Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Information

Born in the 60s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is the group greeter.

Members: 671
Latest Activity: on Monday

Discussion Forum

Dating Again for those Born in the 60s

Started by Mary H. Last reply by tweedles Nov 5. 97 Replies

We can all understand the heartbreak others feel on losing their spouse, regardless of their age.  We know that the youngest, still overcome by the overwhelming rush of new love, feel keenly cheated…Continue

Learning to do the things that my Husband always took care of

Started by HillbillyWitchDr. Last reply by happylilycat May 17. 9 Replies

It has been nearly two years since my Husband died suddenly, and I find myself putting off doing simple things that I need to take care of. There are so many things, like going through his model…Continue

Moved this weekend

Started by Therese. Last reply by sus Mar 20. 12 Replies

Moved into a 420 foot apartment this weekend. I have mixed emotions on this to say the least. If anyone were to congratulate me or even try to console me I think I might bite their head off. I never…Continue

Brain fog?

Started by Liss. Last reply by Nance63 Mar 18. 11 Replies

At 56, my brain has enough mileage to wear off some of the tread, even before the loss of my husband this August. After his death, though, I find it so much harder to remember details, make decisions…Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Born in the 60s to add comments!

Comment by Nieta on October 19, 2017 at 11:13am

Dear adoption1964,

Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss.  I lost my husband over 3 1/2 years ago and, while I am now able to function and cope better, it was not an easy road to get to the current part of my journey.

I vividly remember crying quite a lot.  I'd walk about 1 1/2 hours over a bridge to and from work that first year because I figured that no one would pay much attention to me and, it was a physical distraction for me.  I also remember each step, breath and glance feeling as if I was taking a bullet with each and everyone.  Everything reminded me that he was physically gone and not coming back.  In short, I was utterly destroyed to my very core.

I could not do enough things fast enough and a couple of neighbors once commented that I seemed manic, as if I was trying to run away from something.  I was actually hoping to get as much into my life in an effort to run "to" my husband.  There were also times at work when someone saw me starting to tear up and, before they could ask me anything, I put up my hand, shook my head and ran past them as I ran to lock myself into the handicap bathroom to burst into tears.  I spoke to a priest and I went into therapy for the first time in my life and each time I went into what happened, I'd start crying and could not stop. 

The first year was absolutely awful and, in some ways, the second was worse.  I had taken a short leave from job at one point and when I returned, one of my colleagues asked if I was okay now.  No, I was not okay - this is not something I will ever "get over."  That being said, it is something I have learned to cope with so that I can function.  Some days are better than others and some days can still be awful. 

This is a journey with no map or instructions.  Hence, there is no normal.  While there can be similarities, each experience is unique to the individual.  You are not weak - you are grief-stricken and tears and pain are the price of love.  It can be both a physical and emotional pain at the same time.  There are healing individuals out there that will let you cry and talk to your hearts content.  They are not always easy to find but they exist.

This site has been a sanctuary for me.  Sometimes I just read posts for comfort because it is easier to relate to people who "get it."

Wishing you peace of mind, courage and strength as you travel your journey.

Comment by KMA2106 on October 19, 2017 at 10:56am
Adoption1964....it's 18 months(wow, I can't believe I'm saying that)...I was crying in my car today...I actually don't care what other people think...I don't believe there is a right way or wrong way to grieve..I invite anyone who wants to judge me to walk it in my shoes...it sucks. I'm doing it but it's hard emotionally. Time does not necessarily make it easier, it just makes it different. Please go ahead and cry. It's truly ok . Take care of yourself. I too worry what others think..."am I doing this right? Is it ok that I've gone on a date? That I don't want to be a third wheel in my kids marriages?..am I going to be that women that came to all the functions with my kids? ". Then I realize I have to take care of me first..if I want to ball up in the corner and cry I will do so, if I want to go on a date and laugh, I will do so.I'm nobody's priority, my parents are gone, my best friend is gone. I am making myself my priority.
Comment by IBelieveInYou on October 19, 2017 at 10:51am

Dear adoption1964,

Generational generalizations are just that, generalizations! You are not a generalization, you are an individual. In a few days, the second year anniversary of my beloved wife's death will be here. You are only 6 months out. When I was there, I cried all the time. I still cry everyday for the loss of my wife. The person I was no longer exists so I'm discovering who I am - without my life's partner. Crying makes some uncomfortable but it doesn't matter. Let the tears flow. As you say, being widowed is very hard. Find a few friends with whom you can cry. I have one adult friend like this. We get together once a month and I cry and cry. From what you write, you don't sound like you are out of control;  you are in pain. It's okay to be weak! You will find strength. Give yourself time. Ask for the help you need. I will be thinking of you today and wishing you well.

