How does everyone fight the lonilness? I just can't take this. I went from my parents house to my own when we got married.
Please let me know how you all do it.
Hi Susan, It is a constant fight for me , and sometimes I am so exhausted from the grief , loneliness , and longing. I'm not lonely for other people , I'm lonely for my husband. I too went from my parents house to living with my husband. I was only 18 and we were married for 39 years. I'm as lost as you, and it takes every bit of my strength to stand this. I feel like I'm always walking along a steep slippery edge of a cliff. I walk that cliff daily and try not to fall off. I just go from one distraction to another I guess. I hear your pain and I feel it too.
Its good to hear from you! I can feel lonely in the shopping mall crowded with people. I miss the human touch. Conversation. Just going out to dinner with someone. I miss it all. In Dec. it will be 3 years.
I had someone point out that its not only the loss of a person, but the loss of routines, restaurants that you ate at, games that you played, inside jokes, laughing with your husband, physical contact, conversation, making decisions together , the list just goes on and on. It was 2 years for me July 27th.
There are two things that I do.
Firstly I make sure I schedule an activity each day. It may only be something as simple as shopping, but it gets me out of the house every day. I am working on expanding my participation in sport, bookclubs and other groups that give me some human interaction.
The second is that I do not allow myself to sit in the dark place of loneliness for too long. I remind myself that I am still alive, I have a life that is worth something and that all of us die as some point. I put on some happy music, get active and get on with it. You are still allowed to feel happy too.
For me being lonely has become my new normal. I used to crave time to myself and wow did the universe deliver. Like you I often feel lonely in a crowded place, and even with I am with my extended family, but when I see my kids every few months or so I feel life is good. Without Chris I wouldn't have those three beautiful people. I walk my dog, sit with my cat, knit like the world is running out of wool and that is my own crazy therapy. Is there something you like to do? I know it doesn't take the lonely away but sometimes a distracton is good. I am 10 and half months on my own now and many days I have struggled to get myself to do anything positive. But there are glimpses of a positive future ahead and I try to savour those moments. Riley described it so well. I hope the replies to your post bring you some comfort that you are not completely alone in feeling the way you do.
It sounds like you got TOO MUCH alone time. Just like me. I know hobbies are a great thing. I love quilting and crocheting. Are you knitting anything now? Christmas will be here before you know it. So I'll be trying to make some things.
Yes, Riley has been a good friend to me on here. And she has good advice and thoughts. :-)
It's wonderful that you see light in the future :-) If you ever want to talk a bit, feel free to drop me a line. :-)
I plan to take advantage of some of the Labor Day Sales. That should be fun!
Yep, your right Susan, too much alone time! I'm not sure when your Labour Day sales are as I'm in Australia but I hope you have/had a good time. Like you I'm making things for Christmas too. I'm glad you have things to do that you enjoy. because that little bit of creativity is lovely on so many levels. :) Thanks for the offer to talk, that's very kind x
It is a constant battle but some times I can get ahead of it. It has been 3 years since I lost Roger. The one thing that helps me the most is audiobooks. I can’t get my mind to focus on reading but listening to the story soothes me a bit.
I have one playing n ow on my Ipad. I just need hear someone's vloice. I'm glad I'm not the only one. :-) ( On Dec. 7, It will be 3 years)
Susan, I'm not sure that I fight it at this point. My wife will have been gone three years come October 29. Luckily for me, our young adult children are still living at home. At first this was to "babysit" dad. Eventually they will leave maybe then the loneliness that you are experiencing will hit me. I do feel lonely though. I guess when I feel the most lonely, I remember the good times and do my best to muster up feelings of gratitude for the time we had. We were together for 32 years, 25 in marriage. So, I don't know. Are you without a local support network? Your question has left me at a loss for words. I'll think about it more. I'm glad you posed the question.
Sorry it took so long to write back. I have been babysitting my 10 month old Grandson.
I'm glad you have your kids to help you. Even if is started as them " babysitting" you. When your kids take care of you, you know you taught them well. First you take of them as children and raise them to be wonderful & responisble adults, later in life, they help their parents.
Paul and I were married for 38 years when he passed. It will be 3 years that he's been gone on Dec. 7. ... I heard that the longer you were married to your spouse, the easier it is to go on with life after he / she passes away. I don't know if I believe that. ( A comment from a Grief Speaker.) I decided not to listen to them anymore. I prefer coming here to widow village.
About Support. I have my 2 sisters, My son & Daughter in Law & Grandson. My neighbor is a widow.
Best of luck to you with life.
I read somewhere that the difference between loneliness and solitude is attitude. That seems to click for me, but I'm not going to lie and say that it always works. Because we're human and we will always be missing our person and who we were with our person. It really does take a lot of energy to combat the loneliness...it's work every day. Some days I'm more successful and those are the days that I am very busy...that seems to be the trick for me is not having too much down time.
Wishing you well, Susan.