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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 701
Latest Activity: Feb 14

Discussion Forum

What are your thoughts about "Dating"?

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by Athena53 Jan 6. 10 Replies

What are your feelings about "dating"? As a person who was a long term caregiver, do you sometimes have mixed feelings? Have you joined a dating site? Do you NOT want to date?

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by FootballGeek Oct 25, 2016. 40 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

NYT article

Started by WittyBlondeWolverine. Last reply by Slick Oct 25, 2016. 7 Replies

This article resonated with me on so many levels. It's very true that I have so many people to do something with... but nobody to do nothing with.

NY Mag Article "The Day I started Lying to Ruth" by a cancer doctor on losing his wife to cancer

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by Patience (Diane) Sep 24, 2016. 23 Replies

Has anyone read this article?  It stopped me in my tracks yesterday. http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by GrandmaH on January 25, 2017 at 10:32am

I just went to the website below, followed the directions as explained and will wait the 72 hours to see if I receive the email explaining how this will work.  Seems that we will receive 3 questions a week for several weeks and then, receive a free copy of the "finished" book once it is completed.  As a contributor, there is no cost.  

I browsed a few minutes on the website and see that this author has written and continues to write many books about various illnesses and conditions and, with the help of us who want to contribute our own story (in the way of answering the questions each week) she is able to publish a book about, in our case, cancer loss.  Let's hope this is not a scam of some sort. Knowing Diane has said she has contributed before, makes it sound like a way we can share our experiences with anyone willing to buy the finished product.  I'm heading into my 12th week without my best friend and husband of 57 years....seems like it is getting more difficult than easier as time goes by.  But I am trying and will continue to welcome each day as the gift that it is.  Tom would want it this way and that is how he lived his final 14 months of life.  Hope you all have at least a bit of joy today.

Comment by Kerryn on January 25, 2017 at 8:51am

I found the book - clicked on it, took me to an order option - could choose as a contributor - cost was the $0.  I'm wondering if that is the "registration"?  That is the only thing I can think of as there was no other link it seemed as far as being able to sign up/register as a contributor.

Comment by Patience (Diane) on January 25, 2017 at 7:51am
Dianne, I too had trouble navigating the web site- it kept bringing me back to the "home page" no matter what I did. At one point it asked me for my email and name, but then again simply brought me back to the beginning...
Comment by Slick on January 25, 2017 at 4:49am

Diane..I couldn;t get to where I had to be....got into the second phase...but then couldn't find "through the eyes of cancer" anywhere...

Comment by Patience (Diane) on January 24, 2017 at 6:41pm
Thank you Dianne- will check this out!
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on January 24, 2017 at 6:07pm

If you lost your love to cancer and are interesting in writing about it, Grief Diaries is looking for some contributors to their Through the Eyes of Cancer" book. There is no fee to contribute. I participated in their Loss of a Spouse and How to Help the Newly Bereaved books previously, and plan to participate in this one, too.

 

Comment by Patience (Diane) on January 15, 2017 at 11:45am
This Ted Talk is a tribute to a young widower's late wife and their life together.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KeT221skphw
Comment by Athena53 on January 7, 2017 at 2:35pm

Slick-  thanks for your response.  I know the caregiving I did for DH (really bad only the last 2 months, he was sweet and kind to the end, I'm retired so not trying to hold down a job and he supported me keeping up my outside activities) was a picnic compared to what many here have been through.  Yes, I'm sure the PTSD complicates your reactions to life in ways I can't understand.  I'm glad you have the support of a therapist.

Comment by Slick on January 7, 2017 at 5:51am

thank you Athena....I did say no.....my oldest was going to watch him...and both of her teens were up all night vomiting so my daughter's husband will go alone..it's snowing here anyway and I wouldn't be comfortable driving there tonight after it snowed all day...I understand what you're saying...I love you analogy of stopping my grandson from doing something harmful...I have a 17 year old grandson too ...who I have very in depth conversations with about life and a 14 year old grandaughter who I am also so very close to....when they reached a certain age I stopped babysitting because they were too active for me...and I was only maybe 45...when they were born..will be 63 and broken Monday..so bit difference...

I think I have to add  because it seems everyone thinks I am a push over and don't know how to say no...very wrong.......I am strong, confident and very independent ...through no choice of my own...I have PTSD do to my mother, first husband and then finally my middle daughter's death at 21...I have been in counseling off and on for 15 years....and have made strides in the past year....this is something I am having a hard time breaking because my youngest is very much like my mother....so she triggers me...there are no other family members....they have all passed....so have all of my closest friends....so my oldest is the only other babysitter...right now...I know it's good for him...he loves everyone...talks to everyone and smiles at everyone....she;s thinking about starting him out in a play group 1-2 days a week because he loves other kids too....I think I projected some of the feelings that go hand in hand with PTSD ..and unless you have it can't possibly understand the difference in the way each mind works...I was never socialized to be caring....it comes very natural....thank you for your advise......but I felt I needed to throw out there about the PTSD ...because it has it's differences in the thought process and feelings, awareness, responses that someone without it has..something that may come very easy to me do to the things I have been through in life...many of you may never be able to do and something that comes so simple to you....I struggle with......a woman I know very well...with worse PTSD then mine ,her 14 year old daughter also has it...horrible story.....needs a place to live.....I have had to turn her down...did it very easily, so maybe this wasn't the place to bring this....hard to understand ..and I know that...thank you for responding..PEACE

Comment by Athena53 on January 7, 2017 at 4:56am

Slick, you have got to stand up for yourself.  Who's going to be there for you when you're disabled because your arm never got a chance to heal?  If you have to, use the doctor as the bad guy.  "My doctor says I shouldn't be taking care of grandson alone because he's too heavy to lift".  And in a way it may be saying "no" to your grandson but what's wrong with that?  If he wanted to do something harmful, wouldn't you tell him "no"?  Well, this is harmful to YOU but it's temporary.  Let him get comfortable with other family members,  It's good for him.  I just bristle when I see good (mostly) women, socialized to be nice to everybody and take care of  everybody, doing damage to themselves in the process.  Just say no till you're well again.

 

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