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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 80s

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Members: 310
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Comment by September on March 27, 2017 at 10:57am

Debbie's advice is great. Make a plan and then when you wake up not wanting to do it, try really hard to do it anyway.  It has been a little over a year for me, we were unmarried but have a son who is 2.5 now.  All in one weekend, right around the 7 month mark I had my son's second birthday, my dead fiance's would-be 38th birthday and our 10 year anniversary.  Having a plan for each day really helped me and the one day I hadn't planned for, the day in between their two birthdays, was the hardest.  We had a small party for my son on his father's birthday (9/25) then on his actually 2nd birthday (9/27) he and I just went to the beach and played and met up with a friend.  That day in between is where I really felt his absence because it was the day I was in labor and I really missed hearing his perspective about the events of that day and I had not anticipated that.  So no matter what you do, something will creep in and kind of blindside you but I always find that having a plan and following through with it is the best way to come out on the other side feeling ok and not getting totally drowned by the 'harder' days/weeks/events etc.

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on March 26, 2017 at 4:38pm

Rachel,
   Your loss is as real as anyone else's here. You and your partner had built a life together, house, child, and that was taken away from you. It doesn't matter that you hadn't made it down the aisle yet. Don't let anyone tell you your grief is not real.
   As for June 2nd, the best advice I can give you is to have a plan for that day. If you do better around people, find some close friends or family you can spend part of the day with. If you do better alone, maybe plan a place to travel to for some solitude. You might expect tears, but be numb. Or it might be the opposite. Feel free to come here, where people "get" you. Don't have any high expectations for that day, probably no matter how you go through it, you will feel a lot of grief. You will be mourning so many hopes and dreams. Know we are here for you. (((hugs)))

Debbie

Comment by noflies on March 26, 2017 at 2:29pm

Rachel, first I am so so sorry for your loss. I read your other posts and see that you lost your fiance. I lost my fiance too, and it doesn't make us not "real" widows. I have been in every online widow/er group I can find in the 8 months since I lost my partner and not once has anyone even insinuated that people who weren't legally married aren't widows. So, if your concern is that because you weren't legally married you can't consider yourself a widow, you can.

I can imagine that day is going to be very painful, I have no advice other than you should do whatever feels right for you.

Comment by Rachel on March 26, 2017 at 1:56pm
I'm not a real widow. I'm in a weird in between spot. We were together for 7 years. We own a home. We have a son. Our wedding day was June 2, 2017. I don't know if i should party, hide, run away, or be alone with my 1 1/2 year old on that day. What would you do on the day you were supposed to marry your love?
Comment by Sophia on March 12, 2017 at 8:49pm
It's been 42 days since my husband passed away. My heart hurts, it's broken. All I have are regrets and pain.
Comment by Heavyheart on February 28, 2017 at 11:02am
Hi all,
I've been reading many of your stories and am so saddened yet find a little solace in knowing I'm not alone on this journey. My story is fresh and so raw still. I lost my best friend and partner John ultimately on February 6th but didnt find out until February 9th that he was gone. John and I had been together for 10 months and were in the process of talking about getting engaged and making future plans. His death was sudden and so unexpected, ultimately an accident from a fall while he was on vacation (that I was unable to go with him on). It is all too much to comprehend at 32. I feel so lost and sad and worried about a future without him. Mostly I just ache for him...and keep expecting a call that he is waiting for me to pick him up at the airport. My family and friends have been so kind and supportive but nothing dulls the ache
Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on February 26, 2017 at 6:24pm

Hi Sophia,

   I am so sorry for your loss. You have lost your other half, and rebuilding a life without him is a task you never would have imagined. I lost my husband October 30, 2016. His birthday is in March as well. Prepare yourself for that day and the days around it, as it helps to have a plan for how you will get through them. I am preaching to myself as well. Sleep is a challenge for me. The anxiety hits once I try to close my eyes. I have to pop them right back open to avoid the images that cause me grief, but I've heard that can reinforce them too. I don't know how to just be. I will be talking to my therapist about this. I hope you will find good support on this site. There are so many others who have been where you are, or are right at this second where you are, who struggle with similar struggles, who can help you through, or at least commisserate with you. You are in the right place.

-Debbie

Comment by Sophia on February 26, 2017 at 5:21pm
Hi, I'm new to site. I lost my 28 days ago today. He was 33,would have been 34 March 5. I feel like I have lost my right arm. Sleep has become my enemy,the pain never stops.
Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on February 12, 2017 at 2:52pm

Hi Rachel,

   I am so sorry to hear about your fiance. I am glad you have found this website. It is a great support, whether you are chatting with someone during the day or searching for others with common experience in the middle of the night.
   What will probably keep you going right now is your son. You are at a murky place in the journey of loss. The shock of losing your fiance is wearing off, and his loss is hitting you in a new way, hence the depth of your depression. I lost my husband 3 1/2 months ago, and I can only recognize it because I've been going through it myself. There are ebbs and flows in this journey, and they are different for everyone.
    If you have anyone to rely on nearby, please do reach out to them. But know this group is always here. And we know what you're going through. We're in the throes of it ourselves. That doesn't mean we're going to be down all the time. Everyone here is at different places in their journey. Hope you find the support you need here. -Debbie

Comment by Rachel on February 12, 2017 at 12:35pm
I am 29 and my 36 year old fiancé, and the father to my 1 year old son, passed away suddenly on January 7th. The cause of deAth is unknown. We will probably never know. We were going to get married on June 2nd. We bought our first house last may. He was renovating it himself.
 

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