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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the  70s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Members: 650
Latest Activity: Sep 25

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Comment by CraftyCanadian on November 3, 2011 at 8:36pm
Cutie, I'm sorry for you loss. You are not crazy. After all the family and shock I too shut people out for a while. Nobody really understood what I was going through and I was tired of putting on a brave face. I needed some time to process things and to 'try out' my new life. You have a lot of adjusting to do and as much as people want to help some of it will have to be done on your own.

I hope you find this site helpful. I recommend the chat. Great company at any hour.
Comment by cutie on November 3, 2011 at 8:07pm
Hi everyone..I found my way here through another site and I am not really sure what it is I am actually looking for or expecting. I know the real answer is- my husband miraculously back- but I am also not delusional, so do not be afraid... funny voices just don't really cut it on the computer. I was reading some comments here that were old so I may not find any comfort here either, Matt died in June and I am always up and thinking about him and have a hard time communicating with the people I should ( our friends and family)My mom says I have isolated myself,but I leave the house everyday so how does that work exactly? I know I do not really return phone calls but being a single mom now I barely have time to tinkle, so I definetly cannot talk on the phone and be breaking down crying all damn day. Ok so I have rambled...maybe that is what I am looking for a place to type-vent and someone who has been there tell me I am not going completely insane....
Comment by Kerri H on October 15, 2011 at 7:11pm
@carolynne72, I still call my in-laws "in-laws". In many ways they are more my family than my own family is.  It can be confusing for others but I don't know how else to refer to them.  Generally I tell people that I became a widow 3 years ago when I tell them that my husband died because it is the easiest and kindest way to say it while getting the point across. 
Comment by rodsgurl09 on October 15, 2011 at 6:46am
Yes, "died" sounds much too cold. And now I don't know how to refer to my MIL, either!! If I say mother-in-law, it's assumed my husband is still alive. I can't say "ex", that sounds like we divorced. If I say "former MIL", it sounds like SHE passed away. I've been just saying "my friend Rita", but that's not right, either. So frustrating!
Comment by bigfatchunkylover57 on October 15, 2011 at 6:25am

@carolynne72, YES!  We just don't have the right words to express our loss in this society.  While it's true that my wife died in February, that's not how I want to introduce the subject to people..."My wife died in February."  It sounds cold to even think about saying it that way.  But when we say we lost our spouse you can see the gears turning in the other person's head as they try to figure out what you mean.  I'm also not looking forward to saying, "my first wife" but I don't know of any other way to talk about her, assuming I end up finding someone new to share my life with.  These days I even feel a little odd say "my wife."  In casual conversation it's too easy for people unfamiliar with my situation to assume she's still alive.

Comment by rodsgurl09 on October 15, 2011 at 6:05am
I'm noticing lately that whenever I tell someone, "I lost my husband in June", their initial response is always, "What do you mean, lost? Divorced? Or....". I can only assume that it's because we're (he was) so young. Does this happen to any of you?? What an odd reaction, I think. Lost can only mean one thing, to me....
Comment by Kerri H on October 1, 2011 at 3:19pm

@Ladydragon, you are SO right about feeling like you've lost all direction.  I felt that way forever.  Thankfully something finally clicked and I started working towards some new and completely different goals in my life, becoming an EMT and working on becoming an RN.  I can't tell you the difference it made for me when I felt God's whisper guiding me in the direction I'm going now!

@melissadolla, few people understand the HUGE responsibility we have as widows to be the sole EVERYTHING for our children.  I've had divorced women try to tell me they know what I mean but they don't.  Most of them can get input from their ex about decisions for the kids and, whether they like it or not, they have someone to take the kids for a few days a month so that they can have a "break".  The song that helps me when I'm feeling that way is "If You're Going Through Hell", it really gives me the push to keep on going. 

@Debbie, all we can do is take one day at a time.  When I do my worst is when I start looking toward the future and sometimes it is only the next month and I get wiped flat on my butt.  I thank God for this site all the time even if I don't participate as much as I would like.  Just to know that other people "get it" is HUGE!

Comment by Debbie on October 1, 2011 at 2:33pm
Melissa...I am also 41 and raising a 7 and 3 year old. Def not in my plan either, it is completely surreal. I try and take it a day at a time, if I stop to think about the responsibilities which lay ahead - I feel as if I am drowning. I just concentrate on each day and the routine in order to keep moving...scared if I stop and think I may have a nervous breakdown. Hang in there!!! We can all do it - I try and also think of how important the kids are and what my husband would do. ((HUGS)) 
Comment by rodsgurl09 on October 1, 2011 at 11:43am
melissadoll, yes, it is hell; but we just have to keep plodding along, one foot in front of the other.  It's just me and my 11-year-old here at home now...I"ve spent many a night "taking a bath" so he wouldn't hear me crying my eyes out. It's a good escape when I feel like throwing in the towel.
Comment by melissadolla on October 1, 2011 at 11:24am
I never thought in a million years at 41 I would be a widow and raising two young children. Life has thrown many curve balls at me however this is the worst. It has only been 2 months since my husband's passing and it feels like a life time. Such eacy decisions feel like the biggest choices I have ever had to make before. Be solely reliable and responsible to raise our children if the hardest thing ever. Family and Friends are like you are strong you will be fine, your kids are great it can't be that bad. Well it is hell. And every second of ever day it is a struggle for me not to collapse and just throw in the towel.
 

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