A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Groups are a place to help locate folks "like you," and maybe say "hi."
Welcome to this group's coordinator, Wannabmartha!
Latest Activity: yesterday
Hi all -
Thinking of Texas Sue...
I agree with Pat KD that I would not take on a man with "emotional baggage." I'd rather be alone...even though I feel lonely. I want to find other ways to counter the loneliness (which was pretty strong yesterday).
My husband died almost 8 months ago after some very rough months with cancer... So I am still navigating these new waters. Some days are really rough... So I understand the need for a companion, I really do. But I was "spoiled" - I had a very good man in my husband...
Anyway- I am saying all this in love, in case it can spare Texas Sue any more troubles... You've been though a lot... The grandbabies will be a blessing in your life (mine arrived 7 weeks after my husband's death).
But you really don't have to rescue your daughter's business, unless you really want to do so - She can also try to hire some help. If it feels fun for you to be busy and needed, then go for it. But please don't feel burdened by it.
Life goes on... and Life is very short - as we know...
Sue - P.s. I'm so glad you and your husband got to enjoy yourselves a little bit when he was diagnosed. My husband went back to work while enduring surgery, 6 weeks of chemo and radiation, weekly blood work, monthly MRIs, monthly chemo, then stereotactic radiation, twice a month IV Avastin, shingles, lost use of his right side, etc. I BEGGED him to take time off so we could enjoy the life we had left, but he was in denial. The only solace I have is that he lived the rest of his life as HE wanted to. Not me...
Dear TexasSue. Not trying to be selfish but I'm not sure when our time will be. I took care of my husband also who fought brain cancer for 21 months. He wasn't even gone before my elderly mother, God bless her, started having significant issues with her diabetes. She is now on insulin, needs another cataract surgery, has ulcers on both of her legs, etc. and now needs vascular surgery. She was widowed 11 years ago. My father died from a two year battle with ALS. My grief counselor warned me that I can help, but I cannot let her issues take over my life. We are the sandwich generation - wedged between children and againg parents. I'm sorry we live so far away from each other, you in TX and me in PA. I know how hard it is, but I have been told to just take one day at a time. We have no control over this life. Wishing you a few moments of peace here and there. Jocelyn~
Texas Sue, man you have more than your hands full! I am sorry for your loss, but if it were me walking in your shoes... I would take the time to find "me" before taking on a difficult man with too much baggage. I am 3-1/2 years out of this journey, I have given myself all the time I need. I say NO to my kids (ages 30-41) and don't feel guilty about it. I wish I had a good man to share some of my life with at this point, but for me, I wont take on a project man.
I took care of my husband during his cancer death, and did the same for both of my parents... I get to be selfish now. And ya know what? I have learned I am pretty darned happy.
Hi Pat - i'm sorry for your loss, but would like to welcome you to the group.
Hi, I am new to this group tonight, and to widville (2 weeks). Pat
I hit a very hard spell at around the two year mark myself. Friends and family were really sick of me not being over it, but I was so sad, even sadder than I had been before. I don't think it is unusual. Co dependent??? I don't agree with that. My husband was my best friend, best companion, sexual partner and my love. I think this is true for all of us. Just because you find some new hobbies, or a job or other people to hang out with it does not make up for the loss. My husband traveled for business too, and I was and am perfectly comfortable being alone. We just fucking miss haveing someone LOVE US. Excuse my language but I am so tired of people who don't have a clue missing this point. I am a smart, capable,successful mostly sane human being and I think we miss being loved. I am in a new relationship now, and it helps. Friendship, companionship and yes sex. But I am not at all sure this man is ever going to be availble for me to love him, and him back to me. Not that he is married or seeing someone, but he is pretty gun shy right now. I get what you are saying Juls.
I have been so blessed with family and friends. They don't truly get the loss and the loneliness, but they try. And they don't expect me to be "over it." Even after 2+ years.
Is there a local support group you can join? I attend a widows/widowers meeting once a month through hospice. Like here, it's the most accepting place you'll find. Therapists are trained but they haven't lived through what we have, so I don't know that they can truly understand it all. Find more widowed people to hang out with. Or join a local class or group where people don't know your story. That can be refreshing. There, you're just Juls, not Frank's widow.
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