Born in the 50s

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Comment by jjordan on February 18, 2013 at 1:53am

Angie, I am so sorry you are finding doors closing when they should be opening for you.  That is just trauma on top of trauma, and no one needs it!

Comment by Angie aka Woody's Girl on February 17, 2013 at 2:01pm

How about this for being screwed? My husband died in a car accident 14 months ago which may have been related to prescribed painkillers. He was on the painkillers and on Worker's Comp for the past 4 years due to an on-the-job injury due to faulty equipment. The doctors and lawyers kept postponing a very much needed knee replacement. And then he died and the case is closed. His employer is off the hook and I receive no compensation for his pain and suffering the last 4 years of our life together. I dont have any desire to get rich but it just kills me that this wonderful man has been taken from me after 35 years together and is not being given the respect he earned and deserves.

Comment by Suz on February 17, 2013 at 12:07am

Wow, Joyce. I am so glad for you! So often widows get screwed on such things. I am staying here as long as I can keep it up, also. Love my neighborhood and my house.I hope I will be able to "retire" into a condo in the neighborhood, though there are few. 

Definitely not room for Tom's son...lol!

Hugs,

Suz

Comment by Joyce on February 16, 2013 at 11:55pm

annabanana, I love that description "riveted into this abyss" that's perfect.  One day at a time, that's really that only way.  Anything else is way to scary.  Hugs

Comment by jjordan on February 16, 2013 at 11:27pm

Wow,(( annabanana)),  that is such an accurate description of the way I feel at times. The fear, the uncertainty.  The lonliness of knowing this is a journey you are going to have to make largely on your own.  And having no say in such a critical issue is one of life's gravest  injustices.  I also agree with you that this is a great group to turn to when you are in the depths of such moments.  This is a wonderfully supportive group who truly do get what it means to lose a spouse and soul mate .

Comment by Joyce on February 16, 2013 at 11:21pm

This house we bought in Florida was the smallest house we ever owned.  It's only two bedrooms, Tom's son had moved in with us several times over the years so he said now Tommy won't move in.  (NOT)  Anyway, I thought I was going to have to let it go into foreclosure since I was having a hard time keeping up with the payments.  I was in the bank one day about 8 months after Tom died, I don't know how it came up, but I believe Tom must have had a hand in it, the banker told me that being that Tom was a Vet that they had this fast-track refinance programs for Vets which included widows, no questions asked.  I couldn't believe I was able to take advantage of it.  So I can now handle the mortgage payments and they're about the same as i would probably pay for an apartment.  So I'm staying as long as I can keep up with the maintenance.  I feel comfortable here and I'm thinking about trying to make it my own sometime soon.  Puddy, it's a hard decision to make maybe you're still not ready to make that decision.  Go easy on yourself, Juls as a good idea look into where else you might want to live, it might help you to make your decision.

Comment by annabanana on February 16, 2013 at 11:08pm

riveted into this abyss..scared, alone..i had no say in this..taking it one day @a time, its been only 5 months..thank u all for your insights..makes me feel a little less alone..bless u all!!

Comment by jjordan on February 16, 2013 at 11:07pm

Puddy,  Whenever I am facing a decision that I'm having a hard time with, I always ask myself what advice Steve would give.  We always problem solved together, and he always provided sound advice.  I often find I can clearly hear what it is he would say.  I then take into deep consideration whatever I think Steve would have said to help me make a final decision.  I know what you are saying about there being so much change to deal with.  There are so many facets to the loss of a dear spouse and each has its own element of change. Good luck in your decision.

Comment by bogie77 (Donna) on February 16, 2013 at 7:44pm

As with several of you, my house is paid for.  Unfortunately, though, it wasn't finished when Andy died.  It was our "never-ending construction project."  So I had to decide whether to finish the house myself or move.  I decided that the size of the house was manageable for me, so I am staying put.  I tried finishing the house myself (with help from family & friends) for the first 18 months.  I finally said, "the heck with this!" and hired a contractor.  I really didn't want to spend Andy's life insurance money on a contractor, but I just couldn't handle the turmoil any longer.  The house is about 95% done now and it looks gorgeous!  It's just a little 3-bedroom ranch style house with a basement so it's not too big for me.  I've converted our daughter's old bedroom into my scrapbook room and our son's into a spare bedroom.  When I hired the contractor, I told him that I'd rather pay more now if necessary to make this place as maintenance-free as possible for me in the future.  He did a really good job of pointing out what needed to be done to protect the investment in my home and where we could skimp a little bit & just fix things cosmetically.  As much as I hated spending all that money, I'm so glad that I did.  I can now live comfortably in this house for as long as I choose to stay.  And friends keep telling me that Andy would be so proud of how I have handled all of this and of how well I did in getting the house done, so that's good to hear.

In summary, Puddy, it really is a personal choice.  My house is manageable for me and the memories are wonderful, so I'm staying.  But if the house were too big or too costly, as much as it might hurt at first to make the move, I would definitely consider it.  I liked Juls' suggestion to check out houses online and at open houses to get a feel for what your furniture (and your life) would look like in that house.  Who knows, you may fall in love with some little house that is easier to take care of and just have to have it!

Donna

Comment by Joellen on February 16, 2013 at 11:37am

yes Suz there is a lot of railroad stuff infact there are still parts of the layout downstairs not finished (another part of our lives undone) I may work on it someday but I am only 10 months along in this journey so I am not sure if I will or not. I also craft so I have also contributed to the things around but to lose the layouts he spent so many hours working on would do me in. so I am so glad my house is paid for and the decission to move is not in the cards for me. I do not like change and I have gone through enough lately .. like all of us.  Helen I think it is awesome that Ian and Phil were both railraod enthusiasts. It is a really neat hobby. Our grandkids loved seeing the layout. Phil named 5 of the buildings after 5 of the grandkids the last 2 grandkids are just little and did not get that honor of course if I do work on the layout I will continue with that tradition and name two buildings after the newest grandkids.

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