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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 80s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

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Members: 374
Latest Activity: Jan 10

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Comment by Mandie on January 10, 2019 at 11:37pm

Thank you @purplewidow that is very helpful. I’ve just requested to join  :)

Comment by purplewidow on January 10, 2019 at 12:41pm

@mandie I lost my husband around 3.5 yrs ago from cancer too. In Melbourne, there's a facebook group called WWSG. We meet regularly and very supportive bunch of people. 

For others in Australia, look up Young Widows and Widowers Australia group. 

Comment by Mandie on January 10, 2019 at 11:04am

Hi I’m Amanda, I’m new here. I’m 34 years old, from New Zealand but living in Melbourne Australia. My husband Steve passed away from a melanoma cancer 3.5years ago. We were together 5 years and married for 1 year. It was lovely being able to share our 1st anniversary together. But it’s hard as our lives were only just starting out. We had bought a home and wanted to have a family. We did the sperm freezing thing too in the hope of being able to do this when he got better, but he never did. I’m in Melbourne now as I felt being in a new city would help me. Looking to reach out to other women in the same boat and here seems to be the place! @jesigirl87 and @amhjm85.

Comment by Igotthis on December 7, 2018 at 1:22am

HI everyone,

I'm Becky, a thirty eight year old widow.  My husband passed November 16, 2017 for ten months we didn't know what happened just he dropped dead.  A very fit and health firefighter how dos that happen right.  Turns out it was a cardiac arrhythmia, they found a gene which may or may not have played a roll in his death.   I have two young girls with will start their testing in March.  Its been just over a year, not a good year but we made it threw and then just November 18, 2018 two days after the one year a really good friend of mine and was Chris' brother at the fire hall passed away.  He has PTSD, his funeral was one day after Chris' last year.  Devastating loss not only for his family, myself but the firehall too. It brought back so may memories and this grief journey is different but still dealing with the first one.  

Comment by jesigirl87 on December 6, 2018 at 9:19pm

Hi everyone 

My name is Jess. I’m 31 years old and was widowed on September 28, 2018. It was around this time last year we found out my husband Tony had kidney cancer and not even a year later he was gone. I am a cancer survivor myself and am lucky enough to have won my battle after 3 months of grueling radiation treatment at the beginning of last year. We didn’t have any children yet - we had my eggs frozen just before I started radiation as I knew it would put me into early menopause. And unfortunately cannot have children yet until I find a surrogate and save up the money to do so. So at the moment just have two cats to keep me sane.  I’m hoping to connect with someone to help me through this awful journey I now have to do on my own. Maybe even another Aussie or young person who understands how hard it is to be widowed and childless. I already have endless friends and family making suggestions that “you’ll meet someone else cause your young” or “you can always adopt or foster”.....

Thanks for listening and hope to get to know you all soon. 

Comment by Amhjm85 on November 23, 2018 at 8:30pm

Hi Everyone,

I am newly widowed. My husband passed away from cancer a month ago. I live in Australia and I'd love to be connected to Australians who are in the same situation. I am 32 and childless (though tried multiple cycles of IVF, with no success).

My mind is a jumble of thoughts and emotions and i'd love to talk with people about it.

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on November 21, 2018 at 6:26am

I've had a lot change in the last 6 weeks, but thought I'd add for new people that there are very active groups on Facebook for people who don't fit as well into the discussions here. One is called Support Group: Young, Widowed and Dating (even though many of the people are in no way looking to date-it's named after the founders blog). 

One thing I have learned is that there is commonality among any loss. We all had too short of a time, whether we didn't make it to our wedding day, had 2 years, 20, or 70. You will learn here, but for times you need more immediate support, Facebook is a good place to look. I also connect with people there. I passed my 2nd year without Shane, and have now been his widow longer than his wife. This will be my third Thanksgiving without him, and my grief is much more about next steps and doing life whether or not I have another partner, knowing I want one, but also acknowledging the early ways I looked for one was not  necessarily healthy or helpful for finding someone long-term or giving my whole heart to the process. I am moving forward, not leaving Shane behind, because he is always a part of me and my future. I am marching forward into what is next. 

