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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 645
Latest Activity: 10 hours ago

Discussion Forum

Grief and release at the same time?

Started by Germaine. Last reply by Terry Mar 31. 32 Replies

I am aware of two different forces acting from within me.  One is the downward weight of grief. The other is an upward energy that comes from the release from caregiving.  After 16 years of part time…Continue

Retreats?

Started by katjames. Last reply by katjames Jan 18. 12 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

I'm Lost

Started by MickeysLove (Sandi). Last reply by my roses Dec 9, 2014. 19 Replies

So, 4 days ago marked the 2 month period.  I had joined a support "group" where you go and sit with other people and talk about whats bothering you. I had went 2 times, I'm not going anymore - I…Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by MickeysLove (Sandi) Dec 3, 2014. 32 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Comment Wall

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Comment by MLI 10 hours ago

I appreciate all of you so much!  I too have realized that there are some friends that were 'ours' and since he is gone and time has passed, life is busy with kids and work for everyone, that we don't have the same relationships anymore. I have gratefully welcomed some incredible new friends into my life and would gladly reunite with others who were there before the 'crisis' ( as someone referred to his illness) - it just takes an enormous amount of effort and I hope to find that energy again soon.  Here's to new and old, walking on and greeting people along the way!

Comment by Missing D&Z (Heather) on Friday
Yeah, I have heard that too. I am seeing a therapist and counselor and I am on anti-anxiety and anti-depressants as well. I just don't understand why they are of me driving off a mountain road. It makes me shutter. I literally claw in my bed when I have them...and it's right as I am trying to get to sleep...
Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on Friday

Nightmares are common.  I'm a retired therapist; I specialized in trauma.  I've never heard of medication to treat PTSD except for maybe anti-anxiety or anti-depressants, but the need for therapy as well is unchallenged.  So, my advice is to find a therapist; ask your medical doc for a referral, or ask me!  I"m so sorry; just know that is normal especially after the trauma of a long, drawn out illness.  Sometimes it can help to talk; sometimes it can help to express it anyway you can!  Journaling, art, whatever... but trauma and loss and pain is like a bucket of water; the bucket can only hold so much and eventually it will overflow.  Our brains can only hold so much, too, and eventually, it comes out. Dreams are a way for our brains to process what has happened (I'm sure you already know this!).  My therapist believes that dreams are telling us something; its up to us to figure out what.  I hope that's some little bit of help. 

Comment by Missing D&Z (Heather) on Friday
Anyone else having reoccurring nightmares? My husband passed away from a battle with colon cancer, but lately I am having these horrible nightmares. I get all anxious and can't fall asleep or it wakes me up. I have been diagnosed with PTSD but taking medication ss for it. Anyone have any advice or in a similar situation?
Comment by Missing D&Z (Heather) on Thursday
Ice cream-
Exactly. My husband and I were like kids (we watched cartoons!) so we tried to make it as "light hearted" as possible. But we all know how anxiety-ridden we were and nervous as we made sure everything was "ok" and we dealt with it.
Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on Thursday

icecream -

Yes, what you said.  Hugs back.

Comment by icecream on Thursday

goingon and D&Z, my husband was colon cancer too. He was 46 - lost him in Feb of 2012. I miss him terribly, and don't like remembering what it took to take care of him and that I really did all those things...most of which were not too pleasant. Hugs to us who share this journey and these experiences, and to all the rest who struggle and have struggled with worse than we had to deal with. 

Comment by seegoogle on Thursday

Hello Lakegirl,

Welcome back. It was good to hear about your trip and I am happy that you were able to have some fun. 

I too went on a family trip with my daughter and her family.  We went to a cottage that we have rented almost every year for the last 30 years.  Like you said, it was hard, painful, to go, but really no harder than being at home without him. The sadness is the same.  I miss his presence and I want him to be able to enjoy being with the family.  I spent most of the week sitting in the cottage reading, trying to keep my mind occupied, but I did go out with the kids at least once a day, and I did have a few moments of joy with my young grandchildren.

Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on Thursday

D&Z (Heather)

I hope I didn't come on too strong.  I know a number of other widows here in Flagstaff; I tried to start a Soaring Spirits chapter here, but it just didn't  happen.  I think there are a lot of widows here who just don't know about us other widows!  I'm older than you, but I was thinking that we both lost our husbands to the same horrible illness, except Don was diagnosed in 2010, in January.  I'm so sorry that you had to join us here.  Did you come to Flagstaff because you have family or friends here?  I came here knowing one person; I love living here, but it's been hard for me to get to know a lot of people I can really be "friends" with because most of the people I meet have lived here for a while and have a "life" I guess.  And a lot of them are married.  If you would like to contact me, please do.  You can send me a message on my page (I think!)  Thank you.

Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on July 1, 2015 at 12:09am

D&Z -

Hello, Heather... I lost my husband to colon cancer in 2010 - November.  I also moved to Flagstaff just 2 years ago.  And it's hard to move on.  I'd love to "friend" you here, and if you like, maybe we can get together?  

 

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