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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

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Members: 518
Latest Activity: Apr 15

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Comment by too young to be this old on April 15, 2017 at 10:03pm

Lostmyeverything, lately I relate to you March 17 post. I am all over the map, but mostly angry. And `wanting more`. I want to just move on already, but that is not possible, I am still clearly and squarely in the middle of chaotic grieving - hard to move on from such a grey, void place. I feel time is wasting and life is slipping by- and then the cycle of grief goes back to anger and the most useless of questions - `why`.

Comment by guilloma on March 18, 2017 at 5:26pm

Thank you for the suggestion, Rob.  I keep flirting with Meetup, as a way to get out, but it feels too soon: I just don't care.  However, I did notice that in my area of far Northern California, there is no group for widowed people. It is a good suggestion to start up one.  

Comment by Rob-edmonton on March 18, 2017 at 2:40pm

p.s. I used to live near Detroit and I have to give credit to Sherry in Detroit who started the Detroit Widowed group there in meetup, as that was what helped me in the beginning.

Comment by Rob-edmonton on March 18, 2017 at 2:40pm

p.s. I used to live near Detroit and I have to give credit to Sherry in Detroit who started the Detroit Widowed group there in meetup, as that was what helped me in the beginning.

Comment by Rob-edmonton on March 18, 2017 at 2:39pm

What I did to help myself  ....  a know of lot of us here are very new and fresh, and perhaps not able to take on a bit of a challenge.  But if you are ready for a small but rewarding challenge, how is what I did and it might work out for you too.  I started a Widowed group for my city (Edmonton) on www.meetup.com.  It cost me $200 a year to do it but it was the best investment I could make.  I set the meetup for every friday at the same bar and over the last year, the group has grown to 90 members with about 16 regular folks coming.  It's a great source of support to have a beer or wine with some widowed people.  Feel free to check out my group and copy if if you like it.  https://www.meetup.com/Edmonton-Widows-Widowers-Meetup/

Comment by Lostmyeverything on March 17, 2017 at 4:47pm
Feeling many feelings. I am all over the place. I am feeling a little bit of anger and abandonment this week. He did not wish this illness upon himself so why did this feeling that he abandoned me creep up on me this week. According to grief pamphlet the grief counselor gave me, anger and abandonment are part of grieving process. The abandonment feeling was so strong this week....I love my children and remind myself when this feeling creeps up that they are a wonderful gift that were a created because of our union....then the why creeps in... Why....I was he taken so soon. Every day when my sons and I sit at the table for a meal and say prayers, I thank god for the 14 1/2 years I had with him, because I am suppose to be thankful. I have to remind myself to be thankful, every minute of every day. I am greedy, I wanted more. I feel childish by saying 'it's not fair'. I have been told that God does not give us what we can't handle. I keep rubbing my head with that one. I guess in time, when I can look back maybe I will agree with that but right now that is hard to swallow. Just rambling tonight....my thoughts are all over th map
Comment by BeStillAndKnow on March 13, 2017 at 2:22pm

Hi Kim, the Holidays were really tough on me too. Dec. 21st was the first anniversary of my husband's death. I thought I was handling everything with grace and doing well; I hosted Christmas for my bigger family at my home, cooked, wrapped made it look like I had it completely together. Then the night before New Year's I had a total panic attack, the worst I've ever had in my life (also found out I had hypertension). I spent 9 days in the hospital (psych). I'm not crazy but I sure felt like I was loosing my mind. The holidays are tough times and having a melt down does seem common. You are totally normal, and not alone.

Comment by Prodda (Veronica) on February 24, 2017 at 7:14am
Hi too young, I also feel your pain. 15 years ago I lost my fist husband... I was a young mother of 4 children and nine months pregnant with my 5th. My son was born on the day of his funeral. Looking back I dont know how I did it with such young children but I did! To this day I honestly do not know if I really grieved... during that time I had an 8 year old and 3 kids under 4. I had to be strong for them... but looking back I should have taken sometime for me.......4 years later When I least expected it I met a man who I fell in love with and married.. We added 4 children during our 11 year marriage. On Dec 26, 2016 my 18 y/o son passed... on the 27th I found out we were expecting twins. On Jan 26 my husband unexpectedly passed away, on Jan 27th I found out that one of the twins didn't make it. It has been a rough roller coaster ride to say the least, I am finding myself a lot more emotional this time around. Maybe because my kids are older... that 8 year old is now 23 and my youngest daughter is 9. They have been so supportive of me and each other. I am finding that taking it one day, and sometimes one hour at a time really helps. I dont plan to far ahead, I dont want to overwhelm myself. Its funny how before all this happened I used to be that mom that did everything.. now I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning. I don't pity myself, but I do feel bad that my kids have to grow up with out a father, and even worse for the older ones that have had to go through this twice. There will be a day that you will smile again, it may take some time, but you will get there. ((((((Hugs)))))))
Comment by Lostmyeverything on February 24, 2017 at 5:24am
Hello too young to be old- I feel your pain, lost my DH in December and I have to raise my two boys alone also. I find when that thought creeps into my brain I mentally count how long before my oldest is an adult, then I count well how long before he is in high school...because I was pretty independent in high school and then I count how long before he can be left alone in the house or better yet the two of them left alone and he is in charge.... Then the number is not enough so I recount on my fingers, and then catch myself doing this, unable to fall asleep. So I have learned than when this thought creeps into my mind, I tell myself it will be ok, I tell myself to just focus on getting through tomorrow. And, I have to constantly remind myself to not look too far ahead. I really need to focu on just getting out of bed each morning to get them to school on time. It seems each morning I awake, I feel glued to my bed once I realize he is not here and never will I hug him again...the paralyzed feeling is at its all time high when it is time to start the day. I find my boys needs and activities are kind of pushing me through life right now. Hugs to you....take it one day at a time.
Comment by too young to be this old on February 23, 2017 at 10:35pm
I am going to have the worst midlife crisis. My DH passed away in November and I have three kids to raise alone now. Which leaves not much time for anything else- including grieving. It has only been a few months so my emotions are still raw, but I already have been obsessing about my 'life stage' and future. I can see this is only the beginning and will get worse the closer I get to 40. How do I avoid the big black pit of despair and self-pity in front of me? Or is it unavoidable and I just have to go through it so that I can move on ( if there is such a day)?
 

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