Born in the 60s

Comment

Comment by heatherL on March 7, 2012 at 10:41am

Brian, can you give an example of what you mean? What kind of advice are you getting?

Comment by Brian in Ohio on March 7, 2012 at 9:13am

Why is it that my friends, who I love deeply, and the people I work with think they know what is best for me now? I know they worry about me and think they have my best interests at heart but I lost my wife not my mind.  I am 45 years old, college graduate, a great profession and five kids. I can make choices for myself, been doing it for quite some time.  Has anybody else dealt with this? (I am sure somebody has)

Comment by heatherL on February 28, 2012 at 12:30pm

singledad your description of your performance of that song brought me to tears - amazing that you could do that (and so well) - good for you!

Comment by Singledadof9 on February 27, 2012 at 10:47pm

Thanks Lisa. I appreciate the explanation. I will keep an eye on it. I was on meds back in the late 90s for job losses and it helped. I just hate to do it again. Teriw, I loved what you said, "I think I chose the topic partly to work some things out I've been unable to let go of." I think there's mounds of wisdom in that statement. I think it's part of our new life - we do things we wouldn't have done before only to work out what we haven't been able to let go of. It's so so true. And we're blessed, like you, if we can realize that is why we're doing it!

Comment by teriw on February 27, 2012 at 6:24pm

Wow, Singledad, the description of your concert brought tears to my eyes. That's incredible. I can understand how that would wipe you out.

I'm in school and I'm writing a paper on ethics in medical communication regarding end-of-life medical treatment. If I go into any detail, I'll be here all day typing. I think I chose the topic partly to work some things out I've been unable to let go of. Sometimes when I'm working on it (thankfully I have to be done next weekend), I feel very drained. The emotions get the better of me. I'm not sure if it's a healthy release or an unhealthy obsession on something I can't forgive myself for.

I was thinking about your question -- basically what comes first, depression or grief? It's really making me think. I think, for me, at this stage I class grief as when I just miss Bill and our life together. And I class depression as feeling bad about my own life or about being alone in general. Perhaps I've classified it that way as a means of attacking it -- who knows?

I sure hear you about being tired of it all.

Lisa, I went on anxiety meds about 1 1/2 years after Bill died. I was so hesitant, but so relieved to have some help with it. I hope the anti depressant helps you. I know many people who have been helped by them.

I'm wishing we could all just get together in person and have a good chat! But this is the next best thing.

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on February 27, 2012 at 6:18pm

Singledadof9, The way my Doctor explained the difference to me is if you have times when you can laugh and smile, enjoy life again but still have moments of tears and sadness that would be grief. I on the other hand wasn't sleeping, never wanted to leave my home and most of the time my bed. I was having panic attacks when I would try to get ready for work to the point I couldn't force myself out the door. I had been back at work at that time for about 4 months. My doctor put me on medical leave and I still don't leave the house much but at least when I do have to go out I don't cry now when I leave. Don't get me wrong I still have tears everyday, I still miss my husband every minute, but it's no longer like the pain is going to rip me apart from the inside out. I feel more like I'm grieving now, and I believe we will never stop grieving for the one's we've lost. Just like we will never stop loving and missing them. From time to time through out our lives there will be things that come up that will bring all of this back to us, but it will be a moment of tears now a life time full.

Comment by Singledadof9 on February 27, 2012 at 5:28pm

Lisa, I agree...the difference is very hard to distinguish. Am I depressed because I'm grieving or am I grieving so damn long because I'm depressed??? I don't know. It's a crazy life this widowed life. I sing for my church and yesterday was our Lenten concert and my choir director asked me if I would sing a funeral song called "Go In Peace." She asked me to look at it for several days and let her know if I thought I could do it. I decided to sing it. Well I was fine until at the end of the song she (my director) came out from behind the piano with tears flowing down her face. We hugged for a long time and she said, "You're getting a standing ovation!" At that point I fell apart. And today I'm physically wiped out even though I slept really really sound last night. So am I still grieving or am I depressed? I don't know...after 7 years it's like ok why am I still like this? I don't know....I'm just so tired of it all.

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on February 26, 2012 at 5:13am

Telling the difference between grief and depression is very difficult. I'm now 9 months out and my Doctor just put me on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. After a lot of talking to my Doctor and sleep problems and blood test to check for other possible problems, she felt my grief was now turning into clinical depression. I can say sense I started the pills my number of melt downs as I call them are coming farther apart, and I have a little more energy. Mind you I've only been on them for about 2 weeks so I'm sure time will tell but I'm glad I called her, I needed some kind of help.

Comment by teriw on February 25, 2012 at 12:03pm

Hi Brian, thanks for your comments. I guess the answer to your question might be different for each of us, but it's a good question. You are so new in this journey. I love that you have a way of seeing the best in people and life. I'm so sorry for your recent loss, and I'm glad that you found this supportive site. If I remember back to those early days, grief had a way of sneaking up on me from behind and just taking me down hard (physically and emotionally and spiritually), or coming on and lingering for days. I personally wouldn't call that depression, I would call it grief and sorrow. In that sense, I agree with your friends. I believe you have to guard against taking on too much (or too little), especially in the initial year or two. I do think there is a time in the journey (at least in mine), where grief is no longer the source of the depression when it hits. And it's a hard thing to recognize, because you get used to living with grief. It took me months to recognize it in myself, but it marked a significant turning point on my own journey, because I view it (depression) differently. (Again, this is talking from 4 1/2 years out...).

I too thank everyone for their open comments. This is a really helpful subject to talk about openly. Wishing you all a peaceful weekend.

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on February 25, 2012 at 1:42am

I agree with all of you. I'm 47 and some days I feel about 80. My body hurts every wear and god help my mind. I leave myself notes on everything, My memory is like Swiss cheese and sometimes I feel like a babbling idiot when I talk and stumble over words that I can't remember. I sure hope my mind starts to come back one day.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 24
• 25
• 26
• 27
• 28
• …
• 42
• Next ›
• Page