shirley on December 27, 2011 at 4:19pm

all of these posts remind me that we are in different spaces and are traveling this road alone, although we have each other.

there are so many who have gone on with other relationships, marriages, moves, etc. and i feel like i've stood stone still. i have to remind myself that others may not be experiencing the same thing exactly, and sometimes i feel hope from people's posts and sometimes i feel horrid. right now i'm pretty depressed after christmas and wonder if i will always feel like this. this is the hardest thing i have ever done and i am completely alone.

Comment by Paula on December 27, 2011 at 4:13pm

my son got married 4 months after my husband died. I made sure to include as guests as many of my own friends as I could find so at least at the reception it kind of felt like a reunion. My friends are known collectively as " my drunken Uconn friends" so there was alcohol involved.

Comment by wannabmartha on December 27, 2011 at 3:26pm

I'm so touched by the way everyone is supportive of each other, willing to offer comforting advice whenever they can.

Mahagen, you're perspective is one that I share because I'm convinced that my faith is what has sustained me. Prayer has helped me to have a thankful attitude and not become bitter because of my losses. I'm inspired by what you've shared......thank you.

Paula, my husband and son were killed in a plane crash flying back from a remodel project we were doing in Colorado for my middle son's impending wedding. It was January when they died and the decision was made to keep the wedding planned for September. We did and it was hard! With the help of lots of prayer and support from family and friends I managed to finish our remodel and plan the rehearsal dinner. When I look back (just over 2 years now) I'm so glad that we went ahead with the wedding.

My daughter in law just remarried and that was really hard too! Visits with my counselor helped to prepare me for that one! I'll send you a friend request so we can talk further if you'd like.

Comment by mahagen on December 27, 2011 at 11:55am

This was my second Christmas without Mike.  I woke up pretty early, and had a message from a fellow travelor on the "widow highway", that set me off on a short pity party (not that we don't deserve them now and again), and had a good cry for about 5 or 10 minutes, I really don't know how long it lasted. After that, I had a lovely day with my kids and and siblings, nieces and nephews. 

Last year there was no way I would have believed that 365 days later, I would be laughing, talking about Mike, having a wonderful family Christmas.  Time has healed, is healing.  I'm healing.  And that's a good thing. 

I'm praying for a healing 2012 for us all.  Father in Heaven.  Thank you for 30 years with my wonderful man.  Thank you for the gifts you have blessed me with, even the gift of widowhood and what brought me to widowhood, because from that path, I have grown in my faith, my love for You and my family and my fellow man.   Please bless all who read this with healing of their minds and hearts.  I pray in the name of the babe of Bethleham, Your Son, Christ Jesus.  Amen

Comment by flamingt on December 27, 2011 at 9:09am

When a friend of mine who runs a non-profit called spreadkindness.org came up to me and told me "You know, Larry is with you all the time.  He just wanted me to tell you that he had to leave early so you could continue to grow."  Maria, a very special young women had given me the validation that I knew was correct.  I was wallowing in my grief-pain, seeking something, anything that could answer why he died after a 36 year marriage.  I know some of you might not believe psychics and the metaphysical world, but what she said to me really helped me move forward.   That was a turning point for me to start appreciating living again.  I hope that helps. 

Comment by freddieb on December 27, 2011 at 8:39am

Paula, I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time right now.  In January it will be 3 years since Walter passed away. I'm going to take that day off from work so that I can feel whatever I need to that day and not be pressured to smile or act like I'm not sad because I will be and I know I will cry and that's really OK.  We are all experiencing the ups and downs of widowhood, and I know you don't want to hear this, but it does get better.  Last year at this time I was sad and crying from November through January, feeling very alone and wondering how I was supposed to make it for another 30 years by myself without my true love.  But, today I can honestly tell you that I am not just surviving, I am living. There is no timeline for when you turn that corner, but you have to have faith that you can make it.  I don't know about your husband, but Walter absolutely loved life and I know that he wanted me to continue to live on even though he couldn't be with me.  You are in my prayers and I sincerely hope that you are feeling better soon.  God bless. 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on December 27, 2011 at 2:15am

I'm really sorry things are so tough for you, Paula, and that you aren't able to see anything positive in your future. While you may not want to hear it, I am confident that things CAN get better - but it will take some work to get there.

At 15 months there are still ups and downs, good days and bad, and I know that I will miss my husband every day for the rest of my life.  But missing him doesn't mean that I must stop living. I'm still alive for a reason and I need to learn who I am now that I'm alone for the first time in my life. We have help here, Paula. We can lean on each other as we travel this road. Please don't give up on yourself.

Comment by flamingt on December 26, 2011 at 7:52pm

Yesterday was difficult for all of us, no matter how long it's been since they left us.  Even at 4 years, there still are so many memories.  How do I stay sane?  How do I look at my future?  Just be present with the moment.  Everything that is happening now is more important.  Paula, I hope you can take a deep breath and wonder why you are still here.  There are significant reasons, among those...even though he (or she) has gone to another place...you have some unfinished business here.  So look at that and figure out why you are here.  If you look for the wonderous opportunities that await you, you can also pause and consider that he is (or she) is watching and smiling and knowing you are healing each day.  The grief will get you every time...look it in the eye and say - "Nope!  Not on my watch.  I've had enough of you, so now I'm ready to find better things to distract myself with and find joy."  Hang in there...smile and know, you are not in this alone forever.  I hope that helps.  

Comment by Stumbling (Susan) on December 26, 2011 at 6:36pm

Paula, please don't say that.  Your husband would not have wanted that for you I'm sure.  I lost my husband 8 months ago.  It tore my heart out, but I try to go forward every day.  I find strength in his memory.  Yesterday was so hard, but we got through it. I wish I could comfort you better. Hugs to you.

Comment by Paula on December 26, 2011 at 6:28pm

why do people say it's going to get better? coming up on 2 years in March. never going to be better ever. alone for ever. all I did was live longer than my husband. I did not mean to.  I wish I hadn't.

 

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