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Comment by Mrs.Hehar on December 12, 2017 at 2:58pm

Hi, 

I’m new here. I’m 35 and my husband was 31 years old when he passed away 27 days ago. I feel like I died with him. I try my best to hold it together and cry when no one is looking. He was killed in a motor vehicle accident. We were married for just over a year and had our religious ceremony on September 30th 2017. We sadly have no children and his death haunts me, our plans haunt me and I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything was so perfect, he was my fairytale. He taught me how to love, to be happy and to appreciate. I wish I could bring him back, he didn’t deserve this, all due to some wreckless driver who decided to run a Red. In the end my husband died and a family ruined. The days are so long and the nights longer, I can’t sleep and when I do I wake up in tears. I probably sound like I’m all over the place. I just don’t know what to do. Yesterday would have been our anniversary to the first time we met. He was the one who remembered every anniversary, he would wish me by the month. Our wedding was perfect, the big fat Indian wedding, he was so happy, and now all I have are the videos to watch. I feel like no one understands my pain or how much I miss him, physically miss him. In the morning I turn my head Hoping he’ll be beside me, I turn 3 to 4 times but nothing is there, then I realize he is never going to be there. On that day I was waiting for him to come home from work, some days I feel like I’m still waiting. I feel deja vu whenever I go out. I feel angry and sad when I see couples holding hands, or someone with a baby, that was supposed to be us. He was everything I didn’t know I wanted. The day I opened his phone and found an Albion dedicated to me I balled my eyes out, he had made videos of us, so many thoughtful things he never showed me. I wish there was someway to bring him back. I wish we had a baby or something just anything.  All day I talk about him, memories. Sometimes I walk around and imagine him doing things. I just don’t know what to do with my life, unsure of what tomorrow will be like. I feel lost.

Comment by Kasiopeja on November 22, 2017 at 12:23am

Dear SCJ, I cannot even imagine how you feel right now. I lost a husband almost two years ago and I remember that first couple of month the were complete shock and taking care of other people around me (my son, my parents, in laws...), not stopping even once to really grieving for myself and by myself. The result is that 1,5 after I lost him I started taking my pain deep and fully living it. Only 1,5 year after he died. I was searching for the answers, somebody to talk about everything but somehow everybody, very close and dear friends were too sad to be there for me. Now sounds funny, but that is the fact. So after a while, I found a book - "widow to widow" which helped me enormously! I am still reading it, slowly and have the feeling like I am talking with somebody who understands me completely. I recommend it. It was written by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg. It will take time. A lot of time. Many sad and happy moments you will experience without them and you will change, and everything around you will change, but never forget that even though you will be lonely they will always be with you and inside of you. They are part of you. My biggest recommendation is to talk, talk, talk, bother people, no matter how you sound. You are entitled to it. Talk and laugh and cry whenever you feel like it. It will take time and know that even when the time passes, they and everything you lived with them will still be there - impossible to be forgotten.

Comment by SCJ on November 20, 2017 at 7:40pm

Hello all. I became a widow 6-months ago when my husband lost his life trying to save the life of our eldest daughter in the lake outside our home. I lost them both. It was the day after her 11th birthday. This is the first website of this nature that I’ve signed up to and I’m hoping to be able to communicate with and build friendships with people who like myself have unexpectedly found themselves on a journey that they never anticipated. Funnily enough - I feel I’ve spent the last 6-months in shock. I think back to that fateful day and all the days that followed and wonder how? How did I manage to keep breathing? How did my heart keep beating despite being completely broken? The future that lies ahead - I honestly don’t know what to do with it. Do I live the life I would have lived had Ben been here? Do I completely recreate our future? I don’t have anybody to consult with when it comes to making decisions - goodness. There’s no word to describe it but the daily mantra I have is “we’re going to make it ... I can not give up, nor will l”. If anybody wants to talk, feel free to message me.

