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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 80s

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Members: 365
Latest Activity: on Wednesday

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Comment by Maria on September 5, 2018 at 1:01am

Hi Sar_ML,

I can't even imagine how much it hurts that you survived the accident. Fighting for your life has a whole new meaning especially when the grief cards are stacked against you. My husband died in an accident when our daughter was 9mos old. She's 8 now and I'm guessing you wish you two didn't make it either. 

The path ahead isn't anything I'd wish on anyone. I was quickly pretty angry with everyone in the world and isolated myself since noone could possibly understand.  They have their own shit going on like taking daily routine crap for granted. I can't even begin to tell you the stupid things you're going to hear from the world you used to be in. I refer to it as the before time. 

Some sense of relief, not that you want to but you'll see how powerful and strong you can be. No way you wanted to find this out about yourself.  I've become desensitized from other's tragedies, s/a a pet dies, they get divorced... as nothing seems to compare to your entire world being swallowed up.

You've found a good place here where people get it. 

There's no getting through it, you're forever changed. You learn how to survive it in a new way everyday. Try not to let guilt get too much of you. And fake it to keep your daughter strong when you must. You're not alone.

Maria

Comment by Sar_ML on September 3, 2018 at 12:55pm

Hi everyone, I joined recently and have been working up the nerve to start posting in groups myself because I still feel nauseous when I start actually typing it. Never imagined this would happen to us so young and to be honest I haven’t really accepted or become used to this new status yet. To sum things up - earlier this summer my husband, our little girl  and myself were in a bad accident that took my husband’s life and sent us to the hospital. We are now trying to recover/adapt one day at a time to as I try to cope and adjust to our new unplanned reality...I haven’t met anyone in my age group in this situation. No one really understands and I feel completely overwhelmed and desperate  to connect with people here who do. I’m heartbroken that we are here but it feels like it will be helpful in having so many others to lean on. Thanks for listening. Hugs to all for what you’re all going through...

 

Comment by Bruna.in.pain on August 23, 2018 at 7:52am

Hello everyone.

I´m Bruna and I lost my husband 22 days ago.

I´m also new here and I´m completely lost. Any kind of help is welcome

Thank you

Comment by CinaBina on July 27, 2018 at 9:25am

Hello everyone, I am new to this website.  My husband unexpectedly passed away June 2018 and I'm hating my life.  Food doesn't taste right, things I use to enjoy I'm not liking, I get annoyed easily.  My attitude towards life is kind of like "I don't care".  Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Comment by Maria on May 30, 2018 at 12:07pm

Greetings, I'm glad I found this website. It's been 7.5 yrs since my best friend in the world died in an accident. Lots of ups and downs in the process raising our daughter solo who just turned 8. Wishing you well today, Maria 

Comment by Anchor82 on March 20, 2018 at 7:55pm

Danteprayer14 you nailed it.  Well said.  Hug those kids.  Theyre little balls of positive energy and love.   They'll "drive" you crazy and at the same time give you all the "drive" you need.  Thats what I find at least      

Comment by CLR95 on March 20, 2018 at 5:21pm

Hi danteprayer14 thank you so much for your reply. 

Firstly, I'm very sorry for your loss.

I am glad to have found this site as I do feel no one around me quite understands what I am going through (and I have well meaning family and friends that surround me). The loneliness is overwhelming at times.

Life seems has resumed for everyone, as I know it as to, but I feel totally stuck and devastated every minute of every day. I am highly functional and doing everything for my boys but feel so broken. Your post gives me hope that maybe one day I will be able to live without feeling constant grief. 

I look forward to feeling joy again in life. I am grateful for my young kids - they are the light in the darkness.

Thank you again!! (My counsellor said the same thing - but I I think I understand it bit better now!) 

Comment by danteprayer14 on March 20, 2018 at 5:02pm

Hey CLR 95,  I just happened to be in my email and saw your message pop up.  It is very hard to be a young widow and I just want to give you a mental hug.  I've never met another 30 something widow face to face.

My husband died when I was 35 - and I turn 38 in 2 days.   His birthday was last week.  Give yourself time - you'll go through so many feelings, ups and downs and sideways.  I used to do the things I needed to do and then I'd come home and fall on floor and curl up in a ball.  I cried everyday for a solid 6 months.  I kept track because I felt like I was going insane.  

But the reason I felt compelled to write and respond was it does get better.  I don't cry everyday any more.   I can see his things and not break down.  I have done my best to cobble together my life and make it my own, instead of OURS.  But it takes time and I let myself feel the things I needed to feel.  Be gentle with yourself.  Hug those kiddos hard.  Ask for help.   Use this site for support.  

The timeline is different for everyone - the needs of each person are different.  But I remember something my therapist said early on that didn't make a lot of sense to me - but she said grief doesn't have an ending.  At first I thought, geez, that sucks!!!!   But I think I am slowly understanding that she meant that the feeling doesn't really ever go away - you just learn how to work around it, through it, and with it.  And it becomes a feeling that you get used to and you see joy and love if you look for it.   

Comment by CLR95 on March 20, 2018 at 4:51pm

Hi , I am new here. I guess I'm searching for people who understand the pain that I am feeling.

My soulmate died on the 12th of January 2018. I am devastated. I can't believe he is gone at 37 years of age and I am a widow at 36 years of age, with two young children. We were together for almost 23 years - we met when we were 13 and 15 and would have grown old together. I feel like we have been cheated of so much - at a time we should be raising our kids and living life, he has just gone. It has been 9 weeks and 5 days and my head wont accept the fact that he is no longer by my side. The days are busy but the nights are long and painful, but every second of every day he is on my mind. Will this feeling of missing and longing for him ever subside? Will this gaping wound ever heal? 

I guess I'd like to know how do people are dealing with their loss and when do you start to feel better.. if ever?

Comment by robyninvegas on March 6, 2018 at 7:09pm

@babushka(Debbie) My husband's birthday was three days before mine. We would always celebrate it together. It has been four years since he died. I will often try to see his children (my stepdaughters), visit his grave, and go to our favorite restaurant. It is pretty tough to feel like "celebrating" but I do the best I can. Last year, my father was having surgery on my birthday so I was there. Every year is different. Hope this helps some. 

 

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