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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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Born in the 80s

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Members: 390
Latest Activity: Sep 12

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Comment by CvilleSarah on September 12, 2019 at 7:31pm

Hi all,

I am new to site as of today, thank you for having me. Although I am still somewhat in shock to be here, I am already comforted just a little reading some of these posts. Everything you are saying resonates with me, especially the “not knowing what to do now”, things we are doing alone that we are supposed to be doing with our loved ones, and the general feelings of fear, sadness, anger, and uncertainty alluded to. I am 34 years old, and lost the love of my life almost 2 weeks ago on 9/1. His decline started a few months ago after he was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis, and on 8/7 underwent routine surgery in hopes of recovery. After that, other issues surfaced that spiraled out of control, and he eventually succumbed to everything after about 3 weeks in the ICU. My friend and family want to be helpful, and they have been, but it is next to impossible for them to understand what I’m going through. After all, it’s not any of them l I really want, I just want my Joey back. There was a large age gap between us, but I cannot describe how compatible we were and how easy it was to love him. We were together for about 2 years, and best friends for several years prior. He was my first real relationship, as I had always been a little Leary of sharing my space and all that. But sharing our lives together was by far the greatest experience of my life. We had such a great little routine, stuff we liked to do together, tv shows, etc. I just can’t believe that the last time we did everything together was really the last time, and we didn’t even know it. When we left home the day of his surgery, I never would have fathomed he would never come home again. His memorial service was this past Sunday, and now it seems like life goes on, for everyone except me. For now, I’m just focusing on one day at a time. Still struggling with what to believe as far as where he/his energy/force/whatever is now. As I lay here in bed where he’s supposed to be beside me, with one of his T-shirts, my heart goes out to all of us dealing with this. Goodnight, and thanks for reading. 

Comment by nightmarebc82 on July 23, 2019 at 7:08am

invisbeth81 my husband did not pass away from an accident or physical illness per say, but mental illness yet. He took his own life after struggling for years with depression and anxiety and alcoholism.

Comment by danteprayer14 on July 19, 2019 at 4:57pm

Hi Beth,  My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly 3.5 years ago when I was 35..  I at first thought it was a suicide attempt, and to be honest, it still has a potential to be true.  Although it could have also been what the coroner thought, which was massive heart failure.  However, they did not opt to do a full autopsy, and I could not afford it myself.  It was a very difficult journey for me - to go to work Monday morning, and come home Monday after work to find him dead.  By 8pm, the police came and went, body taken away.  I slept alone for the first time in 13 years (did not sleep).  I did not have a clue that he was that sick.  Talk about how it changes your trust in life!  So much can happen so quick!  It took me 6 months to just stop crying every single day.   I was never able to say good bye to him, tell him I loved him.  It was the normal peck on the lips as I rushed out the door that day.  

Sudden death adds it own particular flavor to grief and trauma.  It felt hard to believe, hard to process for me.  Joan Didion wrote a book called "the Year of Magical Thinking."  Her husband also died suddenly of heart failure and she believed for a year that he was coming back.  I felt the same way, and still think sometimes he'll just knock at the door.  It will all go back to the way it was.   

I have so many questions.  So much left unsaid.  I read a thing in a grief book that really helped me.   You can take it or leave it - but get a notebook and a pen.  Write to your spouse, ask your questions.  Then flip to the next page, write with your opposite hand, and answer your questions.  Do not pause or stop.  It was unbelievable what answers I got from doing this.  It was chicken scratch, but it did something to me and gave me messages and love and support in the oddest way.  It brought me peace.   I can't oddly make it work now, but in that first year of grief, it helped.  

Just know you aren't alone.  My grief changed over time, and it got easier to live with and manage for me.  I'm doing better in approaching year 4.  

I can't help with the kids part, as my husband and I could not have children.  But you are in my thoughts and prayers in that way, because that's even another tough layer to your story.  Virtual hugs.  

Comment by invisbeth81 on July 19, 2019 at 7:26am

Is there anyone here who's spouse didn't pass away from an illness or accident?

Comment by invisbeth81 on July 7, 2019 at 1:51pm

Hello. I'm 38 and widowed for 6 months. Been with my late husband for 12 years and have 3 kids under 4. His death was unexpected and sudden. 

Comment by nightmarebc82 on June 14, 2019 at 9:39am

Laura, I am so sorry for your loss. I have dealt with Anxiety in the past as well but I had been ok for years. It wasn't until my husband's passing in March that it came back. I am so sorry you are having to go through all this and especially while pregnant but know there are so many of us here to support each other. I am in California as well close to Hemet which is in the IE. 

Comment by Katie on May 9, 2019 at 9:33pm

Hi, my name is Katie,

I lost my husband in December 2018 suddenly from a medical condition, I'm 37 and we have a daughter together who is 12, we were highschool sweethearts, would like to connect with others in similar situation dealing with grief.

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on March 8, 2019 at 12:15pm

Laura, I wanted to say I am sorry and offer my support. I struggle with anxiety too, enhanced after loss, and can't imagine how hard it is to think about giving birth and raising your child without your husband. I hope that your MIL is supportive and that will be a helpful relationship. This is not the most active place, so I often point people who need more connection to Facebook if they use the platform. My favorite group on there is SUPPORT GROUP: Young, Widowed, & Dating, which is named after the founder's blog and is for younger widowed people to discuss any aspect of grief and life, from the rough and raw to remarriage. Hope you find your tribe, wherever it may be.

Debbie

Comment by laurawc on February 16, 2019 at 2:36pm

Hi! I am Laura and I am 34 years old and my husband passed away on November 25th from respiratory failure. He had struggled with asthma is whole life, but his death was very unexpected. I am 7 months pregnant with our first child and it has been challenging. I am very prone to anxiety and he was really my rock. I am starting to get more nervous now that I am in my third trimester and grieving all that the same time. I live in Los Angeles and recently moved back in with my mother-in-law so I don't have to be alone when the baby comes. 

I look forward to getting to know you better and really looking forward to hearing other people's stories. 

Comment by Mandie on January 10, 2019 at 11:37pm

Thank you @purplewidow that is very helpful. I’ve just requested to join  :)

 

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