Comment by KayeL on October 3, 2017 at 8:42pm

Ncaru001,

I lost my husband last year, age 36. We met in college and were completely in love for the short 15 years we were together. I am a year and 10 months bearing the pain of losing the love of my life. I don't think emotionally I am any better than when I first lost him but I am "numbed" with my current  stale, lonely life. Time will lessen the shock as responsibilities will take over the emotion somewhat. The way I got through life last year was to spend time doing silly things,  jigsaw puzzles, read, word/math puzzles etc. You're working full time which is good because a whole chunk of your time each day is occupied elsewhere. I don't work as I need to take care of my toddler. My first year without hubby, I stayed home all day long and that almost drove me crazy. I have always loved to stay home but I couldn't bear not having him to be home around 6 every evening and I had no one to text when I wanted to share things with. It's hard, Ncaru001, I am not going to lie. But here we are here to support each other. As young as we are, our friends and even family wouldn't understand the excruciating pain we need to endure. Hug.... If you want to talk, send me a private message.

Comment by ncaru001 on October 3, 2017 at 8:23pm

New widow at 35 yrs old. Husband suddenly passed at the age of 35 yrs old while at the gym. We were high school sweethearts, no kids. It’s now been 43 days. Pain is unbearable! Not sure how to get through this. Took care of everything from bills, cooking, cleaning all while working full time. Now I’m just lost. Never thought I would lose him so young. We always talked about what our life would be like into retirement. Any advice about anything would be helpful

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on July 7, 2017 at 11:57pm

Hi ByHisGrace08. Sorry I didn't see your post earlier. This forum has been a lifesaver. None of us, of course, wants to be here, but I bet we're all glad this website exists. If you'd like to connect, I'll send you a friend request. I'm also in chat a lot in the evenings/late night.

Debbie

Comment by ByHisGrace08 on June 27, 2017 at 9:37am

Hi All, I am a recent YWW and looking to connect with some others my age. None of us should be in forums or groups like this. We should be in forum groups chatting about buying houses, how to change diapers, great 35th birthday ideas and anything that has to living life with our loved ones. Hope to connect and make some friendships here.

 

Comment by September on March 27, 2017 at 10:57am

Debbie's advice is great. Make a plan and then when you wake up not wanting to do it, try really hard to do it anyway.  It has been a little over a year for me, we were unmarried but have a son who is 2.5 now.  All in one weekend, right around the 7 month mark I had my son's second birthday, my dead fiance's would-be 38th birthday and our 10 year anniversary.  Having a plan for each day really helped me and the one day I hadn't planned for, the day in between their two birthdays, was the hardest.  We had a small party for my son on his father's birthday (9/25) then on his actually 2nd birthday (9/27) he and I just went to the beach and played and met up with a friend.  That day in between is where I really felt his absence because it was the day I was in labor and I really missed hearing his perspective about the events of that day and I had not anticipated that.  So no matter what you do, something will creep in and kind of blindside you but I always find that having a plan and following through with it is the best way to come out on the other side feeling ok and not getting totally drowned by the 'harder' days/weeks/events etc.

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on March 26, 2017 at 4:38pm

Rachel,
   Your loss is as real as anyone else's here. You and your partner had built a life together, house, child, and that was taken away from you. It doesn't matter that you hadn't made it down the aisle yet. Don't let anyone tell you your grief is not real.
   As for June 2nd, the best advice I can give you is to have a plan for that day. If you do better around people, find some close friends or family you can spend part of the day with. If you do better alone, maybe plan a place to travel to for some solitude. You might expect tears, but be numb. Or it might be the opposite. Feel free to come here, where people "get" you. Don't have any high expectations for that day, probably no matter how you go through it, you will feel a lot of grief. You will be mourning so many hopes and dreams. Know we are here for you. (((hugs)))

Debbie

Comment by noflies on March 26, 2017 at 2:29pm

Rachel, first I am so so sorry for your loss. I read your other posts and see that you lost your fiance. I lost my fiance too, and it doesn't make us not "real" widows. I have been in every online widow/er group I can find in the 8 months since I lost my partner and not once has anyone even insinuated that people who weren't legally married aren't widows. So, if your concern is that because you weren't legally married you can't consider yourself a widow, you can.

I can imagine that day is going to be very painful, I have no advice other than you should do whatever feels right for you.

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