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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

Camp Widow San Diego

Started by Kathy. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Jul 9. 8 Replies

social security widow/widower benefits

Started by Lissa. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Jun 27. 16 Replies

Crazy - taxes

Started by KJPE. Last reply by cupspinner Apr 10. 4 Replies

Comment Wall


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Comment by Tekwriter on June 30, 2019 at 3:34am

I have decided to have weight loss surgery. My oldest son and I are going to be doing this together. This is something my husband was against. My brother passed away from this surgery in 2012. However he did not have the quality of health care that is available to me. I do have a few concerns but I am very tired of fighting diabetes, cholesterol and now that he is gone high blood pressure. Sadly enough one of my biggest fears is asking for him after surgery. My youngest son is going to be our person for both of us. Other than that while I am not looking forward to all the meal restriction, I am reading everything I can find to make it as palatable as possible. I am saving up recipes for each phase that sound like something we might like. I will be ordering supplies of the cups to help us with measuring during the one and 2 ounce phase. I look forward to loosing some weight to get the burden on my knees. Thanks for listenin.

Comment by riet on June 30, 2019 at 1:10am

Now it's my turn to be completely without energy. I hardly do anything anymore. I have to force myself to eat and drink, go to the store and even watch television.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I am turning 67. And although my grandchildren will be with me almost all day, I feel alone and abandoned. Which is actually not true. My son, grandson, granddaughter and I will celebrate our birthdays together on next weekend.
But I really miss my husband's special care. He made something super of every holiday.
And then I have those terrible dreams, where I see him back on the street and I beg him to come home. He always says he wants it so badly, but he can't because he is dead and still has to
 'check in' .
After such a dream I wake up exhausted.
I also did something for the first time that we had been doing together for years: I attended a lecture at the university about archeology, which interested us both so much. I enjoyed the reading, but going towards it and certainly the way back were by no means easy. I don't know if I can ever do that again. I missed our discussions about the subject afterwards too much.
I thought it would be a little easier now. And somewhere that terrible, untenable first pain is a bit less, but I really don't know how to proceed.
My house and garden are also way too big and outdated.
If only I could discuss it with him.

Thank you all for being able to tell this again. Rereading this , I feel I am turning around in circles., I seem to get nowhere.

Comment by Nannie on June 28, 2019 at 10:05am

John ..I think that is a blessing that you and your dad can share.....My sister passed away at 50...and my daughter at 21...Sadly my mother never mentioned either to me...we never shared the loss of our daughters...

Comment by chef (John) on June 28, 2019 at 9:38am

Thank you, Tess.

My Dad has remarked on more than one occasion (since Mom died) that he's glad that he can tell me things he would never say to my siblings...and he has also said that it's weird for him to be getting advice on handling widowerhood from his own son.

Comment by Tess on June 27, 2019 at 2:43pm
  1. Funny how those life phases work, Chef John. The best laid plans often never take place, but are sometimes replaced by something we never would have anticipated. Some good, some bad. I wish you luck with your father. It's nice you have each other though unfortunate you both have the common thread  of widowhood.
Comment by chef (John) on June 27, 2019 at 7:13am

It's not courageous at all, Tess. Judith and I moved to Cleveland back in 1983, with the intention of staying here for a few years and then heading back East: to Philadelphia, DC--or somewhere else. Life happens while one is making other plans, so we continued to live here--several hundred miles from our families. We had no children, so I wouldn't be leaving anyone behind, were I to pick up and leave. The only thing keeping me here now is the house, which I would need to sell.

In the intervening years, both my parents-in-law and my mother have died. My father is now 85, and has (on occasion) half-jokingly suggested that I move back with him. If this becomes necessary (for medical reasons, for example), I would do that, but, I am also concerned about the parent/child dynamic--or (more likely) a reverse parent/child dynamic, should my father decline. I also think it would be a rather bizarre situation-comedy setting as well: two post- 60 widowers (father and son) meeting life head-on in suburban America. Nah......

Comment by Tess on June 25, 2019 at 3:23pm

Thank you chef John. I was just pondering how courageous it is for someone, especially someone that has lost their partner, to relocate to another city. What I am going through is enough and I'm moving with my daughter. I don't know if I could pull up roots to another location where I would have no one to call family or close friend. I applaud you for the consideration.

Life is full of phases, and boy have they become fast and furious lately! I wish all of us comfort in whatever phase or change we are currently facing.

Comment by chef (John) on June 25, 2019 at 8:51am


I've been to Colorado, and liked it a lot.

Judith and I used to talk about retiring in Santa Fe.

Denver might be an alternative for me to consider. :-)


Comment by Roxi on June 25, 2019 at 7:26am

Well said 'su ! You made me laugh...and it's good ciao

Comment by Barzan on June 25, 2019 at 7:13am


Come to Colorado.  We have some amazing restaurants that might need another chef.



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