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Born in the 50s

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Members: 779
Latest Activity: 11 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Little Family?

Started by Hope. Last reply by Freebird Nov 29. 18 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by Freebird Nov 27. 16 Replies

Just an introduction

Started by Jim. Last reply by KJPE Nov 14. 6 Replies

Sleep

Started by Butleri62. Last reply by KJPE Nov 4. 9 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Tekwriter 11 hours ago

Hi everyone. I found a group on facebook ran by compassionate friends. The bad part is most of the parents are in as bad a shape as I am. Some days are so much harder than others. I a sad to to say that this is 100x or more harder that losing his dad was. I don't know how I will get over this other than when I see him at heavens gate. I miss my baby so much. He was there for me for so many things and it is so hard. I start counseling on the 23rd. I hope this guy is up for. I hope all of you have a pleasant a holiday as possible.

Comment by Mary on November 26, 2019 at 3:25pm

Melissa,

I feel the same way about everyone here.  I think we really share each others grief, even though we are all different.  We all, unfortunately, have one thing in common.

You had mentioned before about not being able to listen to music.  I know what you mean.  Today, I had to run to the vet to pick up meds for my dog.  Just as I got there, a song came on the radio that really got to me.  I started to cry.  I had to really quick get myself together so I could go into the vet's office.  Then, as I started back home, the song "only the good die young" came on.  My husband wasn't young, as such, but we sure weren't ready to lose him.  I cried all the way home.  

Comment by Mary on November 26, 2019 at 3:16pm

Ultra,

I'm so sorry you're having some rough days.  I think sometimes that the days we feel we're doing okay are really just days we've pushed things from our mind.  But it always seems to come back full force another day.  I hope your visit with your son and dil is enjoyable.

Comment by Mary on November 26, 2019 at 3:13pm

Tekwriter,

I'm glad you checked in.  Even though most of us here have not suffered the loss of a child, we do care and are here for you when you feel like posting.  Praying for strength for you in the difficult days ahead.

Comment by chef (John) on November 25, 2019 at 12:48am

@ultra: Melissa is right--You've already made it to London, and Pittsburgh was recently billed as "The Paris of Appalachia", so I'd say, "Go for it! :-) Pittsburgh is actually a nice city, and about a two-hour drive from Cleveland. We used to drive there, and I still take the trip myself from time to time. You will feel better when you see your son and daughter-in-law again.

@riet and LP: I hear you with the lack of interest/concentration. I still have these bouts from time to time myself. Please keep posting so that you can get the negative thoughts you're having out. I also agree with both Bergen and Susan's advice.

I shall be driving 400 miles from Cleveland to Philadelphia for Thanksgiving, because I couldn't book a cheap flight after my sister announced she would be hosting things this year. At least the weather isn't supposed to be too bad for the rest of the week.

Hugs to everyone as we deal with this time of year. For the record, I hate the time between Thanksgiving and Valentines Day.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on November 24, 2019 at 6:07pm

(((Melissa)))

On my first visit to my grandmother ILS's home, her deceased husband's toiletries were still in the bathroom mirror cabinet 55+ years later ...

Bob's remain untouched 12 1/2 years later ...

I never found healing in disposing of Bob's belongings ...

Comment by Jules on November 24, 2019 at 2:55pm

Melissa.thank you for your kind words. I’m in the process of redoing my husbands office to make it “mine”. I found his baby book, graduation tassel and certificate, every card I’ve ever given him and so many things that were meaningful to him. I think I will put these in a box (or2). to go through throughout the years. After crying for the past hour or so, I finally gave up.

Comment by Melissa on November 24, 2019 at 2:20pm

Jules, for me the bathroom things are the hardest to get rid of, even after two years. His razor and toothbrush were okay to go, but we'd just started a jumbo-sized mouthwash bottle. I used about half of it, but then bought a new one for me and am saving "our" bottle along with a bar of soap he loved and his deodorant (when I open his bathroom cabinet, it still smells like him).

I've kind of decided that I'm keeping that stuff forever. The bathroom things are things only we shared. We had good morning talks while he shaved and I did my makeup.

I do have a funny story. I have a heavy, tall glass bottle of skin toner, which I kept on a shelf above the toilet. Somehow, Gilbert managed to knock the bottle off the shelf. It ricocheted into the toilet, shattering the porcelain where it hit. Gilbert was wearing shorts, and a piece of porcelain embedded into his shin. Water was pouring out of the toilet and Gilbert was bleeding like crazy and the bottle was completely intact!

We had to get a new toilet and Gilbert needed two stitches to close the wound, but I still have that bottle! Every time I look at it I smile.

Jules, you'll smile again too someday. It won't always be as raw as it is now. You don't need to get rid of anything now. With me, I get a sense that it's time to donate something. I just know I'm ready to let go of that thing. I'm not getting rid of Gilbert. I can't get rid of Gilbert. He's part of me.

Susan, I have kept a couple of Gilbert's shirts. Well, a lot of them. Some I wear, some I just love.

It's all about the senses. Feel, smell, sight . . .I still can't listen to music of any kind without crying so hard my head aches. Gilbert listened to music all the time, loved all kinds of music, and was a jazz trumpeter. This is the last big hurdle for me, I think. Someday.

Love to you all~

Comment by Ultra2015 on November 24, 2019 at 12:25pm

I have Sandi’s Beautiful perfume in the bathroom right where it has always been along with all her lotions and creams. I even buy the same shampoo she used so I can smell it. It’s what I used when I washed her hair when she couldn’t do it any more. 
Peace

Comment by booktime (Susan) on November 24, 2019 at 11:56am

Jules, you don't have a problem. It's a process and there are some things you probably won't ever throw. I haven't. I wear his winter jacket every day in winter. I have a couple of shirts of his. I kept his jean jacket even tho I have one of my own. And there are other things too.

I did just donate a few things - the time felt right to say goodbye to those things.

But I will never throw the jacket out - I feel like I am wearing him! that sounds weird but i think you know what i mean.

3 months is such a short time. Be kind to yourself and just be patient with yourself. There are no golden rules to this. Even if you have this stuff in a year, no worries. Your grief is your own.

Hugs to you.

 

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