Comment by Bellaboo on November 19, 2018 at 7:12pm

Hello. I’m new here and looking for some support.i have been a widowed for 1 year and 10 months, at the age of 28. My husband went in for a routine procedure, the surgeon accidentally tore an artery which left him in a coma for 2 weeks at which I came to the decision to remove his life support as there was no possibility of recovery. I have been struggling with PTSD since as well as massive amounts of guilt. It’s hard to relate to anyone these days, especially my friends who are all getting married or having babies. I turned 30 in June and have this overwhelming anxiety about starting my life all over again. Stefan and I met when I was 19 and he was 20, we spent 9 years growing together and were married for only 2.5. We didn’t have kids just 2 dogs. My dog Nikita is 10 now, I got her one month before I met Stefan and she has been with me through it all. Stefan and I got Kiwi in Feb 2016 she was our little baby, I unfortunately had to put her to sleep in June 2018 due to some severe medical complications. That was difficult. I have a supportive family, however I feel like they think I should be “over it by now”, which is that even possible? This man was my everything and I was his and he’s just gone. My happiness, my confidence, my life just gone and I’m left to try and put myself back together and am expected to do it so quickly and perfectly. How?!? 

Comment by LCMJ on October 14, 2018 at 3:29am

Hello everyone.  I am new here, my husband died during a workplace accident almost 5 months ago. We have 2 young children. I am so lost and just don't know what to do.  Its been almost impossible to find similar aged people going through the same things so this group hopefully will be good for me. 

Comment by danteprayer14 on October 12, 2018 at 6:31pm

Hi everyone.  It's been awhile since I posted and I thought perhaps sharing where I have been and where I'm at now might help someone.   It's also a funny time to do this - as you learn below.

It will be 3 years since Tom died on Nov 9 - when I was 35. We never had kids - just cat kids.   However, on Sunday, it will be our wedding anniversary and so starts the dark time between Oct 14 until our birthdays ( a week apart)  in March occur.  Year 1 was ok.  Year 2 was worse and I don't know why.  I thought that I had experienced depression, but I never really knew what it was until last year.  I vowed that 2018 would be different, somehow.  I just didn't want to go through another year like 2017.  

It was like year 2 the reality really really hit.  People stopped being concerned or sensitive about my situation.  Life went back to a rhythm, but it was really out of sync and uncomfortable.  I did a lot on autopilot.  I am also good at my job - and yet it was not enough.  It was pretty much all I had left - the thing that didn't change when everything else did. The quote below " I need more so I have a reason to live" resonates with me so much.  In 2018 I vowed to change things.  I did a lot of things I knew I needed to do - things that scared the crap out of me.  I took a few more risks.  I worked on all the other relationships I had in my life and worked to make them better and closer.   I worked hard at the issues I had with Tom (he died suddenly, so no time to work anything out) and worked to really say goodbye to him.   And what I mean by that is not just a goodbye to the physical part of him, but goodbye to the feelings I had, the crying, the longing.  It was hard.  But somehow I just knew if I held on, I was scared I would get to a point where I never would let go.  

I'm taking the biggest step tomorrow.  This is my last night in the apartment we shared together - the apartment where he died.  I'm moving to a much nicer place, and moving to a new town we never lived in together.  This will be my place, my home, my town.   I will still work here and drive back and forth.  I'll slowly move over and clean this place before I hand the keys back, so I assume there will be some crying in that bathroom and a final farewell.

I guess I just want to say, year 3 was a lot better.  I laugh a lot.  I am learning to appreciate other people in my life for what they DO bring me and how they love me.  I do secretly kinda enjoy being alone now - listening to my own music, watching my own movies, picking out the girly bedspreads, choosing the apartment and the car he would have said NO to.  Eating the foods he hated and I loved.   Don't get me wrong, there are days I am so angry he died and left me alone.  Days where I just don't want to adult one more thing and I wish to god he was here to take some of the load off.   But I am appreciative that I am still here and I'm still standing and I'm still stubbornly working through it.  

Hugs and love to all of you tonight.  You are in my thoughts. 

 

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