Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation


Born in the 80s

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Comment by onmyown2014 yesterday

March will be even tougher for me, I think.  Amy and I were married, but we simply went to the Justice of the Peace and never got around to the big ceremony.  However, one was in the works before she died, and it was set for March 22nd.  We had the venue booked, had sent out "save-the-dates", and were just about to get to invites when she passed.  I'm not looking forward to that day.  Afterwards, I get a bit of a break until her birthday, which was also in July.

Otherwise, my weekend is OK.  Sad, but trying very hard not to fall into the deep despair from last weekend.  Hope everyone else is doing well.

Comment by WidowerAndOne yesterday

How is everyone's weekend going?  Andy, I completely understand the logistics issues with trying to figure everything out, and not wanting to add more financial or planning things to your plate.  I actually registered and got my flights in a "moment of weakness" (AKA, I had drank a few beers), and now I'm kind of glad I did, because I don't know if I would have ever got around to doing it.

As far as "anniversaries", I've made it through most of the big ones until her birthday in July.  Valentine's wasn't ever a "big" date for us.  The past few years, I had actually taken just my daughter out to dinner.  My wife and I celebrated it in a "different" way, if you catch my drift, but it wasn't really different than any other day.

Those of us 80's children that will be down there on Wednesday or Thursday should exchange contact info sometime so we can connect sometime before Friday.

Comment by onmyown2014 on Friday

There's a "Young Widow/Widower" group that will begin in March near me, but they define "young" as under 50.  I'm 33, so while I'm hoping it'll be useful, I don't know for sure.  March also feels like a few decades away.  February's going to be hard, due to the first Valentine's Day in 14 years that I won't spend with Amy.

I'm won't be able to go to Camp Widow.  I'm still figuring out finances and such after her death, and just not sure of myself enough quite yet to make a trip like that solo.  Perhaps the next one, if I can make enough progress. 

Comment by Forever32 on Friday
Onmyown, staying busy with work helps for me too. And I usually try to have things planned for the weekend, even if it's just running errands. Anything to get you out of the house and moving. As hard as it is to believe at the moment, things will get easier over time. I won't say the reality of our situations get any easier to deal with, but you will eventually find a new routine and the pain won't be so harsh. I have no problem doing most things solo, but for example, I still hate going out for dinner alone. Like you said, I miss the little things most.

The support of my family and church have helped me a lot. Friends helped early on, but I don't have much communication with most of them now, since they're doing the "family-thing". I'm hoping to make some new friends in Tampa. Are you able to go to camp? If not, perhaps you can find a young group of widow/ers that meet for support? I'm in PA too. I haven't been able to find anything like that in my area, but you might have better luck since you're near Philly. Hang in there!
Comment by onmyown2014 on Friday

I'm still here, although a little weathered and worn.  Thanks for asking.  Work has helped a bit after the long three-day weekend, if only to give me something else to do, as well as a reason to keep my composure.  And I do have things lined up for Saturday and Sunday, so I'm hoping to not repeat last weekend's blues.

If I can backtrack through a few messages, I'm sorry that so many of you had to deal with longterm illnesses suffered by your spouses.  Amy's death was very sudden, despite the last year of severe depression and the suicide attempt.  I guess it's a different side of the "shit sandwich."  I wish things could have been different for all of us.

Whim, do you get migraines often?  Amy suffered with them for many years, so I'm pretty familiar with them. 

And I definitely miss someone to come home to, to watch TV while curled up on the couch, to cook with, and to just talk with each day.  Talking to my dogs just gets crazy after a while.

Comment by WidowerAndOne on Thursday

I'm on the ground at 10:07 AM in Tampa.  I'm up for whatever once I'm checked into my room and drop my bags!  I'm not too picky on food when I'm on "vacation".  I eat Paleo at home, but then again, I'm not going to be home, so there's that.

Andy, I second Whim.  How you doing?

Comment by whim2009 on Thursday
Yea, I'm excited for more people in my age group. I am thinking about trying the 5k too, Foever32, and I'm not in awesome shape either. Let the struggle begin. I'm getting in Thursday afternoon. What time is your flight arriving, Widower? I haven't looked at airport to hotel transport yet.I know some people are meeting up that evening and doing dinner somewhere,I don't know if it was decided where yet. I'm kind of a foodie, so I would be interested in something that we can't get at home. . .

Onmyown, are you doing ok this week? I'm getting out with some friends tonight after a weird week. I can tell my stress level dropped because I had a migraine this morning (seems counterintuitive, I know) but I slept it off and I'm feeling better and ready for something to eat!
Comment by WidowerAndOne on Thursday

Wow!  Going all out with the 5K on a torn ACL?  Now that's some enthusiasm!

We've kind of hijacked the group, haha.  How is everyone else doing?

Comment by Forever32 on Thursday
I bet! I miss my dog alot when I'm on vacation, so I can only imagine how difficult it is to be away from your children.

I live in a rural area and the only flight I could get home on Sunday was very early. I'd really like to try the 5K, so I decided to stay the extra day to participate in that. I have a torn ACL and meniscus and I'm not in the best shape, but I'm willing to give it a try. It's all about new experiences and moving forward, right?!
Comment by WidowerAndOne on Thursday

I'm there 2/5 to 2/8...got to get back to the little one. I'm gonna be missing her pretty bad by Sunday


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