Born in the 60s

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Comment by teriw on February 24, 2012 at 9:58am

Gosh, this string is a tough one, but so real. So much of what each of you have expressed sounds familiar. I'm at a little over 4 1/2 years, and I turned 48 in November. Until very recently, I felt "old" physically, but like a "girl" emotionally in many ways. It's like the woman in me went into hiding, and the girl took over for a while. This is interesting in hindsight, because that girl had to take some monumental steps to move forward, as I know you all have! I too think that the grief and just dealing with it all (grief, changes, loss, decisions, etc.) for so long adds some years and emotional weight. My hope is that it's a temporary aging and things can reverse as life starts to be less "survival" and more "living." Personally, I am just feeling like I'm more about living (or at least want to be) and less about survival. I have a lot of hope, yet I still fight depression. I find my strength in faith in the Lord, and believe I may not be here typing in this forum without Him getting me through and leading me to a wonderful church and supportive friends. I feel for all of you raising kids. I have two awesome step kids who are adults, so I did not have that awesome responsibility, but I watched others who did. Can it also be that we are at an age where we expected we would be thinking more about our future dreams and plans than about "what the heck do I do now?!" Maybe. One day, one season at a time.

Comment by MrsHamilton on February 24, 2012 at 9:28am

Maya, You put into words exactly how I feel. Before DH & I married I was a single parent and I did everything on my own, my first husband completely disappeared and I had no help so I had to handle everything. I let DH move into my life and I leaned on him for so much. Now the kids are grown and gone and I only have to deal with the house and the dogs and I feel more helpless then I ever did as a single parent. I too hate this new life!! And I am right there with you in agreement I feel like I'm just marking time until I get to be with DH again or leave a world that doesn't have him in it!

Comment by Maya, GEM's kyttn on February 24, 2012 at 8:19am

I have mixed feelings.  I feel so old, so tired, so out of energy to cope. But I also feel young and stupid and ineffectual.  I leaned on Greg so much for common sense, wisdom, guidance.  Without him I feel lost and alone and like a kid again, with no one to turn to. 

I hate this new life, and lately I make it only by counting each day as one more toward my ultimate goal of being with Greg again, or at the very least, escaping this world that no longer has him in it.

Comment by Singledadof9 on February 24, 2012 at 8:00am

You are all striking a chord with me! It is tiring. I'm only 46 and I feel achy although people tell me I look great. It's hard to focus on your well being when you're sad all the time. Even though I've been on this journey for almost 7 years, I still get depressed and sad. Not as much but it's still there. Like Brian and many of us, raising the kids as a single parent is tough. But I totally agree with the meditation. I've learned that if we can hand the situation over to our Higher Power, we can cope. I made that decision very early on. Now I have learned how to pray differently, meditate, focus on scriptures and really live life in the context of "Ok Lord, lead me through this." Spiritually I feel great and my attitude is strong. It is a lot about letting go. Now I find myself studying to be a spiritual director and was just asked to lead the bereavement group at my church which is going to be a huge undertaking. So, for me, it's been realizing that while God didn't do this to me, he is certainly using it to strengthen me and bring me closer to his will for me. One last thing that helps is a daily email devotional from Griefshare. You can Google it and see if it's something that you'll like. It is Christian based and it helps put things in perspective. Try to make it a great day everyone!

Comment by Brian in Ohio on February 24, 2012 at 7:22am

I agree.  I am 45 and like you have said somedays I feel so old.  It is like the weight of the world is on my head.  Dealing with my wife's illness was the hardest thing I have ever done but this is now a close second especially trying to raise the kids and keep their lives as normal as possible.  I try to take a deep breath and remember, "it is what it is."

Comment by Marine28 on February 24, 2012 at 7:05am

Hi - I turned 51 in December. I don't feel "old" as much as I feel "tired". Tired from dealing with the emotions, etc. that go along with grieving.  Tired of people not "getting it."     I have recently tried Meditation and have had the most amazing results.   There is a 21-day FREE meditation challenge on the Chopra Center for Wellness website.  You can do it at home, and all you need is your computer with sound and you can do it right from your chair. You can start today and then go back an access the "Day One" meditation.  Try it, it's amazing.  Will help with all other aspects of your life, too.   http:/www.chopra.com/davidji/guidedmeditations

Comment by jimswife33 (Michelle) on February 24, 2012 at 12:41am

Yes, I feel really old lately.  I do thinks its the grief, or the stress from the grief thats making me feel so old.  Although, I did notice yesterday that I have a whole lot more gray hair than I did 2 months ago.  Im going to blame that on the grief too.

Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on February 24, 2012 at 12:28am

 I agree bad ass! I turn 50 to in a few months and I feel so much older. Grief I guess ages us. My goal is to try to turn this around though. I just need to find some motivation. I have just not cared about what I ate etc... Really need to fix this. There is always something needing fixing lately- like brakes on my car today! lol

Comment by Wincy'sMom on February 23, 2012 at 9:46pm

I do bad ass, I'm 40ish and some days I feel ancient.  It has to be the grief and maybe a lack of feeling alive for me.

Comment by bad ass widow on February 23, 2012 at 9:43pm

Does anyone feel a whole lot older then we really are?  I turn 50 this year and I swear sometimes I am older than dirt.  Is it the grief that makes us feel older?

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