Born in the 50s

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Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on May 9, 2013 at 8:10am

Drewlady. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply to me! I felt I had been doing pretty well up until now. This six month mark has set me back, and my head feels like it's going to explode like it did early on. I will take note of your suggestions. Thank you again. My 77 year old mother is suffering from serious complications from diabetes, and I put in a 14 hour once/week to take her to doctor's appts and run errands and check on her almost daily. That is taking a toll on me, too. Take care!

Comment by Drewlady on May 9, 2013 at 12:05am

Hello Jocelyn.   Almost 4 years and I still get terrified.  Scary walk indeed.I still tell myself breathe and take it minute by minute at times.

  I also try do something distracting and hopefully relaxing. Doing so much swim and sauna lately the hairdresser will cringe when I see her this weekend.But a good stress reliever.L A Fitness one mile from the memory care assisted living for mom and aunt. And one is near my job. Good stress reliever with the 4th anniversary on my mind and weeks like this with both Mom and aunt being discharged today from the hospital. 

Hair is in a ballerina bun, I think,and I'm not worrying about it.With being widowed and  having  aging parents/relatives I told a co worker I'm a grieving caregiver and I never read about that. My 23 yr old daughter/stylist has advised more eye make up this week .

You are right it does kick your ass.  kicked mine at Drew's cousins  memorial service seeing all the college sweethearts /couples there.  We were not college sweethearts each  engaged to another at the college until senior year, did not go out until 2 years later so  we called ourselves post college sweethearts. 

But Jocelyn we  are on this site and sharing and caring and hanging in there !!!

                                                                        Drewlady

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on May 8, 2013 at 11:21pm

Hi 50s friends. My husband died from brain cancer 11/1/12 after a 21 month battle. I was numb the first couple months, then the fog started to lift, and I felt like I was coping okay. Just passed six month and feel so empty inside and out. I will never feel his sweet embrace, hear his voice, give him a hug and a kiss, smile and laugh with him, go out to dinner, watch a movie together, and so much more - on this earth. For me, the reality and finality of all that is kicking in and kicking my ass. It's terrifying...

Comment by ginbar on May 8, 2013 at 8:27am

I am 2 1/2 years since my husband was taken from me.......All I remember of the first year is hanging on the mantle and crying for me to be taken too....please go easy on yourself.....To me the pain of grief is like an illness....sometimes you just have to crawl in a ball and hang at home....your body and mind will tell you what to do...listen......so sorry for all the loss....hate it....Gin

Comment by lizbeth4 on May 7, 2013 at 9:51pm

t has been 56 days since my Husband died of lung cancer.  Some days I am okay and some days I am falling apart.  I agree that there is no timeline on grieving.  I received a check yesterday for all of his vacation time and sick leave that he had earned. It is sitting on my dresser.  It is all surreal.  Like sometimes I feel that he will walk through the door and everything will be normal again.  I know this isn't true but my mind plays tricks with me.  Maybe wishful thinking!!  Going on a outing with my Grandson tomorrow.  Getting a tour of our states baseball team's stadium and field.  My Grandson is on a baseball league and he will appreciate going.  My Husband liked going to the games.  I will get some tickets for us to go. 

Comment by Poppys Girl on May 7, 2013 at 12:10pm

Blessings to you Drewlady! I admire your strength and one day hope to be like this. You have made me smile. 

Poppy's girl

Comment by Drewlady on May 6, 2013 at 11:02pm

Hello All. Have been reading everyone's posts and agree agree agree !! How we feel is how we feel no right or wrong and no damn timeline. it will be four years May 22 since losing my Drew. Dont let other's boss you.

May is always hard. Drew did every holiday over the top including Mother's day.

Then he and the kids birthdays all the second week in June then the following Sunday Father's day then June 28 our wedding anniversary.

I barely remember the first two years. Somehow I looked presentable returned to work started and still work out like I want to make an Olympic team to keep my sugars down.   Size two but Drew and I were diagnosed exactly 24 hrs apart.And small folks can develop complications like Drew who was a large man. My mantra is do not  become ill the kids already have suffered a terrible loss.

Drew had many beautiful shirts ties suits. I still have a lot. When the kids and I moved to our new home I decided to get a climate control storage unit and there they are.Didnt care what any one said it is my monthly bill. Finally ready to start donating them to mens and veterans organizations. Gave the brand new  toiletries to mens shelters last year.When I'm ready that has been my motto to others. Now I dont care what they think they are not on this path of heartache and healing and life forever changed.

Last spring and this April lost two good friends. One widowed, one divorced. Late 50s. One was also Drew's cousin. It shook me up so much. Makes me more determined to do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. Those two ladies certainly did !

At a charity event last saturday, people asking why did you go to that "thing" Camp Widow I corrected them in Myrtle Beach again ? And the follow up question dont tell me you renewed the 4 Philadelphia Eagles tickets again? 

Yes and yes and get over it I screamed inside as I sweetly smiled. Cant the kids and brother in law and I have some outings as a family ? And keep the Eagles tradition going ?

Cannot believe it has been almost four years. At the beginning I thought how did the women in my family not lose their minds ? For me the best thing was returning to work after a month and going out fridays after work with two co workers and two former co workers we had all  become widowed within 6 months. Tried learning to knit but kept poking myself the teacher i'm sure was afraid I would poke someone  so dropped that and took golf lessons instead but feel ready to try knitting again but in my golf skort !

Again ignoring the questions I joined one group To Live Again  crawled to it 6 weeks after , then three months later another To Live Again chapter still go to both chapters. Then Griefshare  still attend their Holiday sessions then learned about Widownet then Widowed Village and WWS group that I have facilitated for over 2 years.

Also just found out about a group that started in February facilitator is a widower. Going to the next meeting . At this point I know folks at every new group I go to and some now come to WWS as well. Constantly chatting up WWS book Widowed Village and Camp Widow to everyone.

Now Sororitory sisters who know a new widow or widower contact me if the person is looking for information. And I plan to visit four S sisters in another state this summer who their husbands in the same week . 

I looked in the mirror in the beginning thankful not to break the mirror and thinking you have got to make it, you must help yourself, your kids  and then reach out to others. Drew and I did a lot of reaching out to others after we lost our middle baby at 7 months to a rare un inherited birth defect. Marvelous couples we came to know some now widowed going to a group or two  with me again.

Bless all of you and we must keep spreading the word about the wonderful resources that are out here !!

Take care Drewlady

Comment by alwayshopeful (Jocelyn) on May 6, 2013 at 10:53pm

Hey 50s guys and gals. I just passed six months. Lately, I feel like time is flying by again, like when he was sick. The first two months after he died seemed to drag out, as I felt like I had nothing to do after taking care of him 24/7. Now, everything is going by so fast. I don't understand how time gets so messed up...

Comment by Gordy's widow on May 6, 2013 at 11:45am

Grace, For each of us it is our own private journey through hell and back. I certainly wouldn't let a support group dictate when you should do anything! You will know when the time is right for you. You will know.... at 17 mo I still have much of Gordy's stuff. Not ready to part with it..... don't need the closet space, but just not ready.... 

Comment by Gordy's widow on May 6, 2013 at 11:37am

Debbie 0423 good luck in your new move your new life.

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