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Born in the 50s

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Members: 683
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

Discussion Forum

I'm A Grandma!!!

Started by Susan. Last reply by Susan Nov 7. 9 Replies

in-laws of deceased husband

Started by Prissy. Last reply by vintage56(barb) Oct 12. 7 Replies

DATING?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by lauriesv Oct 6. 107 Replies

TRAVELING ALONE?

Started by CarolinaHeart. Last reply by Averysmom Jul 20. 67 Replies

PETS?

Started by Dianne in Nevada. Last reply by Seashell Jun 21. 12 Replies

Comment Wall

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Comment by booktime (Susan) on Tuesday

My mother who passed in March at the age of 96 and 7 years after my Dad died, taught me to "thrive" not just survive. Courage too. Thanks.

Comment by Seashell on Tuesday

I am very grateful to have had Jerry for nearly 35 years. I still celebrate our anniversaries by counting them. This year would have been our 39th anniversary. No matter when we lose our spouse it is always too soon. It's amazing how each of our stories of our spouses passing affects us. I lost my husband suddenly but the next person lost their spouse slowly over time. When I hear their story I am thankful my husband did not suffer but saddened that I was not able to say good-bye to him. After doing the math I have concluded that widowhood runs long in my family. My grandmother, my mother, and my aunts have all been widows for 30 and more years. I lost my husband a little over 4 years ago. It is the strength of these women and how they persevered through life that keep me going. My mother gave me one word two months after Jerry died "courage". She told me that I was courageous and that there would be times when I would just be flooded with emotions and afraid to go on but that somehow I would find the courage to continue. My mother has been gone for 2 years now and today she once again gave me the courage to go on. Thank you Mom.

Comment by Barzan on October 23, 2017 at 7:36am

Seashell, so glad my words were helpful.  We are all here to help one another get through our days as best as we can.  My husband has been gone "physically" for over 6 years but "spiritually" is with me all the time.  He talks to me in many ways;  sometimes in dreams, sometimes through my pet and often just pops into my head to guide me through some unchartered waters.  I never doubt that he's with me and so I feel blessed.

I only had my husband for 31 years so you should feel blessed to have had 8 more years with yours.  We have to always be thankful for what we had and grateful for what we still have.  

You, my friend, have a blessed day.

Comment by Seashell on October 23, 2017 at 6:50am

Thank you Barzan for your uplifting words. Both of my daughters are going through difficult times right now and I know they need to hear those words of praise from me. I had a difficult relationship with my oldest daughter for a good many years and 15 months after my husband passed away I came to the conclusion to just love her no matter what. That love has enabled her to come back to me and tell me she was ending her marriage and to include me into her and her children's lives since. Although I live 5 hours away from both of my daughters I try to get up to see them once a month.  I like your suggestion of the Vitamin D. I have not been on them for awhile and with the added stress to my life I have been fighting off something for the past month. On another note: Saturday would have been our 39th wedding anniversary. Although Jerry has been gone for over four years I still miss him. I asked him to show himself to me and last night I had a dream about him. 

Comment by Slick on October 21, 2017 at 5:56am

thank you Barzan for your great advise..you are right...I do the same thing...always praising and telling them I love them...I am always there when a conflict arises.....and also have had blood done when I had no vitamin D so I take 2000-3000 mg a day....I have never felt a difference but my Dr. told me when I test , I test almost void of any or such a low amount that I need high doses to keep it in my body....great advise....

Comment by Barzan on October 21, 2017 at 5:49am

Mary. Irish Lady and Slick,

I'm not one to pass out advice but having read all your posts this past week, I decided to chime in.   I have a great relationship with the kids and one of the things I do and have always done was to praise them.  I praise them on their parenting skills, how lovely the house is decorated, on their jobs and whatever else accomplishments they have made.  I never criticize them and only give advice that has been requested.  I love to bake and ask them if they'd like some goodies dropped off.  I never get a no and it gives me an excuse to visit briefly.  They all have high demand careers so bits of time spent is always a plus.  

I also think that when one parent passes, their anger really isn't meant for you but for the fact that the family dynamic has changed.  I try to inject a "your dad would have loved this, or would have been so proud of you....".  

Hope this was helpful.  I also hope that as time passes, your kids will be more accepting and caring.   Just keep taking care of you.

One more thing.  Talk to you doctor about having a blood test for vitamin D level.  A low level can add to depression or mood swings.  Mine was low and now, with higher doses, I can see a huge change.

Comment by Slick on October 21, 2017 at 5:46am

Irishlady....wishing you the best...a prayer going up for you...this is what I do with my cranky daughter now...I more of less make the rules...just as you did.....you have things to bring to them, you'd like to take your grandson to lunch.....DONE......I hope it is a nice pleasant day for you and you enjoy every minute....hold your ground and what I do at times is just refuse to argue...I;ll listen and then leave....with "I;m so sorry you feel like this"........God bless and PEACE to all of you...who suffer with this...

Comment by irishlady on October 21, 2017 at 2:54am

marybarcelos...Oh, Mary, my hear hurts for you and all you have been through. Thank you for the advice. I sent my daughter a text last night. (she prefers those) I had a couple of things I needed to bring to her, so used that as a reason to go up and "test the waters" so to speak. I asked to take my grandson out if only for lunch etc. I got a terse message back saying they'd be there all weekend. So, we'll see how it goes. I am tired of the battles. I was telling a grief friend yesterday that it is so much easier and less stressful to be nice to people than always in a confrontation. So, I plan to "kill her with kindness". LOL We'll see if my plan works or not. BUT, I will not tolerate disrespect anymore. Hugs to all of us that go through any of this with our kids.

Comment by Slick on October 19, 2017 at 1:30pm

marybarcelos.....thanks for writing back....I am so grateful I have both of my daughters...my youngest and I have had many a battle but she always comes to me with an apology and "I love you" ....so we are good....I have set boundaries and so has she...she is as sensitive as I am and I guess we both push each other's buttons....but you have to talk about it...not scream and yell and say nasty things and hang up....that's not the way she was raised...she has gone into counseling and that has helped...her to word things in a different more mature way to me and her husband...I have 3 grandchildren.....2------15-----and my oldest will be 18 early Dec....and I have great relationship with the 3 of them....thank God....

I hope you do ask your son to see Mia....I really believe we have been hurt to our core and it is so hard to have people we love hurt us more..so unecessary and I read it so much....widows and widowers whose grown children are so nasty to them ...why? they have no idea what we've been through and I pray mine never do know what it feels like to lose a child or their spouse....don't they get it....

you have kids all over the place...would be so nice if you could visit them all ....it could be your little vacations.having a destination makes it so much easier...I haven't been away in about 3 maybe 4 years....please let me know what your son says...

Irish lady.....write back to us and let us know ...if you can get this together ..having your grandchild spend some time at your place....wishing you the best...

Comment by marybarcelos on October 19, 2017 at 12:14pm

Irish lady, it doesn't hurt to ask her.  There is just so much we can control.  Life is just so fragile and short.  I agree with slick, do your best and move forward.  Try to have relationship with your grandchildren and if that doesn't work move forward.  Make new friends, got senior centers. We can't change other people, they have their perspective and we have ours.  All you can hope is a little honor.  Move forward and live life 

 

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