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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Members: 546
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

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Comment by t2 on January 7, 2015 at 8:54pm
Glad you guys have found this site. So sorry for your losses.
Comment by 3musketeers on January 7, 2015 at 8:44pm
Just lost my husband December 27th 2014. I have a one year old and seven year old. It's comforting to know I am not alone in this struggle.
Comment by mbmlmw21069 on December 10, 2014 at 10:10am

Hello, everyone. I am new to both Widowed Village and this group. Browsing through some of the posts I can see bits of my story in so many others. It's both comforting and heartbreaking. Thank you for being willing to share and touch others. I hope I can do the same while I am here. Much love and peace to each of you.

Comment by RR on December 4, 2014 at 11:09pm

Hello everyone. Im new to this site and this is my first post. A bit about me: I lost my beautiful wife Wairimu in June 19 2013; I was a few months shy of 36; she had just turned 38. Sadly lost her in a terror attack in Somalia- she was a humanitarian aid worker. We had just celebrated her birthday in Zanzibar where I 're-proposed' - we were going to renew our vows after 5 years marriage on June 28th (We had dated for 5 years prior so 10 in total).  After our holiday in Zanzibar we went back to our home country for a few days then I dropped her at the airport; kissed her goodbye...little did I know that I was pick her from the airport cargo area less than a week later; as cargo. I buried her on our 5th wedding anniversary. To say life has never been the same is an understatement and I am amazed Im still here today. It has, and still is, a roller coaster through the depths of hell but for me to post and 'expose' or rather express my feelings hopefully means I am coming to terms, slowly, with her absence. We have a beautiful daughter, 6 years old when her mummy passed. She was to be our flower girl at the wedding vow renewal; she always wanted us to get married again since she said she missed the first one as she was too little :-) . My daughter and I are now trying on building  a new life (I dont say picking up the pieces because when a priceless ming vase shatters into a million pieces when and where do you start to piece it back?). I have joined this site to fellowship with you as we all know those who havent gone through it expect us to have 'gotten over it' yet the journey has hardly started. Peace and blessings to you all.

Comment by sugr-plum (shelly) on November 20, 2014 at 5:22pm

Hi everyone, I know a lot of you are already voting...but we need more votes to help others get to Camp Widow!  This contest is almost over... it takes very little of your time, and can make a very BIG impact!  (I"m hoping to attend next year)  So please...go to this website and vote for Finding Hope at Camp Widow every day (until the 30th) Its about half way down the page... 

http://www.designpm.com/contest/vote-now/

Comment by my70gto on November 5, 2014 at 7:35am

Hello everyone, I am new to this group but not to widowed village. I lost my husband 3 months ago today.  So sad to see so many people around my age experiencing this hell.. I'm so sorry for everyones loss.. I have no words.. It's just disgusting!! God help and give strength to all of us, whether you have children or not. I know all the lines of "the ten ways people think you grieve' and the 10 most stupid things people say when you've lost a spouse. Bottom line is, we are all our own individuals, that had our own unique and special marriage. There is no such thing as anyone knowing what any of us are feeling. Even though we all lost our spouses on this site each one of us had something personal with our marriage. That's what makes no rights or wrongs with grieving. Best advice for everyone, Do YOUR thing, do what YOU need to do each day. Don't ask anyone if what you did was normal or not. We all lost the love of our lives, there is no such thing as an accepting kind of grievance. Whether it takes 2 days, months years or forever, it is YOUR choice and that is one thing you NEVER need to get approval from anyone! The important thing that I try to remember on these really hard days is why I was left here with my 9 year, and try even on the hardest most disgusting days to pick myself up. If you can do that, whether once a week, everyday, believe it or not, you are getting better.. I know, I know, getting better is a horrible thing to listen to. How do we get better. Believe it or not, just typing on this site, is getting better..My best to all of you..

Comment by bigred on October 29, 2014 at 5:28am

Mo---

Trust me...unfortunately you'll hear the "you have to be there for your kids" for a while.  I've learned that when someone asks questions I'm very vague with my answers.  Those who know and love you understand that you will always be there for your children and won't question your parenting ability.  In your heart you just have to make sure that you are doing the best you can by them.  At times I still question my parenting abilities but I know that my kids are all safe, healthy and being given the means to deal with this horrible situation that has come upon us.  It's no secret that grief is a roller coaster ride and everyone deals with it in different ways and at different times.  We don't all hit the peaks and valleys at the same time even though our loss was at the same time.  Know that you are doing the best that you can in this hard time.  Don't worry about what others think or say.  As time goes on it does get a little easier and the pain may return but it doesn't last AS long. 

Comment by Mo on October 28, 2014 at 9:37pm
Ive been hearing that line from pretty much everyone 'your kids need you, you gotta be there for your kids'. It seemed like such an obvious thing to me before, but now it's becoming an issue to me. Like they think I'm abandoning my children. I must admit this is a sore point for me. As a, now, single father I have been afraid of people questioning my ability to parent my children. So their comment just plays into my insecurity. So far I haven't snapped back at anybody and I'm sure the right thing for me to do is to keep biting my tongue, but I'm afraid sooner or later I will explode on someone.
I can't say how helpful it is to hear all your comments. It feels safe to be here. Thank you all!
Comment by Gypsy J on October 23, 2014 at 8:13pm
Thank you AMA & horizon for your response. It breaks my heart and yet fortifies my resolve to push forward. In my circle of friends, I am the only one who has experienced this type of loss and though my darling friends & family are great, I don't think they truly understand the depths of my grief. I hear things like, "your kids need you. You have to get a hold of this grief." Or, "you have to be strong and move on." All these comments I know, come from a pure place, but I feel like an alien half the time...so different from everyone else...lost. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Thank you for imparting your thoughts & sharing your journeys. Your honesty and compassion are soothing to my soul. Blessings to all!
Comment by bigred on October 23, 2014 at 4:35am

I just joined last night after a "tune-up" session with my grief counselor.  It was very helpful for me.  My husband/best friend/confidante passed away on 3/16 of 2013 after a very short battle with stage 4 melanoma.  I miss him everyday still but the pain of the loss is easing a little as time goes on.  I'll never forget him or even stop loving him.  We had been together for 20 years.  I have two children that next month will be 18 and 14, both girls.

 

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