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Born in the  70s

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Comment by Rainy (Misty) on January 31, 2018 at 11:06am

Adda, I think each one of us feels some measure of guilt.  If I let all of my shoulds, coulda, woulda's keep swirling in my head, I'd be a stark raving lunatic right now.  You loved your husband and must let go of things that were/are beyond your control.  

I don't know why we all do the things we do or make bad choices.  The fact that you realize it's a bad choice it a step to helping yourself.  Everyone one deserves to be treated with dignity, and respect. Life partner's esp. should be lifting you up and NOT leave you to feel torn down.  Believe that and live it...you too deserve to be treated well and have a life of happiness. 

Comment by Adda on January 31, 2018 at 7:55am

Hello..I lost my husband almost 9 years ago. He was the best things to had happened in my life. When he was here, i feel like I could conquered the world. Now, can I? Since him, I have been making bad choices. In a not good relationship but still in the relationship because I feel I deserve to be treated badly..? I feel I should be feeling this pain other than...? When he passed, one of the most prominent feeling is guilt. He was my best-est friend. Have I done what I could. What is wrong with me? Why do I let this new person treat me like this? 

Comment by ShirleyB on January 19, 2018 at 1:57pm

Too young...I get it.  My husband died 8 months ago. He was 49, I'm 46. We have two teenagers. I remember how scary everything was if I allowed myself to start thinking about it.  I dug my heels in and just started "doing" the best I could.  There will never be that "normal" again in your life- in any of our lives.  But the hope is for our "new" normals to become just that.  The grief is tremendous and different for all of us.  I wholeheartedly agree with others that it comes in waves...and can stay as long or as little as it deems fit.  It's an interesting, scary, hard and very overwhelming emotion to deal with.  But I can say at 8 months out I do feel happiness and joy too.  That grief is still there and comes and goes freely- but I am not consumed by it continually anymore.  I do wake up sometimes though and still can't believe this is real.  I wonder if that feeling will ever end? Thinking of you and sending hugs to you and your children.  Hang in there- for you and for them. Your husband would want you to.

Comment by AMA on January 19, 2018 at 1:42pm

Too young...I agree with the other comments!  I just passed the 5 year anniversary of losing my husband (January 17, 2013).  My kids were at the time of his passing only 2 1/2, 5 and 7. Now they are 7, 10 and 12.  It's weird for me that my youngest is the same age that my oldest was when her Dad died.  Everything is new and scary.  I still hate school functions.  No nothing is normal and never will be again.  But hopefully you have a good support system.  And agree grief counseling is essential!  

I'm not healed.  I cry a lot but not every day now.  My kids school is very supportive and I reach out to friends if I don't want to go somewhere alone.  My least favorite activity is parent teacher conferences.  Still hate them.  I don't like going alone.  Big hugs to you and we are all here to help you through this.  You are NOT alone.  We understand and while we can't solve problems we can listen.  Big hugs to you and your children!

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on January 19, 2018 at 12:49pm

Too young, I know the feeling.  I have gone so far as to all but hit my Jerry's number on speed dial.  I ended up deleting it.   I haven't found my "new" normal either.  I have had the same issue with the emergency contact number and also having to check the widowed box.  Jerry died Dec. 14, 2017.  Occasionally, well almost every day I read his obituary just to know it isn't a nightmare.  

Having said all of that, I may not be smiling and I do feel like I'll never be happy again.  It's also untrue, I know that too.  I don't know when or how but someday we will both be able to have normal and happy.  

Comment by wyzkyd on January 19, 2018 at 12:33pm

tooyoungtobealone . . . reading your comment brings back so many memories.  I am 1.5 years into my loss.  My husband was 38; our daughters 6 & 9.  He was in a car accident and spent 2.5 weeks in a coma before I had to make the hardest decision of my life.  BUT I can tell you things will change.  No, you won't suddenly be healed, but you will gain a different perspective.  That "emergency contact" question made me cry for months and still makes my heart twinge.  Watching my girls compete at dance or win the science fair or simply kiss my nose . . . it makes my heart hurt that I can't share those moments with him because in reality is his the only other person who can love them as only their parent can in those moments.  It's still new now but you WILL be ok.  Those two kiddos are counting on you and trust me, you've got this.  There will be moments when you are sure there is no way can go another day, but you can and you will.  I'm glad you are getting grief counseling - it helps to talk.  I will be thinking of you.  Feel free to reach out via message if you want to chat sometime.

