Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Information

Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 730
Latest Activity: 45 minutes ago

Discussion Forum

How do you process your anger/disappointment at people who didn't "show up" for you and your spouse?

Started by Surreal17. Last reply by LindaAnn Sep 21. 14 Replies

I have no idea if any of this will make sense, but my husband just passed away on August 10th after an 11 month battle with pancreatic cancer, and I guess I just need to "get it out".  We lived a…Continue

Grief and release at the same time?

Started by Germaine. Last reply by Susan Jul 31. 48 Replies

I am aware of two different forces acting from within me.  One is the downward weight of grief. The other is an upward energy that comes from the release from caregiving.  After 16 years of part time…Continue

just joined this group

Started by Riley. Last reply by Steve Jul 11. 20 Replies

My husband died a year ago this July 27th.  He first got cancer in 2007, CNS lymphoma, a brain tumor .  Then we had 7 more good years , until July of 2014 and another brain tumor formed.  Then a year…Continue

The Long Good-Bye

Started by Leeky. Last reply by Steve Jun 19. 6 Replies

My grief counselor just told me about the Long Good-Bye and it made things so much clearer for me.  I was feeling guilty on so many levels over the last month.  I miss Lee terribly - you don't lose…Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Long-Term Illness to add comments!

Comment by Fluffycat52 on September 26, 2017 at 1:52pm

Hi everyone, my husband had Congestive Heart Failure he passed away on June 12th 2016 he was ill for a year and a half, he was on Hospice almost 6 months from Dec 24, 2015, until he passed away on June 12th. It was sad to see him suffer but he is a free Spirit now he is at peace with God now. I miss him a lot but not suffering. Hope everyone has a good week. Lisa C.

Comment by Athena53 on September 21, 2017 at 11:58am

Sue, I absolutely agree that long-term caregiving can have many effects.  While my husband had been deteriorating slowly over the last 10 years (partly age, partly his polycythemia and the effects of his necessary meds), for the most part I was able to maintain some of my own pursuits.  I was in a couple of clubs, got to the gym every day, did different things for the church, etc.I really think it helped me deal with his death because I still had a life that didn't depend on my being married to him- in fact, some never knew him.  When you're the 24/7 caregiver for along period, you don't have the luxury of outside activities and relationships unless you have plentiful resources for in-home care, which is $22/hour here.  You have to start all over again.  

Comment by Beansy on September 21, 2017 at 5:33am
Hi, I just saw your comment about 5years widowed. You are not alone. My husband was ill from 1986 to 1997 with a heart failure disease. He died in 1997. Next week is the 20th anniversary. I grieved during the time he was ill, knowing our lives were forever changed because there was no cure but a heart transplant. He was 36 then. He was 47 when he died. Only recently have I come out of denial that he is gone. beans
Comment by only1sue on September 21, 2017 at 4:27am

I have just passed five years of being a widow.  I am finally getting used to being alone.  Call me a slow learner.  I do think the longer you have spent caring for someone the harder it is to be that blithe spirit you once were.  That may not apply to everyone but it has been my experience. So feel in a way I am starting a new phase of my life as a widow.

Comment by Slick on July 13, 2017 at 1:03pm

TxDD,

Been there done that....I have been lucky enough to find a few good people who understand.....my closest girlfriends and only sister all passed away young ..so when Bill died I really was alone and didn't want to dump all of my pain on my daughters.....I am in a happy, peaceful place now.....thank God...HUGS back....I am also here for you..

Comment by TxDD on July 13, 2017 at 5:58am
Slick,
Unfortunately they very much are. But please know I am here and willing to talk to anytime. It is a lonely journey when you feel no one understands. (((Hugs)))
Comment by Slick on July 13, 2017 at 5:51am

Thank you TxDD for your comfort and understanding.....I am so sorry you have gone through this hell too...losing a child(children) and a husband to me a very different....horrible in different ways..that's JMO....our lives are very parallel....God bless.....Prayers and Hugs coming your way also....PEACE ...

Comment by TxDD on July 13, 2017 at 5:29am
Slick,
My sincere hugs too you on the loss of your daughter. My apologies for the confusion, my dayghters and
I were on n a house fire. They were 5&7 and it has been 33 years this December. I agree so different but the pain is so devasting. I still write letters in a journal to my daughters to keep them near me. No warning just here in minute then not. Greg was 50 and like yours and so many of tjis horrible disease, horrific pain the last few months.
Thiughts and prayers. I'm working long hours to get cope over the years. Going to retire in a year or so. I want to volunteer and honor the three of them. Hugs.
Comment by Slick on July 13, 2017 at 5:01am

TxDD....if I;m ready correctly you lost daughters?? to cancer early in life....I am so sorry....I lost my middle daughter in a car accident when she was 21...it will be 20 years next month...so different from my husband

Bill was dx at 51 with lung cancer....he lived 3 1/2 years.....then it spread to his ribs and spine..a horrible painful death..he was only int he hospital....at the end for a few days....I was his only caregiver for the 3 1/2 years....I retired at 54 so I could care for him...no regrets....it was hard...I slept 12 hours a night for the first year...it's been 6/12 years....and I have good and bad days....God bless each of you...everyone's journey is different, no rights and wrongs...we all need to do what fills our hearts with all of God;s peace..

Comment by Susan on July 13, 2017 at 4:23am

TxDD,

    Thank You for your words of comfort... And you didn't go on and on. People NEED to tell their story. It's part of healing.

((( HUGS )))

Susan

 

Members (730)

 
 
 

© 2017   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service