Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Born in the 80s

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Members: 191
Latest Activity: yesterday

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Comment by loquaciousloki yesterday

Your welcome. It was hard for me at first. I like to get there a little early so I can pick a seat next to a tissue box.   

I hope we all have an okay week, too. :)

Comment by onmyown2014 yesterday

Thanks for the heads-up, Loki.  Hopefully I'll have a decent day and be able to get through it, and if not, I'll add it to the list of places where I've either cried or held back tears since this all began in December. 

I hope we all have as good a week as possible this week.

Comment by loquaciousloki on Saturday

I've been going to a survivors of suicide meeting on and off for a couple of months. Most of the people at my meeting are older and lost a child or sibling. I still find it helpful to go and to hear how other people handle this kind of loss. I recommend giving it a try. Be prepared though. At the beginning of the meeting, everyone goes around and says who they lost, the date they died, how old they were, and how they died. It's hard to say it the first few times.

Comment by onmyown2014 on Saturday

Today's been a somewhat stable day, thanks to a friend who has me thinking about a possibility in the future.  The last few weeks, though, were anything but stable.  First, I received the coroner's report back on Amy's death, and it indicated that she really did mean to overdose due to the extremely high amounts of things in her bloodstream.  I try to think that she had a bad episode of depression, and did it impulsively instead of planning it for a while, but either way, she's not here.  And secondly, wishing that we could have had our ceremony, looking at my left hand with no ring on it, and going to someplace warm instead of going to work, it all added up to a rough stretch. 

I don't know how long this stability will last, but I'll take it.  There's a "survivors of suicide" support group that meets near me this week, and I was thinking about going.

I wish I could say that I feel Amy is near, or is helping me on some level, but with how things ended, I can't. 

Comment by WidowerAndOne on Friday

Andy, it's been awhile since I've posted on here, but I've been lurking.  I'm actually in a really good state right now.  Call it luck, fate, or whatever, but some things and people have been brought into my life, completely unexpectedly.  I have been doing a TON of writing lately...mostly to myself, or on my personal blog, but there's also the Widow's Voice blog that I'm doing every two weeks.  I'm still doing Crossfit, making little breakthroughs there too, and REALLY feeling like a part of that group again.

I've gotten to a point where Megan is pulling some strings for me, and I can recognize it.  I wish I could help you out man, because I know what that darkness feels like every night, but all I can really say is "I get it".  I was in that state too, especially before Camp in Tampa, but meeting some people there has really turned that around.  I would say to stick with the group you're attending for sure, even if they  aren't necessarily your age.  Everybody's situations are different...I consider myself young, at 34, but I got 12 years with Megan.  You might make some good connections there, regardless of age (or gender for that matter)  

Comment by onmyown2014 on Friday

Wanted to check in and see how people are doing.  It's been a really tough week for me, as Amy and I would have had our wedding celebration last weekend.  Everything still feels like a constant nightmare. 

Hope everyone's doing as well as can be expected.

Comment by onmyown2014 on March 15, 2015 at 10:38pm

It's a group for widows/widowers under 50.  If you happen to live near the Philadelphia area, it meets in one of the suburbs every Tuesday, but only for 6 weeks at a time.  The one other widower in the group seemed to be my age (late 20s-early 30s), while the widow seemed to be in her 40s (I think). 

I know what you mean - I would give anything to have been able to live with Amy until our 60s.

Comment by biscuitforeva on March 15, 2015 at 7:35pm

Onmyown, Im curious is your support group for younger widows&widowers. Im just asking because I went to one group and most people were 50, 60, and while there is no good time to loose your spouse, I always get angry when I hear people talk about how they only had 20 years, when Im like, I would give anything to have that much time 

Comment by biscuitforeva on March 15, 2015 at 7:32pm

Thank you all for the advice.  It is nice to hear from people who understand the difficulties you are going through.  Other people try to help, but they cant even begin to understand how hard this is.

I am actually thinking about taking a leave of absence from school, its just so weird to me, because its one more adjustment in this life that i didnt expect.
Jessicaluvsteve, I am glad to know that you do smile again, it gives me hope, because right now I dont see how that could ever be possible
whim, I like what your friend said, because I feel the need to change my mind constantly cause your right this is all uncharted territory.  I hope grad school works out for you, it sounds exciting to start something new, maybe I will take a break and resume in a few months.
Comment by onmyown2014 on March 13, 2015 at 3:17pm

It was a very small group.  Two widowers, a widow, and the therapist running the group.  Two other people were out due to illness.  The tears started to flow when it was my turn to tell about Amy and the last half of 2014, but I got through it.  I can't say that I'm any better off, or have some magic explanation to get through everything that I'm feeling, but it helped in some small measure to talk and to listen.  I also feel bad for everyone there, as well as everyone here, for all of the pain that we're facing.  I wish we could have continued on in our lives as they were, blissfully unaware that feelings like this existed.

 

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