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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

social security widow/widower benefits

Started by Lissa. Last reply by booktime (Susan) Sep 10. 17 Replies

Dating

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Camp Widow San Diego

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Comment by flamingt on November 5, 2011 at 2:34pm

JMSTLS...print off those questions of choice...I use them ALL the time!

Susan...I absolutely know where you are and how you feel.  We built out retirement home and lived in it for about 5.5 years.  I didn't think he would die at age 57...and me widowed at age 56.  This is the year I turned 60.  I look back at all that has happened in the four years and I have grown from every decision that I have made.  I rented out our retirement home...bought another closer to my kids and grandchildren...  I have a different life.  The process of clearing out all of those memories of a 36 marriage was difficult, but my inner self knew that doing the clearing really made opportunities for new memories to come forward.

 

So...remember this...TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES.  We are told to do this as women and as caregivers.  Sure a pedicure and manicure will help...but looking inward is the best thing that you can do for YOU.  I was never a spiritual person...but these last four years have change me remarkably.  Sit, breathe, visualize peace and happiness.  Smile, and you'd be surprised what will reflect back to you!  Look at widowhood as only a temporary label.  Make "goddess" the permanent label.  You have earned it!

Comment by Susan L on November 5, 2011 at 2:20pm
Thank you for the inspirational words, flaming.  We had planned to sell this place when both our boys were out on their own, and buy a smaller place out in the country with some land.  We had been talking about it just a few months before he died.  Now I never want to sell this house, there are just too many memories.  I feel like all my hopes and dreams died along with him.  I never expected to be widowed at 53!
Comment by Joyce on November 5, 2011 at 2:13pm
Thanks for those words flamingt.   I think it will help, i'm going to print it and read it often
Comment by flamingt on November 5, 2011 at 1:51pm

Dear Susan and JMSTLS....loneliness is a state that we all have to go through.  It part of the process of grief.  When you are aware of your loneliness, you will naturally figure out how to move out of it.  When our children move out...we get a small taste of it.  When it all happens at once, the experience is overwhelming and powerful.  Use it to your advantage.  Sit really still, close your eyes and say to yourselves "My being is here for a purpose.  My whole life purpose just shifted, but I know that a plan is all laid out for me.  I may not know what it is, but it will show itself to me and I will allow it to happen."  Nothing  bad will happen, trust in yourself.  Breathe in deeply.  Even if tears come, just know that you are loved by everyone, and your purpose as a self is significant in the world.  Take lots of time for yourself.  Witness how you react.  I wrote this before and most people love it, because I stole it from someone else.  It helps:

1.  Will this steal my energy or enhace it?

2.  Will this choice hold me in my past or move me towards and inspiring future?

3. Will I grow from this?

4.  Is this an act of love...or sabotage?

 

What really helped get me off my butt was seeking laughter.  Find something that makes you feel better.  Laughter does move me out of depression.  It's been four years...but we fall backwards sometimes just to remind us that we can move forward.  I hope this helps.

Comment by Joyce on November 5, 2011 at 1:26pm
Hi Susan:  I understand about being lonely.  My husband died on October 11th and I've been feeling lonely a lot.  I work during the week but my weekends are horrible and I'm having trouble dealing, I sat around today doing nothing and I know it's not good for me but I can't seem to move my butt.
Comment by Susan L on November 5, 2011 at 1:10pm
Hi everyone - I was born in 1958 so I guess I qualify for this group.   My husband died on July 3 2011.  It's extra hard because I'm a new empty nester too - our younger son had moved out just before my husband's death.  There are lots of new challenges and I'm finding it extremely lonely.  It's a big house when there used to be 4 of us, and now there's just me.
Comment by Marsha on October 29, 2011 at 4:10am
Freddieb go and have a good time. Celebrate your friends birthday. You'll meet a lot of nice people and amazingly even with a lot of couples there you'll find people to talk to. Mary is right couples will not all be standing around in pairs. So much to get use to along this journey. You have a lot to offer others and dressing to the nine will give you the confidence you need. Have fun and I'll be thinking of you. Good luck!
Comment by Mary99 on October 29, 2011 at 3:17am
Freddieb - you can do this. Even though there will be couples there, they're not likely to all be standing around in pairs. When you're talking to someone, remember that you're talking to a person and not just half of a couple.

I used to be jealous of the couples, but then realized that I was glad I had 33 years with Tom rather than 60 years with some of those jerks.
Comment by freddieb on October 28, 2011 at 8:29pm

It will be 3 years in January since Walter passed away.  So far I have been able to avoid "couple" events.  But, next weekend a friend of mine is having a 50th birthday party and I have to go.  She's divorced, but, I know that a lot of married couples and dating couples will be there. It's an elegant affair (according to the invitation), so I bought a very pretty outfit to wear.  I could just picture Walter's face if he were here to see me in it.  We loved getting dressed to the nine's and stepping out together. (Sign).  Anyway, I'm going to the party, alone, and I hope that I make it through the evening without feeling too sad.  I really want to celebrate this special birthday with my friend  and have a good time.  Wish me luck! 

Comment by Marsha on October 28, 2011 at 12:10pm
(((((jmstls))))) Nights and weekends are the worse especially at the beginning of this journey. I'm 9.5 months out and weekends are starting to be ok. Still have tears but able to function. Take baby steps and do what feels right to you. There is nothing to feel guilty about. We're all trying to find a new "normal" and the new us. Hard road to travel. Praying you find some comfort today.
 

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