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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to widville@gmail.com.

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 686
Latest Activity: 18 hours ago

Discussion Forum

NY Mag Article "The Day I started Lying to Ruth" by a cancer doctor on losing his wife to cancer

Started by Patience (Diane). Last reply by goingon (Cynthia) Aug 19. 22 Replies

Has anyone read this article?  It stopped me in my tracks yesterday. http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/Continue

Looking to Put Together Resources for soon-to-be-widowed

Started by Mozzie. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Aug 19. 39 Replies

I found being the spouse of a terminal person very frustrating.  We were getting care at a prominent hospital, and there were social workers, but I didn't feel like anyone ever gave me useful…Continue

Retreats?

Started by katjames. Last reply by Dianne in Nevada Aug 19. 15 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

I'm Lost

Started by MickeysLove. Last reply by NewLoss Apr 3. 21 Replies

So, 4 days ago marked the 2 month period.  I had joined a support "group" where you go and sit with other people and talk about whats bothering you. I had went 2 times, I'm not going anymore - I…Continue

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Long-Term Illness to add comments!

Comment by icecream 18 hours ago

Everyone is so supportive here. Haven't posted in awhile, it's been about 4 years for us. Lost husband at age 46 in 2012 - colon cancer - 3 daughters. Your posts remind me of the early 'fog' days. Things will clear, eventually. Only focus on the critical financial things and your kids right now. The rest will come later. It took me 2 years to join a grief group and find this website - I was too busy juggling the plates of life to seek out any help. Sure helped when I did.  You're already helping yourself get through this, and hopefully others will too. Hang in there, we understand.

Comment by Slick 19 hours ago

I understand lonelyinaz....I;m so sorry....I have no regrets of retiring at 54 ....and taking 3 1/2 years of doing not a thing but being Bill's sole caregiver.....I will never regret taking care of him, being by his side and being his advocate for so many years....when he passed ..I think I out of it for the first year....I went to 2 grief groups, saw my  kids and grandkids, went to bed at 9 and slept until 9 for one year..no change in routine..then the full inpact hit me....I wish you all of God's peace...

Comment by lonelyinaz yesterday
3 plus and i still wake up finding it hard to believe i no longer am needed to look out for him. Was a tough road but
I miss tht job and was proud to be his wife.
Comment by Gaining Strength yesterday

Inafog and Slpc, Peace be with you. My deepest condolences to both of you. I concur with Slick and Cynthia. I remember my experience at the stage you are both at. I had not slept well for years (during the illness) that I slept for long hours after the funeral. I would go to bed at 9pm each night because I was so worn out. It is definitely strange not having him to take care of. It will soon be 5 years but I still think of him constantly and grieve his loss. I keep a lot of my feelings to myself because not everyone understands. This site was the best thing for my survival. Take care of yourselves and remember, baby steps.

Comment by Slick yesterday

Inafog213 and slpc......I don't have much to add to what Cynthia has said...she is so right of all...smile if/when you can...cry when you have to, no rights and wrongs here...take your time with your feelings...they will change constantly...from Bill's dx at 51 with lung cancer he lived 31/2 years , I retired to be his sole caregiver....the cancer ate through his ribs and spine..but his other lung and heart were so strong the cancer caused a horrible painful death for over a year....I sat at 57 and wondered what to do.....kids grown and gone, no job..and my dear husband gone...I was lost...still am at times and it will be 6 years in March...I have tried a lot...some things have worked and some haven't ....I am at a loss right now ..it;s been a bad year...hang on and stay around here...lots of good people who know how you feel...PEACE

Comment by goingon (Cynthia) yesterday

Dear infog213 and sipc:

You are both so very, very new to this whole thing.  Be kind to yourselves and don't try to do what you can't do.  I know its hard with young children; you have to be there for them, too.  But don't expect anything from yourself especially in these early weeks and months.  It's a process; I've learned that grief is an entity unto itself - it rears it's head when you least expect it.  My husband had rectal cancer; from diagnosis to when he died was 11 months.  And at it the end, it was very fast - a blessing for him.  It will be 6 years in November, and I, too, find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call him, or ask him a question or tell him something that happened in my day.  It changes; I can't say it gets easier or better, but it does get "different".  Hugs to both of you, and I'm glad you found Soaring Spirits.  I'm sorry you have to join this club, but it's made a huge difference in my life.

Comment by slpc yesterday

Inafog213- My husband has been gone for 6 weeks after battling lung cancer.  He was 41.  He died quickly to  when  it came down to it. He was only in the hospital for 4 days before he passed away.  I have 3 kids.  Its crazy when you've spent so much time focusing on taking care of them for so long and all of a sudden its over. I find myself still about to text him..or calling just to chat.  That is the hardest part...My kids keep me going and slowly the nights are getting better.  Thinking of you.

Comment by Inafog213 yesterday
Hi everyone, I'm new here. My husband past away 2 weeks ago at the age of 43 after a 18 month battle with colon cancer. We were together for 18 years, married for 12 & have a beautiful 4 year old daughter and a few dogs. I feel like I'm in a fog and have every emotion possible. I'm still trying to process how he went downhill fast over the week of his life. I'm 40 and have great friends who have been there for me. I feel like I'm the odd person now, everyone has their husband to talk too. I miss being able to pick up phone or send a text to him. I'm trying to be strong for our daughter, it's just so hard. I spent the last 18 months being his adovcate and strong for him, now I feel completely lost.
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on August 10, 2016 at 12:15pm

Oh, ebwilkie, I am so sorry. There are still some of us from the 'early' days hanging around here in the Village.

Comment by ebwilkie on August 10, 2016 at 10:08am

I haven't been active in this group for a long time.  That must mean that I'm getting over the loss. No, I cry everyday for the one I loved and lost.  I just been busy with myself.  You see, I was diagnosed with ALS two years ago.  I lost my husband 5 years ago.  I just been busy running to doctors, taking pills, etc. etc.  Is anyone here that I used to talk to?

 

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