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Born in the 60s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 643
Latest Activity: Apr 21

Discussion Forum

Dating Again for those Born in the 60s

Started by Mary H. Last reply by Leslie Dianne Apr 6. 82 Replies

We can all understand the heartbreak others feel on losing their spouse, regardless of their age.  We know that the youngest, still overcome by the overwhelming rush of new love, feel keenly cheated…Continue

Learning to do the things that my Husband always took care of

Started by HillbillyWitchDr. Last reply by Packerfanlyn Mar 22. 8 Replies

It has been nearly two years since my Husband died suddenly, and I find myself putting off doing simple things that I need to take care of. There are so many things, like going through his model…Continue

Moved this weekend

Started by Therese. Last reply by sus Mar 20. 12 Replies

Moved into a 420 foot apartment this weekend. I have mixed emotions on this to say the least. If anyone were to congratulate me or even try to console me I think I might bite their head off. I never…Continue

Brain fog?

Started by Liss. Last reply by Nance63 Mar 18. 11 Replies

At 56, my brain has enough mileage to wear off some of the tread, even before the loss of my husband this August. After his death, though, I find it so much harder to remember details, make decisions…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by MissingMySandyBeach (Steve) on March 15, 2017 at 7:01pm

Thank You Mary! Although I just recently joined officially I have been visiting the site regularly since Sandy passed in July from a ruptured brain aneurysm. I have been posting in other groups occasionally. You are correct I have learned quite a bit just reading everyone's stories, how they are coping, feelings etc and one of the reasons I decided to join was maybe someone may get some comfort from one of my postings. It helps me just to know that all of the thoughts and feelings are normal. Still trying to figure out a new normal but guess that is going to take some time after being married a little over 30 years. I so much miss the "Us"!

Comment by Mary H on March 15, 2017 at 6:49am

Hi, I want to welcome all of the new members who have joined in the last couple of months, and encourage you to share.  Born in the 60s can be a relatively quiet group because most of us are working, or still have children at home, and we are so busy taking care of all of our new responsibilities.  Still, there is no better place to get and share an understanding of what it means to be widowed in mid life.  So, to all of you who have joined, I am sorry you have had to join us, but welcome you into a loving community of people who can understand.  The one thing I have learned is that no matter how different we are, there is going to be someone who can understand exactly how you are feeling, whether it is beyond hopeless or learning that it will be possible to be happy again.

Comment by spiritual dragonfly (Linda) on February 3, 2017 at 2:32pm
Hello Terry,

I'm very sorry for your loss. The time of death is listed as 2:50 p.m....I know he was gone before that...I call the times between 1-3 p.m. My 'witching hours'
Comment by Terry on February 3, 2017 at 12:12pm

spiritual dragonfly...your comment 'I hate Fridays' jumped off the page at me.  My wife died on a Friday morning at 8:20am (March 6, 2015).  For the first year, Friday mornings pretty much paralyzed me from 8:04 which was when the hospital called me to tell me that she was unresponsive and that I should come.  I could only get some sense of relief after the 8:20 am mark passed.  The easing of it was not really noticeable as it was so gradual.  It was only later into the second year that I realized that Fridays were not having the same hold on me.  People make all kinds of dumb remarks to us.  I have come to realize that it is not intentional.  They just haven't gone through this before.  I now just let it roll off my back.  I had a few people ask me when I was going to take my wedding ring off.  I ended up moving my 25th Anniversary wedding band to my right hand and bought myself a black tungsten band that I wear on my ring finger on my left hand.  When I look at it, it reminds me that I am still married in spirit although she is no longer here. 

Comment by spiritual dragonfly (Linda) on February 3, 2017 at 8:27am
Hello Believe (BTW..the word BELIEVE plays a big role in my life!)
Thank you. I'm taking things one moment at a time. I'm realizing that most folks do not know what to say, are uncomfortable with my sudden widowhood...most have pulled away. I get it, so forgiveness is easy.
I wear his ring around my neck. I had my ring tattooed on my finger a few years ago, so it's always there ❤
Comment by IBelieveInYou on February 3, 2017 at 7:06am

Dear Spiritual Dragonfly - condolences. You are very early and the fog is there to protect you. If you don't have to push it away, let it be because in due time it will lift. People will say things like "you are still young" because they have no idea of what to say. I frequently hear, "After more than a year, you should start dating." I think to myself, I lost my wife who was part of me for 32 of my 50 years. I wear the ring she gave me because I still feel very married and I'm comfortable with that. Try to find a place in your heart to forgive them - they have no idea. Take care of yourself.

