Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Born in the 80s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Members: 197
Latest Activity: 23 hours ago

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Comment by victoria8 23 hours ago

Thank you onmyown2014. My husband also died when I was 33 this last December and we were together for almost 14 years. I was seeing a therapist while my husband was in treatment, and I saw her again once after I came back home. I'm pursuing a number of different healing modalities but haven't felt like therapy itself was necessarily the right thing for me at the present moment. I mostly struggle with going through each day without him. The memory of him actually passing is pretty repressed, but every now and then when I explore my grief, I touch upon it and I can tell it's really bad. I guess I'll deal with it one day when I'm ready. 

Comment by onmyown2014 yesterday

Becky - I wish I had a magic answer for you to make everything better, or at least take the pain away.  I was 33 when Amy died, and we were together for 14 years.  She was the one with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life.  It'll be five months on May 9th since her passing, and back in December I couldn't imagine making it this far.  Every day was filled with so much pain, and even at five months they still are/can be.  I used to think that anyone who gave me the "take one day at a time" speech was full of crap, since it's not really a plan, but more of an endurance contest.  There are days when I still feel like that.  But you really do need time to work through everything, even the pain, and to make sense of how things are now.

I've leaned on my friends to make it to five months, and I know I'll need their support for a while longer.  A therapist has helped, and this site has helped.  I was also fortunate to find a "Young Widow" support group in my area.  I still have tough days, but I'm still trying to give myself time.  I hope you can do the same.

Comment by onmyown2014 yesterday

Victoria8 - I found my wife's body after she overdosed in December.  I hadn't heard from her in two days while she was dogsitting for a friend, and the morning of the second day I made the decision to drive to the house and check on her.  Once I saw her, I turned away and couldn't look at her again.  Not even at the viewing, when I stayed away from the casket, or at the funeral, when her mother and I had the casket closed.  It wasn't how I wanted to remember her.

I guess you might say that I haven't really dealt with that part of Amy's passing.  It's been lost in what have been the harder aspects of her death for me to handle, namely her every day loss, the loss of the plans we had for the future, and why she killed herself.

I've been seeing a therapist every week for a few months now.  Is that an option for you?

Comment by WidowerAndOne on Sunday

Hi Victoriay8...happy you found us, but sorry you're here.

I personally had to make the decision to take my wife off of life support, and held her hand as she died.  Of all the "bad" memories, that will always be the worst.  She was also cremated, so I had the same identification process as you.

The way I looked at it was very cold and clinical.  Granted, my wife had Cystic Fibrosis, so this was not an unexpected event.  Once she was declared, everything turned into technical tasks.  The identification process was just "business" to me.  I didn't see it as her at that point...it was just "a body".

I guess it was something that I actually let myself focus on at first, almost to the point of self-sabotage.  Sometimes, you just need to have those events on purpose.

Comment by victoria8 on Sunday

hi everyone, I'm new to WV. My husband passed four months ago, less than two months after being diagnosed with cancer. For the most part, I've been moving along in my healing journey, but the one thing that continues to disturb me and that I have an extremely hard time coping with is the memory of witnessing his death (heart attack), watching him take his last breath, seeing him dead in the hospital room, and having to identify him a week later after I flew him back home to be cremated. Has anyone experienced this kind of traumatic memory and how have you dealt with it?

Comment by MissMyPirate on Thursday
Also, my hubs passes 2/26/15. I'm 8wks out today. So hard. I still can't believe this is my life. Can't be....
Comment by MissMyPirate on Thursday
BeckyT - I'm 34 struggling with the thought/reality of being a widow. I know my sweet Jon was my soulmate. I never doubted it a day in our 10yrs together. I could never ever imagine anyone else in my life or being able to love again, which makes the future seem pretty empty/lonely. I do have my 2 girls (5&8), so I focus all my time, energy, and love on them! I hate that we are all having to experience what we are, but this site has been really helpful in knowing that I'm not alone and my feelings are normal. Prayers for all.
Comment by BeckyT on Thursday

I just turned 33 and am really struggling with the idea of being a "widow". Is anyone else feeling that way? and how do you cope with it? My husband passed 3/29/15 so this is very new to me. :(

Comment by onmyown2014 on April 21, 2015 at 1:23pm

It's been quiet on here recently, so I'm hoping that "no news is good news."  I hope everyone's doing OK. 

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on April 5, 2015 at 1:32pm

It's difficult to recognize how young some of our members are. We are so grateful that you found our community.  

We have opened up a Born in the 90s group for those of you who joined Born in the 80s because your 'decade' wasn't yet available. You are welcome to remain involved here, too. 

http://widowedvillage.org/group/born-in-the-90s

 

Members (197)

 
 
 

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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