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Born in the 50s

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Discussion Forum

social security widow/widower benefits

Started by Lissa. Last reply by booktime (Susan) Sep 10. 17 Replies

Dating

Started by Mike. Last reply by Ultra2015 Aug 29. 32 Replies

Camp Widow San Diego

Started by Kathy. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Jul 9. 8 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by Joyce on November 5, 2011 at 1:26pm
Hi Susan:  I understand about being lonely.  My husband died on October 11th and I've been feeling lonely a lot.  I work during the week but my weekends are horrible and I'm having trouble dealing, I sat around today doing nothing and I know it's not good for me but I can't seem to move my butt.
Comment by Susan L on November 5, 2011 at 1:10pm
Hi everyone - I was born in 1958 so I guess I qualify for this group.   My husband died on July 3 2011.  It's extra hard because I'm a new empty nester too - our younger son had moved out just before my husband's death.  There are lots of new challenges and I'm finding it extremely lonely.  It's a big house when there used to be 4 of us, and now there's just me.
Comment by Marsha on October 29, 2011 at 4:10am
Freddieb go and have a good time. Celebrate your friends birthday. You'll meet a lot of nice people and amazingly even with a lot of couples there you'll find people to talk to. Mary is right couples will not all be standing around in pairs. So much to get use to along this journey. You have a lot to offer others and dressing to the nine will give you the confidence you need. Have fun and I'll be thinking of you. Good luck!
Comment by Mary99 on October 29, 2011 at 3:17am
Freddieb - you can do this. Even though there will be couples there, they're not likely to all be standing around in pairs. When you're talking to someone, remember that you're talking to a person and not just half of a couple.

I used to be jealous of the couples, but then realized that I was glad I had 33 years with Tom rather than 60 years with some of those jerks.
Comment by freddieb on October 28, 2011 at 8:29pm

It will be 3 years in January since Walter passed away.  So far I have been able to avoid "couple" events.  But, next weekend a friend of mine is having a 50th birthday party and I have to go.  She's divorced, but, I know that a lot of married couples and dating couples will be there. It's an elegant affair (according to the invitation), so I bought a very pretty outfit to wear.  I could just picture Walter's face if he were here to see me in it.  We loved getting dressed to the nine's and stepping out together. (Sign).  Anyway, I'm going to the party, alone, and I hope that I make it through the evening without feeling too sad.  I really want to celebrate this special birthday with my friend  and have a good time.  Wish me luck! 

Comment by Marsha on October 28, 2011 at 12:10pm
(((((jmstls))))) Nights and weekends are the worse especially at the beginning of this journey. I'm 9.5 months out and weekends are starting to be ok. Still have tears but able to function. Take baby steps and do what feels right to you. There is nothing to feel guilty about. We're all trying to find a new "normal" and the new us. Hard road to travel. Praying you find some comfort today.
Comment by Widow in Paradise on October 27, 2011 at 5:52pm

I just passed the 10 month mark and I agree that your feelings are very typical and you just have to take it easy on yourself.  I go through the same thing of feeling guilty, but I remind myself that my partner would want me to be happy.  Just take it a day at a time and know that you are not alone.  Wishing for peace and strength for all of us.

 

Comment by Mary99 on October 27, 2011 at 6:28am

jmstls: for a while, EVERYTHING is going to make you feel guilty - like you shouldn't be living, eating, walking, watching TV, etc. because he can't do those things.  Don't give in to those feelings!!!!  You deserve to continue living, to have fun, to enjoy a walk with a friend, to get whatever enjoyment you can out of life!  I always said, if my husband didn't like me remodeling the house/taking a trip/going out to the movies/etc. then he should have stayed around.  If your husband was a good person, then he wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life being a monument to loneliness.  If he enjoyed life, you have to believe that he would want you to enjoy life too.

 

Take a walk, every day if possible, just to get out and look around at your neighborhood.  Don't shut yourself away because of guilt that you're alive and he's not.  Push those thoughts away - firmly.  

 

You've got a lot of rough road ahead.  Yes, I work too and I know that days were easier to deal with than nights, weekends and holidays.  Come back and visit the board whenever you need to.  These people understand what you're going through and will offer advice if you're looking for it, an outlet if you want to vent, and a shoulder on a bad day.  Take care - and take a walk.

Mary

Comment by Joyce on October 27, 2011 at 5:40am
(1mrypp ) Sorry for your loss, I'm also a new member and my husband dies just two weeks ago.  I was also looking for some comfort, knowing that people in the same situations usually understand one and other better.  I do work and that seems to help during the day, but my nights and weekends are very, very difficult.  I did finally go out with a friend last night for a walk but I kind of felt guilty doing it.  I know that doesn't make sense but that's how I felt.
Comment by SallyStarre on October 19, 2011 at 11:43am
1mrypp Sorry for your loss.  My husband died 7 months ago and I feel as though I am just existing.  I keep going through the motions and hope that someday life will kick in.  You are not alone in how you feel.  I cry a lot but there are times I laugh.  I will always miss his physical presence but will forever carry him in my heart.  I think what is especially difficult for our age group is that we are at that 'in between' stage.  I was looking forward to retirement but now I feel what is the point.  One day at a time.
 

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