Comment by tooyoungtobealone on January 19, 2018 at 10:51am

My husband passed away suddenly in November.  He was 40 years old and I found him unconscious and not breathing at home. We have two children (9&11) that I am now raising alone.  The grief is tremendous and comes in waves. I am desperately seeking normal, but normal does not exist for me anymore.  I can mostly manage to keep it together ok at home, but almost any little thing brings on the flow of tears.  Today it was our daughter receiving academic awards at school.  All I wanted to do was call/text him about it. To share this with the one person who would be as proud/happy/excited as I was for our daughter.  Things went further downhill when I had to list an emergency contact on the intake form for a grief therapist. My person is gone and I have no idea what life has in store for me anymore.  My vision for us raising the kids, watching them reach milestones, retiring and traveling together will never happen.  What does my future hold? Right now I feel like I will never truly smile again.


VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 25, 2017 at 7:22am

We're hanging out in the WV chat room for anyone who finds themselves alone on Christmas day. Join us!

http://widowedvillage.org/chat

Comment by Lostmyeverything on November 25, 2017 at 5:34pm
I am sure this may have been posted here at some point in the past...but in case it never was, here it is- brought a little comfor to me this evening.
I stumbled upon it in a memorial section of a support group my husband and I turned to many times during his illness.

A letter sent from your angel in heaven-
To my dearest family,
Some things i'd like to say
But first of all to let you know
That i arrived OK.

Im writing this from Heaven,
Where i dwell with God above
Where theres no more tears or sadness.
There is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy
Just because I'm out of sight;
Remember that I'm with you,
Every morning, noon and night.

That day i had to leave you
When my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me
And he said I welcome you.

Its good to have you back again
You were missed while you were gone
As for your dearest family
They'll be here later on.

I need you here so badly
As part of My big plan,
There's so much that we have to do,
To help our mortal man.

Then God gave me a list of things
He wished for me to do,
And foremost on that list of mine,
Is to watch and care for you.

And i will be beside you,
Every day, week and year,
And when your sad i'm standing there
To wipe away the tear.

And when you lie in bed at night,
The day's chores put to flight,
God and I closer to you
In the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth
And all those living years,
Because your only human
They are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry,
It dose relieve the pain;
Remember there would be no flowers
Unless there was some rain.

I wish that i could tell you
Of all that God has planned,
But if i were to tell you,
You wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain
Though my life on earth is over,
I'm closer to you now
Then i ever was before.

And to my very many friends
Trust God knows what is best
I'm still not far away from you
I'm just beyond the crest.

There are rocky roads ahead of you
And many hills to climb,
But together we can do it,
Taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy
And i'd like it for you too
That as you give unto the World
So the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody
Who's in sorrow or in pain,
Then you can say to god at night
My day was not in vain.

And now i am contended
That my life it was worth while
Knowing that i passed along the way
I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody
Who is down and feeling low
Just lend a hand to pick him up
As on your way you go.

When you are walking down the street
And you've got me on your mind
I'm walking in your footsteps
Only half a step behind.

And when you feel that gentle breeze
Or the wind apon your face
Thats me giving you a great big hug
Or just a soft embrace

And when its time for you to go
From that body to be free
Remenber you are not going
You are coming here to me.

And i will always love you
From the land way up apove,
Will be in touch soon
P.S. God sends HIS LOVE
Comment by MenuFalls on June 15, 2017 at 4:53pm
Thanks Kellygreenstrat. Im thankful for the widows meetup and my group, Im sure even if someone was closer to my age, it would still be different. Like we all say, its a club no one wants to belong in. We have to take each day and live it as happily as we can. Our spouses wouldve wanted it that way!
 

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