Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Information

Born in the 80s

Groups are a place to connect with others you have something in common with. Please get acquainted here and make friends anywhere on the site.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Members: 249
Latest Activity: yesterday

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Born in the 80s to add comments!

Comment by onmyown2014 yesterday

Hi Kaye,

     You're quite welcome here in the 80s group.  I lost my wife 14 months ago, and we had been together for 14 years.  Like you said, the pain and the loss can be disorienting at times.  Things just don't feel right, and at least for myself, I was so angry (still am) that things weren't how they used to be.  And for me, I hated hearing that I would need time to heal.  It didn't give me any idea of what to do, and I wanted to tell anyone who said it that they were full of crap.  But in many ways, they were right.  You need time to readjust and reorient yourself to this crappy new world, and time to find ways to reduce the hurt, if only for a little while.  In the beginning, all I could do was focus on getting myself to eat, or walk the dogs, or a load of laundry.  Small victories.  I wish I had better answers for you. 

     My wife and I never had children, so I don't know what you and Sosie are going through.  Do you have anyone that you can talk to about everything?  Any local support groups, or perhaps a therapist that you could see?  Anyone to babysit for a little while?

     I hope everyone's doing OK. 

Comment by KayeL on January 27, 2016 at 1:44pm

I was born in late 1979, age 36, so I guess I am ok to join this group.

I lost my husband three weeks ago, very suddenly, to cancer. We have a 2yo, and being pampered by my love for the past 15 years, my world has now been turned upside down. I miss him terribly. He was my entire all: my BFF, my soulmate and my support.I miss him so much that sometimes I can't even breathe.

Comment by sosie03 on January 17, 2016 at 5:46am
I am new to this group and new to the site as well. I am 34 years old have a 3 year old daughter and am currently pregnant with a baby boy due in April. I lost my husband December 4th to a very short and sudden illness. I have been feeling so lost and just really numb trying to keep myself going for my children. The holidays were very hard for me and I have a lot of hard days coming. I am very thankful to have Ed found this site where people will understand what I am going through.
Comment by sato.toronto on January 10, 2016 at 11:34am

Hello, I am new is this group.I born in 1985.

My husband died from lung cancer on December 29th, 2012. It has been 3 years already, but holiday season always makes me sad and I don't really feel like to celebrate. 

Luckily, he left me a daughter(now she is 4years old), and she is my everything.

She started school and started to realize she doesn't have dad like her other friend. It is so sad that she doesn't remember anything about her dad, even though he loved her so much.

I am hoping to be connected with someone similar to my situation. Thanks.

 

Comment by Cookie_love on January 4, 2016 at 9:49pm
Hello. I'm new here. I am 31 year old woman. I lost the love of my life suddenly in a car accident in August 2015. Hell, a nightmare, a horror film...would be an understatement to describe my life and feeling since then. I miss him so much. He was only 35. For various, personal reasons, I would rather not blog my life but lookinh for a pen pal...I did sign up, but wanted to introduce myself.I am reaching out to someone to talk to who can relate to my situation. I am also here for support as well. We are all hurting. Let's make a difference and play these fucked up deck of cards we've been dealt. Life isn't fair...life is where we are forced to experience suffering, but we all know we must live and keep going. Somehow, someway, we must, for our kids, our family, for ourselves. We keep saying oh "they" would want you happy. Ya think?!!! And you think WE don't want to be happy as well??? Seriously! You think we arent trying to make happiness a reality?
Well here we are still looking for that smile, minute of hope, words of advice. I'm just ranting. I've been through hell as obviously the rest of you have as well. Feel free to reach out to me. Thanks.
Comment by Pufferfish on January 3, 2016 at 8:03pm
Lyn, thank you for your insight and response. Your comment came right when my in-laws were pressuring me to drive over a mountain pass that was getting record snow falls and kept closing due to the weather. I stood my ground and ended up not going and not see it them at all these holidays which was a huge stress reliever and actually helped me to deal with my grief during this second Christmas without my husband. I agree with what you said about keeping communication open but that they need to make the effort to communicate with me and their grandson if they want to.
I wish we didn't have to be in this situation this young in life but glad this forum is here for input from others.
Comment by Hawky (Rebekah) on January 3, 2016 at 7:45pm

Hi all, New to this group. I thought I had joined it a month ago, but I guess not. I'm 33 and my husband was 38. He just died on October 21st, 2015. We've been together for 16.5 years and married for 14.5. No kids, just us.  Reading all your comments about in laws sound so familiar. While I don't have kids, it has been so hard. More so that they just don't pretend like anything happened at all. I go over there to see them, and they just talk and laugh and pretend like nothing happened at all. Like life is going on like normal. They don't want to know how I'm doing. Except for asking me for some of his ashes, AFTER I spent a good 2 weeks trying to find some jewelry to be made with his ashes that didn't look like ashes. Now they see those and want them too. They don't visit him at the cemetery, which is where we buried 1/4 of him, so they could have a place to see him, since we don't live in the same state as them. It's a much longer story that all of that, but if you don't care about it, and don't even visit him, don't expect ashes and to make the same jewelry that I have, so you can feel "cool" about having something like that. I'm so upset, lost, angry, broken...I just don't know how ANY of us do this, especially at our ages. We were not meant to be widowed at our ages. 

