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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."


Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 742
Latest Activity: Mar 3

Discussion Forum

Unexpected Emotions

Started by Snow. Last reply by I will love you always Mar 3. 10 Replies

I had braced myself for the grief of loss, unbearable loneliness, some other things too awful to write about, but I'm also starting to feel quite hurt and let down by some people. Is this normal?…Continue

Not like the Movies

Started by Snow. Last reply by NancyD Feb 25. 8 Replies

In 15 minutes I will have passed my third day of being a widow. I have been bracing myself for this pain for 10 years, when my beautiful husband of 26 years was first diagnosed with advanced…Continue

With the holidays upon us...

Started by Don. Last reply by goingon (Cynthia) Nov 18, 2017. 3 Replies

How do I answer the comments that haven't come when I talk about the things that happened to Arlene around two holidays? She had her first heart attack on Christmas eve day 2012 on dialysis as we…Continue

How do you process your anger/disappointment at people who didn't "show up" for you and your spouse?

Started by Surreal17. Last reply by adoption1964 (Kim) Oct 30, 2017. 14 Replies

I have no idea if any of this will make sense, but my husband just passed away on August 10th after an 11 month battle with pancreatic cancer, and I guess I just need to "get it out".  We lived a…Continue

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Long-Term Illness to add comments!

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on December 31, 2017 at 11:11am

If you don't have plans this evening, pop into the chat room to ring in the new year with other Villagers. You are not alone. We'll be there for all US time zones from 11pm Eastern to 12:30am Pacific.

Comment by Soaring Spirits on December 25, 2017 at 7:23am

We're hanging out in the WV chat room for anyone who finds themselves alone on Christmas day. Join us!

Comment by adoption1964 (Kim) on November 7, 2017 at 6:57am

Phoenixring: I just read your post in July.  You are writing my story.  I am just into my 6 month of widowhood.  My husband was diagnosed with a type of cancer in November 2016.  The final and official diagnosis was January 23. 2017.  He passed May 2, 2017 Stage IV Kidney cancer.  He did so well for a while, but the last 2 weeks were so tough for he, my daughter and I we were the primary caregivers.  We had hospice help at the house 15 mins 2x a week.  I gave him all the meds and breathing treatments. Hospice was brought into the picture April 19th 2017 and he passed May 2017.  Watching him fade away at home was the worse thing in the world.  I was thankful for the time however he wasn't always clearing thinking.

Comment by goingon (Cynthia) on November 2, 2017 at 7:10am

Terry and only1sue... I too am going though health issues and miss my husband being here to help me.  Terry one thing you said - you don't want to ask people to drive you when you need a driver.  I've had that issue; it's very hard for me to ask for help.  It always has been.  But I've also learned that sometimes I need to reach out and just do it, as hard as it is.  If someone I ask to drive me to an appointment for a procedure can't do it, they say so.  So I take some comfort in having those few friends I can ask, who are glad to help when they can.  

Comment by Terry on November 1, 2017 at 5:22pm

only1sue...I can also relate.  On my fourth day of retirement, I ended up in the emergency room resulting in a course of treatment that lasted nine weeks!  Although I fought the feelings at the time, I felt very alone through the whole process.  My wife had been ill for the last five years of her life and I was able to be there for all of her appointments as well as being her primary caregiver at home.  Even when she was hospitalized, I did much of her personal care as she used to tell the nurses that only I knew how she wanted things to be done.  Now that it is my time to go through illnesses, I cannot help feeling a little cheated as I am left to deal on my own.  My eye specialist called last week to arrange a test that would require someone to drive me.  I just said that it was not possible as I had no one to bring me.  I am sure I could find someone but I refuse to put someone out to take me to another city basically using up their day.  This thing sucks and I just hope that we will all continue to have the strength to soldier on.

Comment by Slick on November 1, 2017 at 3:40pm

I can also relate...cancer 4 times and shoulder surgery...alone.....I wish you all the best's hard and very lonely and sad...

Comment by booktime (Susan) on November 1, 2017 at 2:34pm

Oh yeah, only1sue, I can totally relate. There is no one to care for me either. I think it's ok for us to have blue days. Take care of yourself and hugs.

Comment by only1sue on November 1, 2017 at 2:32pm

I have been through a recent health scare and want to wail:  "Where is my caregiver?  I cared for everyone else why is there no-one to care for me?"  I know I will get over it, I always do, but just for a day or so how nice it would be to be pampered and looked after.  Okay I am having a blue day and will be better tomorrow but I know some of you long term caregivers will be able to relate to what I am thinking..

Comment by Fluffycat52 on September 26, 2017 at 1:52pm

Hi everyone, my husband had Congestive Heart Failure he passed away on June 12th 2016 he was ill for a year and a half, he was on Hospice almost 6 months from Dec 24, 2015, until he passed away on June 12th. It was sad to see him suffer but he is a free Spirit now he is at peace with God now. I miss him a lot but not suffering. Hope everyone has a good week. Lisa C.

Comment by Athena53 on September 21, 2017 at 11:58am

Sue, I absolutely agree that long-term caregiving can have many effects.  While my husband had been deteriorating slowly over the last 10 years (partly age, partly his polycythemia and the effects of his necessary meds), for the most part I was able to maintain some of my own pursuits.  I was in a couple of clubs, got to the gym every day, did different things for the church, etc.I really think it helped me deal with his death because I still had a life that didn't depend on my being married to him- in fact, some never knew him.  When you're the 24/7 caregiver for along period, you don't have the luxury of outside activities and relationships unless you have plentiful resources for in-home care, which is $22/hour here.  You have to start all over again.  


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