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Born in the  70s

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Comment by Rob-edmonton on November 2, 2016 at 2:45pm

My youngest of 3 turns nine years old today.

My wife passed away when he was 3.

6 years - hard to believe.

Really am missing Julie today.  We looked at pictures of her today.  

Comment by barsoom (Alex) on November 2, 2016 at 8:19am

Anora is in the best hospital in the South East for her needs. My oldest son, just skipped a year in school (he is VERY smart). They are going thru counseling and doing as well as can be expected, under circumstances.

I have been blessed with a great school for my kids, my job has been very supportive and accommodating. NOTHING can replace my best friend and my wife, but God brought in teachers, co-workers, random strangers to take up the parts of the load. I felt absolutely overwhelmed before Anora was born, and my wife was still here; now Shelly is gone, and God has given me peace. My evenings and weekends are still tough, but "if I do jnot love my kids, who else will?", like my wife used to say. We fight on.

Circumstances do not define who we are. Our responses to those circumstances shape what kind of men we become.

Comment by wyzkyd on November 2, 2016 at 8:07am

Alex, my thoughts and prayers are with you.  I can't imagine dealing with that in addition to the loss of my spouse but at the same time I imagine it keeps you busy and moving forward.  I hope that your boys are in good, supportive schools and that the hospital Anora is in is meeting her needs.  

Comment by JoMid on November 2, 2016 at 8:03am

You are on a very challenging path Alex. Wishing you & your family peace & wellness.

Comment by barsoom (Alex) on November 2, 2016 at 7:59am

Anora is still holding on. She is doing better this week. She has been in ICU 3 out of 4 past months. Her condition changes daily.

She was born with skeletal dysplasia, pulmonary hypertension and heart issues (top 3 out of the her many health problems). I thought we lost her 2 weeks ago.

Docs did not give her a high chance of survival before she was born, so she has proved them wrong many times over. :-)

She is in God's hands, and she's been there since before birth. I will love her and will take care of for as long as I am allowed to keep her, be it 1 year or 50 (I am 43 and do not think I will live past 90 ;-) )

Comment by JoMid on November 2, 2016 at 7:35am

I'm finding now, nearly two years on that my emotions are more raw. And like you I have found myself to have a heck of a lot more patience and openness than I ever thought I would ever have, I still find that I could use more. I have a lot yet to learn and work on.

Great to hear you have some practical help in your house with regards to your Mom coming. I found sometimes getting through normal everyday tasks were difficult at first. And at times they are still difficult. But be kind to yourself and don't feel like you have to "repay" your mom, so to speak, for helping out so much. Our parents just want to see us (and their grandkids) getting better one day at a time.

Comment by bigred on November 2, 2016 at 7:34am

With age comes many things that change but I think that grief deepens those changes.  I know that nowadays I wish everyone a great day, give hugs freely and say  Hi to everyone.  No one knows the struggles I've gone through to get to this point where I'm "happy" again and I don't know what they may be going through.  Little bits of kindness can go a long way. 

Comment by wyzkyd on November 2, 2016 at 7:29am

We also try to embrace life and joy as much as possible.  Ryan is a frequent topic of conversation, his pictures are framed in every room, the kids wear his t-shirts as nightgowns . . . today is Dia de los Muertos and we are celebrating Ryan's life.  My friends are carrying me and honestly don't know how I would manage without them.  It's the people I don't know at all who go beyond just expressing sympathy to asking lots of questions in a public place.  Like the head turning at the site of a car accident almost.  But I always tell folks their prayers are appreciated and to please continue.

Alex - How is your little one doing?  I saw in another post that she had been in the hospital.  Is she still there?  That's wonderful that your mom has been able to come help.  My in-laws live beside us (relative since it's a big farm) and are so helpful.  It makes life possible.

Comment by barsoom (Alex) on November 2, 2016 at 7:24am

It has been "interesting", to say the least. I found new depths of kindnesses and patience I did not know I had.

I was "flying solo" for 4 months, but my mom was able to move in with us a couple of weeks ago and it has been a tremendous help.

Comment by JoMid on November 2, 2016 at 7:10am

Thanks so much Alex,

Yes, none of us wants to be here. But here we sit having lost our loved ones. And thankfully we can all find support with each other. I'm so sorry for your loss too Alex. Four months is not a long time, things are still very fresh with you I'm sure. I hope you have some support in helping to look after your 3 children. I only have 1 daughter and at times I find it a challenge. And I hope that you are able to accept joy into your life when it arrives.

 

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