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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 50s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 790
Latest Activity: 12 hours ago

Discussion Forum

How old was he?

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by DIVA70 12 hours ago. 6 Replies

Ugh...Christmas.

Started by Lark. Last reply by Maggiepie on Saturday. 14 Replies

Keeping a journal sometimes helps

Started by sadderbytheday. Last reply by sadderbytheday Dec 31. 9 Replies

Little Family?

Started by Hope. Last reply by Freebird Nov 29, 2019. 18 Replies

Anyone experiencing loneliness?

Started by bblue5. Last reply by Freebird Nov 27, 2019. 16 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by patsy on June 6, 2011 at 5:17pm
Hello everyone, I am Pattia, and I am new here. I began to have stress-related health issues after being widowed 18 months ago. It is mostly under control now with medication to slow my heart rate down and lower my blood pressure, but I learned a lot during that time. I am not the same person, either mentally or physically. I am looking forward to sharing with others here, maybe meeting some if possible.
Comment by Abby on June 6, 2011 at 5:16pm

Thanks for helping me with that. I am sorry for your loss and agree with you about being around positive energy. That woman could not help herself as that is how she feels. It is my interpretation of that that matters. I hope to be in a better place 3 years out of this hell but I guess she is not, sadly.

Take care and stay positive

Abby

Comment by Karen on June 5, 2011 at 8:18pm

Hi Abby,

 

An Aortic Dissection is a weakening in the wall of the aorta, which starts to shred. The actor John Ritter had the same condition. The first symptom is an intense pain in the chest, neck or jaw. The pain is caused by blood seeping out and often it is too late for surgery at that point. If the wall breaks open from the shredding, mortality is 100%. It is common in men in their 50's and is detected by an echocardiogram or MRI. I have found that it is important to preserve my energy as best as I can, if I am around people who I feel are going to bring me down I have to excuse myself politely. I can totally understand how your encounter with the other widow would have been very upsetting. I went out with a friend/widow shortly after and she was so negative, I came home and just bawled.Good for you for trying to do something positive. This journey that we are on is so personal, and we all have a different experience. Being around people with good energy is so healthy for us and so necessary, Take care,

Comment by Abby on June 5, 2011 at 5:11pm

Hi Karen:

What is an aortic dissection? My husband died having an aortic aneurism removed surgically. In my opinion and other medical opinions, he should not have died and there was NEVER any discussion that this was a possibility.  I am curious if our husband's had similar conditions.

In terms of emotions, every day is different. I met a woman today through my work that had been widowed 3 years ago and is still a mess. Was not terribly encouraging for me.  After our conversation, the rest of my day was a very teary one. When I got home from work, I took my dog for a brisk 2 hour walk up hills, down valleys and all around. It is a spectacular summer night here and I foreced myself to work off my "dark feelgings."Feel much better now.  Exercise is what works for me when I start going down that dark road.  One day at a time it is. Patience was never one of my virtues and it is being tested now daily.

Welcome to a place none of us want to me but thankfully we have each other.

Abby

Comment by Karen on June 5, 2011 at 5:35am

Hi Abby,

 

We have many things in common and I have been feeling those same things. My husband passed 17 weeks ago. We were RVing in Mexico at the time, This is my first week-end off of work and I was anxious about how I would fill my time. So far, so good. The tears keep coming for me as well. I am able to hold it together in public. I have always been a person who likes to cry alone. I hear about you talking about re-building your life and that is where I feel I am. I am trying to think of fun things to do but am having trouble getting excited about anything. I know it is soon, and I should be patient with myself. This is not easy stuff we are dealing with and certainly not for the faint of heart. One day at a time is all I am able to handle. Thanks for your encouraging words,

Karen

Comment by Abby on June 2, 2011 at 4:16pm

Hi Lin:

I found one on one counselling coupled with good friends and this site a tremendous help for me. I lost my husband on January 20th of this year and while I will say that the intensity of the grief has subsided somewhat, I still have some very low and dark moments.  Having an outlet to cry in and feel supported has been a huge help to me and I hope you consider this option if getting into a group is too long a wait.  We all know your pain and sadly we all have had to go through some excruciating times. I cannot believe I am saying this, but after just over 4 months, I now have the ability to not cry every time someone tells me how sorry they are for my loss.  I feel myself starting to cry but have only recently been able to hold it together. Baby steps, what everyone told me in the beginning that I never believed, DO happen. If they can happen to me they will happen for you. My husband was my best friend, my everything and I miss him so terribly that the pain is palpable. I am at the stage in my grief that I must make the decision to start to rebuild a life without him and I am just not there yet.  There is something about rebuilding my life that makes me feel that I am leaving my love behind. That is where I am having my struggle.

This group is a life saver and I know you will find great comfort here.

Abby 

Comment by Lin on June 1, 2011 at 4:22pm
thanks for your support ladies, I know you know exactly what it's like, wish we could all sit in a room together and just talk :(  I am so so sorry about the loss of your husband AND your son, oh my gosh, you are still walking and talking.  I can't imagine losing a child, that is the only thing worse than losing your husband.  I am back to work too, I went back 2 weeks after he died, part time for one week and then back to FT.  I know I was a bit crazy but I just could not imagine sitting here all day feeling sorry for myself because that is exactly what I would have done.  I did take a lot of time off to meet with insurance co's, banks, all that garbage.  I'm a social worker so it was a lot easier to deal with others problems than my own.  I still come home and crash...I think it's all I can do to hold it together during the day but when I walk through the door to come home to an empty quiet house it's all right there waiting for me.  Wish those groups would open soon!  I'm definitely ready.
Comment by wannabmartha on May 22, 2011 at 6:39pm
Hi Lin, It seems like you're on the right track with a support group of some kind. My husband and oldest son died in a plane crash in 2009. I found that a particular group didn't meet my needs. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a multiple loss group. I'm not sure if there is such thing. I see a counselor one on one and it's been my lifeline. I'm so glad that you're seeking like minded people. Take care of yourself!
Comment by SallyStarre on May 22, 2011 at 6:25am
Hi Lin - know how you feel.  My husband and best friend died 10 weeks and 1 day ago.  I go from hour to hour as far as feelings go  I went back to work and that seems to help most of the time. I also golf a lot.  I find it helpful to be around my golf friends who knew Russ.  I also have my alone time where I grieve freely. I hope you get into your sessions soon.
Comment by Lin on May 21, 2011 at 8:34pm
Hi folks!  My husband died 9 weeks ago, am waiting to get into a grief support group.  Has anyone done this?  I think it would be more helpful to be with others going through similar feelings rather than seeing a therapist 1:1.  Hope I can start in the next 2-3 weeks, waiting for it to "open."  Seems like one week I am doing "okay" and the next I am so deep into a black hole I can't see any future for myself anywhere.  Not sure where I belong, feel like I belong no where.  My adult sons have been wonderful but it seems like suddenly I have nothing in common with my friends.  Surprises me I guess!
 

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