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Born in the 50s

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Camp Widow San Diego

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social security widow/widower benefits

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Crazy - taxes

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Comment Wall

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Comment by booktime (Susan) 1 hour ago

I have been away for a bit, vacationing in our family cottage, sometimes with family and sometimes alone. It was lovely.

I am sorry for all the new travelers on this road. It is so hard in the beginning. I don't even remember the beginning anymore. I'm in year 6.

May I share an incredible day I had on Saturday? I guess I will anyway!

It was the memorial gathering for my mother-in-law who I had not seen since Ed's memorial. In other words, we fell very much out of touch and she died this past February. The same with my sister-in-law. And everyone else.

On this day of the gathering, My SIL and her fiance were there as well as all of the step-siblings, many cousins, grandchildren etc. I guess I was nervous as to how it would be - would they even know me? And I had offered to facilitate the gathering!

Turns out it was wonderful!. I felt it was complicated to introduce myself so I ended up just saying "I'm Eddie's wife!" (I never called him Eddie but they all did!) Big hugs ensued and connections were made.

I found myself not sad but happy to be with this "new" family!

My SIL's fiance was incredible. I was very nervous about meeting him and he did something so wonderful. He asked me: "Tell me about Ed". Oh my. And then later he told me that he was pretty sure he would have loved Ed.

Could this have happened 2 years ago? or 4? No. I think the amount of time which had passed was good. 4 years ago I may not have even gone! 2 years ago, I think I would have been tearful.

I feel I am still grieving - it's just so different now. And while I know it is different for each of us, I wanted to share this with you, this group who totally gets this grief. There are times I do still feel sad and alone. But to have a time like I did is uplifting. And I couldn't help but feel Ed's presence the whole day. His family brought him there.

Hugs to you all. My hope is that ahead of you are times that bring you happiness. It is a different happiness than before like everything else is but I hope that around the corner on this terrible road you experience it.

I'm back home now, alone again. We'll see how I do!

Wishing you all comfort and peace as Melissa did.

Comment by Melissa 3 hours ago

Dear BA7.5,

I'm so terribly sorry you have to be here. I'm so sorry your Person died; your Beloved.

It's been 21 months for me, and my life is split into two time periods. Before Gilbert and After Gilbert. Every single thing about my life changed when he died. The old Melissa died right along with him. 

The amazing thing about grief is that it is absolutely unbearable, yet somehow we bear it. All of us here have times when we don't want to live anymore. That's when we come here. We are reminded that we are not alone. There are people in this world who understand and are experiencing the same or nearly the same emotions. There is good energy here that we can draw on to keep going.

We are an amazing little group here. We celebrate each other's accomplishments (even if it's just getting out of bed for a little while) and relate to being kicked while we are down by anniversaries, unkind remarks from well-meaning people, and things that hit us out of the blue when we least expect it.

Grieving is the hardest thing we will ever do. It is completely exhausting; there's no better word for it. It takes every ounce of strength to just remain upright under this horrible weight, but we do.

Please keep coming and please keep talking. It helps. I'm so glad you found us.

Take care of yourself as best as you can. I wish you comfort and peace.

Melissa

Comment by BA7.5 4 hours ago

I am new to Soaring Spirits and have been reading the conversation threads for a week or so.  It's so helpful to hear others going through the same thing I am living.

My husband, best friend, soulmate, adventure-mate and king of fun died of a heart attack on Valentine's night while we were sleeping.  I tried to resuscitate him but was unable.  I still have nightmares about it... 

Life is so empty... painful... surreal... I still don't want to believe that he is really never coming home... The heartbreak is unbearable sometimes... 

I grieve the fact that he's not here today sitting next to me... I grieve the fact that I wasn't able to revive him... And I grieve the fact that we were counting down to our retirement and had amazing plans ahead together...So now what?  How to live without him??  How to live without our plans to grow old together?  

It was 6 months last week which is unbelievable.  I am incredibly fortunate to have supportive family and friends. But I just don't know how to continue without Dave... I don't want to continue without him.  We were incredibly happy.

Grieving him is the hardest thing I've ever done.  It's exhausting... So few people truly understand... It means the world to now have a place to come to where there are others who get it.  Thank you.  I'm sorry we are all here but am grateful for your kindness and understanding.

(My apologies if you see this post more than once as I'm posting it to the 5 groups I'm a member of.)

Comment by riet 5 hours ago

Thank you so much, Melissa and jan.  

unbelievable how comforting you and every person  on this side are for a sour soul.  Thanks again
Comment by Melissa 15 hours ago

Roxi, thank you. Big hug back to you!

Reit, when someone says that to me, I say, "Unless you die first, someday you will know how I feel. Then you'll understand."

It seems cruel, but it's the only way I can explain it.

All my love to you. You're doing so well. You really are.

Comment by Roxi 17 hours ago

Melissa i hope to find that quiet place where we can remember our loved one without suffering for their absence...thanks and i wish for you the same ciao a big hug Roxi

Comment by irishlady (jan) 17 hours ago

riet...this makes me so mad. I am at year 6 of losing my beloved husband, the love of my life. We were married 43 years and he died 4 days before our 44th anniversary. People used to say that to me also. Now I tell them I will NEVER get over it. I will grieve for him till the day we are together again. However, I do cope much better now and have learned to live this life without him, but it does not mean I do not grieve anymore. It's just a different way now. Not the extremely emotional melt downs every day like before. Now they are rare and last maybe a few minutes. As my Mom would say...let it go in one ear and out the other. Those who have never suffered this kind of loss, will NEVER understand. You can explain it all day to them and they will not get it. Know that it is absolutely normal, riet. One day at a time, one step at a time. You will get there too. Hugs to you. We all understand.

Comment by riet 20 hours ago

15 months. that's what people think of as 'normal' grief. Met two people this week, both of them were 'worried' because I was not yet 'over it'. Both of them have given me the address of a 'skilled' psychologist. Just what I needed. Neither of them has ever visited. But they still have a 'worried' look in their eyes. Isn't that something to be thankful for ?????

Sorry, this weighs heavily on me.

Comment by Melissa on Friday

John, if you hear back, I would still like a report. In my opinion, this is a blatant rip-off of Lucky Charms, which are, as Tekwriter states, magically delicious.

Ultra, Roxi, and LadyHawke, I hope we can find a place of balance. A place where we can hold our loved ones in our hearts without grief. Where we can think of them and be happy remembering the good times. It's just so unimaginably hard. 

My love to you all.

Comment by Ultra2015 on Friday

Roxi I agree. I’m trying to find a place for the grief of losing my best friend, lover and partner. I am less overwhelmed but sad , lonely and heartbroken. Hoping to find that place soon. 

Peace everyone. 

 

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