Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Born in the 80s

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Comment by WidowerAndOne on February 22, 2015 at 8:15pm

It happens Whitney.  Best you can do is try to keep your head up and distract yourself.  Knock those pushups out, like you said.  Get mad, aggressive, and get the adrenaline going in a healthy way.  I've been on a whirlwind since camp, but honestly, in a good way.  I had the "crash" the first few days back just like Michele predicted, but I've since started sharing my writing publicly: http://im-no-hero.blogspot.com 

It's REALLY helped to extend the camp experience of talking to people who "get it".  I don't really give a damn if friends or family read it and can't comprehend it or take offense to it...I met so many people down there and have remained in touch with them, and they have really encouraged me to open up more.

I'm not saying it makes everything all unicorn farts and rainbows, but just as you posted, admitting things to more people lets you vent out a lot of the frustration and apathy that you can't help but build up.  

Andy, the support group should help.  Socialize with other widow(er)s, because thus far, in my short experience, being around those of us that "get it" is far more valuable in healing, if only temporarily, than trying to tough it out on your own.  

God, I'm talking like I'm years out...it was 3 months on Thursday.  I miss the HELL out of Megan.  All.  The.  Time.  But I'm coming to the realization that she somehow had a plan for me.  It's slow...I don't like it...but I'm accepting it.

If you guys just want to vent it all in a knock down, drag out fashion and you don't feel like posting it here, PM me and I'll give you my email.  I'm not going to be taken aback by anything.

Comment by whim2009 on February 22, 2015 at 7:54pm
Hey guys. Lost it last week at my grief group. I'm tired of trying. I can't believe how unfair life is and I wish I could stop doing things. (i wish I could admit this to more people). I'm making barley and broccoli for lunches, and I guess I will do some pushups now since I'm on here and that would be my advice to me if I were trading this comment. . .
Comment by onmyown2014 on February 22, 2015 at 6:55pm

Just wanted to see how people are doing.  Amy's family came out yesterday to take a few of her things, so it was a tough morning.  I had always envisioned both of us moving out together from our apartment to a house, but never her stuff leaving bit by bit (and without her). 

It sounds like Camp was pretty good, and I'm glad for those of you who went.  A support group starts around me on March 10th, and I'm hoping it helps. 

Comment by whim2009 on February 12, 2015 at 4:42pm

I thought Camp was good too! Forever32 and I had so much fun rooming together :) It was really easy and normal really fast. There were lots of sessions with different vibes -- something for everyone you could say. But lots of good information to take away. The best part is the people though. There are people who have been to camp multiple times and they are awesome at paying it forward and being helpful, good examples to the new people. 

Comment by Forever32 on February 11, 2015 at 2:09pm
Hi, I personally had a great time at Camp. I was really nervous going, but it was probably one of the best decisions I've made for myself since Chris passed away. Whim & I actually ended up rooming together. I didn't realize how much I missed talking about my day with someone before falling asleep...it was really nice and I already miss the company. There were so many awesome people there! It was really amazing how quickly you connected and that everyone understands what you're feeling inside. I would definitely go again!
Comment by onmyown2014 on February 11, 2015 at 1:05pm

I was wondering if anyone had any stories or details from the recent Camp Widow?  How was it?

Comment by onmyown2014 on February 11, 2015 at 1:03pm

BJ - I'm very sorry to hear about your loss.  I hope we can provide a little bit of comfort and help here for you as you try to figure things out. 

Comment by Lost BJ on February 5, 2015 at 6:03pm

At 31 I lost my best friend and soul mate to cancer. Its been 9  months since he left and i think about him every moment of every day. I'm so confused why all the great people of the world get taken away and we are left with some horrible people in this world. With everything going on around the world, it makes no sense that all our loved ones have had to go. From reading all the stories here im sad for all of us. Its such a shame that we have no choice in being left behind. We were together for 6 years and had been planning our wedding for about 18months when 2 days before xmas Brandon was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer. Given 2-5 years to live. We married 3 months later and 6 weeks following that he was gone. We had no kids and now im left trying to figure out what just happened. Life is so cruel.

Comment by onmyown2014 on February 5, 2015 at 2:45pm

Thanks - I hope the trip helps too.  It'll be the first time getting out of the area for me since Amy's funeral back in December. 

Comment by Isa on February 4, 2015 at 10:33pm
Thank you whim2009 and WidowerAndOne for your messages. Sorry that we all have to be here.
Whim2009 I know exactly how that feels, I have been there...
WidowerAndOne I completely agree with you, exercise helps a lot, I do kickboxing regularly and it truly helps even in my darkest moments.
I understand what you mean about being productive, I am trying too, I guess that since June and July (when I hit my longest -lowest point in this journey) I realized that there was no other way around this, at 33, alone in this journey, sadly but truthfully I just had to start over no matter what, still the emptiness is there and for sure it will always be, and of course there are some days of shock, numbness, denial and extremely sadness but there are also good days, days that I have learned to appreciate.
Onmyown, I hope your trip to see your brother helps, I travel a lot overseas for work and it always helps me to clear my head to be in a different place. My advice just try to take one day at a time.
 

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