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Born in the  70s

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Comment by AJ on August 24, 2019 at 11:30am

Kaye

i’m really hearing you today. That ‘risk’ is always on my mind. My husband died 6 years ago, he was 45 and I was 38. I’ve just turned 45 myself and it’s freaking me out. Come October 31 i’ll have lived longer than he did and it makes me so sad. I know my kids who are now 13, 12 and 8 would so benefit from having someone around but the barriers for me a twofold. Risk, the risk to our safety, the risk to my financial security, the risk to the kids of them leaving if it didnt work out. And then there’s opportunity I suppose I’d call it. I work full time in a demanding job and when I’m not at work I’m at home with my kids. I have to pay a sitter every time I need to leave the house as I don’t have family where I live. The last time I went out for a non work non kids dinner was late 2018 I think. I really don’t get how single parents find time to date. My body feels like it’s 100 years old as I can’t find time to exercise. If I had a spare hour after work I’d rather watch one of my kids sports practices as I know they feel I miss so much of what they do. I remember I used to feel so strong, so invincible. I’m sorry to have a whinge to you. I miss him. I don’t want anyone else but him. 

Comment by Roxana on August 24, 2019 at 10:35am

Dear Kaye,

What you say resonates with me so much.

Its so ironic, me and my husband spoke many times about how fortunate we are to have found one another and not having to be in the horrible dating scene, given how many awful deceiving people are out there.

and yet here I am, totally out if the blue and literally over night being thrown out of the beauty and security of a marriage into single-hood  and potentially having to face the dating scene in the future( im only 35). Makes me sick to my husband. It would be near impossible for me to find a man with the same integrity and noble soul Mark had.

i keep praying God he takes me too so I can be with my precious darling.

Comment by KayeL on August 24, 2019 at 9:09am

My husband passed away in 2016. He was 40 and I was 35. 3.5 years have gone by and I am still alone dealing with my greatest loss I have had so far in life. He and I met young when we were in college and soon after we met, we both knew we were made for each other. Since his passing on, I have lost hope about having another relationship. He was perfect in almost every way, I honestly don't know what are the chances I could meet another compatible one.

Besides, I have no time as a single mother with a toddler son. And my fear of meeting horrible men deters me from trying to meet people. I stay home all the time so not like I can chances meet people anyway. And online dating is SO not my thing. I have to protect my emotional well-being, my kid, and the little retirement/kid's college funds, so I have no margin of errors to meet "horrible" men. I have never been hurt in love since my relationship experience was smooth and easy growing up. Lately, I hear more comments from family and friends that I should open up myself for any potential "second chance." They think I have the look, the intelligence, the wisdom and I deserve another chance. I do, too, agree with my second chance but I am not up to the risks. I am too "old" and vulnerable for any kind of risks. And my son is whom I have to protect. I am not going to lie but every day I look myself into the mirror I feel such a waste of me living a spinster life. But this horrible prank of losing the most wonderful man I have spent 15 years with forces me to lose hope of finding happiness again. Happiness is not just about relationship with opposite sex. I simply survive because I have to. But the burden of living with the sadness not be able to grow old with my husband, this dire thought alone does not make me happy. I see the sadness in my eyes whenever I snap pics. The superficial smile and facade I put on can't mask my immense pain inside. I used to be full of life but now I am simply a lost woman dealing my mid-life crisis. So Not fair my predicament is not the result of bad choices I made but simply to suck up the cruel prank which life threw hard at me. 

I wish all of us could have better days and lives. Hang in there, ladies. *Hugs*

Comment by Misunderstood_in_ID on August 24, 2019 at 8:13am

Good morning all....I was 36 when he died.  He was 47.  He had a stroke and refused treatment cause he didn't want to be a burden and didn't want to live a life with severe issues like not having the ability to walk or talk.  He was amazing.  I took care of him 24/7 for 18 days at home until he died.  I was medically trained so giving that gift to him was something I could do.  Did I agree with his choice?  Heck no!  We tried....my girls, his kids, me....to get him to go to the hospital.  Choices.  

