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Comment by CLR95 on March 20, 2018 at 4:51pm

Hi , I am new here. I guess I'm searching for people who understand the pain that I am feeling.

My soulmate died on the 12th of January 2018. I am devastated. I can't believe he is gone at 37 years of age and I am a widow at 36 years of age, with two young children. We were together for almost 23 years - we met when we were 13 and 15 and would have grown old together. I feel like we have been cheated of so much - at a time we should be raising our kids and living life, he has just gone. It has been 9 weeks and 5 days and my head wont accept the fact that he is no longer by my side. The days are busy but the nights are long and painful, but every second of every day he is on my mind. Will this feeling of missing and longing for him ever subside? Will this gaping wound ever heal? 

I guess I'd like to know how do people are dealing with their loss and when do you start to feel better.. if ever?

Comment by robyninvegas on March 6, 2018 at 7:09pm

@babushka(Debbie) My husband's birthday was three days before mine. We would always celebrate it together. It has been four years since he died. I will often try to see his children (my stepdaughters), visit his grave, and go to our favorite restaurant. It is pretty tough to feel like "celebrating" but I do the best I can. Last year, my father was having surgery on my birthday so I was there. Every year is different. Hope this helps some. 

Comment by BabushkaD (Debbie) on March 2, 2018 at 7:25am

How are people dealing with birthdays this year? I feel like that topic has come up a lot around other young widows I know. I'm turning 33 this April. My husband would have been 45 this March. A widow friend turned 35 last weekend and that age kind of boggles her mind...she wants to deny that it's happened, because she thought she'd have it all together at this age. What do you do to celebrate yourself? What do you to remember your spouse?

Comment by Sonu on January 12, 2018 at 7:56pm

Ohh Mrs.Hehar ,you literally put words what i want to scream out to this world. Yes I am from Assam,India. We had an intercaste marriage. We were so perfect together. You know when as teenager or adolescents we dream of a prince charming, finally in my life i got what I always wanted. He was my mirror reflection.We had the same taste in every aspect of life. I have so many questions arising in my mind, people say everything happens for a cause,I say what more "Good" is in store for me!!  Even i wished i had his baby. Each and every moment reminds me of the time we spent together.I know you will understand. I feel so helpless. The dreams we saw together of having kids and growing all,what am I supposed to do now? The pain is unbearable. Have you watched the video of Kelley Lynn in Tedx talks? If not I would suggest you to watch it. Hugs and love to you dear. 

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on January 12, 2018 at 6:11pm

Hi Sonu, I see you are from India, I am actually Punjabi. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It really is the hardest thing I have had to go thru in my life. My husband and I had our legal marriage in 2016 but our religious ceremony was in September 2017 and a month and half later a wreck less driver killed him. 

I have no answers to why us, or what happened exactly, I can't even figure out the medical reports, because it just makes no sense. 

I know how you feel about all the senses you are talking about, I yearn for them too. I am currently still living with his parents in our home. I still say our home because it makes me feel like he will come home one day. I do weird things now, like wear his clothes, or smell his shirts, i hate answering my phone, i don't want to talk to anyone because it reminds me that they still have their perfect love stories and mine ended without even a warning. I try my best to preserve everything the way it was, he was my best friend, literally we were like the same person. I wish I had at least had his baby, but even that worked against us. I love him so much and the fact that I waited so long for the perfect person, and he was just taken away so soon. The pain gets worse as the days go on and people talk about it getting easier to go on, but I know, I know exactly how you must be feeling, and I can only say it really sucks.  

Comment by Sonu on January 11, 2018 at 8:05pm

Mrs. Hehar, I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand what you are going through. I too lost my beautiful husband to a motor vehicle accident 22 days ago. Whatever I do, however my life is,the fact is the love of my life will not be there. After 3 years of a loving relationship we had married on 29th April 2017. It was barely 8 monts of our marriage and I lost him. The same question arised .why us? I die to see him,to hear his voice,to touch him.my heart cries out for all of you. 

