We can all understand the heartbreak others feel on losing their spouse, regardless of their age. We know that the youngest, still overcome by the overwhelming rush of new love, feel keenly cheated of all the years they might have had, and the oldest feel as every year was a journey which brought them even closer together, they feel as if they had become a single soul. Those of us widowed in mid-life can find ourselves awkwardly in between, uncertain where to turn, uncertain of how to go on. The choice to look for a new love can be especially traumatic in mid-life because we spent so many years in the worlds we created with our partners, and yet there are so many years left ahead. Some of us have still got it going on, and some of us may have gotten so “comfortable” in our marriages that we find ourselves unwilling to face the rejection we suspect we might find out in the dating world. Whatever your story is, and whatever your choice is, you can help others by sharing it here.
It's only been 3 months for me - way to early to think about dating but I sure do miss the companionship. And I sure could use an hour long hug. Not so convinced that men can do companionship without anything else so just going to try to learn to be content with loneliness. Have lots of friends and family, but it doesn't seem to help too much yet.
I'm new to this site, but really like what I am reading. It's like someone is reading my mind! I lost the love of my life in 2010. I know, it's been a while, but my son was 6 at the time and we owned our own business together. I guess I let my conscience guide me and went for raising my son and trying to keep business afloat. So far, so good. Son is great, business has its ups and downs, but lets me be their for my son.
I have dated both divorced and widowed, definitely see a difference. Widowers really want to go slow and obviously understand what I am going through. Divorced are fast movers, I am from the old school, I am a gentlemen and respect women. Now, I haven't had a date in about three years, just not really seeing much of interest. Always third wheel at sons school events, I tend to be more interested in work and just feel that my Donna was the one.
My son is totally open to me dating, but it would be a total package, if anything ever moved forward. Donna and I were very private and worked hard at our business, so no real friends to confide in, most people felt intimidated by our work ethic and our fast forward personalities. I am the quiet, introspective one, she was gorgeous and outgoing, worked great. Now I am all thee above and don't always mind, but usually ask, what would she do if she were here.
Would like to get out more, only no real connection to outside world, except through work and sons school. Any tips to get out and see how the other half lives again? Bless you all.
Hello, I have been a widow for two and a half years, and started being open to the idea of a new love about a year after my darling husband died. I first reconnected with someone from high school, mostly texting, a couple of phone calls. That was a humiliating disaster, and my feelings were hurt. Then I tried Match and went on four first dates. Not fun, very distracting. I made my profile invisible, and just kept looking for someone who looked right for me. I found him. I have been dating my new love for almost a year. He is wonderful, handsome, intelligent, funny. He is so kind to me and my kids. He makes me want to be a better person and face the future with hope.
That is fantastic, I guess when it is meant to be, it will happen. I thought about past people I knew in high school and college, but wasn't in to them back then either. I am on Christianmingle, had a few dates from there, still open to that. I am open to the the universe.
Hi - I haven't been on this site in YEARS and today a message that someone just posted on the Widowed in 2010 site popped up on my email. And then I thought I'd look around in this group of people born in the 60's that I also used to belong to and see what else is going on.
I saw this post and thought I'd share my experience. I did not have a single date in nearly 7 years. Never even came close. I went on Match and e-harmony and never even texted, emailed or met anyone. I finally decided that I didn't care anymore and stayed off those sites for a long time and then reconnected on Facebook with a guy my husband used to work with. I knew him, went to his wedding, his wife's funeral, so thought it would be good match. It lasted about a year before things went bad and I ended it. I realize that I overlooked at lot of the negative traits and characteristics about him from the beginning (smoked, drank too much, had no hobbies or interests at all, not in good health and doesn't care) because I was lonely and he was somewhat familiar, a friend. And the fact that he knew my husband for over 30 years was even better. The longer I stayed in the relationship, the more unhappy I got. And resentful. We had nothing in common except my deceased husband.
I have a friend who told me that she never thought it would work out with this guy, it's just that it had been so long since there was anyone who paid attention to me, cared about me, told me I am pretty, brought me flowers, wanted to be with me, etc. that I dove right into this one and was blind to all the negatives. My entire family saw all the signs too but just didn't say anything. Don't get me wrong, I am not looking for someone who is perfect. But things like smoking and drinking too much are non-starters for me, or as they say on Match, a "no way". Yet I overlooked it. I put those aside for the companionship.
So the point of all this is, you're not alone out there in that you haven't met anyone. I decided perhaps I am trying too hard and have decided to join groups like hiking, photography, golf...things that interest me and maybe I will meet a nice person doing that. If you haven't heard of Meetup.com, check it out. Not a dating site, but a resource to find groups of people with shared interests. There are a few groups in my area whose membership is limited to singles, but their particular meet up doesn't interest me. but there are tons of MeetUp groups of all interests, hobbies, etc. all around the US.
