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Born in the 50s

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Members: 751
Latest Activity: 14 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Camp Widow San Diego

Started by Kathy. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Jul 9. 8 Replies

social security widow/widower benefits

Started by Lissa. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Jun 27. 16 Replies

Crazy - taxes

Started by KJPE. Last reply by cupspinner Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Kaye (Nextstep11) on June 14, 2011 at 6:30am

Thanks for the welcome Marly.

I am sorry for your loss, it must have been very difficult for you. 

 

Coincidentally, I was born in Chicago, but most of my growing up was on the East Coast.

How's your Tuesday going?

 

Comment by Kaye (Nextstep11) on June 14, 2011 at 5:58am

Hello all,

I'm a new member; saying hello!

 

My husband died 12/16/2010 of a Brain tumor metastisized from Lung Cancer.

Currently, I am taking a break from working but am beginning to think about back to work but hopefully, in a field that I feel makes a difference.

I can very much relate to not being the same person and having entirely different priorties. 

 

My area has very few ongoing grief support meetings and the 6 week programs are not enough for me. 

Luckily, I was pointed this way by a another widow.

 

 

 

Comment by wannabmartha on June 10, 2011 at 8:21am

Oh no! I'm not sorry at all. I like getting to know you a little better. I know what you mean when you say that you wish you had never encouraged him to take up hang gliding. Sometimes I wish that I never encouraged my husband to fly either. It would've been a miserable existence though because he loved it so much. Even though it wasn't my favorite thing to do, it allowed us to travel together which was a lot of fun.

You might be interested in a discussion out there (under forums) about losing your home after becoming a widow. I think there are several discussions out there about finances that you might find helpful. It's pretty expensive in New York isn't it? It is here in Southern California!

Comment by patsy on June 10, 2011 at 4:52am
Hi wannbmartha, yes, he was an "avid" hang glider pilot. He had been flying for 3 years, which is still considered a novice in that sport. He could fly great, but he always struggled with landing and had had a couple of serious landings before. He loved it so much that we became 'snowbirds' so he could practice flying in FL during the winter. We went down there for three winters. I work as an online tutor, so as long as I have my laptop and an Internet connection, I can still work wherever I am.  I took a couple of "lessons", and I loved it, but I knew absolutely that I do not have what it takes to learn (like skiing). The lessons are not cheap and the equipment is VERY expensive. So I was content to be a hang-glider's wife.  Nowadays I have NOTHING to do with the sport. I wish we  had never heard of it and that I had not encouraged him to try it in the first place, but then again I know that he would have missed out on finally finding a hobby that he loved. Because I lost his income, I have had to move away from our home in VT because I cannot afford to live there alone. My husband's family lives here in the Catskills-Hudson Valley region and I am very close to them, so I rent a small house in this area.  I spend most of my time at the computer with my tutoring work to try to make enough money to pay my monthly bills. I only have family to socialize with, but they all work out of the home and have families that keep them very busy. Besides, everything costs money I don't have to spend. So, I guess I just exist day-to-day. I am sorry I am so long-winded with this post. I'll bet you are sorry you asked. Thanks for taking the time to read.
Comment by wannabmartha on June 9, 2011 at 6:47pm
Hi Pattia, I'm the one that lost my husband and son in a plane crash. The accident that took your husband is related. Was he an avid hang glider pilot? Did you ever participate? How are you getting through your days?
Comment by patsy on June 6, 2011 at 5:17pm
Hello everyone, I am Pattia, and I am new here. I began to have stress-related health issues after being widowed 18 months ago. It is mostly under control now with medication to slow my heart rate down and lower my blood pressure, but I learned a lot during that time. I am not the same person, either mentally or physically. I am looking forward to sharing with others here, maybe meeting some if possible.
Comment by Abby on June 6, 2011 at 5:16pm

Thanks for helping me with that. I am sorry for your loss and agree with you about being around positive energy. That woman could not help herself as that is how she feels. It is my interpretation of that that matters. I hope to be in a better place 3 years out of this hell but I guess she is not, sadly.

Take care and stay positive

Abby

Comment by Karen on June 5, 2011 at 8:18pm

Hi Abby,

 

An Aortic Dissection is a weakening in the wall of the aorta, which starts to shred. The actor John Ritter had the same condition. The first symptom is an intense pain in the chest, neck or jaw. The pain is caused by blood seeping out and often it is too late for surgery at that point. If the wall breaks open from the shredding, mortality is 100%. It is common in men in their 50's and is detected by an echocardiogram or MRI. I have found that it is important to preserve my energy as best as I can, if I am around people who I feel are going to bring me down I have to excuse myself politely. I can totally understand how your encounter with the other widow would have been very upsetting. I went out with a friend/widow shortly after and she was so negative, I came home and just bawled.Good for you for trying to do something positive. This journey that we are on is so personal, and we all have a different experience. Being around people with good energy is so healthy for us and so necessary, Take care,

Comment by Abby on June 5, 2011 at 5:11pm

Hi Karen:

What is an aortic dissection? My husband died having an aortic aneurism removed surgically. In my opinion and other medical opinions, he should not have died and there was NEVER any discussion that this was a possibility.  I am curious if our husband's had similar conditions.

In terms of emotions, every day is different. I met a woman today through my work that had been widowed 3 years ago and is still a mess. Was not terribly encouraging for me.  After our conversation, the rest of my day was a very teary one. When I got home from work, I took my dog for a brisk 2 hour walk up hills, down valleys and all around. It is a spectacular summer night here and I foreced myself to work off my "dark feelgings."Feel much better now.  Exercise is what works for me when I start going down that dark road.  One day at a time it is. Patience was never one of my virtues and it is being tested now daily.

Welcome to a place none of us want to me but thankfully we have each other.

Abby

Comment by Karen on June 5, 2011 at 5:35am

Hi Abby,

 

We have many things in common and I have been feeling those same things. My husband passed 17 weeks ago. We were RVing in Mexico at the time, This is my first week-end off of work and I was anxious about how I would fill my time. So far, so good. The tears keep coming for me as well. I am able to hold it together in public. I have always been a person who likes to cry alone. I hear about you talking about re-building your life and that is where I feel I am. I am trying to think of fun things to do but am having trouble getting excited about anything. I know it is soon, and I should be patient with myself. This is not easy stuff we are dealing with and certainly not for the faint of heart. One day at a time is all I am able to handle. Thanks for your encouraging words,

Karen

 

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