Comment by spiritual dragonfly (Linda) on February 3, 2017 at 5:56am
Good Morning....I'm new here. Joined up last week (I think). Minds a blur at times. Today is Month 4...Week 16...Day 112 since I lost my husband, my best friend. I really REALLY dislike Fridays..they suck.

He was 12 years older then I. I'm tired of hearing people say your still young....yada yada yada.....
Comment by Therese on February 2, 2017 at 11:16am
Thanks for commenting Mary. Sorry they screwed up. I hope your family was a happy one so that there isn't any drama in getting everyone to sign paper work. That always gets me when people don't care about the widow being able to survive or not all of the sudden they just care about money and possessions. I kind of had to have a sit down with my boys about their SSI checks before they started coming in. I told them that legally the money was all theirs and they didn't have to help me at all by giving me the check but if they wanted to stay in the house and not be sent to live with different family members to be raised because I couldn't afford to keep a roof over their heads without the checks then that was their choice. They loved me and they loved their brothers so they never insisted I give them the money. However in case the authorities asked I sat them down like a board meeting every month and kept it written down how much I was charging them in rent, utilities, food, etc to where they paychecks ended up at zero. We talked about the calendar and events coming up and if something didn't make it on the calendar they would not get to do it because I needed to take care of to many people by myself and still take care of myself. That part they hated worse but we did it. Once a month so that I could prove my kids were not being neglected either. I wasn't going to have anyone trying to break us up because they only saw part of the picture not the full thing. We lived like that till the youngest graduated. As a result two out of three have gone to college paying their own way. I have been extremely impressed with how well they are managing their money, and all of them are super good at prioritizing and organizing, even taking notes. I have to think that is all a direct result of my being honest and transparent with them. Recently my youngest broke his leg and dislocated his shoulder and even in his recovery I am not only impressed with the strides he is making but in his brothers coming to his aid. I love the fact that they are all there for each other. I am so proud of them but I can't take any credit for it because it would have been completely different if dad were still alive, and I hadn't had the mom I did who was divorced when I turned 5 or any of the other experiences God has put me through along the way. I have not had an easy life by any stretch of the imagination, yet I know others have had it much worse. I know this is unfortunate and it hurts to be going through it and I will be praying that the judge you get is extremely helpful and helps you go often the title company for mental anguish stress and suffering damages the alternative is to give such things over to God to rectify on your behalf. I had to do a lot of that because I didn't have the money to go after people who where stupid or mean or both. When we grieve we get so angry and we want to blame someone, take our hurt and pain out on someone. For me it wasn't any one thing that triggered it for me but rather mean people I worked for, people who thought it was best to force me into my time of grieving, and innocent nieve people blurting out mis quoted scripture and platitudes meant to be comforting that just sent me into tirades of rage. I asked God to keep me from hurting others like I had been hurt and he removed me from ministry then he removed me from church. I am just now getting back to both and it has been 10 years so I hope you find a way to deal with it better than I did. Now I am in a new place all by myself and I am afraid to go out on my own. I need to look for a new job and I keep finding excuses for my indecisiveness. All I can do is hope and pray that God is even using this for my good and his glory like he has with my children. I have to believe that God is in the process of restoring me. I don't know what the answer is for you but I do know you will never go wrong drawing close to HIM. He is able to work it all out.

VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 31, 2016 at 10:56am

Don't be alone this evening ... we'll be in the Widowed Village chat room tonight to keep each other company. 

Event post:   http://widowedvillage.org/events/new-year-s-eve-in-the-chat-room

If you haven't tried it yet, here's a direct link to the chat room: http://widowedvillage.org/chat

Comment by Mary H on October 8, 2016 at 10:39am

Thanks for showing me the other side of it Idaho!  I will look forward to hearing how it goes for you.

 

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