I travel a lot for work, cover nearly half of the US and am hoping that maybe one day I will meet someone on the plane, or in a hotel bar or restaurant. I do know I am not going to worry about it anymore. It will happen if it is supposed to happen.
Hi Marine28, I know how you feel about dating, I met my husband through a friend we had a Blind Date in Jan 1994 I was living with my sister and her husband and 2 children at that time I was taking some College courses and I met some friends her name is Pam really nice lady her and her boyfriend at that time we were suppose to go out and double date some where but they could not make so it was just me and John you can call me Lisa. I look back at the good times we had i think about my husband a lot he had Congestive Heart Failure and Diabetes I have type 2 Diabetes, he was ill a year and a half also he was on Hospice almost 6 months he went on Hospice December 24, 2015 and passed away on June 12th 2016. Tomorrow it will be 19 teen months since John passed away, I know he would want me to be happy and our families too. I work for Walgreens so I am going to retire with them in and a half years I will be almost 60. Anyway, I better let you go for now, just wanted to add that I have also tried some dating sites but haven't had any luck you just don't know who you can trust anymore. Have a nice weekend P.S. we also have a 22 year old son my in-laws raised him for me and John they did a good job too, anyway hope you have a nice weekend. Your Friend, Lisa
There may be hope then! I will be widowed four years in March. I haven't dated, I halfheartedly tried Match and eharmony. I met my hubby on Match years ago. All I can say it is not the same site as it was back in the day. My problem is that I work from home full time, and I am an introvert as well. Not a great recipe for success lol.
On January 7th it was 3 years for me from the day that I lost my much loved husband suddenly. He was only 51 and I was 53, and as much as I loved him, I could not bear to imagine living the next 30 years alone. I had been very happily married. So I started this post wondering how other people my age who were no longer young, but still had a lot of time left, were dealing with this issue. I appreciate each and every perspective I have heard, it has been so helpful. For me, I have not had one single date in these 3 years. I did make a very brief entry into online dating and quit when I was pursued by widow-scammers, and I too have had an old boyfriend with emotional and substance abuse issues making a big try for a redo, and I did just narrowly escape getting pulled in. Each time just after something flared up with one of my kids (3 teenagers, 13 through 19 now) and I told myself its a good thing that I wasn't all wrapped up in some guy. I do think and hope that I will get out there again, and will find another partner someday, and that it will be better for my not having rushed to fill the void. I find myself more and more ready. My husband was an outstanding man, unique and irreplaceable, but one day I realized that those things which I would not be able to find again (the brilliant career, the perfect body, etc.) had not been the things which had made me love him so much, that the reason I loved him, fundamentally, was that he was so kind and compassionate and warm, and I realized that those things, i could find again in somebody else. That's how I know that I am getting ready to be out there again.
Well said, Mary!
I have 2 friends who lost their husbands about 50.One of them have been having many boyfriends since and the other met a guy and got married 3 months later.They both look happy in their ways.After my M. died they encouraged me to try online dating sites to broaden up my social network because all the people I knew had families.I was messaged by few men who sounded nice but all I did were excuses not even to answer them.I realised that it was not about them but about me.My husband was everyting I needed and my mind and body reject the idea of seeing someone.I just don't want to start over,too tired and old for that.I'm not excited about it at 52.We had harmony,love and comfort in our relationship and we were happy to getting old together.I miss it and him badly.
Just like designguy we have a family business,which was more his field than mine,but we did enjoy working together.We were very private and loved to be just the two of us or with the kids.All this make the things very hard for me now as I decided to keep our business for my children.I learn a lot,having ups and downs,fears and hopes, and am being very lonely as my older daughter has a family and the younger is a college student.It's been 7 months since I lost M. and the life I loved. The fog starts to lift up a little and I see that I'd better stay alone than compromising just to be a part of a couple.I'm trying to make new friends and that's all for now.
It is awkward to have to start again after you you thought you were going to grow old with the one you love. I find that it’s not only about me. My family (kids) matter I want someone who will be a good fit. I miss the companionship but it’s whatever the divine creator wants for me. I am content but look forward to one day meeting that special someone. For now I’m enjoying life.
Just a small answer to a question I had once, and I hope that it can help those of you who feel as if you not only found yourself widowed when you thought you had a partner to the end, but also as if you'd suddenly lost ten years off your looks... you do get that time back. I've gone from suddenly old to being taken for younger than I am, so there's that at least. You can find yourself again, in the end.