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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Born in the 80s

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Members: 365
Latest Activity: Sep 19

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Comment by Mrs.Hehar on December 19, 2017 at 9:11am

Hi Debbie, It feels so much more difficult as the days go on, I find that my eyes are always full of tears. I had a dream that I was hugging him and telling him not to go to work, felt so real, like it was that same morning. I woke up in tears because there were many times I would ask him not to go to work, but I knew he had to. I wish my dream was reality and I could have stopped him that day. It just feels so unfair that this happened to him. I'd switch places with him in a heartbeat, a second, not even a second; he had so many wishes and hopes, motivation to accomplish so much in his life. I don't understand life anymore, or what the point is, or why things happen to certain people. I just don't get it. I feel so damn sad and upset inside. I'm not sure if it will ever get better. And the people that tell me, you have to think about your future, you're so young, I know what they are getting at, but I can't even begin to think that I will just go on without him. He was really my everything, it was all about him, that is all I did day and night. I don't work or have any hobbies since I moved here, it was all about Jimmy, always seeing him off to work, or waiting for him to come home, calling and texting him throughout the day, having dinner ready, doing things together, I breathed Jimmy, and since he has left I feel like I don't know what to do anymore. My days are filled with paperwork and looking for answers online. This blog, that blog, reading into dreams I have. And friends and family who have not lost their soulmates think I should try to keep my mind busy, but its not that easy. No matter what I do, I think of him or what we would be doing or what he would think. I hate this. 

Comment by JessicaAnn on December 17, 2017 at 8:29pm

Hi Debbie. Thank you I will have to look up that song. I'm sorry for your loss as well. Not really sure how the chat rooms work yet so I just posted a comment :). 

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on December 17, 2017 at 7:41pm

Mrs. Hehar, 

I didn't mean to miss your post! It's okay to cry when people are looking. If there's ever a time to be a mess sometimes, this is it.  I am so sorry you lost your love. We are all too young for this, and it can hurt so much when others are talking about their 20, 30, 40 years with their great loves and we got 1, 2, 5, or didn't even make it to the wedding. Keep coming back and keep talking here. You will find your way. 

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on December 17, 2017 at 7:38pm

Hi JessicaAnn. Just missed you in the chatroom. I am 32 and lost my husband almost 14 months ago. He was dying in the hospital when our 2nd anniversary came. At his memorial service there was a song, Your Grace Finds Me, by Matt Redman, that has a line that had caught me on the radio the week before:
"It's there on the wedding day
There in the weeping by the gravesite
There in the very breath we breathe
Your great grace"
So hard, the rollercoasters of this life. (((hugs))) Would be glad to chat with you.

Comment by JessicaAnn on December 17, 2017 at 7:28pm

Hi all I am new here. I just came across this site and it seems wonderful. My name is Jessica and I am 33 years old. My husband and I were married last November and six months later he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Two months after jay he passed away. In less than one year I went from the best day of my life to the worst day of my life.  I miss him more than anything. Now I'm just trying to figure out what my new normal is and trying to be patient with myself. I'm not really sure where to go from here. I always had s vision of what my future would look like and now it's just a blur. Just trying to take it one day at a time. Make that one minute st a time. 

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on December 12, 2017 at 2:58pm


I’m new here. I’m 35 and my husband was 31 years old when he passed away 27 days ago. I feel like I died with him. I try my best to hold it together and cry when no one is looking. He was killed in a motor vehicle accident. We were married for just over a year and had our religious ceremony on September 30th 2017. We sadly have no children and his death haunts me, our plans haunt me and I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything was so perfect, he was my fairytale. He taught me how to love, to be happy and to appreciate. I wish I could bring him back, he didn’t deserve this, all due to some wreckless driver who decided to run a Red. In the end my husband died and a family ruined. The days are so long and the nights longer, I can’t sleep and when I do I wake up in tears. I probably sound like I’m all over the place. I just don’t know what to do. Yesterday would have been our anniversary to the first time we met. He was the one who remembered every anniversary, he would wish me by the month. Our wedding was perfect, the big fat Indian wedding, he was so happy, and now all I have are the videos to watch. I feel like no one understands my pain or how much I miss him, physically miss him. In the morning I turn my head Hoping he’ll be beside me, I turn 3 to 4 times but nothing is there, then I realize he is never going to be there. On that day I was waiting for him to come home from work, some days I feel like I’m still waiting. I feel deja vu whenever I go out. I feel angry and sad when I see couples holding hands, or someone with a baby, that was supposed to be us. He was everything I didn’t know I wanted. The day I opened his phone and found an Albion dedicated to me I balled my eyes out, he had made videos of us, so many thoughtful things he never showed me. I wish there was someway to bring him back. I wish we had a baby or something just anything.  All day I talk about him, memories. Sometimes I walk around and imagine him doing things. I just don’t know what to do with my life, unsure of what tomorrow will be like. I feel lost.

