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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

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Members: 596
Latest Activity: Sep 18

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Comment by trucker's wife on November 13, 2011 at 8:27pm

Heather-I do dread the weekends altogether too.  I can always start to see my mood drop (as if it could get worse...but yes it does) on Thursday evenings.  I would get very anxious because I could not stand to sit around the house.  I needed to keep us (my son and I) busy.  But no matter how busy I kept us, the Sunday nights just make me ache.  My husband was gone during the week so our weekends were so precious for our family.  I have recently started going out to try and have fun*  but note the asterisk...I feel like everything I do now has to include an asterisk so no one can mistake my current fun to my old fun...nothing is the same, nothing.  Thanks for the comments, it helps when I feel so alone. -Kim (trucker's wife)

Comment by cutie on November 13, 2011 at 8:06pm

Trucker's wife...weekends are the worst for me.Friday night's were family night and then our time after the kids were in bed so I find myself dreading the weekend.Once I found some friends to go out with I almost started going out every weekend and then the reality got hold of me before I hurt my children. I try to escape one night every other weekend but still stay home and go crazy most Fri,Sat and Sun nights.I hope some day it won't be this way but it has been almost five months and I am still lost,sad,mad,lonely,devastated....etc,etc. My father in law keeps talking about us working on figuring out our "new normal"----well I do not want the new normal,like that will change it or something(haha) Nobody really understands the hurt except us,I cannot pretend to understand the hurt those aroound me feel because mine is so wretched and I can only hope that others are not as tortured in their heart as I am.Love and hugs to you,Heather(cutie)

Comment by trucker's wife on November 13, 2011 at 7:11pm

So a little over 6 months into this "new" sucky life and my Sunday nights are still the absolute worst for me...anybody else?  I miss my husband so much although I can tell I have started "getting used" to this new unwanted life in some areas.  It is just so hard to really get across to people how much I hurt.  I have found that my tears are less than what they used to be...but that's because I have now internalized this hurt and now I have stomach issues many days a week.   35 and widowed...never saw that coming.  My husband will be 32 in my mind forever as I see myself age. 

Comment by cutie on November 5, 2011 at 11:22pm
Thank you all for the support and I am looking forward to getting to know everyone,unfortunately this has to be a late night thing for me because right now that seems to be the only time I sit down ...so bear with me as I get familiar with this new life
Comment by jules on November 5, 2011 at 9:39am

hey cutie

sorry you have to be here, being young and losing your spouse sucks.  i find this site really helpful when i'm curious about stuff but also if i just want to shoot the breeze - the chat room is great - hopefully i'll see you on line!

hang in there

Comment by Jenn on November 4, 2011 at 11:15pm

Hey Cutie, I'm very sorry for what you are facing. every day, heck every second, feels like survival. My world shrank to my two kids and me which took up any energy I had (which was none). I never answered the phone and dreaded when people 'stopped by.' getting out of the house seemed insurmountable when all I wanted to do was hide under the covers and remember to breathe. I went through the same with my parents as well. having a place like this is lifesaving at moments if only to realize that you aren't alone, that you're normal in a totally abnormal situation. time and learning the ride the waves were (and still are) the only ways through this. this won't last forever even though it feels like it. And sometimes you will take one step forward and five steps back. but you will get through this. As hard as it seems right now, the grief for your husband will become lighter to carry. I hope this helps and I hope you know that we are all here for you. Hang in there and lots of ((((((cutie))))))! Jenn

Comment by Krista W. (whoknows) on November 4, 2011 at 10:02am
@Cutie - Welcome. Sorry for the loss of your husband. Have you tried some of the other groups on here, like the Widowed in 2011 group? Those are a little more active than this one, generally. Plus, if you need to vent you can start a blog post or something, and people will respond to that as well. Big hugs to you.
Comment by Chris on November 4, 2011 at 4:45am

Cutie - my mom said the same thing to me, that I was isolating myself from them.  I later found out that what she was really saying that she wanted to help, but didn't know how to initiate.  So it was up to me to seek her out so that she could help me.  Looking back I should've been more clear with her about what my expectations of her were.  Then I wouldn't have been disappointed, and she could've helped.  Make any sense?

 

Hang in there.  You found a good place...

Comment by rodsgurl09 on November 4, 2011 at 2:32am

Cutie, you're not crazy. I isolated myself too, ignoring phone calls and rings of the bell. I'm starting to socialize a little more, but it is hard as I am a single mom now too....between therapy appointments, doctor appointments, homework, school events, etc. I barely have time to breathe, too, I know what you're going through. And then when I do go out, I feel guilty and end up crying usually...what a rotten row we've been given to hoe. My husband also passed away in June, very unexpectedly, and I think I'm just now coming out of shock and beginning to really understand the impact of his death. Oh, now I've rambled, apologies. I do hope you stick around here at WV and I hope that you'll find the same comfort here that I have. ((hugs))

Comment by Kerri H on November 3, 2011 at 8:49pm
Hi cutie, I'm also sorry for your loss.  What you are going through is very normal.  It is very difficult trying to be a single mother, especially when it is not the choice that we made.  If there is anything I can do please let me know.  Send me a message if you need to talk and I'll be happy to get back to you.  I am also very busy but it's important to be there for each other.
 

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