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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Members: 575
Latest Activity: on Sunday

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Comment by Clearwater Widower on March 17, 2015 at 11:23am

Welcome Stacey.

Comment by Packmomof4 on March 17, 2015 at 11:05am

My name is Stacey McCarthy Rooney. I am 43 years old and widowed since 2008. My late husband, Sean was NYFD first responder who dies from 9/11 related cancer. He was 34, I was 36 when he passed and just shy of our 4 year wedding anniversary. We were unable to have children. I lost a lot of our "old" couple friends, and some just felt very uncomfortable to be around me and vice versa. Moving on has been a challenge. I was a teacher, and recently lost my job and I feel stuck and angry. I feel like the "old" person that I was died along with Sean and I am left feeling like I have no identity and scared to reinvent myself. I am glad that I found this site and I feel hopeful that I will make some new connections. I just joined and already reading some of the comments, I feel like I am not alone.

Comment by KitKat on January 20, 2015 at 12:14pm

DM - you are spot on in what happened to me.  I am at 4 years out and I am now able to describe to those friends who knew me before is that the old me died with Charles.  That person no longer exists.  The person I am today, thinks different and has different priorities and dreams.  This was very frustrating for some of my close friends.  Some friends found it too painful to be around me because they wanted me to be the same just to prove that this awful event didn't break me somehow.  What was really hard for them to understand was that I was completely broken and needed time to mend.  I'm still mending but I'm lots stronger.  It was so weird and uncomfortable for a while.  I ended up letting go of those who were too uncomfortable to be around.  Many of them have come back around and some let go of me completely.  My advice in hindsight:  be blunt with them and tell them that the old you no longer exists.  You are trying to rebuild your life and that includes building a new you.  I found the more honest I was with what was going on, the friends that really mattered tried to understand me, support me, and ended up accepting the new me.  I know it is difficult now but be good to yourself.  I'm just really happy that you realize that you may not need these people.  That's an amazing accomplishment.

Comment by 3musketeers on January 19, 2015 at 9:37pm
Thank you AMA for the encouraging words. Your story comforts me by knowing that my kids may do alright. This is my biggest concern right now. But I have also found my seven year old to be resilient given this tragedy. I don't know why but I am very happy to see she is taking it in stride.
Comment by DM (Eggie's Wife) on January 19, 2015 at 11:19am

I'm a widow at 40 and my family and friends can't understand me at all.  They make remarks like where is the old you and what have you done with her because they want her back.  My solution was to really evaluate if I needed them in my life or let them slowly fade away.  I'd like to keep all of the ones in my heart but I'm finding new people that didn't know me or my husband to be more supportive and less judgemental with me.  I have guilt over this and it feels like another loss with the distance of those I love.

Comment by AMA on January 7, 2015 at 9:02pm

There are so many new members to this group.  3musketeers I was struck by how fresh your grief must be.  It is painful to experience something like that during the holidays that are supposed to be a time of Joy.  My children were 2, 5 and 7 when my husband passed away (almost) 2 years ago.  I was astounded that they could still run in the ocean, laugh while building sandcastles, giggle and seem HAPPY.  I was quite jealous at the ability of children to find the joy that was so elusive for me.  Slowly, I have found joy in my children again and find myself laughing almost daily at something they have done or said.  But that joy is always tempered b/c I know that even my proudest moments with my children are also my saddest b/c my husband is not there to share it with me.  

However, my children continue to be resilient to this day.  I was advised by a counselor to let the kids seems cry, then let them see me get over it.  I still cry unexpectedly, usually in the car, and will tell the kids I am feeling sad for a moment.  They get it and I usually tell a story about their dad or they tell me one and we get to laughing again.  This has helped them share their emotions with me and then to deal with the sadness together.  They have an immense heart and empathy for others that is beyond their years.  They are not scarred by this tragedy but rather we are trying to do something good with something so horrid.  

I say this to give you hope that you and your children will go through this together, along with all of us here at WV.  It is no fun to be here but it would be way worse to be all alone.  Hugs to all of you.

Comment by t2 on January 7, 2015 at 8:54pm
Glad you guys have found this site. So sorry for your losses.
Comment by 3musketeers on January 7, 2015 at 8:44pm
Just lost my husband December 27th 2014. I have a one year old and seven year old. It's comforting to know I am not alone in this struggle.
Comment by mbmlmw21069 on December 10, 2014 at 10:10am

Hello, everyone. I am new to both Widowed Village and this group. Browsing through some of the posts I can see bits of my story in so many others. It's both comforting and heartbreaking. Thank you for being willing to share and touch others. I hope I can do the same while I am here. Much love and peace to each of you.

Comment by RR on December 4, 2014 at 11:09pm

Hello everyone. Im new to this site and this is my first post. A bit about me: I lost my beautiful wife Wairimu in June 19 2013; I was a few months shy of 36; she had just turned 38. Sadly lost her in a terror attack in Somalia- she was a humanitarian aid worker. We had just celebrated her birthday in Zanzibar where I 're-proposed' - we were going to renew our vows after 5 years marriage on June 28th (We had dated for 5 years prior so 10 in total).  After our holiday in Zanzibar we went back to our home country for a few days then I dropped her at the airport; kissed her goodbye...little did I know that I was pick her from the airport cargo area less than a week later; as cargo. I buried her on our 5th wedding anniversary. To say life has never been the same is an understatement and I am amazed Im still here today. It has, and still is, a roller coaster through the depths of hell but for me to post and 'expose' or rather express my feelings hopefully means I am coming to terms, slowly, with her absence. We have a beautiful daughter, 6 years old when her mummy passed. She was to be our flower girl at the wedding vow renewal; she always wanted us to get married again since she said she missed the first one as she was too little :-) . My daughter and I are now trying on building  a new life (I dont say picking up the pieces because when a priceless ming vase shatters into a million pieces when and where do you start to piece it back?). I have joined this site to fellowship with you as we all know those who havent gone through it expect us to have 'gotten over it' yet the journey has hardly started. Peace and blessings to you all.

 

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