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Born in the 60s

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Members: 711
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Discussion Forum

Dating Again for those Born in the 60s

Started by Mary H. Last reply by Mary H yesterday. 214 Replies

We can all understand the heartbreak others feel on losing their spouse, regardless of their age.  We know that the youngest, still overcome by the overwhelming rush of new love, feel keenly cheated…Continue

Learning to do the things that my Husband always took care of

Started by HillbillyWitchDr. Last reply by adoption1964 (Kim) Jul 5. 14 Replies

It has been nearly two years since my Husband died suddenly, and I find myself putting off doing simple things that I need to take care of. There are so many things, like going through his model…Continue

Brain fog?

Started by Liss. Last reply by Nance63 Mar 18, 2017. 11 Replies

At 56, my brain has enough mileage to wear off some of the tread, even before the loss of my husband this August. After his death, though, I find it so much harder to remember details, make decisions…Continue

MOVIE WEEKEND ON THE COUCH

Started by bobmac. Last reply by Pelican Aug 30, 2016. 76 Replies

ok,  nothing ventured,  nothing gained.    if you're interested in getting together for a weekend of 'movies on the couch',  add your forum name, your location, your ability/desire to travel…Continue

Tags: couch, the, on, weekend, movie

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Comment by IBelieveInYou on October 25, 2017 at 2:17pm

Janina, hang in there. You are not alone here. Tell us about what is going on if you wish because we get it and have lived thru experiences that are unique but similar. I hope you come back to this list and read about our experiences and share as you choose. I'm thinking of you this evening.

Comment by Janina on October 25, 2017 at 2:10pm

i thought i was strong. people say I am strong. i'm not strong.

Comment by Janina on October 25, 2017 at 2:09pm

Its so brutal sometimes. I think to myself, if only I had not had children, I could just die. But I insisted. My husband and I battled infertility, with the miraculous outcome of twin sons. Maybe I was wrong to fight to have them.

Comment by Tracy on October 25, 2017 at 9:36am

Thank you Believe, you are right about friends and family.  My daughters are a great support for me , however I have learned that I have to let my friend and family know what I need.  Its easier to tell them what I need then listen to them try to fix me or make it better. I am going to a grief group once a week but I sometimes feel worse when I leave.  Thanks for talking with me.  

Comment by IBelieveInYou on October 25, 2017 at 9:25am

Tracy what you are feeling is normal. All of us here have experienced what you are going thru. You are very early in the process so it is still very raw. In my experience, the rawness diminishes with time. That is not to say that I have stopped crying and feeling intensely lonely, lost, weary, and just terrible. This weekend will be the second anniversary of her passing. Our kids and I have decided not to make a big deal about it so that we don't get in the practice of memorializing her passing. Instead we are choosing to live as best we can with the knowledge that she is present in our hearts. We see her in each other and for the moment, that is the best we can do. I'm sorry to ramble. As you say, one day at a time. Do you have a support network? I found, early on, that I had to ask my friends and family for exactly what I needed because most of them had not experienced a loss of a spouse. Hang in there. 

Comment by Tracy on October 25, 2017 at 8:54am

Hi Believe,Thank you for your kind words. My Anthony passed almost 5 months ago. Its so final .  I want to see him, and talk to him and smell him and be with him. I miss him so much. I feel so sad and tired and lost and scared and alone.  I cry a lot. The grief is so overwhelming, so painful.  I sometimes wish I could have gone with him .....But I'm here and trying to be present in my life. One day at a time, I guess

Comment by IBelieveInYou on October 25, 2017 at 7:33am

Hello Tracy. Each of us grieves differently but we are all on a very similar journey. Feel free to tell your story here. It's been almost exactly 2 years since the loss of my beloved wife. This site has helped me because I know I'm not alone on this path. Read our stories, thoughts and rants. Share yours if it helps you. Please take care of yourself.

Comment by Tracy on October 25, 2017 at 7:14am

Hello everyone

Comment by StarRover (Debbie) on October 21, 2017 at 2:45pm

Adoption1964, It has been nearly two years since I lost my husband of over 22 years. I still cry all the time, usually over little things, sometimes stupid things. Things like at the grocery store - "I used to buy this for my husband but since he is dead and I don't like it, I'll never buy it again." - and the water works start. 
 This is just my opinion but I think the ones who "get over it" quickly and easily are the ones who didn't experience the intense love we felt, both for and from our spouses. I also think that all of us on this website did know that intense love, because otherwise we wouldn't feel the need (or at least the urge)  to keep coming here even after a few years, so we all absolutely understand what you are going through. Each of us is carrying on in the only way we know how, and you have to carry on in the only way you know how. Everything you are feeling is perfectly fine for your own way. All of us here have all been hurt to the very core of our beings, and if crying is a good way to express your feelings, that's a good thing. We cry for ourselves, not for what anyone else thinks. Those who can't accept we are still crying, no matter how long it has been, are those who shouldn't play a very big part in our lives. 
Another way to look at it is if someone doesn't like it when you cry, they are only looking to make themselves more comfortable with the situation at hand. Why shouldn't you have the same right to do that? If crying helps you more than holding it in, go for it! No matter WHO doesn't like it! Your feelings count as much as anyone elses! 

Comment by IBelieveInYou on October 20, 2017 at 9:37am

Hi b2, Thank you for your words. Here is a collection that I believe can be attributed to the Buddha. I remind myself each day of what I have and what I have had. My wife was part of me then and she is a part of me now. Of course, I miss her terribly and I cry each day. 

“Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.”

“Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.”

“Everything is changeable, everything appears and disappears. There is no blissful peace until one passes beyond the agony of life and death.”

“Thus shall you think of this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream,
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.”

_

Great is the matter of birth and death.

All is impermanent, quickly passing.

Awake! Awake! each one,

Don’t waste this life.”

"Life and death are the same thing. When we realize this fact, we have no fear of death anymore, nor actual difficulty in our life."

“Thinking that you’d like to go on living for a long time will make you suffer. But thinking you’d like to die right away or die very quickly isn’t right either. It’s suffering, isn’t it? Conditions don’t belong to us, they follow their own natural laws. You can’t do anything about the way the body is.”

 

 

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