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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

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Members: 609
Latest Activity: on Sunday

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Comment by Kerri H on October 1, 2011 at 3:19pm

@Ladydragon, you are SO right about feeling like you've lost all direction.  I felt that way forever.  Thankfully something finally clicked and I started working towards some new and completely different goals in my life, becoming an EMT and working on becoming an RN.  I can't tell you the difference it made for me when I felt God's whisper guiding me in the direction I'm going now!

@melissadolla, few people understand the HUGE responsibility we have as widows to be the sole EVERYTHING for our children.  I've had divorced women try to tell me they know what I mean but they don't.  Most of them can get input from their ex about decisions for the kids and, whether they like it or not, they have someone to take the kids for a few days a month so that they can have a "break".  The song that helps me when I'm feeling that way is "If You're Going Through Hell", it really gives me the push to keep on going. 

@Debbie, all we can do is take one day at a time.  When I do my worst is when I start looking toward the future and sometimes it is only the next month and I get wiped flat on my butt.  I thank God for this site all the time even if I don't participate as much as I would like.  Just to know that other people "get it" is HUGE!

Comment by Debbie on October 1, 2011 at 2:33pm
Melissa...I am also 41 and raising a 7 and 3 year old. Def not in my plan either, it is completely surreal. I try and take it a day at a time, if I stop to think about the responsibilities which lay ahead - I feel as if I am drowning. I just concentrate on each day and the routine in order to keep moving...scared if I stop and think I may have a nervous breakdown. Hang in there!!! We can all do it - I try and also think of how important the kids are and what my husband would do. ((HUGS)) 
Comment by rodsgurl09 on October 1, 2011 at 11:43am
melissadoll, yes, it is hell; but we just have to keep plodding along, one foot in front of the other.  It's just me and my 11-year-old here at home now...I"ve spent many a night "taking a bath" so he wouldn't hear me crying my eyes out. It's a good escape when I feel like throwing in the towel.
Comment by melissadolla on October 1, 2011 at 11:24am
I never thought in a million years at 41 I would be a widow and raising two young children. Life has thrown many curve balls at me however this is the worst. It has only been 2 months since my husband's passing and it feels like a life time. Such eacy decisions feel like the biggest choices I have ever had to make before. Be solely reliable and responsible to raise our children if the hardest thing ever. Family and Friends are like you are strong you will be fine, your kids are great it can't be that bad. Well it is hell. And every second of ever day it is a struggle for me not to collapse and just throw in the towel.
Comment by Ladydragon214 on October 1, 2011 at 6:31am

When I was younger, I had a vision for my life... all the decisions I made were about attaining that vision. Once I attained it, my decisions were made to help me keep making that vision better. When Danny dies, the vision shattered. 

Now, at 40, I find making big decisions challenging because I dont know where I am trying to go in my life. While I would expect that feeling in my 20s, it sucks to have it in my 40s.

Comment by jules on September 27, 2011 at 1:04pm
I turned 40 this year, lost my partner and now and trying to move on - I think I've had enough to deal with this year so far and hope I get a break!
Comment by rodsgurl09 on August 31, 2011 at 2:56am

BFCL57, I'm so very sorry for your losses...so much for one person to deal with. I Hope you find some comfort here among us.

Sherry, thanks for volunteering for Coordinator! I, myself, am content to just show up and chat. I thought about coordinating a group, but I had no idea what was involved. Glad to have you as our fearless leader.

Comment by bigfatchunkylover57 on August 30, 2011 at 6:17pm
Child of the 70's getting ready to move into my 40's...just not how I had imagined. I was born in '72, Sara was born in '76. I lost her 7 months ago. She was 37 weeks pregnant with our first child. Miranda was delivered about an hour after the car accident in which her mother died. She passed away in my arms 3 days later. 2011 is certainly not living up to the expectations I had when the year started. I just want to say thank you for the warm welcome I have felt here. Reading your stories, hearing your hurts, and sharing your grief is a powerful thing for me these days.
Comment by Sherry on August 29, 2011 at 6:08pm

Hello everyone! So...I'm supposed to be the Coordinator of this group. Do y'all feel coordinated?

What would you like me to do? Are there ways you feel I could help move the group along, or are we all just happy to show up and chat?

 

I want to group to be helpful and stress free, so tell me the way you want me to do that!

 

Sherry

Comment by rodsgurl09 on August 28, 2011 at 4:37am

Thank you, Dana.

Nata, Ketrep and Joesgirl, I'm so sorry for your losses. I hope you're finding support here at WV...it's been a lifesaver for me.

Nata, I too am finding that it gets harder instead of easier. Maybe just a 'down' on the coaster...I hope we find that "up" someday.

 

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