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Born in the  70s

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Comment by FloFloogal on May 1, 2018 at 7:40am

My husband passed 6 weeks ago and it's like everything that was breaking before just decided to crap out completely. I have already had to replace a washing machibg, need to have the dryer vents cleaned in anticipation of the new set being delivered, and one of our toilets overflows when flushed, so I need a plumber too. This is after navigating new daycare and health insurance last month. I feel like a terrible parent, but am doing my best. Not to mention I feel like the shock might be wearing off because for the past couple days it seems to hurt more than it has. It's a grueling marathon, and I'm so sorry that you all have to run it too, but I am grateful for the company.

Comment by Rob-edmonton on May 1, 2018 at 7:29am

I'm a Dad who I just tries to keep the bases covered for my three boys.  Sports and school and meals , actually today is my wedding anniversary, May day.  

Comment by rich34 on May 1, 2018 at 7:21am

I'm sort-of in the opposite boat.  It has been two years since my wife died, and the kids are all a bit older and doing their own things.  I do have the occasional meal but the house is really quiet.  I don't have any trouble with keeping up with things on my own, but I'm still trying to sort out what comes next.  It is amazing how much of our identity gets caught up in marriage after a decade, and so much has changed I don't really enjoy just going back to the things I was doing in my 20s before I was married.

So I just take it one day at a time, and trust that I'll eventually figure things out.  

While I don't think of my wife constantly, little things remind me of her often.  For the most part these memories are bittersweet now.  Even after two years it seems like the house is still way too quiet.

Comment by tooyoungtobealone on May 1, 2018 at 7:12am

I am 5 months out from losing my husband and totally overwhelmed. Between the house, kids, work, and dealing with the estate mess (no Will) I am just a mess. I am just exhausted taking care of the house and kids. I say I am functional, but that just means the kids are fed, doing well in school and sports, and I mostly make it to work. I don't feel like I am doing any of it well, but I am doing it. I am having the windows replaced right now, and then having the exterior painted. I'm not sure why I took that on, but here we are.I suspect 50 years of lonliness too. I can't think of the future without getting sad/mad/afraid. The plan is gone and I have no idea what the future holds. All I know is the kids will go to college one day and one day I will retire, but no idea what I will do with myself.  It's not a healthy outlook, but the  kids are my reason for getting up each day. I am not sure where I would be if it were not for them. 

Comment by Clare on May 1, 2018 at 7:03am

I get the overwhelming feeling of house stuff, ForeverMourning. I'm currently renovating, which is so hard without that extra pair of hands. I pay a lot in childcare just to be able to get my days free, but having kids does give me purpose (however exhausting). I find myself getting cross that I have to do every little thing myself though, especially when I have so much family who could help (and offer) but really never do. It's been seven months here. I miss my husband terribly and have no idea what my future will be now. Fifty years of loneliness, I suspect.

Comment by ForeverMourning on May 1, 2018 at 3:39am

Hi MenuFalls. I understand completely. I’m going through the same frustration right now. The house is getting too much trying to do everything he did. I can’t and hiring people is difficult and expensive. I’m exhausted with all the responsibilities. I also don’t have kids and can’t imagine the struggle if I did.. I wamt to live my life honoring my husband, but how? I don’t really know how and I’m just so tired all time. I just want to stay in the dream world right now. 

Comment by MenuFalls on April 30, 2018 at 9:13pm

May 14, 2018 will be a year and 5 months without my husband, Ron. I go along in the my day still talking to him, before work, during work, after work, in the car, at the store, out with my parents or friends, always whispering his name or talking to him. And then I think Im okay and I have to make a decision, big or small, and I lose it. We didnt have enough time to have kids, Im on my own, but thats enough heartache and heartbreak. All the decisions I have to make. Sometimes its too much to bear. And thinking this is how its going to be for the rest of my life? sad and angry and disappointed and jealous and resentful and remorseful? that isnt honoring him, me or us. But its hard always having a brave face. Im exhausted!

Comment by linz on April 1, 2018 at 6:39pm

Guilloma, thank you so much for you share. It has helped me so much and I am with redwidow and I may do that myself. Thank you again!

Comment by RedWidow on April 1, 2018 at 3:33pm

Guilloma - that's such a wonderful way to include your husband! I may steal that idea for myself.

Too young - I hear you. My kids are just 10 and 14. My husband just passed a month ago, but I've already had to fill out permission forms for my daughter for overnight school trips. We both sobbed when it came to the emergency contact part. The next one was my son's football registration form. It was a little easier than the first time. I'm hoping each time it won't cut so deep.

Comment by guilloma (Joanna) on April 1, 2018 at 8:12am

linz, I agree.  Unless they have been through it, no one understands how seemingly innocuous questions can cut so deeply; that emergency contact change is major.  I do a lot of cycling and hiking, so I wear a Road ID with my name, medical information, and emergency contacts.  About mid-March last year, I had to change the contact information on that ID, since my husband (Michel) and his cell number were listed as the first contact.  It was brutal leaving his name off my new ID.  I just couldn't do it.  So, I ended up adding this line: "Michel, my love, come ride with me."  It is a comfort to know that his name is still there.  Other people would not understand why it matters.

 

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