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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

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Members: 643
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Comment by Rollercoaster yesterday

GKinSD stay strong. Everyone grieves in different ways and on variable time lines. Life will never be the same so remember to spend a little time figuring out what a new purpose can be in life. Think of some service you can do to uplift another whether it is a stranger or friend.

Yesterday is history. Remember it and cherish it. Remember the good. Heal the pains. Remain open so you can grow to the next season of life.

Tomorrow is a mystery. Be open to adventure.

Today is a gift. Be present.

Live for the future. Don't dwell on the past. 

Comment by GKinSD on Wednesday

So I’m 8 months into grief. I still feel as if I’m just existing, watching the world move on, not experiencing true joy and constantly feeling that extreme grief is just under the surface, waiting to rear it’s ugly head. I know it will take time, but it’s so hard. The mornings seem to be the toughest time. Waking up each day to the reality that my soulmate is no longer with me is difficult. I go about my routine, go to work, do the things that need to be done around the house, go on with life. But it’s just going through the motions. I know I have trigger dates around the corner... Birthday, thanksgiving, wedding anniversary, and death anniversary in December. Again...grief just under the surface waiting to come out.  I’ve been practicing meditation and mindfulness and it has helped. But I want my old life back. I want a chance to do it over again. A chance to do it better. A chance to appreciate everything fully. I hope this gets easier like everyone says. 

Comment by JeffS on August 16, 2019 at 7:30am

Hello all, it's with sadness that I have to come here.  See my post on Introduce yourself.

I look forward to joining this community.

Comment by AML on August 14, 2019 at 7:26pm

Hey Jesi0618- Yes, I’ve gone through the Griefshare sessions a couple of times. I did find it helpful,  but I do think that the make up of the group can make it or break it for you. I would suggest you go at least one more time and see how you feel. If it doesn’t feel right, you can always try again when the next session is offered. I was lucky and blessed to meet a few widows who I’ve stayed in touch with and we continue to get together and support each other.  Hang in there and give yourself credit for being brave enough to try something like Griefshare. <3

Comment by Jesi0618 on August 14, 2019 at 8:08am

Y'all, I went to the first session of GriefShare last night and it was not a good experience. I was the youngest in the group (by decades) and one of the gentlemen insisted on talking to me the entire time, walking me to my car when the group was finished, and presenting me with a flashlight to keep in the car in case of an emergency. I'm sure he was just trying to be nice, but I don't even have the energy to accept kindness right now. I just want to go, listen, and leave. The facilitator says to try it for 3 weeks. Has anyone had any success with GriefShare? I think wallowing in my solitary grief would be easier right now. 

Comment by JC6767 on August 5, 2019 at 12:46pm

Hugs to all of you posting today.  I lost the love of my life on March 29, 2017.  The first year and a half I was pretty numb and felt physical pain every day from the loss.  The first year was just getting through the firsts.  First Father's Day, first birthday, first Christmas, etc.  That sucked.  After the numbness wears off and you realize this is now your life and you have to figure out how to do life without your beloved, it is like walking uphill in quicksand.  Just keep breathing and take one day, hour, minute at a time. Everyone grieves differently and I will say that I am in a better place mentally and emotionally than I was at this time last year.     

My daughter had just turned 16 at the time.  She described her Daddy as her best friend.  My daughter, now 18, is just starting to deal with the loss head on and is an emotional wreck, having panic attacks almost daily.  She misses her Daddy so much and it breaks my heart over and over that he is not here for her or me.  I was 45 and he was 49.  We were supposed to grow old together, so many plans.  I know what each of you is saying.  I get it.  It may not be much but at least know there are others here to support you along the grief journey.  There is healing, but it is a painful process.   I do see hope for the future.  

Comment by guilloma (Joanna) on August 5, 2019 at 12:17pm

Pualili221 - do what you have to do to survive right now.  My husband passed on January 25, 2017; I was 45.  I cannot recall the first 3 months at all; and the rest of the year is such a blur, I had to dig through emails and texts to figure out what happened.  I even traveled to France with his ashes that September, and I cannot tell you anything about that trip except the panic attack that I had on the flight there.  Now, at 2.5+ years in, things are better.  Time is still strange - it seems like yesterday that he passed, and yet saying "2.5 years" seems too short to encompass the amount of pain and loss that I have had work through.  I am surprised that I have lasted this long.  Those first months, I honestly did not understand how I kept breathing.  These days, I have more good days than bad; and I can see a glimmer of a future for myself.  I still miss him.  I still have moments (or days, like yesterday) when I really wish I could be done with this life.  But, I plug along, losing myself in work sometimes; and other times, I am fully here, actually enjoying life.  But missing him is always a part of me.  

Comment by Pualili221 on August 5, 2019 at 12:05pm

I lost my husband recently, Feb. 21, 2019; a part of me died with him that day.  Like everyone else here, I never thought that I would be a widow at 49.  All our dreams and hopes gone in one single day. My life also has turned upside down, side ways and all kinds of ways on that day.  He was supposed to take me to Greece this January, for my 50th...It makes me so sad to think about it.   It will be 6 months since he's passed and everything is still so raw, yet I am surprised at how fast 6 months has gone by. 

I honestly did not think I would be able to get through a day, a week or a month and now I am here. I just go to work and work and work and barely make any time for myself.  I prefer to stay busy because when things slow down for me I am an emotional wreck and can't function.  I just make it through a day like a robot, numb. I know that one of these days this will kick me in the ass but for now this is how I am surviving.

Comment by Rollercoaster on August 5, 2019 at 7:58am

I lost future dreams 2 months after his aneurysm.  After 4more months of intense rehab, I had another child to care for. I had no clue what the future held. But was hopeful. Then he had the need for stents to be placed but that surgery had complications that ment he would live as a vegetable in a nursing home. I chose to discontinue care and he died 3 weeks later. To me I feel the timing was desirable. 

My biggest challenge was and remains dealing with his mother. I feel him present when fulfilling my our dreams with him spiritually present.

Comment by Jesi0618 on August 5, 2019 at 5:40am

emwidower - I agree that a big part of our cohort's experience is grieving our future loss. I lost my husband to an aggressive and rare cancer called Sezary Syndrome on June 11, 2019. We knew when he was diagnosed in September 2017 that his prognosis was grim. Doctors gave him four years, give or take, but twenty-two short months later he was gone. I grieve for the person he was before cancer destroyed him, and I grieve for all the experiences that we will not get to share. I'm sad for our children, because their dad/stepdad won't be there for graduations, weddings, and grandkids. I'm trying so hard to live a life for both of us that he would be proud of. Going to work, paying the bills, keeping up the yard and the house, and spending quality time with our daughter. It's during the alone time that I completely fall to pieces, and I wonder how I will ever survive this loneliness and pain. It's one day at a time and one foot in front of the other. I know you all understand. 

 

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