After a year, someone came into my life and I was still in the fog of grief.  He took advantage of me for monetary gain.  Then when the money was gone 18 months later, so was he.  Then I started the online dating thing.  I feel like I am from another era and am not fitting in to the mold of today's dating scene.  I ended up finding someone 3 years after his death and was with him for 7 years.  I lost everything--house, vehicles, stuff, retirement, and he was dating the entire time we lived together.  He was very psychologically abusive.  He started being violent towards the end.  So, I have spent all the time since my husband died involved with some kind of drama and never really allowed myself to feel the emotional part of his death.  It's a road not known unless you have experienced the loss yourself.  I have been fully feeling everything the past couple of years.  If you don't allow yourself to deal with it, it will be your constant shadow until you do. 

I joined this site a long time ago and just got an email about the format changing and I was like "oh I forgot about this site".  So, here I am.  It has been 13 years since my best friend died.  I miss him everyday.  I get signs from him all the time.  Eagles soaring, songs randomly playing, clouds shaped like hearts, so many things we shared.  Don't let others determine your timeline with grief.  He was important to me and I feel the loss every day.  I do hope that I will eventually be graced with another best friend who is loving and 100% accepting of me--which is not easy!  But I am finally at a point where if you are not honest, loyal, accepting of me right now as I am, then I don't have time for you.  But it's been a long, painful, lonely journey.  Be kind to yourself.  ♥ 

Comment by sunshinesoon on August 24, 2019 at 3:33am

Hi all....haven’t been on here in awhile but Ive seen your comments and of course relate to you all. My husbands death is almost a year ago now and unfortunately sometimes the pain is worse now. He was 44 when he died of cancer and I have a son who just turned 5. I had my son late in life so I’m 45 with a 5 year old. The thought of dating is still completely not on my radar but I see how my son looks at other dads and has verbalized that he wants a dad. A lot of men in my age group have grown children so on top of the horrible process of dating with dating sites and social media I have that. This process is so incredibly painful and difficult. As we all do, I wish I could just go back in time. Miss my old life and my sweet husband. I appreciate all of you who share, makes me feel just a little less crazy to know I’m not alone.

Comment by Pualili221 on August 23, 2019 at 8:06pm

@Peggyleann49

You and I are the same age, I’ll be 50 in January. My husband passed 6 months ago so I’m fairly new to this grieving process. I haven’t really even had a chance to think about the possibility of another relationship. I can barely wrap my head around the fact that my husband is gone. But I suppose I do understand what you mean. We’re not exactly spring chickens anymore and truthfully I wouldn’t even know were to begin with the whole dating scene. I hated it before and I’m pretty sure I will still hate it. Right now I don’t know what the future holds but it scares me to think that these feelings of pain, sadness, despair will still be just as intense as today and the day he passed away.

I hope that you find comfort on here.

Comment by Misunderstood_in_ID on August 23, 2019 at 7:57pm

Hi Peggy.... I lost my husband in 2006.  It never gets better, you just learn to live with it.  Dating with social media is super difficult.  It seems like everyone is out for immediate gratification so whoever is available is where they go.  I am also 49.  I hope you find the strength to keep going.

Comment by Peggyleann49 on August 23, 2019 at 7:35pm

Hello. I am Peggy. I lost my sweet husband on 3-24-18. I still cry. I live in an I don't want to live, but don't want to die feeling. I am so lonely. Everything in my life changed when he died. I have 2 grown children. I am 49. How in the world am I supposed to meet a real man this day and age? I want to feel happiness again. I guess I am just venting. I live in Tennessee. How do we talk to other people on here? I am new. LOL

Comment by Misunderstood_in_ID on August 23, 2019 at 3:28pm

Hi there...

Comment by Rollercoaster on August 21, 2019 at 3:35pm

GKinSD stay strong. Everyone grieves in different ways and on variable time lines. Life will never be the same so remember to spend a little time figuring out what a new purpose can be in life. Think of some service you can do to uplift another whether it is a stranger or friend.

Yesterday is history. Remember it and cherish it. Remember the good. Heal the pains. Remain open so you can grow to the next season of life.

Tomorrow is a mystery. Be open to adventure.

Today is a gift. Be present.

Live for the future. Don't dwell on the past. 

 

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