Widowed Village

A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

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Long-term illness

For those widowed by cancer AND other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

We now also have a "Long Term Illness" discussion forum in the PERENNIAL main forum. Questions? Widville@gmail.com

Members: 605
Latest Activity: 8 hours ago

Group greeters

Dianne in Nevada and Celestia have agreed to greet and coordinate for this group! Thank you, ladies!

Discussion Forum

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by NeverWasNorWillBe on Thursday. 28 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Anyone ever have a sense of peace?

Started by Timetoheal. Last reply by Juls on Wednesday. 38 Replies

Has anyone been doing normal chores or random things around the house and had a feeling of calm or peace come over them? As if your loved one is standing there with you or just brushing by you to let…Continue

Grief and release at the same time?

Started by Germaine. Last reply by only1sue Sep 12. 28 Replies

I am aware of two different forces acting from within me.  One is the downward weight of grief. The other is an upward energy that comes from the release from caregiving.  After 16 years of part time…Continue

NY Mag Article "The Day I started Lying to Ruth" by a cancer doctor on losing his wife to cancer

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by Patience (Diane) Aug 29. 18 Replies

Has anyone read this article?  It stopped me in my tracks yesterday. http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/Continue

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Comment by MFARM 8 hours ago

Maggie, I'm so sorry. I too couldn't fill my husband's place and I usually don't go with other couples. I do have another widow to bounce things off of and we do things together, or at least talk on the phone. Fortunately I have six children, four inlaws, 13 grandchildren, and 4 great grandchildren.None live in my town, closest 50 miles away, so I spend a lot of time seeing  one of them or the other. I still keep pretty busy in between. I drive  a couple out to eat 30 miles from here about once a week. It's actually my husband's nephew. She has some mental confusion, but does well with me. I seem to be the only person who's name she can remember. He always pays for the lunch and is glad to have some one to talk to.  He is 82 and was very close to my husband, they worked together for a time and played together a lot as children, so I get a lot of affectionate  stories. Some I've heard several times, but that's okay. My son-in-law stayed last night on his way through and we had good conversation. None of this fills the spot of the one who is missing, but  I'm still doing better than I expected right after he died June 22, 2012. 

Comment by Maggie 8 hours ago
I'm on a trip right now with my Brother and SIL, but it's not the same. They go back to their room together and me to mine alone. I feel so lonely and I'm even home sick. I'd rather travel with a female friend at least I wouldn't feel like the odd number. my Roses, how wonderful! A week of some happiness and contentment. Nothing beats sharing your life with someone special, but I fear it will never be in the cards for me...too old, too tired and love and miss my husband too much.
Comment by my roses 14 hours ago

My roses

just been looking at the posts have not been on for a while.  So many other things happening in my life.  Still been struggling with financial stuff, and the grief was really pulling me down.  Have been on 2 dating websites, and also having a friendship with someone Wes and I knew for many years but only has a business friend.  That was good in some ways, but the sex issue raised its head and I was not able to cope with that during these last months.  The friendship was good in some ways, and very sad in others.  This last week I had a week with another male friend who was very kind and we gave each other lots of hugs, and held hands when we walked.  Went out to lovely dinners, a french film, walks in the forest,  a botanic park with masses of tulips etc.  We talked about our grief and our beloveds and it was good.There was kindness and  some happiness and it was beneficial to our health, as we both looked better - our  widowed faces looked less - particularly in the eyes.

That's what one week of happiness can do... I still miss Wes so much but as we know we can love 2 people at the same time.  We are both just keeping in touch - just going slowly.  It was amazing as he flew to see me from another State...  Bless you all... keep posting....Sending you much love

Comment by beansy yesterday

Hi. I am lying in bed with my black lab, 'jimbo the guide dog (otherwise known as 

Jim); and my not so new knee replacement, and my new broken shoulder. I lost my husband Norm in 1997 and he was ill for 10 years prior to that. We were married 12 years when he became ill with Dilated Idiopathic Cardiomyopathy, a heart disease. The only treatment was a heart transplant. He was 37 when he became ill, a year later had a pacemaker and Social Security Disability. Our son was 6 when he became ill, and he was 16 when Norm died. He became a father himself last December. He mentioned his Dad a few times before the baby was born, but other than that, he has never talked about him. Norm was a fabulous Dad, and I have never been able to understand this. Anyway, I have been through it and it is not something that goes away. I still miss him so much, and never got married again because I do not see that as part of my life. 

beans

Comment by Dave55 yesterday
I found a blog and bookwriter called Solo Traveler at http://solotravelerblog.com/
It written by Janice Waugh who is also a widow and started traveling after her husbands passing. I found lots of good info although I haven't set the sails yet, unless you count next weeks camp widow.
Comment by Maggie on Thursday
Germaine...I'm in Asheville and I was just googling and found a website for seniors...small groups, pretty much all inclusive...called Globe treks...out of Hendersonville NC. I'd tried to put the link here, but seem not to be able to get that to work..will try later. I do know Road Scholar is a good tour company for all over and they seem to be more adults and focus on education and learning, lectures and the like...gotta get myself to start doing this stuff alone if I have to. Don't want to be on my deathbed someday wishing I had. But it's hard to start in this new life alone after so many years of having that support and care of our spouses. When I'm up, I feel like yeah I can do this, but when I'm down I feel like oh why bother, I'll just be lonely and no one to share the experience with...today I'm up and two days ago I was real down...wish I could just stay up! I thought I'd start out small and go to a bigger nearby city for 3 or 4 days to see the sites, museums, galleries, gardens etc. my closest bigger city would be Charlotte NC. Anyone familiar with Charlotte?
Comment by Germaine on Thursday

Good for you, suepernova,  If you land in Myrtle Beach or Asheville let me know. I am near travel parks in both places (different times of the year)

As far as having been "to hell and back" ….I agree…except it isn't really "back" is it?  Its back on earth instead of hell but it is a whole new place ….not anywhere we have ever been before….hence the need to take one step at a time, carefully, on this new terrain (once we are able to walk again). All good wishes to those of you just beginning the journey.  I am periodically overwhelmed but then I realize I have tried to take several steps at a time instead of only one. When I slow down and breathe I do better.  Travel groups sound like an interesting idea.  Anyone tried one?

Comment by Maggie on Thursday
Supernova...you are so right about older couples. One of the couples will surely be like us...just farther down the road. I watched my Mom and my MIL suffer with grief and loneliness before I really had a clue to what it was like. Only now, can I know there feelings. I envy your free spirit to get out there and travel. I feel too old for it now. (67). I know, it's never too late, but I need a place to call home, but I sure would be willing to travel along with friends. My closest friend has a cat and I don't think they travel like dogs. I'd like to know more about the travel groups...I'll have to check it out.
Comment by sueprnova on Thursday

I am putting my house on the market spring 2015 - when it sells, along with almost everything else I own... I will be buying a new SUV and a trailer.  I love to travel and the dogs and I will embark on a new adventure.  

There are plenty of womens rv traveling groups to get involved with. 

It's never too late to have an adventure.

I can't ever begrudge the older couples. or any couple for that matter.  Sooner or later, they will be one of us.  So I hope they enjoy their life together.  

Gym time...

Peace~ Sue

Comment by idaho on Thursday

maggie, I feel the same way about travel now. maybe some day when we all feel a bit better, we can all travel together. 

 

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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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