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Born in the 50s

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Members: 772
Latest Activity: on Thursday

Discussion Forum

Little Family?

Started by Hope. Last reply by Jules on Thursday. 7 Replies

Anniversary Today

Started by jlsrdh. Last reply by jlsrdh Oct 5. 7 Replies

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Comment by Letha on December 10, 2011 at 5:32pm

Thank-you Susan and Mary. I already look forward to visiting here. Everyone is so welcoming..and it's nice to talk to others who understand. I will have to pop into Chat soon and say hello.

Comment by Mary99 on December 10, 2011 at 5:27pm
Letha, Glad you found the site. I have found it very supportive and comforting. Everybody's path is unique because of our particular circumstances, but there are lots of similarities so we understand. Be good to yourself and allow yourself whatever time you need to grieve and adapt to this new life.
And Good luck dealing with your mother as she ages -lots of us are in that spot too, and it's not easy. My prayers are with you.
Comment by Stumbling (Susan) on December 10, 2011 at 4:32pm

Hi Letha.  I am glad you found this site.  I found it about a month and a half ago, after losing my my husband last April.  Widowhood is still strange and some days very hard.  Look around to see everything this site has to offer.  I hope you participate in chat.  It can make you smile.  Say what you want on this site, vent, scream, yell, we all get it.  Hope to see you again, and I hope you find this site as helpful as I do.  We may surprise you and even make you smile! ((Hugs))

Comment by Letha on December 10, 2011 at 3:48pm

Hello all. I am new, and unfortunately like all of you I find myself here because I lost my spouse. I never thought I would be a widow at my age, but I guess death knows no age. :(  We didn't have any children, so I find myself alone except for my 87 yr. old Mother. I have one older sister, but she is a ten hr. drive away, so Mom is the only person I have in town. She can't get out much, especially in Winter, so it gets really lonely for me.

Comment by Mary99 on December 7, 2011 at 7:44am

mahagen, Mom shows signs of dementia and is at the point where she forgets what we told her 5 minutes ago, or even the answer to the question she's asked 5 times; and sometimes she loses the words to finish her sentence and forgets what day it is.  But she still knows all her kids and grandchildren and all of their names.  And she knows that I am there, that it's me, Mary, and that I was Tom's wife, and we had two kids and they're both married now.  If she didn't know that, didn't know me, would I still go?  It'd be an easy trip to put off for a better day.  I can't say how often I'd go, or even IF I'd go.  I just don't know. 

It's a much better place to be in than what you have, dealing with a parent who has Alzheimer's and hasn't a clue who you are.  I think death is probably even easier to deal with than Alzheimer's.  When is it okay to let go?  My prayers go out for you and your struggles - it's a tough road.

Comment by mahagen on December 7, 2011 at 5:43am

Mary, You are a true role model for me.  Mike's mom is in an Alzheimer's home, and I'm ashamed to say I have only been to see her once since Mike died almost 20 months ago.  However, she no longer knows any of her children, and cannot string a complete sentence together, hasn't since Mike died. In fact, her sons decided to not tell her Mike has died.

I had every intention of visiting her after church on Sunday, but absolutely forgot to go!  I'm not sure why I would put myself through it, but feel like I should.  More prayer on this is needed! 

Comment by freddieb on December 6, 2011 at 6:35pm

Mary99, I'm glad you had a good day with your MIL.  I'm sure she appreciates having you in her life.  You're a good daughter. (((Hugs))) 

Comment by Mary99 on December 6, 2011 at 2:21pm
All in all it's been a good day. I took Mom out to breakfast and later dropped her off at the hairdresser's for her weekly appointment. I used to try to schedule them for Fridays because that's what she's used to -but then we have to depend on the drivers from the senior center and she doesn't like strangers.
I ran her errands while she was at her appt and right now I am just waiting till she wakes up from her nap to serve the dinner I made. Although she has asked me the same questions many times today -and will ask some of them again tonight - it has been a good day. I have assured her that after she moves to assisted living I will continue to come down for our Tuesdays together with the hair appt and out to eat. Later on, I will be so glad that I spent this time with her. I am so lucky to be able to do this.

I decided that the most difficult part is getting the sibs to agree on what step to take and when. In this respect I have chosen to take Tom's place and insist on having my say too -she's been my mom too for 36 years. Different personalities, emotionally charged issue, makes it all so difficult.

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and kind words. I know I am not alone in facing this kind of issue. I will survive this, and even look forward to my days with Mom, but every now and then I need to wail.
Comment by tink on December 6, 2011 at 1:19pm

Mary 

My prayers go out to you.  Actually my Niece and I were talking about something like that the other day. Her 80 year old mother  is dying from bone cancer and we were saying about how she was looking after her mother and she said that would be us in 20 or more years but neither one of us has any children to look after us.   My own Mother is 88 and living in a assisted lodge she is good but we found she used to get her meds mixed up so this was the solution.   Yes  I am 59  and no children 2 times widowed  so in 30 years will

be alone

Mary you are strong . We gain power as we go through widowhood. some how

we cope. with all that is thrown in our paths, so Mary we are all here for you

take care in knowing that.  and keep smiling

Comment by shirley on December 6, 2011 at 12:06pm

Your MIL is lucky to have you!, and you - her. 

Christmas is such a difficult time, and you are smart to listen to yourself about what you can and can't (tree) do.

We are here to offer support, knowing full well that we all need it at times.

 

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