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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Camp Widow San Diego

Started by Kathy. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Jul 9. 8 Replies

social security widow/widower benefits

Started by Lissa. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Jun 27. 16 Replies

Crazy - taxes

Started by KJPE. Last reply by cupspinner Apr 10. 4 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Barzan yesterday

Ultra,  I've been there.  Just trying to be good company to company is so tiring.  It's been over 8 years for me and my company is sitting next to me.  Very dear friends but I'm so tired.  I think we can only take visitors in small doses.  Maybe because they are not the one we want with us 24/7.

Take care of yourself and I'm sending you hugs.

Comment by Ultra2015 yesterday

18 months. The past few weeks have been better. I’ve been doing a few more social things but it makes me tired. My older brother has been visiting for a week. That has been nice but I find myself so tired. He’s gone to visit some friends and will swing by for a day or two on his way back to Arizona. But the visit has made me so tired. Maybe because I’m telling stories of Sandi. IDK just really tired today. No motivation. Just one of those days I guess. 

Peace everyone. 

Comment by Tekwriter on Thursday

I guess I am fortunate in the fact that my family is small, all my relatives are gone and I only have my husbands so they are very comforting because they loved him. I do no have a lot of close friends, my truly close friends came to my husbands memorial service those that did not I cut off contact. If they cared so little I didn't want to be bothered by them at all. This doesn't mean everyone I know, just those I considered a close friend.

Comment by BA7.5 on Thursday


Thank you for your kind reply.  I certainly understand about the "old" you dying with Gilbert...And trying to figure out who the "new" you is... I oftentimes hear myself talking about the "old me."  Not much about the "new me" as I'm still realizing that Dave is gone and the "old me" is gone as well... I really liked the "old me" and us… I miss the "old me" and us...

It is so reassuring to be able to come to WV for virtual support... Knowing that I'm not alone with some of these thoughts and feelings that sometimes seem crazy helps so so much.  

Thank you for your care.  Take care of you as well as you make your way through the land of "After Gilbert."


Comment by CarLady on Wednesday

Dear Reit - Chef John is entirely correct.  There Is no “normal “ for grieving, it is an individual as we are, and as our relationships were. I also have stopped seeing some “friends” and even a couple of particularly mean family members who consistently upset me with nonsense.  I don’t miss them.  When I do run into them or it is unavoidable to see them at functions I smile, say hi and walk away.  We have to be kind to ourselves in order to survive, and keep ourselves surrounded with those who are supportive especially in the early years. We are here to support each other and we can extend this to our daily lives.  You are the one who suffered the loss of your partner, and although it’s  hard for others to understand most people are kind and supportive.  It’s those who are not you shouldn’t feel guilty about avoiding.  I hope this makes sense or helps in some way.  Hugs from Canada. 

Comment by chef (John) on Wednesday


Sorry for your troubles with "concerned" friends. You will have to decide whether you want to keep them as friends or maintain your distance from them and relegate them to the "acquaintance" level.. I have put some distance between me and a few people who told me "to get over it". I still see them from time to time, but our verbal exchanges are short/general, rather than longer/warm/spirited conversations in days gone by. The decision is yours, so I would counsel that you think things through before acting. Hugs for the difficulties.

Comment by Melissa on Wednesday

Dear BA7.5,

I'm so terribly sorry you have to be here. I'm so sorry your Person died; your Beloved.

It's been 21 months for me, and my life is split into two time periods. Before Gilbert and After Gilbert. Every single thing about my life changed when he died. The old Melissa died right along with him. 

The amazing thing about grief is that it is absolutely unbearable, yet somehow we bear it. All of us here have times when we don't want to live anymore. That's when we come here. We are reminded that we are not alone. There are people in this world who understand and are experiencing the same or nearly the same emotions. There is good energy here that we can draw on to keep going.

We are an amazing little group here. We celebrate each other's accomplishments (even if it's just getting out of bed for a little while) and relate to being kicked while we are down by anniversaries, unkind remarks from well-meaning people, and things that hit us out of the blue when we least expect it.

Grieving is the hardest thing we will ever do. It is completely exhausting; there's no better word for it. It takes every ounce of strength to just remain upright under this horrible weight, but we do.

Please keep coming and please keep talking. It helps. I'm so glad you found us.

Take care of yourself as best as you can. I wish you comfort and peace.


Comment by BA7.5 on Wednesday

I am new to Soaring Spirits and have been reading the conversation threads for a week or so.  It's so helpful to hear others going through the same thing I am living.

My husband, best friend, soulmate, adventure-mate and king of fun died of a heart attack on Valentine's night while we were sleeping.  I tried to resuscitate him but was unable.  I still have nightmares about it... 

Life is so empty... painful... surreal... I still don't want to believe that he is really never coming home... The heartbreak is unbearable sometimes... 

I grieve the fact that he's not here today sitting next to me... I grieve the fact that I wasn't able to revive him... And I grieve the fact that we were counting down to our retirement and had amazing plans ahead together...So now what?  How to live without him??  How to live without our plans to grow old together?  

It was 6 months last week which is unbelievable.  I am incredibly fortunate to have supportive family and friends. But I just don't know how to continue without Dave... I don't want to continue without him.  We were incredibly happy.

Grieving him is the hardest thing I've ever done.  It's exhausting... So few people truly understand... It means the world to now have a place to come to where there are others who get it.  Thank you.  I'm sorry we are all here but am grateful for your kindness and understanding.

(My apologies if you see this post more than once as I'm posting it to the 5 groups I'm a member of.)

Comment by riet on Wednesday

Thank you so much, Melissa and jan.  

unbelievable how comforting you and every person  on this side are for a sour soul.  Thanks again
Comment by Melissa on Tuesday

Roxi, thank you. Big hug back to you!

Reit, when someone says that to me, I say, "Unless you die first, someday you will know how I feel. Then you'll understand."

It seems cruel, but it's the only way I can explain it.

All my love to you. You're doing so well. You really are.


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