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on January 11, 2018 at 7:48pm

Its been 57 days, I still wake up in tears, throughout the day I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. The days I am busy, my head kills, my body hurts. I still pray to god to give me my husband back, knowing that will never happen. I feel so alone, it hurts so much and ppl ask me how I am but I hate even answering that question. I miss him so much, and every morning when I wake up, I hate the fact that I am here and he isn't. The what ifs pop into my head all day long. Just a few seconds and he would have been here, even a second and that car wouldn't have hit him. I had to start his car and bike yesterday, it killed me inside, I ended up losing it for a good hour. The things I am having to do, I never even thought. Things should be so different. I still don't get why him? or why us? I want to talk to a medium so bad but then my mother in law keeps talking me out of it. I just want to talk to him, I know i wouldn't hear his voice but still. Have any of you tried a medium? How does it work or how do you know it is for real? I have been trying to read up on it and can't find much about what they tell you or how do you know it pertains to you and not general things. 

Comment by KayeL on December 31, 2017 at 10:36am

Mrs. Hehar,

I hear you and I know what you mean. My husband was sick for the entire Dec two years ago but his medical team was very optimistic about his recovery. We left hospital on new year's eve but then his pneumonia got worse that it took his life few days after the new year. I am telling you, xmas and new year are now the worst time of the year to me. While everyone, esp people our age, most of them are so happy with their lives, I am, and many of us here, are drowned by some painful memories. For two years, some of my older friends who are in their 50s, my in-laws and my parents have been talking about "companion" again. Sigh, I don't get out of the house, I have a kid, and I am not young anymore, how to "meet" someone? Besides, when the love I used to have was so perfect, I don't even have the will to find anyone. Their good intension only makes me even more depressed. It's like, I found my soul mate and true love but he vanished. And I feel I am such a bad mom because I keep telling my son I will no longer want to celebrate any holidays in this household again. He keeps telling me he wants his daddy. I said dad is gone. He insists he wants a dad even though he could be someone else. Argghh,,. I don't even know how and what I want, or need. All I know is I only want my dead husband back. OOh I so wish this new year thing is done and over wish. Dragging through xmas was bad enough and now new year then his death anniversary. I loathe this life. 

Comment by Mrs.Hehar on December 31, 2017 at 10:10am

Its new years eve... and although I didn't expect it to be the worst feeling ever, thats how I feel right now. I got home from service and as soon as I entered our bedroom I broke out into tears. On the drive back I happened to open facebook and saw all those generic Happy New Years pics or quotes, I feel incredibly sad and so much pain. I miss my husband so much, it kills me inside just thinking about it. I cant believe its already been 46days. I still pray to have him back, I still pray that god reunite us. I dono what to do anymore. I try to cope and use different techniques but then I just break. My in laws try to keep me busy, I put on a face of being okay in front of them but I'm not okay and I don't know when I will be. Few days ago his mom talked to me about thinking about the future, and how everyone needs a companion, it made me so sad to think about something like that. I feel like no one understands me, I don't understand me. I just wish I could talk to him, its like I feel so alone all the time even though I'm not actually alone. 

Comment by KayeL on December 26, 2017 at 8:38pm

Judie,

You're not alone. My hubby died last year but right at the beginning of January. It will be two years for me in a week-ish time and I am still not myself. I used to be so optimistic, happy and goofy yet I am now pessimistic, morose, and cold. Devoid of emotion but sadness, anger and agony. I still consistently cry like there's no tomorrow. I still feel bleak, betrayed, and lost. I think my parents, too, think it's time I should be back to my old self again. Seriously, HOW? My heart has been shattered completely. I will never be that old happy self again. True, in time, maybe I will be less angry, but pure bliss? I highly doubt it. I met my hubby young at age 21, were so in love throughout our 20s to my mid 30s. He died when he was 40 and me turning 35. That intense pain lingers and does not want to go away. 

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