I lost my husband Dan on April 1st to aggressive metastatic cancer. No one in my age group (in my late 50’s) is a widow/widower. No one comprehends my new world. My needs are different than being widowed in my 80’s. I so hope there are people who can connect with me who understand this terrible, unique predicament I find myself in. It’s like a club I don’t want to be part of but I am part of the bereavement club. I’m struggling to find connections through someone who has been in my shoes.
No One I know is a Widow:
I am so sorry for your loss and know the pain. I was divorced at 47 and met Kevin at 48. He passed away March 29. We were together almost 8 years. We had just my 20 year old to get through college..We had plans to move to a low key location and enjoy life. Now there is nothing. Or at least that is how I feel. I randomly cry and I am just going day by day. Losing a husband during this crazy time makes it worst. I love looking at pictures of us and remembering all the good times, I usually end up crying. Hold those memories close. My therapist said this is healthy. I am going to clean our summer place this weekend, so I will be going through his stuff. I decided to do this alone. I am not sure how to stop the pain...my thoughts are with you
HI, I felt the same way. My husband passed last June and I was 57 at the time. He was 59, 2 months prior to his 60th. He had been ill but the passing was still unexpected. It is nice to find this group as I worried I didn't fit into other groups I came across.
THe sad thing is that we are not alone... which is good... just sad we have to be here. Nice to connect with others though
Hello - My husband, Dan passed away unexpectedly on May 22, 2019 at the age of 56. I have been trying to find a group of women to connect with that are closer in age. I thought I found that and then COVID hit. My friends support me the best way they know how but I don't feel like I can truly open up about my feelings because they just don't understand. I am finding that I feel very lonely at times - first not having my husband of 32 years. We did everything together. Not having a close friend that I can share my feelings and truly be vulnerable with is hard too.
I feel the same way. My husband passed from cancer on 20 June. He was 61 and I am 57. We would have been married 28 years this month. I expected we would enjoy our retirement years together, not be widowed at this age. I retired last year to help him and also because we both realized life is too short. Hardly any of those friends keep in touch. It’s also difficult to be alone and have all this time on my hands. Isolation isn’t helping either. I read all of the comments and there is a lot of heartfelt advice and wisdom there. I just take one day at a time.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am 54, no children, and lost my husband 18 months ago. The first year, I was numb. Starting my second year, reality hit hard. I have a few divorced friends who compare my loss with divorce. I try to hold my frustrations to myself because they don't understand the difference. It's hard to begin your new normal and establish new friends at age 54. I was married 25 years. I just get up and keep trying. This forum will be a great outlet for me.
I don't understand yet. I have barely processed that my husband died 2 days ago. But I am here for you. We can get through this together.
I lost my husband in 1999 and felt the same way. I was 36. All the other *single* moms were divorced and just didn't get me at all.
I get it. My friends have been amazing. And, they are all still happily with their spouses. Time will tell how awkward this is going to be. "Cat and no more Barry."
Hi - I was 46 when I lost my husband of 43 to renal cell carcinoma. Diagnosed in Jan 2016 and passed away in Aug 2016. I always tell people, this is not a club you want to be a part of. I'm now 50 and four years into this journey with our two kids who are 13 and 16. It's true my friends don't understand, I actually moved away because many of them kept telling me I'm not old and that I'll find someone. That wasn't the problem, I needed to talk to other widows who had gone through what I was going through. Even my in-laws couldn't understand. It sounds selfish, but it would bug to no end when they would be sitting and holding hands and giving each other kisses in front of me. I wanted that with my husband but I can's expect everyone to understand. I can honestly say, I'm in a good place. I'm finally out socializing, joined a hobby group and love my job and the people I work with. I talk about my husband and his passing openly because my jobs is not to hide and make someone comfortable. I don't want the sympathy I get when I mention what happened. I usually say it sucks alot but we are moving forward. I have also found that it is up to me to make connections with people when I need support and help. When you put yourself out there people will come. As my mom said - we will all experience loss, no one is immune to this. Blessing and peace - you are not alone.
Hi, You are not alone in your feelings. I’m so sorry for your loss. I will be 58 in two weeks. I lost my first husband to cancer a few years ago. Two weeks ago, my second husband collapsed from a ruptured brain aneurysm and was taken off life support two days later. We were married 6 months- together two years. None of my friends are widows and almost all of them are a few years older than. I know no one who has been widowed twice. I feel like people want to keep arms length from me because somehow I am tainted. I’m looking at this forum as a way to help me endure and want to go on. I have two kids who still live with me 21 and 19.
Hi Anne yes I can relate I am now a widow at 51 my husband died of cancer also. He Died in June of this year. I am walking in your shoes maybe we can walk this new chapter of our lives together helping each other with encouraging words and friendship.
I have said this so many times. I was 52 when my husband died of metastatic cancer. My son began his senior year in college 4 days after My husband died and my daughter began her freshman year. Became a widow on Monday and an empty nester on Friday. All of my friends were experiencing a new life with their husbands as empty nesters and I felt so alone being a widow in my 50’s. Most of the widows I knew were much older. Hard to know what to do with yourself!!