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Moved into a 420 foot apartment this weekend. I have mixed emotions on this to say the least. If anyone were to congratulate me or even try to console me I think I might bite their head off. I never wanted to be all alone! I never wanted to live in a dump because that is all I could find that I could afford. So I realize I brought this upon myself being too generous when I had money and too Nieve to think not having a fucking credit card would really drag my score down that lie or worse yet paying off my car and selling my house would be viewed as a negative credit wise.

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So even though my heart is broken and I feel like I have done a good job taking care of my children etc given my husband died without a will without 401k without anything, I am having to suck it up and put a smile on my face and take care of myself for once because obviously no one else cares. They all just take take take take. Oh with the exception of one friend. I think she gets it.

I feel your pain, I didn't put myself on the mortgage of our home when we refinanced because I was too busy, and I had no idea how much trouble that would cause me in the end.  And the bank still won't let me put my name on the mortgage even though my husband has been gone for a year and a half and I am the one making the payments.  That's illegal actually, and I spent a little lawyer money trying to fight them, but in the end I just gave up.  We widows need more advocates working for our rights out there in the world, and not just the kind that we have to pay ourselves!

This is 6 months later Mary, but just wanted to chime in... I had read a case online recently during my probate searching, although I believe case was in MICHIGAN where I live..  that a mistake happened in not having wife sign mortgage at refinancing, and her husband passed.. and in her case she couldn't afford to pay the monthly payments. The bank tried to foreclose... however it went to court.. and because of dower rights etc, and the banks fault, she got the house. The bank could not collect on the mortgage.  Yeah for her.  Sorry to hear your situation was battle. 

My situation is opposite..  I am on the Mortgage, but not on the Deed.  I was added to mortgage when we recently refinanced, which I thought per my discussion with my husband, he was having me put on the deed.  We were suppose to talk more at length on the weekend, but life happened, and he called me Monday to go sign, and I did.  When he passed 2 months later (less actually).. I learned I am not on the deed, title company responsible for making sure everything in order, said they didn't need to have me put on deed or bring it up at signing, because of dower rights (which is ending in Michigan this year).  I said, oh because of that you think it was ok to not bring it up?  When your not on the deed, whether there is a Will or not, the house goes to probate.  AND because we are a blended family it is not simple.. No the wife does not automatically have rights to the home.  


Sunshine, what you are referring to sounds a lot like what happens to widows/widowers in a Reverse Mortgage contract.  Most of the lenders (third party - not recommended by the FHA) require that the loan be signed by the oldest spouse, so when the first passes away, it is usually the oldest spouse, and there have been many, many times when that spouse has been given 30 days to move out of their home; of course; this would only happen when they cannot pay back the funds that have been given to the deceased (yes, they are aware that those funds have gone into taking care of the younger spouse as well).  But, since the younger spouse is not the party who entered into the contractual relationship, in order to stay in the family home, the remaining spouse must pay back all the funds.  And, in most cases they will allow the remaining spouse to secure a mortgage to pay the contract off.  But, they can and do enforce the contract law that allows them to sell the house to recoup the funds.  They also offer the children or heirs to pay off the loan as well.  But, it is clearly a tragic thing for a widow/widower to find out at the time that they cannot handle such devastating information from the lender (which they might have thought for years was a great deal, although expensive fees upfront to secure the loan).  Just like predatory lending, but if you need extra money, staying in your family home can be the driving force, so it happens more than we know about, hope your situation works out for you and all of your blended family members. 

OMG how awful!

Blended families certainly do make everything far more complicated :(

I'm so sorry, Therese.  Life really can suck sometimes.  I agree with Mary H. ... there really should be more advocates out there for people who are widowed.

Thanks Ladies!

I hear ya sister! I was fortunate to have a good job but I still was stuck with thousands of dollars in medical bills. Took me 7 years to get them paid off! Paying medical bills for a dead husband is so frustrating. My credit was "nonexistent" because we paid for things in cash and our house was in his name only. I had to move because I couldn't afford our house on my own and that was when I found out I basically had no credit. It was a crazy time! Hang in there.....of course, what I told people when they used to tell me that was: "I have no other choice!"

Yeah, hang in there, lol. You are right there is no other choice. Fortunately I learned how I hang in there is my choice. I can either be grumpy and miserable or try to find the silver lining in the whole thing and choose to be happy. I guess that is what I am trying to do now. But every once in a while I need to vent to people who can relate so I don't feel alone, isolated and just spinning my wheels. For example last night I broke down and went out to see a movie because my wifi hasn't been installed yet and I needed a break from unpacking boxes. I could get pissed off at how expensive it has gotten to go to the movies or look at it as a blessing because on the way home I found a small hospital within walking distance of my apartment. I work as a registrar at a hospital and that means potential job opportunity close to home. Not sure I would have ever found it had it not been for the lighting at night. After all I have driven right past it a dozen times until now. There is a scuba shop just up the street which means places to go diving something I did in my twenties and wouldn't mind doing again. And if I wanted to get involved in politics there is a store front for that. All kinds of opportunities. Instead of wishing I could do such in such with out totally getting sucked in I might actually be able to do instead of wish. Maybe it isn't the life I imagined with my husband, but it might not turn out to be to bad.

No, it isn't the life we anticipated but it is what we have been dealt and somehow, someway, we need to make the best of it! Easier said than done for sure. I am a dog lover and started fostering dogs. Something my hubs would have put his foot down on as I have always had multiple personal dogs. Now I have 4 personal dogs and 2 foster dogs. One of my fosters (and I knew this) had 7 puppies! So now I have 7 puppies in my house also. It keeps me pretty busy and brings much joy into my life. It is hard to go it alone but I am grateful for all my widowed friends that I have online. They certainly keep me grounded and remind me that I do not walk this journey alone.

I see this is from a few months back - how are things now?


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