We can all understand the heartbreak others feel on losing their spouse, regardless of their age. We know that the youngest, still overcome by the overwhelming rush of new love, feel keenly cheated of all the years they might have had, and the oldest feel as every year was a journey which brought them even closer together, they feel as if they had become a single soul. Those of us widowed in mid-life can find ourselves awkwardly in between, uncertain where to turn, uncertain of how to go on. The choice to look for a new love can be especially traumatic in mid-life because we spent so many years in the worlds we created with our partners, and yet there are so many years left ahead. Some of us have still got it going on, and some of us may have gotten so “comfortable” in our marriages that we find ourselves unwilling to face the rejection we suspect we might find out in the dating world. Whatever your story is, and whatever your choice is, you can help others by sharing it here.
Thank you, you are so right, I don't know that this will ever be easy. As you know there are waves and although I feel unbelievably blessed those waves still come. I truly wish you the best as you discover the path for you.
Well, yet another perfectly nice man has asked me if I'd like to meet and even though this is what I signed up for, even though this is what I think is necessary to move forward in my life after 3 years, I find myself unable to do it. It's too easy to say, I'm not ready. I feel like I have a wall in my heart, and it just won't open. It was maybe easier for me when the whole trying to meet someone wasn't working, but now that I've got the hang of it, I get a fair amount of opportunities, and after a while you do get so good at recognizing the scammers, they become like background noise, not even bothersome.
I am teetering right now between taking my profile down and thereby admitting to myself that I need to do another hard year of lonely mourning to get in a better place emotionally, or keeping it up and just waiting to see if its my instinct keeping me from saying yes to these guys because I am picking up on something I can't even express that makes me know they would not be good for me. I've got this small idea that the right one would just kind of hit the right chords and it would all just happen. That following my instinct might actually be a good thing, even if I am still quite dateless.
I've not joined a dating site and don't plan to, but a widowed friend wanted to introduce me to a friend of hers. I initially declined her offer to join them at a local lounge with dancing (a big no from me to dancing when just meeting). But six weeks later she called again and suggested the three of us meet for drinks. And I agreed. I was rather surprised at my change of heart, but think timing was responsible for it. The day before I had to go to a concert by myself because I couldn't find anyone who wanted to use the extra ticket I had. I enjoyed the concert but my thoughts during the drive there and back were not pleasant ones. And the date she wanted to meet landed on my birthday, so the thought of not having to be alone that day seemed enough to take a chance.
I didn't feel any sparks or a connection, but he is a very nice man. The next day he asked our mutual friend for my phone number and she called to see if it would be ok to give it to him. I hesitated but told her yes and he contacted me later that day to ask me out for dinner. And I said yes. The only way I'm going to know whether I want to date is to take this first step. I told him I haven't dated since I was 18 and I've been widowed since 2010 with no desire to date. But if he's willing to let me see how this feels, then I'd be happy to join him. He responded that we can go as slow as I need to be comfortable. Dinner is this Friday and I will meet him there rather than having him pick me up. I have no idea how this will play out. He said some lovely things about me which felt quite nice, but if I don't feel anything towards him then I hope I can be honest. Perhaps we can have a friendship, or perhaps that's just not possible these days. I have a ton of emotions going on over this: Feeling scared, nervous, old, excited, fat, guilty, ugly, beautiful ... hopefully will work thru them all by Friday evening. Wish me luck.
Wow, good luck! I can see how the fact that the proposed meeting landed on your birthday made a difference in your decision to accept it. And I really related to your post, especially the list of adjectives, feeling scared, nervous, old, excited, fat, guilty, and both ugly and beautiful. (That was beautiful.) Please let us know how it turns out, how you work through your feelings, and how it goes on Friday. I think it helps all of us who are struggling to know how others handle the complicated intersection between heartbreak and wanting more.
Good luck, Dianne. Remember us widows and widowers root for each other, no matter what we do! I think I'm going to take a break from pursuing a relationship for a while, especially after recent events, but I like this thread and the support we get here. If something happens, i will be sure to let you guys know. Last week this young woman carrying a six pack probably to a friends house, flirted a little with me as I sat on my front porch and offered me a beer, but I turned her down. Not now and probably way too young for me.
Wow, good luck! I am very curious to see how this all works out for you.