Born in the 50s

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Comment by Diane on February 4, 2013 at 6:46am

Juls...so agree with what has been said, but I think there is a difference.  Sudden death leaves you completely and totally in shock, one minute they're there and you're talking about what to have for dinner, the next they're gone forever without warning.  The results are the same, but there is no preparation.  It sounds foolish now, but it never occurred to me in 38 years of marriage that Don could die soon, then one day he did.  What you do as her friend is the same as any death.  Just be there, don't forget her as time passes, try to remember what helped you.  Dianne said it well.  I know you understand.  Good luck! 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on February 4, 2013 at 12:35am

Juls, reaching out to this friend could end up being a wonderful gift for you. As Joyce said, just bring her the soup and give her a hug ... and let her know that you will be there for her. Whether we lost our loves quickly or after a long illness, we all share the pain, the loss, the fears, the sleeplessness, the worry, the loneliness. You can provide her with hope that she will survive by seeing that you're still standing. 

A co-worker who lost her husband 10 months after I lost mine has become a very close and dear friend, and we were brought together in a similar situation as yours. I hope you and your friend find the same connection.

Comment by Just peachy on February 3, 2013 at 11:34pm

My husband died suddenly of a heart attack almost 5 months ago. He was 58 working and I was helping him move vehicles to the farm. I did everything I could to get him the help he needed and he didn't make it. How is our grief different?? In the time of picking him up to drive to the field till I had him back in town for help it was under 15 min. I had my husband with me happy healthy and then he was gone, no goodbyes, no last words of caring, no preparations,no hugs, nothing. He was gone. I am devistated. My heart has been broken. We had no time to prepare but then again he didn't suffer. We did and still are. It's not the way he went, it's the timing. I am 56 and he was 58. He was the love of my life. We were high school sweethearts, married young and now I've lost him. How is our grief different?

Comment by Joyce on February 3, 2013 at 11:24pm

Lauralee:  So happy for you that it's a benign cyst.  Whew!!!

Comment by Joyce on February 3, 2013 at 11:22pm

Juls, I don't think it really matters the difference in how your spouses died.   You understand more than anyone else unless they are a widow or widower.  Just bring her the soup and give her a hug that's all you need to do.  Hugs to you too

Comment by Juls on February 3, 2013 at 11:04pm

I found out today that a friend of mine (she did some really nice things for us when Frank was so ill) found her husband dead on their treadmill yesterday - massive heart attack.  I'm stunned and paralyzed on what to do.  We haven't seen each other in months - we aren't close friends and I didn't know her husband extremely well.  But they were a loving sweet couple and my heart is breaking for her - I want to help her in some way.  I'm planning to take some soup to her house tomorrow after work.  She has two kids in their 20s, a close sister and her mom lives nearby.  Anyone out there who lost their husband to heart attack who could enlighten me on how her grief may be different?  Our situations are so similar - she and I are the same age and both work in schools - and yet so different since my husband died of cancer over time.

Comment by Helen on February 3, 2013 at 7:48pm

Just to say hi I was born 1952 and hubby died 2010.  I have to have surgery to straighten a toe 26th March.  I will go into hospital as a day patient my sister will take me home after surgery.  She will just stay with me for a couple of days.  I will be at home on my own after that.  With me foot in plaster and hobbeling around the house.  I am abit depressed it's not the op I am worried about.  It's just being alone in the house after surgery that's getting me down.

Comment by Joellen on February 1, 2013 at 8:50pm

Thank God Prayers answered. :)

Comment by Lauralee on February 1, 2013 at 8:48pm

All is well - benign cyst this time.  That is one thing I don't have to deal with now and I am grateful.  Thanks again everyone. 

Comment by Lauralee on January 30, 2013 at 8:22pm

Thanks Debbie, Dianne, Drewlady and Cristina for your words of encouragement and caring - I have my appointment scheduled for Friday and hope to find out something then.  It is hard to think about anything else but of course life's stresses still occur in the meantime.  I hope you and everyone on this site had some peace today.     

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