Born in the 60s

Comment

Comment by teenytinypuppy on December 24, 2011 at 11:17am

Hi. Can I join this group? I'm 49 and lost my husband in 2007.

Comment by teriw on November 21, 2011 at 9:59am

I've come in late on this conversation, but what a great conversation it is! I love what you said, Kaycee, about making a list to remember your victories. It's over four years for me. I'm personally struggling with being alone, yet I want to be okay with it. I want to learn build a life for myself that includes other people (plural!), and be able to invite someone in when I'm ready, rather than have that person become my life or fill a hole. I'll be honest, it's hard for me to see that (me having a fulfilling single life) and I've never had that, but I'm starting to get a glimpse of what it might look like. But on the subject of accomplishments, what I found is that I forgot a lot of the things I did for myself over these years without Bill, the problems I managed to fix or figure out all by myself, the times that no one else could even see what was happening, the decisions I made that ended up being right. It's so easy to forget these things in moments of weakness, or when we feel useless, or when something is going wrong. And sometimes, asking for help is a victory. Keep that list close! What a great idea.

Comment by KayCeeMom on November 21, 2011 at 12:33am

I agree, some things I can't do but many things I can. I've started a list so I can remember my victories. I hope it helps me on the really down days.

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on September 14, 2011 at 1:09pm

twinsmum we have half the battle won just by trying. Your right some things we will know that we are not capable of doing. But the ones we tackle and accomplish will boost are confidence...for the next catastroph that arises. I have never been one that can ask for help easily but if I can take care of the small stuff it will be easier on the big one's. I are not helpless and I don't want people to think I am.

Comment by twinsmum on September 12, 2011 at 3:09am

I agree Lisa....I have never been alone but I've always been independent as well.  My hubby worked night shift for many years and slept the rest of the days so am used to doing things.  I know some of my friends couldn't even sleep in the house alone if no-one else was there.  And yes as much as I don't want to have to do things around the house I'm not useless, I will do it, or at least try and if I can't (like the rusty gutter I just found) I will ask for help :)

 

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on September 9, 2011 at 7:04pm

willo and Ann, You can be or do anything you put your mind to. I've never been alone....but I've always been independent. As long as we all are willing to try and except that "we will make mistakes" and learn from them....we can do this. When and if we decide to share our lives with someone again it will be out of want not need. My husband always knew I could take care of myself when he was out of town for work....now I have to do it everyday. I don't like it...I don't want to do it...but then no one asked me before he was gone. It may take me awhile but I will make him proud! We all will!

Comment by Ann - Michigan on September 9, 2011 at 2:35pm

I can so relate to all of you on this.  from the time i was 15 to the death of my husband i was 44.  I don't know what to do or how to do it..

Comment by mammalee5 on September 9, 2011 at 11:48am

willo- I can relate!  Being alone can be a hard adjustment if you've never had to do it before.  It was for me.  For me, learning to do life by myself means learning to ask for help, to develop deep friendships, and to be willing to make mistakes. (Notice two of those three things included other people!!)  It also means allowing myself to feel whatever it is I feel and then put one foot in front of the other.  Willo, whatever you decide for now (to date and get re-married or to remain single for awhile) I believe you can do what's right for yourself and your family.

Comment by willo on September 9, 2011 at 7:58am

ive never been alone. i went from my parents house to being married to steve. im afraid im going to find that i cant do it and become a burden to my adult children

Comment by mammalee5 on September 9, 2011 at 7:02am

Lisa and Iris:  I'm so glad to hear others talk about being okay remaining single for awhile.  People still ask me if I'm dating or when I'm going to be ready to get married.  I just say "I'm not saying never, but I am saying not now."   I had a boyfriend or significant other pretty much constantly from age 14 to 35. It has been soooooooooooo good for me to be on my own.  To be okay with me.  Just me.  To know that I don't have to be a part of a couple to be valid or worthy.  That I can do things on my own.  That I'm strong. And capable of much more than I previously thought!  (I've been raising 4 kids by myself for the last 6 years and we're all still alive for crying out loud!  THAT is an accomplishment!) I always thought I was this strong independent modern woman, until I was forced to be alone.  And then I found out I wasn't so much, but I'm getting there.  I will say, I do get to feeling lonely.  I miss sharing my life and my heart with someone.  I miss feeling loved and appreciated.  I miss private jokes and creating memories. I miss splitting kid duties.  I miss a dual income!  and I miss sex!  Bust mostly. . . mostly I just miss Eric.  Not never; just not now.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 29
• 30
• 31
• 32
• 33
• …
• 42
• Next ›
• Page