Comment by Lyn on December 27, 2015 at 12:45pm
Hello Pufferfish. Im new here and lost my husband in August 2015. I am in a similar situation with the inlaws. What Ive done is basically consider the fact that any type of communication with them has left me in so much pain and hurt that it takes me some time to recover from. I am the one who has to take care of my two children. They are not even concerned with helping or being there so I have to do whats best for me. Ive told them that they are welcome to call or come over to see the children but my ten year old children are not going to pursue a relationship with adults. If they want to be a part of the kids lives, they have to make the effort. My kids are old enough to call for themselves and talk to granpa if they want to so I ask them on occasion and sometimes they call and sometimes they dont. We havent heard from my brothers only sibling or from my husbands mother and until they decide to be a part of my childrens lives, Im fine with the way it is. I agree that later on, there may be repercussions to cutting that side of the family off thats why Ive opened the door to anyone who wants to be there. Amazingly, they wont come forward and you know what, its all good. My children know that they can call whenever they want to buy we cannot afford to travel the distance to go see them and because my inlaws are well off, I know they could come if they want to so thats up to them. No, I would not send my two year old to stay with them if Im not comfortable with it. You are a single parent and you cant afford to go out of your budget to accomodate them. I would say keep the lines of communication open. Dont do completely shut them off but let it be up to them whether they will be there or not. We cant force people to love.
Comment by Pufferfish on December 17, 2015 at 12:16pm

I am really struggling with the in-law situation as it gets closer to the holidays. My in-laws live a 13 hour drive away or multiple small flights to get there (expensive and time consuming!). They never call, respond to emails, or want to Skype with their 2 year old grandson. When I used to live near them, they didn’t even come to his birthday party. Now, they are wanting me to bring my son to their house for Christmas and leave him for a few days with them but are not inviting me to stay. They are multi-millionaires and have never once offered any financial support with the funeral or since. They never ask how I am doing emotionally, spiritually, or financially and expect me to pay all costs to come visit them or maintain contact. It is causing so much stress that I am awake at night worrying about how to handle the holidays. I feel bitter and angry towards them and just want to spend Christmas with my son, parents, and sisters. My son seems to be picking up on my anxiety as he has been acting out more the past couple days as well. My son doesn’t know his grandmother or aunt, uncle, and cousins on his father's side because there is no effort on their part even though I send emails, photos, and updates to them. As a mom, I don’t feel comfortable leaving my 2 year old with people he doesn’t know especially overnight. I want to just completely cut them out of my life because I don’t agree with their values and lifestyle and I have support from my family and people through my church who have stepped in to fill grandparent and aunt/uncle roles. I am concerned about the long-term repercussions if I do break off ties with my in-laws; will my son resent me later? Will my son wish he had some connection to his father’s side? Anyone who has dealt with this and has advise would be appreciated.

Comment by myethan on December 2, 2015 at 1:45am
I don't really know how to do this. I've avoided becoming active here since I joined, I don't know why. I'm 34 years old and a widowed mother of 6. Our youngest was born just 2 months after my husband died. To say it has been horrible would be an understatement, but I have yet to find any words that can describe the utter soul crushing feeling of losing him. People don't understand, but how could I expect them to when I couldn't before it happened to me. I am in the habit of avoiding get-togethers with a lot of my friends. They are all couples that were OUR friends and I just don't fit in comfortably solo. Not because of them, but because it is hard to watch couples when my couplehood has ended. I don't have single friends and so I am finding myself trying to build new relationships with likeminded people, and they seem to be in short supply. Plus, people don't know how to handle it when they find out that I am a widow. They suddenly begin to treat me differently. It is as if I become a fragile object surrounded by eggshells they are afraid to walk on. I'm some sort of enigma to them. The truth is I'm pretty broken and the pain is excruciating, but I say I am "okay" because no one wants to hear my pain. Sometimes I long to run away, but that isn't an option.
 

Members (249)

 
 
 

© 2016   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service