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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Born in the 80s

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Members: 220
Latest Activity: 16 hours ago

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Comment by Tinker0025 (Jennifer) 16 hours ago

Carol K-  My dogs do the same thing. I have two of his smelliest shirt with me and the puppies in the bed and we all snuggle them. Its good for the dogs too. I would just let her be unless its a problem for you. My dogs look for him too. We got completely uprooted and I'm living with my family now 68 miles away from the home I shared with David. Its been a huge change for my dogs too. But we just go day by day and if they want to lay on daddies shirts I let them.

Comment by onmyown2014 16 hours ago

Hi Carol - one of my Chihuahuas did the same thing after my wife passed away.  He would "gather" the small amount of dirty laundry that was left and curl up in it.  Amy was "pack leader" to our two Chihuahuas, and he definitely was confused/grieving.  He would also sit at the top of the steps and watch the front door, thinking that Amy would come through the door at any minute.  After a few months he's realized that I've taken over feeding and walking duties, but every once in a while he still sits at the top of the steps and waits. 

Jennifer - I hope your time with a therapist helps.  I started seeing one shortly after Amy died.  In the beginning it took a little bit of time to build up a relationship with her and tell her all of the necessary details, but she's been pretty helpful.  It helps to get my head in a good place for a little while.  Getting it to last is still difficult, seven months later.

Comment by Carol K 21 hours ago

HI Everyone,

My name is Carol.  I lost my husband Alan on July 16, 2015.  He was battling stage 4 lung cancer and he was doing so good.  He was responding well to treatment.  Then suddenly he started to hemorrhage and within 2 minutes he was gone.  I held him through it all.  I buried him "down home" in KY on Saturday.  I came home to IL yesterday.  At times I do pretty well then the next minute I'm a basket case. I think I started grieving back in January when we received the diagnosis.  Our poor papillion keeps wandering through the house looking for her dad.  She piles up his dirty close he left on the floor next to our bed and sleeps on them.  Part of me wants to wash them and put them away but I feel bad for taking that comfort away from her.  It seems silly, but I know she is grieving too and if his dirty t-shirt brings her comfort what is the harm?  I feel like I'm just babbling...

Comment by Tinker0025 (Jennifer) on Friday

RV- I live in the Inland Empire- Riverside area. I am going to a therapist next week and i bet she will have some suggestions...If not maybe I will start my own. 

Comment by RVLlover on Friday
@tinker0025. What part of Southern California are you in? I'm in Palos Verdes area and we have a grief share group out of rolling hills covenant church that I love! I'm the youngest in it but that doesn't seem to matter. There is someone at 18 months of losing her husband and me at 8 months and someone else at 2 months and then several others but it is very interesting to see the changes in each of us as we journey through our grief!
Comment by Tinker0025 (Jennifer) on Friday

I scheduled an appointment with a therapist next week. I hope she has resources for a group or something. I live in Southern California and have searched for some but havent been able to find any in my area. I do go to a women's bible study on Monday nights and some of them are widows also. But we usually are talking about a separate topic from a book. Actually its a topic on JOY 

Comment by CGPandMe on Thursday

Oh man, that coming home to an empty house feeling.  I hate that SO much.  Gets me every time...

Hugs to us all as we navigate this shitty position in which we find ourselves....

Comment by onmyown2014 on Thursday

Jennifer - have you looked for any widow/young widow support groups in your area?  I found one in my area back in March, and while it only met for a short time (6 weeks), it helped me.  Like this website, it helps to be around people who have been in, or are going through, your situation. 

Heather - I know what you mean about coming home to an empty house each night after work.  It's extremely difficult, and I've found myself staying late at work some nights so I can escape coming home for a little while longer.  I have two small dogs, and as they've realized over the months that I'm now "pack leader" and my wife isn't there anymore, they've been happy to see me, but it's just not the same.  Some nights it feels like I'm just one step closer to being some crazy old person who talks to his dogs. 

Comment by Tia33 on Thursday

Hi Jennifer,

I am very sorry for your lost and I know it is hard to comprehend why this all happened especially when David pass so sudden at a young age. I'm sorry that you have to move back in with your parents being forced to start over. This is all so recent for you and the only advice that I would have is surround yourself around family as you are doing since you moved back in with your parents. You may need some space sometimes to get yourself together as I always needed space, but each one of us are different when we're trying to deal with grief. All I would say is if you can keep yourself busy to do that, be with family, and cry if you need to. I hope that his children are okay also and I hope that you are still able to see them since you have been a part of their lives. 

Peace and Love,

Tia

Comment by Tinker0025 (Jennifer) on July 21, 2015 at 9:43pm

Hi I'm Jennifer.I'm 31 years old I lost my fiance suddenly on July 3rd 2015. He was only 41 years old It was very fast and sudden. We went to the ER and he stopped breathing and then his heart stopped. He was an organ donor and they took his heart for donation.  I still don't know his cause of death. We were a family of 4. He has two daughters from a previous relationship and I took them in as my own for the past 3 years. We had a short time together in the grand scheme of things. Only 3 years but it was instant love at first site. His kids have gone back to the moms house. I had to move back in with my parents and start over again. I miss him terribly and barely make it everyday. Its so hard without him. He was really our patriarch. RIP David my love. August 13,1973 - July 3, 2015  I love you to Europa and back.

 

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