Comment by Kasiopeja on November 22, 2017 at 12:23am
Dear SCJ, I cannot even imagine how you feel right now. I lost a husband almost two years ago and I remember that first couple of month the were complete shock and taking care of other people around me (my son, my parents, in laws...), not stopping even once to really grieving for myself and by myself. The result is that 1,5 after I lost him I started taking my pain deep and fully living it. Only 1,5 year after he died. I was searching for the answers, somebody to talk about everything but somehow everybody, very close and dear friends were too sad to be there for me. Now sounds funny, but that is the fact. So after a while, I found a book - "widow to widow" which helped me enormously! I am still reading it, slowly and have the feeling like I am talking with somebody who understands me completely. I recommend it. It was written by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg. It will take time. A lot of time. Many sad and happy moments you will experience without them and you will change, and everything around you will change, but never forget that even though you will be lonely they will always be with you and inside of you. They are part of you. My biggest recommendation is to talk, talk, talk, bother people, no matter how you sound. You are entitled to it. Talk and laugh and cry whenever you feel like it. It will take time and know that even when the time passes, they and everything you lived with them will still be there - impossible to be forgotten.
Comment by SCJ on November 20, 2017 at 7:40pm
Hello all. I became a widow 6-months ago when my husband lost his life trying to save the life of our eldest daughter in the lake outside our home. I lost them both. It was the day after her 11th birthday. This is the first website of this nature that I’ve signed up to and I’m hoping to be able to communicate with and build friendships with people who like myself have unexpectedly found themselves on a journey that they never anticipated. Funnily enough - I feel I’ve spent the last 6-months in shock. I think back to that fateful day and all the days that followed and wonder how? How did I manage to keep breathing? How did my heart keep beating despite being completely broken? The future that lies ahead - I honestly don’t know what to do with it. Do I live the life I would have lived had Ben been here? Do I completely recreate our future? I don’t have anybody to consult with when it comes to making decisions - goodness. There’s no word to describe it but the daily mantra I have is “we’re going to make it ... I can not give up, nor will l”. If anybody wants to talk, feel free to message me.
Comment by KayeL on October 3, 2017 at 8:42pm


I lost my husband last year, age 36. We met in college and were completely in love for the short 15 years we were together. I am a year and 10 months bearing the pain of losing the love of my life. I don't think emotionally I am any better than when I first lost him but I am "numbed" with my current  stale, lonely life. Time will lessen the shock as responsibilities will take over the emotion somewhat. The way I got through life last year was to spend time doing silly things,  jigsaw puzzles, read, word/math puzzles etc. You're working full time which is good because a whole chunk of your time each day is occupied elsewhere. I don't work as I need to take care of my toddler. My first year without hubby, I stayed home all day long and that almost drove me crazy. I have always loved to stay home but I couldn't bear not having him to be home around 6 every evening and I had no one to text when I wanted to share things with. It's hard, Ncaru001, I am not going to lie. But here we are here to support each other. As young as we are, our friends and even family wouldn't understand the excruciating pain we need to endure. Hug.... If you want to talk, send me a private message.

Comment by ncaru001 on October 3, 2017 at 8:23pm
New widow at 35 yrs old. Husband suddenly passed at the age of 35 yrs old while at the gym. We were high school sweethearts, no kids. It’s now been 43 days. Pain is unbearable! Not sure how to get through this. Took care of everything from bills, cooking, cleaning all while working full time. Now I’m just lost. Never thought I would lose him so young. We always talked about what our life would be like into retirement. Any advice about anything would be helpful

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