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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Camp Widow San Diego

Started by Kathy. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Jul 9. 8 Replies

social security widow/widower benefits

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Crazy - taxes

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Comment Wall

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Comment by KJPE on August 13, 2019 at 1:18pm

Dear LadyHawke, I'm glad you've found our comment wall - we are here to comfort, understand, sympathize, and resonate to all you are going through.  4.5 months is barely a breath of time.  One day it seems like he was just here, and the next day it seems you haven't seen him in years.  Here you will find people going through just what you are going through, and you will find understanding & support.

Comment by Melissa on August 13, 2019 at 11:47am

Hello LadyHawke,

I'm so sorry you have to be here, but you'll find friends who understand. You're so right about time - fast and slow. This is still very new to you, and you do have to take things one minute at a time sometimes. It's very hard to even process information at this point. Take care of yourself, please. Get lots of liquids, eat well if you can. Talk to someone who understands. Take your time.

We're here for you. You're not alone in this journey. 

I wish you peace.

Melissa

Comment by Barzan on August 13, 2019 at 5:52am

Hello LadyHawke, 

So sorry for your loss and all the grief you are experiencing.  We are all here to listen, share and give comfort to one another.  There is no blueprint for navigating the emotions you are going through.  Be kind to yourself and seek help if and when you need it.  

Big hugs to you.

Suzan

Comment by chef (John) on August 13, 2019 at 5:04am

LadyHawke,

You're at the 4 1/2 month mark, which is still relatively new to our experience. Living one day (or hour, minute--even second) at a time is a good approach. It's OK to be taking "baby steps" at this point, because you're learning to walk again. Your observation about time is also spot-on. Please be patient with yourself as you work your way through your grief. I am sorry you had to join us, but we are an understanding group.

Hugs to you as well.

Comment by Tess on August 13, 2019 at 3:52am

Hello LadyHawke. I am so very sorry for your loss. Taking one day at a time is the best approach. The early months seem as if you are in a fog so try and be good to yourself as your body and mind need tender care. I hope you have a good support system, but if not come back here anytime you need interaction. 

Many hugs to you. 

Comment by LadyHawke on August 13, 2019 at 1:04am

Hello I am new here thank you for the invitation 

I lost my husband in a motor vehicle accident on 27/3/2019 he was only 58

I still feel as if I am in those first few days to weeks it has now been just over 4 1/2 months and life is hard but I am trying to live one day at a time

time is fast and slow at the same time 

Comment by Ultra2015 on August 12, 2019 at 9:24am

I agree that seeing other couples, in my case older couples especially, it makes me envious and sad. 

It is such an emotional response. 

Comment by chef (John) on August 12, 2019 at 8:21am

(((Riet))) Don't worry about your "black thoughts", since all of us have had them at one time or another. The fact that you're past the one-year mark does not mean that you've passed over some magic threshold and that everything in the world will now be different. You should feel that you can speak your mind when trigger moments strike and not worry about anyone here judging you. 

I would agree with others who have supported you, and I agree with Bergen. Whatever negative feelings we have whenever we see couples together--be it resentment, or whatever name we give it--hurts us more than it does them. Speaking for myself, it is a combination of anger and resentment, and it still comes over me from time to time, even though I just passed the eight-year mark. It is just another trigger; something over which I have no control. I am now like Captain Ahab in Moby Dick: "This lovely light, it lights not me; all loveliness is anguish to me, since I can ne'er enjoy. Gifted with the high perception, I lack the low, enjoying power; damnedmost subtly and most malignantly! Damned in the midst of Paradise!" And yet...Life goes on...

My best to you all.

Comment by Roxi on August 12, 2019 at 3:07am

Loneliness is very hard....take it easy girls!

Comment by LP on August 12, 2019 at 1:51am

I don't think NoLonger meant it that way. I think she was empathising and just describing her own feelings in the same situation. I too feel resentment - not a pretty part of my character, but I think this is what this forum is for - expressing our true feelings of grief however ugly and irrational they may be without judgment. I know I don't like feeling resentment and try to overcome it when in the presence of good friends, but it is there, and I need to acknowledge and learn how to deal with it. Sometimes I deal by avoiding too much exposure to couples - as NoLonger said, I won't travel with couples or go to social events where I'm the only single person. Other times I remind myself that not all couples are happy. A friend once pointed out that some unhappily married women might even envy me  - that's pretty sad for them because they don't know the pain Im in, but I think they may envy the freedom I have to do as I please. 

I think the point is that no one is entirely the magnanimous, gracious person we would like to be, and resentment, envy, sadness, whatever you call it, is a rational human response to seeing others continuing to have what we have lost.  

 

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