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It has been nearly two years since my Husband died suddenly, and I find myself putting off doing simple things that I need to take care of. There are so many things, like going through his model railroad and drum things...learning to use the lawn mower...I could go on and on... Today I need to try and find out if the warranty on his pickup truck would be voided if I move it into my name, and whether or not I need to move the car loan into my name.  He bought the truck a few months before he passed, and I can not bear to sell it so I have just kept up the payments.  Do any of you find yourselves avoiding simple things that you know need to be taken care of?


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Yes. It's been 2 1/2 years since my husband took his life. My daughter and I moved into a new house about 6 months after he passed, but we still have our old house. We are getting ready to put it up for sale soon. People get on me all the time about that, but I've learned you just have to do what works for you. It has worked great for my daughter to be able to go back there. She lost her dad so quickly and without closure. I wanted to give her time to get closure on getting rid of the house. It was the best decision I could have made. She is ready to get it ready for sale and close that chapter.

Thanks, I am glad to hear from someone else who is taking things slow.  I am struggling with knowing these things are piling up, and that I need to do them.

If you are struggling on your own behalf may I suggest doing small things first? Maybe his sock drawer, sorting what is called a ladies toolbox of tools into a smaller box for your own use, his junk drawer, his side of the medicine cabinet, his nightstand. Baby steps, we all had to learn to walk before we ran. I had to give away all my loves clothing first and that was heart crushing. I kept a few of his shirts to sleep in but forced myself to give up the rest as I had to move to a much smaller place. I wear his wedding ring on a necklace with a cross around my neck.
I let his best male friends into the garage to take the things I could no longer use. And I still cannot go thru our pictures but that's ok for now. Maybe starting with baby steps will help you along if there is a pressing need to start doing things you feel must be done. And maybe the pressure you feel to do them is your hubbys guiding hand to assist you. I know it doesnt feel like it now but it helps in the healing process to get something wrapped up on your own and does help you move forward on any other things you feel piling up on you. Those material things will never be him, keep some very precious items but look at what is basically just "stuff" and start working on it. Contrary to my original remark, getting things done and sorted out does help in the grieving process. Just thank God you have the time and it wasn't all yanked from you before you had the time to deal with it in your own way. It does sound like there is a reason you want to get this sorting started but if there is no pressing reason why do you feel so compelled to get it done now? Please don't let anyone force your hand in this, go at your own speed or you will have so many regrets and your grief will continue longer. Just speaking from experience. Please don't force yourself because of other people's beliefs, society's set time for grief, or because it's the "right thing to do". Take your time, you will never have this chance to do it again.
Hugs to you on your path, the dark will get light again.

Thanks WidowedBride....I know that most of this is just me wanting to fix everything as I tend to be that way.  

Concentrate on you. We listen to what everyone else is giving but then lose ourselves in doubt. Never doubt your own instincts. That was my New Years resolution this year - to listen to my gut instincts more this year than everyone else's input. You'll do fine, I can see that.
It's hard and not our plan but we can control it from here on out.
HillbillyWitchDr - I never had that luxury, his grown children put me thru probate after clearing our home of everything they felt entitled to. I lost him and about everything we owned in the same instant. My hubbys death was sudden and unexpected also so I understand what you are feeling. Due to my own circumstance I say do what you need to do, in the time frame you want to do it in and get rid of people who can't support your decisions. I tossed those negative people out of my life after hearing what I should or shouldn't do and in what time frame. It takes different amounts of time for everyone and we all must grieve the way we need to. It's been 4 years for me now and I'm barely beginning to see daylight once more but talk and walk with him everyday still. We may never get past it and if so that is our choice, not someone else's who's life was not daily lived with us over the years. You do what you need to, tell everyone else to butt out of you grief!
Best of wishes to you, love and light for your path.

Oh my, I can't imagine how terrible that must be.  Thank you for this, makes me feel better knowing that I am not taking too long to shake this incredible sadness and grief that I feel.   There was no need for probate in our case as we have never owned a home, always rented, and we did not have much in savings.  I am still working and getting his pension so I will be ok money wise...just need to try and get on track with my personal motivation and learn to do all the things he normally took care of.   

Your motivation will come. Just don't rush it. My mind has a lot of motivation. My body after working all week and being the single parent of a 16 year old says otherwise by the time the weekend rolls around. However, I was proud of myself when I googled an issue with out hot water heater, broke out some of Mike's tools, said a few Haily Mary's, and fixed it all by myself. I was so proud of myself. It made me feel good and gave me some confidence. Just a baby step, but at least it was a step forward! You will have them also. Now I just need to get working on the other house.

Today is 15 months to the day that my Morris passed away suddenly in our living room.  I completely understand how you feel about putting things off. I have to get an oil change in the one car that is left to me (our van died 2 months after I paid it off...thanks, Universe!), and I just cannot bring myself to do it.  I'd better do it soon, or it's going to blow up. 

I still have lots of paperwork to fill out for the V.A., although why I even bother is a good question.  I'll be there when I get there.

Packerfanlyn, I'm truly sorry for your loss, I've had two suicides in my family of origin myself, but nothing like what you've been through.  Take care of yourself, you're worth it. 

You sound so much like me..H bought a truck a little less than 2 months before he passed.  I just left it as he had it.  It is the little things though..You get hit with a lot of things you had or have no idea about.  Its overwhelming at times.  Luckily I have a few of his really close friends that I can reach out to and are my sounding board at times when I just do not know where to turn.  A friend comes and keeps my lawn mowed although I would do it myself.  Its his shop garage and all the stuff in there that I know nothing about and his overwhelming love of reading...books everywhere!  Some I will keep but so many have got to go. 

I sit here and read everyone's post.  Please don't think anything is to small or insignificant to post.  I totally get all of you.  I lost my dear sweet Jack on May 2, 2017 to stage IV kidney cancer.  I would have to say it was one of the worst days of my life.  I am slowly putting myself back together.  I had my husbands Denali in the driveway for a year.  I never drove it and I think I started it twice.  I finally donated to someone in the family.  Holiday's are still difficult and I think this year now that some of the fog has lifted it is even harder.  The memories are coming back and I find I miss him more and more.

Oh yes - it is so hard! After two years, I finally cancelled my husbands mobile phone. I didn't think it was going to take very long, but I had to close our account and re-open it in my name. It took over an hour, and I cried on the phone to the person helping me. 


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