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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Ugh...Christmas.

Started by Lark. Last reply by Roxi 8 hours ago. 8 Replies

Little Family?

Started by Hope. Last reply by Freebird Nov 29. 18 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by Freebird Nov 27. 16 Replies

Just an introduction

Started by Jim. Last reply by KJPE Nov 14. 6 Replies

Sleep

Started by Butleri62. Last reply by KJPE Nov 4. 9 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Tekwriter on October 27, 2019 at 8:43pm

I am doing the holidays this year. I have invited people for Thanksgiving. It is what he would have wanted. Christmaa is normally just family. But we will be putting up a tree this year. Something besides the sad shiny 2 ft lavendar thing we sat on the desk last year.

Comment by Jules on October 27, 2019 at 6:09pm

NoLongerInBergenJC going to stay at Montego Riu. I’ve never been to Jamaica. My travel agent says she’s stayed here and loved it. I am nervous about being alone but will stay on campus so I should be fine. 

Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on October 27, 2019 at 5:19pm

@Jules:  Which property are you going to in Jamaica?  Are you going solo?  I've been to Jamaica 19 times; 18 with my husband and once with my sister and brother-in-law to bury my husband's ashes at sea.  I'd be happy to provide any useful information if it's your first time and/or if you have questions.  Feel free to send me a PM.

I always wonder if I could handle going back alone.  

Comment by Claire on October 27, 2019 at 4:05pm

shelley,  I know what you mean.  I just passed my first year without him.  September was first anniversary without him.  I dreaded those dates.   And it was just another effin day without him.   Sucks Big time 

Comment by Jules on October 27, 2019 at 3:39pm

This will be my first year of holidays without my husband. I know I’ll be by myself on Thanksgiving . It was usually just Bill, myself and his father, who is now 94. My brothers and their wives all do their own thing. 
Christmas... usually the morning is at our house where we do brunch and a white elephant exchange. I’m not up to playing hostess this year. I’ve decided to go to an all inclusive in Jamaica instead.

Comment by shelley on October 27, 2019 at 3:16pm

This might sound weird, but being without him during the holidays isn't sadder or lonelier for me.  It's just another day he's not here.  It will be two years next month and I still cry every day/night.  Yesterday afternoon, while walking my dog, out of nowhere I found myself saying, "You can't really be gone!".

Comment by Melissa on October 27, 2019 at 2:50pm

At least we all have each other. I am grateful for that.

Comment by riet on October 27, 2019 at 12:15pm

Dear Susan and Suzan,

So many people have disappeared from my close circle of friends. I now realize that these were not true friends, but it is hard to process this. Some of the relatives I relied on also dropped out.
Here in Belgium we don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but the first Christmas decorations are already popping up and I look at them reluctantly. The warmth and cosiness that the  festivities  of the end of the year have to bring , are gone.

My dear husband was the center of everything. He organized and realized the festivities, the decoration of our house, the presents and the invitations. I thought this tradition would continue after us and that family and friends would go on with it. But it doesn't look like this.
I have a daughter with a burn out, a son-in-law who would rather not have a family-in-law, grandchildren, who have reached the age of preferring to leave with friends instead of visiting family. My sons are either divorced or single. They will come  to my house for the festivities and also does  my granddaughter. But the cheerful and happy gang of the past is gone.
If only I could escape the whole hassle somewhere, but that is not possible either.
If only it were all over again.

Many greetings, dear friends and a lot of courage for the coming weeks and months

Comment by Roxi on October 27, 2019 at 11:50am
  • Holidays are the proof you are so alone now...you have to find something to do, someone to stay with...otherwise you will be overwhelmed by  sadness and awareness how miserable  and desolated is your life now...you are right 'su: "it's just not the same without them"..i don't know how to find something positive in it...i think it's so unfair we have to feel such cruel emotions...hugs
Comment by booktime (Susan) on October 27, 2019 at 9:30am

Suzan, I don't know if I dread the holidays but I know I used to approach them with a huge comfort. I would be with Ed. Now I wonder who will remember to invite me? Thanksgiving is set - I will be with my sister, her husband, and son. I think it will just be the 4 of us. My other sister is going to be with her kids, the first time in a long time. The kids used to be with their father for Thanksgiving. Sadly he died this past summer so I am glad for my sister to be with her children. As to my brother, if all other plans fail, he and his wife might come to my sister's.  I don't count on it.

As to Christmas, I totally don't know. I'm trying not to think of it. It just reinforces how I am not number one in anyone's life. Each year I gear myself up to have my first Christmas alone. One of these days it will happen.

Not dreading so much as gritting my teeth and forging ahead!

Hugs to all.

 

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