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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

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Members: 546
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Comment by Amos on September 28, 2016 at 8:03pm

Dating,

Starting to date again after not doing so after 15 years I lost my spouse 15 months ago. I have been on numerous dating sites and running into some hard times. Online dating is so different than the old way of meeting someone and then deciding to date. I have learned that usually there is a meet to decide if there's chemistry and attraction, then if so schedule a date.  Have any suggestions?

Amos

Comment by AMA on September 28, 2016 at 8:38am

I have read all of your posts...it is unfair that so many of us are suffering. I lost my husband 3 1/2 years ago on January 17, 2013. We have 3 children who are now 6, 8 and 11. Being a single Mom is so much harder than I ever imagined and it is NOT getting easier. The kids are more active and need so much more now than they did just 6 months ago.

I too live in an area where there are very few single parents. It is very hard on my children to hear all the stories of what they did with their Dad over the weekend. It is hard on me because socially I am often not invited because it is all couples! Even thought I am friends with everyone I think they do not want me to feel out of place. I definitely feel the loneliness but honestly with 3 kids can barely find the time to shower much less date! I feel like I had a nice plan that my husband and I set into place...now that the kids are 3 years older than plan is kind of used up. I am now on my own trying to steer the family and just hoping and praying that he would approve. For example I have decided to not let my son play tackle football. Not sure how my rugby playing husband would approve but in my heart of hearts I just cannot imagine sitting in the stands and watching my son get hit repeatedly. Just one example of the many decisions I have to make all by myself...and be ready to defend to my in laws/parents/ peers.

Hugs to all of you and when you feel alone, just come here and realize that there are many of us feeling just like you do.

Comment by rich34 on September 28, 2016 at 8:19am

Angie, I really feel for you.  I'm sure losing a spouse is difficult at any age, but I feel like at my age I've really gotten settled into more of a family routine and so have my peers, but we're not yet at an age where widowhood is common.  

My wife passed away in May and I wish I could tell you that it gets a lot easier, but really all I can say is that it changes.  I've really just set a personal goal of simply making it through the first year, and trying to make the most of life such as it is.  I've found myself trying to re-establish long-term goals and so on.  

I only recently found this site but it seems like a really great place that I only wish I had spotted sooner!

Comment by Parsnip on September 28, 2016 at 6:56am

I'm attending Camp Widow in Toronto this weekend - my biggest hope for it is to meet other people in the same age group.  My support group is great, but I have those "you don't understand" moments a lot.  I feel like people get part of it because of various things that have happened to them, but not the entire impact.

Comment by Inafog213 on September 28, 2016 at 6:36am
Hi Angie8,
I totally understand what your going through. My husband passed on August 10th. He was 43, I'm 40. I'm glad I found this site and others who understand our pain.
Comment by Angie on September 28, 2016 at 6:26am

HI everyone! I lost my husband of 20 years on August 8th of this year. I am still reeling from it. He had a chronic illness and was not well but his death was still a total shock. He was 48. I am 43. No one understand what I'm going through. It's hard for me to even understand it. I, too, have had that moment filling out a form where I had to check something besides married!! It is devastating. 

Comment by BatteryParkWidower on September 13, 2016 at 8:11pm

Late night hugs and prayers to all of you... I had to fill in a lengthy form to transfer my late wife's brokerage account to the Estate account.  The checkboxes for marital status really got to me as well.  Checking of "Widowed" was brutal.

Comment by Parsnip on September 9, 2016 at 9:08pm

I had a similar experience - I lost my partner Peter on Aug 15 of this year.  I was filling out some paperwork since then and had to put my mother as my emergency contact person.  I've been living with my cousin and his wife since Peter died - I'm 44 and feel like I'm a child again.  

Comment by barsoom (Alex) on September 8, 2016 at 6:41am

Inafog213--I understand. I had to fill out paperwork for my son's Pre-K, and it hurt to write "deceased" for mother.

I am 43, and it breaks my heart to know that our kids grow up without their mom. I cannot go into the nursery in our house. Shelly decorated it for Anora. She SO looked forward to having a girl to dress up and do girly stuff with, but we never brought Anora home. She was still in NICU when Shelly was discharged.

Comment by t2 on September 7, 2016 at 3:27pm
I'm so sorry, Inafog213. Those early days, weeks, and months are full of those "surprises". Wishing you peace.
 

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