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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 690
Latest Activity: on Sunday

Discussion Forum

NY Mag Article "The Day I started Lying to Ruth" by a cancer doctor on losing his wife to cancer

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by Patience (Diane) on Sunday. 23 Replies

Has anyone read this article?  It stopped me in my tracks yesterday. http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/Continue

What are your thoughts about "Dating"?

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by lexy on Saturday. 5 Replies

What are your feelings about "dating"? As a person who was a long term caregiver, do you sometimes have mixed feelings? Have you joined a dating site? Do you NOT want to date?

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Aug 19. 39 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Retreats?

Started by katjames. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Aug 19. 15 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

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VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on September 11, 2016 at 9:52pm

Bonnie - We have a Soaring Spirits Regional Group in Baton Rouge that meets twice a month. Not sure whether that is close enough to you. Their next meet is Sept. 17 at 3pm at CC's Coffeehouse. You can reach the group leader, Lori, at batonrouge@soaringspirits.org.

We have a page here in Widville that lists the location of all of our groups:  Regional Group List

Comment by Bonnie on September 10, 2016 at 6:49pm
It is helpful to me to hear that so many others have had responses like mine. Not that misery loves company, but just knowing that I am not strange or weird in my reactions makes a difference. I havve especially struggled with not being able to push myself out and into doing more. I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life watching t.v. but pulling myself out of it has been so hard. Thanks to all of you for sharing your struggles. Slick, your story is especially interested in your meet up group. I don't think I could start one, but I would join one if I found one. Right now I am just hoping that once the ghastly summer heat here is over and we have some cooler weather I might feel better and have more energy. I was very happy to see the end of August and greet September.
Comment by Amg10 on September 7, 2016 at 7:16am
Ice creAm! Yes!!! I forgot to mention always having to tell your child "no" when they would ask to have their friends over. It was so painful and unfair. Not to mention, at least for me, lack of intimacy for five years. Actually 5 1/2.
Comment by icecream on September 7, 2016 at 5:52am

Hi everyone, in the same boat here. My husband was sick for 4 1/2 years and although he made the best of it with his positive attitude, it was still tough. Many times I felt like the only thing he brought to our marriage was sickness, fear and doctor's appointments. Like all of you, I'm sure, I found the strength to take care of him and our 3 children, and find energy I didn't know I had! I did feel like I 'mourned' throughout his illness - as we lost piece after piece of what we had together. Our social life, our compatibility and understanding of each other, our hopefulness for the future, his ability to go to work, his ability to walk, my kids ability to have their friends over to our house. His loss still hit me really hard, don't get me wrong, but I did feel like I had done some of the mourning along the journey.

Comment by Widowdad33 on September 6, 2016 at 3:38pm
I completely understand how you feel. I've been widowed for two years, but my wife was sick with cancer for two years before she died. I FEEL like I've been widowed for 4-years.

As stupid as this sounds, I didn't realize how alone I feel until my girlfriend and I broke up. The relationship was not working for either of us, but I kept trying to make it work. I realize now it's because I miss my wife. I miss the life we should be living!
Comment by Slick on September 6, 2016 at 1:07pm

Bonnie..I;m sorry...I have been through the same thing as have so many others...Bill was ill for 3 1/2 years and passed 5 1/2 years ago...so that's 9 years of being alone ..I was only 53 when this started..since he passed I have done many things...including dating a little just to see if I could bond with someone as friends, companions..etc.I also have no intentions of marrying...but I never say never..I have yet to meet anyone who I really clicked with..and since I have lost all of my friends very young and most of my family..I am very alone...lately I have felt like my life died..not me but my life as I knew it..so one day I got up and decided to start a new one...not easy ..I am struggling as I don;t feel well.....I started my own Meet Up group because everyone I joined was terrible , people didn't show up...so I will try this...I have 100 members within a week..and really should have limited it to maybe 30...more then ha;f of this 100 I will probably never meet and will have to take them out of the group a little at a time....but I;m hoping this group of widows and widowers can become friends and have some fun.....I wish you all the best in your journey...we change so much over and over ..it takes time to find yourself...who you are now...PEACE

Comment by Bonnie on September 6, 2016 at 12:49pm
May husband was sick for over five years and has now been gone for over two, so it has been over seven years that I have felt like I was struggling along on my own. I have friends who were great during his illness and since but I just miss the comfortable understanding that I had with him even as he became sicker and sicker. I don't want to marry again, but I would like someone I could just share the kind of easy times I had with him. At my age I am not going to take on another family or complicated financial changes. I just want friend. I have women friends and we share activities, but it isn't the same. I know it is up to me to get out and get active. It's just so hard to do it.
Comment by Slick on August 28, 2016 at 6:02am

WIdowdad....I understand ...my husband was 51 when dx , I was 54 and retired to be his full time caregiver...he was ill for 3/12 years....I had no help, never a dinner cooked for us, never someone to keep him company so I could get out...so I understand totally....I also have no regrets....BUT do agree that since I have been widowed 51/2 years and his illness was 3 1/2 ....that is a long time to be alone...I was busier then....but so lonely now...and so ready to meet a companion....

Amg I am so glad you have such a good friend to share with...

Comment by Widowdad33 on August 27, 2016 at 5:14pm
I think my problem was my wife was sick for 2 years before she died. Basically she stopped being a partner, and became a responsibility. I have no regrets taking care of her. I loved her. But I haven't had a "wife" in four years.

I didn't realize how much I missed have a true relationship until I started dating my ex-girlfriend. She and I broke up because we are just different people (she is a good person). But I realize I how much I miss my wife; our past and the future we won't have.
Comment by Amg10 on August 27, 2016 at 4:15pm
One thing that's happen is a friend a true friend thTs a guy who is 26 and I JUST turned 40. He's super short and small and just teeny. Smaller than any woman I know not to mention has a couple girlfriends point is there is literally NOTHING there on either side. So we've become best friends. My daughter knows him and my husband was training him to take over our company. So he was very close very effected by his passing very concerned for me etc and he's been wonderful. And he's Turning into that kind of friend who can provide friendship from a make where u get that point of view but no way would it ever be anything else and it's really nice. If he and I can stay friends like we are it will help me so much not to rush anything. We both talk about how lonely it is. And how do people make it with no animals we got to the gym together and laugh together. It's truly grown into the exact friendship I used to have with a few female friends. But he's straight. Lol I guess I'm just realizing what a good friend he's become he's helped me stay grounded and rooted.
 

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