Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I lost my husband and best friend on January 31, 2018. He died after a year of battling pancreatic cancer and I miss him dearly. 

I have worked at the same job for over 15 years. I took a few weeks off after he passed away. Then this summer, I took over 2 months off to be with my daughter. She is 13 and needs some guidance. School has started and she is still struggling. I am back at work but it is getting really difficult. 

I am really considering leaving my job. I am really scared. I have pretty much worked steady since the early 90's. Even after giving birth to my daughter, I returned to work after 2 months.  I have so much to do around my house. I am going to be selling it probably early next year and I just feel so overwhelmed. Financially, I am ok to go about 2 years without needing a full time job. 

If anyone has any experience with this situation, please share it with me. My job helps to keep my mind occupied but it is really stressful and I just don't want to do it anymore.

Thank you for listening. 

Views: 138

Replies to This Discussion

Hi! 

I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer also. My youngest turned 12 two weeks after we lost his dad. I had never worked full time, so a little different. However, I had a realtor friend that decided the best thing for me was to work and she hired me. I couldn't pull it off. There was just so much that was overwhelming. My son needed a lot of attention, I was also getting ready to sell our house. Older son was deciding if he was ready to go back to school. It was a lot when all I could really manage or wanted to do was stare at a wall some days. I was lucky and could not work. So made the choice to stay home and do what needed to be done. Which included days if just sitting quietly. Its been 2 years, and I've started a new job. I think it helps now, but I couldn't have pulled it off before. I know I'm one of the fortunate few that had a choice, nt  everyone does. I know how lucky I was to have the option.

Do what feels right to you and your daughter!

Thank you for replying. I am so sorry for your loss. Pancreatic cancer is such a terrible, horrible disease. 

It is hard. My coworkers have been understanding so that is the only reason that I have made it so far. I do feel lucky that I do have a choice because as you said, not everyone does. 

After going through the the cancer and death of my hubby, there are days when I just want to stare at the wall. It just takes a lot of time.It is hard going from watching my husband take his last breath to listening to customers complain on the phone all day long. I think I am ready to make the leap. It is just really scary!!

I lost my wife 7 years ago, I'm in a different place now but was in the same place as you are, we were together for 29 years and I was at the same job for 28 years, after 1 1/2 years of her passing and the same old, I decided to quit my job, I took a job at an upstart with less pay and haven't looked back, I really think for me it was very helpful, a new beginning of sorts and at the time I felt 'what do I have to lose'. Having a job and keeping busy definitely helps, so maybe don't quit until you have something else to occupy the time,  but a new start really helper me...Wish you all the best

Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it. I am so sorry for your loss. I definitely feel like I am in a place where I have nothing to lose. I have already experienced the worst thing that can happen to you.

Hi iheartdiggiz

My husband of 32 years passed January 10, 2018 of pancreatic cancer. Approaching 8 months out I feel in a better place but still am plagued with indecision. Sell the house, buy a condo, stay in the house, by a duplex, stay in the house, etc. This goes on and on. I’m going to wait until I can make a firm decision because his death is still fairly new. 

You aren’t alone!

I am so sorry for your loss. You are right, so much indecision. I am always changing my mind. If my daughter were older It would probably be different. I feel like I need a lot of time to myself and don’t really want to deal with people on a professional level.

Hi, I lost my husband to bile duct cancer just short of a year ago.  My situation is a little different, all of my children are grown and I'm not in a position to quit work.  I have wonderful co-workers but don't like my job and find it unfulfilling.  I'm thinking of downsizing and then exploring options for a new line of work. If you aren't already seeing a counselor I highly recommend it.  I started seeing a Hospice bereavement counselor about 6 months ago and I've found it very helpful.  I also attended Tampa Camp Widow in March and met some wonderful ladies that are an amazing source of support.  And even though I don't like my job I find being there and out of the house keeps my mind busy. You will figure out what's best for you and your daughter, just take your time.  

I'm sorry for your loss.  My husband died last November.  He didn't survive a surgery after his battle with several health issues.   After he died within a few weeks my main support staff person had unexpected health issues and had to be out for 6 weeks.  I had to do my job and her job.  I had to compartmentalize to survive.  I also knew I had to sell the house and all that involves.  Once she came back I knew I could not work in the intensity I once worked because I needed to grieve and think and try and figure out what comes next.   I stayed at my job until July.  I sold my house and moved to a different town to be closer to my daughter.  I am now just trying to figure out what is next.  I'm going to take time for myself and slowly look for a different, less intense job.   I highly recommend it if you can afford to take time to do the things you need to do to sell your house and take care of you and your daughter.  It is scary to make that move. It is scary to start over.   I had to wrestle with the guilt I placed on myself for all the people that would be inconvenienced upon my departure at work, too.   But, in reality, it is just a job.  At the end of the day the job is not what matters. I have good days and bad days but it has been good being "still" and spending my energy on the transition to a new life without my husband and all that entails. Also, I lost my dad when I was 15.  It was extremely difficult for me even though my parents were divorced.  My heart strings pull for both you and your teenage daughter.  I hope this helps.  You aren't alone.  I'm new to this site but reading through the posts are encouraging.  Hang in there.

I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer as well. Nasty disease.  At the time, I had a big job, lots of responsibility.  He was immediately put on disability when he got sick.  Our only child was a freshman in college when he was diagnosed.  He died 14 months later.  I continued to power through until she graduated college.  She was taking her leap year before going to law school.  One day, I just couldn't take it.  Emailed my partners that I was leaving that afternoon.  Spent the next 6 months focused on time with my daughter.  Was not intending to go back to work, but the perfect job just fell into my lap.  Major improvement in life.  I think you'll know when the change is right.

 

RSS

© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service