Comment by adoption1964 on October 19, 2017 at 10:22am

A question for those here in this group.  We were all born in the 60's; it is my understanding this generation really didn't show a lot of emotion ie: we don't cry in front of people.  Is this a misconception on my part.  I lost my husband this year and I cry all the time.  I am going into my 6th month of forced widowhood and I am accepting some but not everything.  Being a widow is so hard, but what I am finding is crying and showing emotion about the loss is so uncomfortable to me and to others.  I feel out of control and weak which doesn't help, then crying over the smallest things in public doesn't help.  Is this normal?

Comment by Fluffycat52 on September 24, 2017 at 8:38am

Hi everyone, I have been reading different comments we all have one thing common we have lost someone close to us it is difficult to cope without our loved one especially if it is our Spouse so we really don't get over it we try to get through each day One Day at a Time, this is also a very beautiful song too. Me and my Dad had been through 4 losses last year it had been a very sad year for us my Dad lost 3 siblings he had left last year plus my husband I had been married to for 21 years we have a 22 year old Son we were very Blessed and I am still am with good in-laws they took care of our Son since he was a baby I am very grateful to them and to my Dad he let me come live with him after my husband passed away, although it has been a hard year I am learning to cope with God's help I feel it was meant for me to come live with my Dad until the Lord calls him home he will be 94 on the 27th of September and I will be 52 on the same day.me and my Dad are trying to live our lives until Christ comes back to Earth until them we try to be like Jesus and help people all we can, I am still also trying to find a New Normal still working on it right now I will live with my Dad and work until I retire which will be 7 and a half more years. Hope everyone has a good week coming up. Your Friend, Lisa C

Comment by mls64 (Mike) on September 3, 2017 at 8:38am
WOW, it's sadly nice to hear from you ! I'm right handed and deal with the same thing. Going out is frowned upon... I know what you mean !!!
Comment by JustMeNow on September 3, 2017 at 8:33am

@mls64 and @IBelieveInYou... spot on!  I lost my husband over 3 years ago.  We met late in life, and were meant to grow old together.  Until he got cancer.  We were only blessed to be married 4-1/2 years before he passed away.  But, he loved me, flaws and all, and I loved him dearly! 

@mls64, I was diagnosed with Essential Tremor last year.  My left hand shakes like crazy.  I don't even like to go out and eat with friends anymore because eating is difficult. I sometimes have to use my right hand (I am left-handed) to lift my left hand to my mouth to avoid my food flying off my fork!  As I try to type this my left hand is going spastic.  Quite challenging!  

Fourteen weeks ago, I went through valve replacement surgery for a birth defect that was discovered when I was 38 years old.  I am 52 now.  I am doing well with recovery, but I now have several scars - including a nice 5-inch "zipper" on my chest.  Though my zipper is a hard-won battle scar, it still leaves me in a state of deep self-consciousness.  

Mercy.  Thank you for your posts! 

Comment by mls64 (Mike) on September 3, 2017 at 8:23am
Our twins are 29, hers from a previous marriage. I started being a father figure to them when they just turned 3 and had them legally adopted at 5. Our 3rd will be 24 next month and our fourth daughter will be 22 next week.
Comment by IBelieveInYou on September 3, 2017 at 8:17am

mls64 - I know. My wife was taken from me suddenly and unexpectedly, however, early in our relationship we talked of these matters. She said, "If I die first, you must marry again because you have so much to give." As you say, those words break the heart! I have no interest in "moving on" as people like to say. I'm lonely but I have the knowledge that what we had for a total of 32 years (25 in marriage) was pretty special. I've been reading a lot of Buddhist writings and of course they talk about letting go as it relates to attachment. It is intellectually distracting for sure and possibly helpful emotionally! So, how do you let go of 26 years of commitment to your wife? I'm not sure you have to. You lived that life, it was real. I too have children. Each one reminds me of their mom in different ways and it helps me remember and find some peace. How old are your kids?

Comment by mls64 (Mike) on September 3, 2017 at 8:05am
Thanks for the reply IBIY, it's easier to not worry over the confidence issues and just imagine being alone the rest of my life and living with the love my wife gave me.
My wife knew I am not a person to be alone, she tried to have a conversation about what I should do after she's gone but I wouldn't have it. That conversation to me would have been confirmation that she would be gone soon. And I couldn't handle that. So instead she would blurt things out, forcing me to hear them. "You be sure to stay strong for the kids and yourself and then I want you to move on !" And the sad thing is I know she's right. And that breaks my heart ! How do I take 26 years of commitment to my wife only to turn around and let it go ?
 

Members (671)

 
 
 

© 2017   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service