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Born in the  70s

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Comment by NYC Widow 71 on September 18, 2018 at 9:45am

Hi friends. I'm looking for fellow widow(er)s in the NYC area who want to get together in or near the city. It could be for coffee or drinks/dinner, whatever. I'm 46 and I lost my husband in 2015. I have no kids and I work 9-5, so my evenings and weekends are flexible. :)

Comment by Leftbehind on August 22, 2018 at 10:41am

Pegg, I am so sorry for your loss.  I am six years without my husband, and I have found the anticipation of approaching holidays are still worse than the actual days.  It does get easier as they tend to be less frequent and not as long.  I believe I will always have those wish he was here moments, and what ifs...

Comment by Rob-edmonton on August 17, 2018 at 4:29am
  • people do complain when their spouse is away to me too, and I have 3 kids, although other people are so aware of the difficulty we face , but I am surprised at some people
Comment by AJ on August 16, 2018 at 7:23pm

Double Decker, was thinking about this just this morning as yet another study was on the radio about the impact of no self care impacts on life expectancy. It's hard when we just don't have a choice. I too race home from work to relieve the babysitter, do 2 hours of crazy homework, games, chat etc I do dinner for myself at about 9pm then have to do laundry and other jobs then often have to do more work emails etc after that. In order to get 'me time' it means sitting on the couch staring at the tv at midnight. Does it count as me time when I don't actually get to leave the house? It silently drives me crazy when people whinge about how hard it was that week their husband/wife were away and they had to do EVERYTHING - and they actually say it to my face without a hint of irony or awareness that that is my normal. My non urgent life admin is so behind - I hear you about how hard it is to motivate yourself to do that stuff when you're just knackered ("Knackered" = Australian term meaning so very very very very very very very very tired!). One item on the to do list and one date at a time..

Comment by Double Dunker on August 16, 2018 at 6:40pm

So how do you guys practice "self-care" when you have kids?  I feel like I never stop.  I get home from work at 5:30 and then between soccer and swim and theater, I have something to take a kid to nearly every night.  Things will be slightly better when my 16 year old gets her license, but like so many have already said, I'm just so tired.  I would agree that I'm not getting enough sleep, but I'm also not getting everything done.  And when I do have a bit of time, I don't have the energy to do anything.


Comment by Pegg on August 12, 2018 at 3:29pm

Yesterday was 1 year that my husband took his life. I think the anticipation of the 1 year coming up was worse than the actual day. Maybe it will start to get easier now that all of the firsts are over. I'm so tired of being sad and just want to be happy again. Some days are so much harder to try and look forward. 

Comment by Whitedoves9698 on August 12, 2018 at 9:30am

Anyone live near st Louis missouri ?

Comment by MidnightBear (Tony) on August 6, 2018 at 5:49am

beautifulbreeze - I can definitely recognize your pain in losing someone so close.  My wife and I had just 2 months before she passed been talking with our financial planner about retirement.  We were planning to retire in 10 years while we were still young and could enjoy the time.  Funny how life smacks you up side the head.  We never had kids or even pets, so my world is rather lonely these days.  Chatting on here from time to time, and posting against messages I have time to read through does help to pull me up a bit to take that next step forward.  I also try to do at least one thing a week that we would have done together.  Like going for a bike ride, taking out my kayak or hiking one of the local trails these were all things she would have wanted to do.  Me I would have been happy to sit on the couch and watch TV.  I drive myself to get out each weekend to do just something.  Try to find ways to stay in touch with who you were together and find some comfort in that as well.  

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on August 5, 2018 at 9:57am

Beautifulbreeze and Lifeunknown, I'm 8 months out and I can say it's still very painful but it's a more tolerable type of pain.  I only had five years with my wonderful man.  We never married because I wanted to wait until my youngest child (16) was in college.  My only regret is not marrying him.  I'm so sorry you've had to find us, but please don't lose hope for much brighter days ahead.

@Armelles, I am already thinking about when my baby leaves the nest.  Then the NOW what.  I have no plans to date or anything of the sort until she's out of the house at least.  (if ever) 

@Lostmyeverything, did you ever find a puppy?

Comment by Armelles on August 4, 2018 at 10:05am

Hi beautifulbreeze70, I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t post much, but your comment about your youngest turning 18 soon hits home. My youngest will be 18 in November. I lost Bryan 4 years ago. I’ve spent that time taking care of her and her older sister. It terrifies me that this time next year I will be helping her pack to move to college and then they will both be away for the school year. And I will be alone. Ugh. The “empty nest” comments already. And the overwhelming feeling of “now what”.  I got that feeling a minute after he died and it hasn’t gone away.  Now what?  You’re not alone and others share all those feelings. The wanting more time. The urge to scream at the universe.  It’s not easy, but you’ll make it. I tell myself, and the girls, it will be ok. Just not the ok we wanted or planned on.  Hang in there. 

And AJ—I totally get the unblocking the toilet thing. I’m proud to announce I took apart the kitchen sink plumbing, snaked the drain and put it back together this week.  Who would have thought becoming a widow would bring plumbing skills with it. 


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