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Born in the  70s

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Comment by Prodda (Veronica) on February 24, 2017 at 7:14am
Hi too young, I also feel your pain. 15 years ago I lost my fist husband... I was a young mother of 4 children and nine months pregnant with my 5th. My son was born on the day of his funeral. Looking back I dont know how I did it with such young children but I did! To this day I honestly do not know if I really grieved... during that time I had an 8 year old and 3 kids under 4. I had to be strong for them... but looking back I should have taken sometime for me.......4 years later When I least expected it I met a man who I fell in love with and married.. We added 4 children during our 11 year marriage. On Dec 26, 2016 my 18 y/o son passed... on the 27th I found out we were expecting twins. On Jan 26 my husband unexpectedly passed away, on Jan 27th I found out that one of the twins didn't make it. It has been a rough roller coaster ride to say the least, I am finding myself a lot more emotional this time around. Maybe because my kids are older... that 8 year old is now 23 and my youngest daughter is 9. They have been so supportive of me and each other. I am finding that taking it one day, and sometimes one hour at a time really helps. I dont plan to far ahead, I dont want to overwhelm myself. Its funny how before all this happened I used to be that mom that did everything.. now I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning. I don't pity myself, but I do feel bad that my kids have to grow up with out a father, and even worse for the older ones that have had to go through this twice. There will be a day that you will smile again, it may take some time, but you will get there. ((((((Hugs)))))))
Comment by Lostmyeverything on February 24, 2017 at 5:24am
Hello too young to be old- I feel your pain, lost my DH in December and I have to raise my two boys alone also. I find when that thought creeps into my brain I mentally count how long before my oldest is an adult, then I count well how long before he is in high school...because I was pretty independent in high school and then I count how long before he can be left alone in the house or better yet the two of them left alone and he is in charge.... Then the number is not enough so I recount on my fingers, and then catch myself doing this, unable to fall asleep. So I have learned than when this thought creeps into my mind, I tell myself it will be ok, I tell myself to just focus on getting through tomorrow. And, I have to constantly remind myself to not look too far ahead. I really need to focu on just getting out of bed each morning to get them to school on time. It seems each morning I awake, I feel glued to my bed once I realize he is not here and never will I hug him again...the paralyzed feeling is at its all time high when it is time to start the day. I find my boys needs and activities are kind of pushing me through life right now. Hugs to you....take it one day at a time.
Comment by too young to be this old on February 23, 2017 at 10:35pm
I am going to have the worst midlife crisis. My DH passed away in November and I have three kids to raise alone now. Which leaves not much time for anything else- including grieving. It has only been a few months so my emotions are still raw, but I already have been obsessing about my 'life stage' and future. I can see this is only the beginning and will get worse the closer I get to 40. How do I avoid the big black pit of despair and self-pity in front of me? Or is it unavoidable and I just have to go through it so that I can move on ( if there is such a day)?
Comment by Kim on January 23, 2017 at 6:52pm

The holidays were very difficult. This was my first year without my husband then January was the one year since he died. I had a complete meltdown on Christmas morning.

Comment by JoMid on January 23, 2017 at 9:47am

How did the holidays go for everyone?

Comment by AMA on January 11, 2017 at 7:51am

Lostmyeverything,

So sorry.  The holidays are so hard.  My husband passed away 4 years ago so I just had my 4th Christmas without him.  He loved Christmas too and was the main driver behind the holiday celebration.  I, like you, have to put on a brave face every year.  My now 11 year old daughter (she was 7 when her Dad died) has taken the reins and now is the driver for Christmas.  The role has passed on to her.  I do my best but often just want to curl up in bed and pull up the covers.  Just take it one day at a time.  Some day you will find yourself smiling, at least for a moment.  Hold on to those moments.  You have to allow yourself to enjoy your kids childhood but I know it is hard.  I feel like the days that should be my most joyful are also my most difficult and painful.  I smile through the pain.  Hugs to you.

Comment by Lostmyeverything on January 11, 2017 at 4:01am
New to woidowhood. My husband passed a month ago. I have 11 and 9 year old boys. They love Christmas just like dad. My husband was the Christmas spirit in our house. He got them all revved up, decorated the outside, trimmed the tree... came up with ideas of what to buy them. The holidays were so hard. I could barely crack a smile but tried for my children. He was ill on and off for 3 years. Sick for two, then had a transplant. Seemed pretty good for 6 months despite an ongoing cough/respiratory infection. Then had a surgery to 'help' that infection. After the surgery it was a downhill slide for 9 months. Infection and then rejection the last 2 months, Very painful. Feels like he just slipped away. Sometimes I am o.k. Other times I feel doom and gloom, lonely. Scared that I have to raise my boys by myself. I have family helping but what I mean is all the decisions, the comforting. I miss him ...at the nd of the night we would always talk in bed.

VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 31, 2016 at 10:56am

Don't be alone this evening ... we'll be in the Widowed Village chat room tonight to keep each other company. 

Event post:   http://widowedvillage.org/events/new-year-s-eve-in-the-chat-room

If you haven't tried it yet, here's a direct link to the chat room: http://widowedvillage.org/chat

Comment by Mo on November 23, 2016 at 6:47am
"There are days when the image of your face never leaves my mind
And glimpses I catch of you as if life had a quick rewind
But your laughter and smile are slowly slipping from the place of my memory
And I wonder how much longer grief and sorrow will haunt and hurt me
Yet I'm terrified that when I stop feeling I'll stop remembering and when I stop remembering I'll stop dreaming and when I stop dreaming you will forever leave me"

Written by my 21 Year old daughter

She helped me put some unsettling feeling to words.

To remember something of my wife I now have to go to a filing cabinet, sift through the files and pull it out to contemplate it. It used to be that all these files were scattered on my desk and everywhere. Everywhere I walked, everywhere I even glanced. This created huge pain but also kept me connected. This was the familiarity I had with her. As days and weeks and months and now years go by these files have been put away and filed away in some mortuary way that can be accessed anytime I take the effort to pull them out. And now my desk is clean. I have yet to understand if it is better to have a clean desk or a messy one. Both scenarios have there pros and cons and both have overwhelming costs.
Comment by JoMid on November 2, 2016 at 3:36pm

Oh Rob, that's just plain rough. I find my daughters birthday extremely difficult as well. I just remember her being born & my husband being there & how excited we both were. All the hopes & dreams of our future together all balled up in this tiny human we created together. And now poof gone. I struggle with that. It's great that you are keeping her alive in your family by showing your children photos of her. Sending you positive thoughts.

 

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