Born in the 60s

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Comment by bad ass widow on August 15, 2012 at 5:45pm

I was 46 and my daughter was one month shy of turning 17 when Keith died.  It has taken the 2 of us some time to be comfortable when talking about him.  She had counseling and her friends for support and she is ok.  We now laugh about things more then ever.

Kim, Kate and I used to have one night a week where we would go and do something, just the 2 of us.  I think it was so important to stay connected, especially with her being a teenager, so keep that tradition going.  We dont do it as often now, but we do still get together every couple of weeks for lunch or dinner.  That is when she isnt grocery shopping in my pantry, LOL

Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on August 15, 2012 at 5:06pm

LAJ,

You have already taken the first steps. Happy Anniversary. (((hug)))

Comment by LifesAJourney on August 15, 2012 at 5:02pm

Today would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. We had spoken about taking a trip to Hawaii to celebrate our anniversary and then we were going to plan a party to celebrate our 50th birthdays. We were giving ourselves enough time to save money after the expensive of our daughter's wedding in 2009. Who would of ever thought that one month later he would be gone??

Those celebrations won't happen like we planned but I will carry the promise of what those celebrations would have meant in my heart. This isn't what I I thought my life would be after all the dues we paid...but it is the life I am left with. I am going to do my best to remain hopeful that there is a purpose for my life. I know way down deep inside that there must be. I know Chris would want me to move forward and to continue to grow...the first steps are always the hardest but I am committing myself to doing just that..taking the first steps. I owe that to him and to myself.  Happy Anniversary my love!

Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on August 15, 2012 at 1:53pm

My kids have been seeing R rated movies for a long time.  Well, they're older now, but I used to just decide based on the movie. After all, they've handled a lot worse in real life haven't they.

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on August 15, 2012 at 1:38pm

@Suzanne, we are seeing "Expendables 2" Friday night, which I know is rated R and he's too young, but one day I came home and found my son and husband watching "Expendables" on NetFlix, it was at the very end, so no stopping it. My husband looked at me with guilty yet mischievous eyes and said "He loved it!" So my son has been begging to see "Expendables 2" on the release date. In honor of my husband, I am taking him to see it!

Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on August 15, 2012 at 1:34pm

KK,

I LOVE that! So cool. My boys and I love going to movies. I'm so happy for you that you and your son have this together.

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on August 15, 2012 at 1:26pm

Hahase - I am 47, my son just turned 11. My husband was 51 when he died (11/5/11). My counselor told me to not expect my son to grieve like I think he should be grieving, and I was glad I was told that, because I expected him to be crying all the time like me, and he never did. He went to counseling at school and I told him he didn't have to tell me what he told her, and he didn't. I think he was glad to have someone to talk to about it, and I KNOW he doesn't like to see me cry at all, which is probably why he holds back from talking to me. I also told my counselor I want to learn how to live and grieve at the same time, that I don't want to miss out on my son's youth because I'm in a constant fog of grief. Counselor told me the best thing is to get out and do stuff, even if hard or bittersweet (oh that first time at the movies was SO hard, my husband went to the movies just for the popcorn, and not having him next to us was horrible, I cried thru the whole movie, silently, luckily it is dark and my son enjoyed the movie). The next movie was easier, and the most recent movie my son and I saw together (Dark Knight) we had an absolutely BLAST. OMGosh, I was not expecting that because my husband LOVED the Batman movies and I expected to be sad. Well, for some reason my son was a little chatterbox thru the movie, giving me commentary and all, and it was awesome, I left the theater with a filled heart from having a great time with my son.  Friday nights are our "date nights", so this Friday we are going to another movie, last Friday we went out to dinner. Sometimes it's hard, but sometimes I end up having a great time, and I know he likes being with me, seeing me happy, and doing stuff together. 

Comment by celestia (Suzanne) on August 15, 2012 at 10:44am

I'm 51 and my younger son is 16. Don't know what advice I have, but I'm a good listener. :)

Comment by SCGurl on August 15, 2012 at 10:18am

Hahase, I was born in 1961 and am parenting a now 18 year old son.  He spent his 17th birthday lying in bed beside his dad as he knew it would be the last one he would spend with him on this earth.  Grieving is so hard on us all, but I do believe it is more difficult for young males.  I sought outside counseling for myself but my son refused to go with me or alone.  I also could not get my son to speak about his dad, his life, the cancer, death, anything.  It was always just a quick answer to a question I always brought up.  The counselors told me that young kids get a lot of support from their friends and peers.  That I shouldn't worry about him talking to me bacause chances were very high that he was talking about it, just not to me.  I have found this to be true.  It has been 18 months and he is just now starting to open up a little.  Several of his friends have assured me that my Ryan will be just fine.  It turns out, the counselors were right.  He had been talking about it to them.  One of his friends lost his dad to cancer a couple of weeks ago.  I see a bond forming between those two.  A bond I wish they never knew, but still a bond.  I guess in my situation I would tell you that kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.  Still, I wish we could rest assured that our kids are going to be ok and then it would make the whole grieving process easier for us.  As far as dating, I am just starting to venture into the online dating world and my son is not happy about it at all.  I guess it is just hard for them to see us as anything but mom. 

Comment by Hahase (Connie) on August 15, 2012 at 1:14am

I was wondering if there are other older moms here.  I am a parent to a 12yo son.  Had him just shy of my 39th birthday.  I have already had comments made about dating and being a older mom and many men are been there done that done.   Also I am not a spring chicken born in 1960.  So being a single parent is presenting me with a challenge to parent but still grieve.  Any one in the same boat with tips?

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