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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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Long-Term Illness

For those widowed by cancer and other illnesses or long term conditions that required caregiving.

Check the 'Help' tab for more guidance or send questions to [email protected]

Patience (Diane) is your group greeter.

Members: 777
Latest Activity: on Sunday

Discussion Forum

I'm lost

Started by Ozzy turtle. Last reply by Ozzy turtle Apr 9, 2019. 7 Replies

I'm new to this. My husband passed away on January 2,2019 from respiratory failure after a 10 year battle with COPD.We were married for 6 years, together for 9. Now I'm completely lost without him. I…Continue

Neurodegenerative disease MSA anyone else?

Started by LP. Last reply by LP Jan 24, 2019. 8 Replies

my husband died in Feb’18 of a rare condition called Multiple System Atrophy, a form of Parkinsonism, for which there is no treatment. He gradually lost all ability to move, speak, swallow, blink and…Continue

Not like the Movies

Started by Snow. Last reply by CaliforniaGrieving Aug 27, 2018. 10 Replies

In 15 minutes I will have passed my third day of being a widow. I have been bracing myself for this pain for 10 years, when my beautiful husband of 26 years was first diagnosed with advanced…Continue

how to handle life now

Started by nayajivan. Last reply by Mamitha May 11, 2018. 3 Replies

Hi,I have lost my wife Archana on 12th March 2018.19 years of Marriage..2 beautiful and lovely sons - 17 and 14 years..15 years of battle against 2 deadly diseases - Kidney Failure and AIHA...9 Years…Continue

Tags: sons, marriage, AIHA, dialysis, failure

Comment Wall

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You need to be a member of Long-Term Illness to add comments!

Comment by Lisa_says on Sunday

Thanks LP 

I know this will be a slow journey for me.  Some days I know I can do this, some days...not so much

A big hug to you

Lisa

Comment by LP on Saturday

Hi Lisa,

that sounds familiar to me. My husband Chris died in Feb 2018 from lo long-term neurological disease called multiple system Atrophy, and was his carer for the last 4 years as he became completely disabled. It was so exhausting but also a privilege. I would put up with all the sleepless nights and endless wrestling with wheelchairs and hoists again just to have him back.

.The first year Is weird on Planet Widow. I just re,e,her putting one foot in front of the other, not really knowing what I was doing. The pain was exhausting, and it still drains me as I enter the third year, although it’s less so. I’m just starting putting my life back together, but I know now that it can’t be rushed or forced, and no one - especially people that haven’t lost a spouse- cannot tell you how to do this. But trust yourself and re,e,her the love.

Comment by Lisa_says on Saturday

My Husband Doug died Dec 6th 2018 a little over a year ago. He battled brain cancer for 8.5 years.  I was his caregiver.  He was my better half.  Married for 20 years.

It was an honor to take care of him. I do think it took its toll on me mentally.  I was the "fearless we will get through this" person for him. When inside I was terrified but never showed it to him.  He was scared and going through enough.

Now I find myself with anxiety and fear .I miss him more than any words can ever explain.

First year widowed has been a blur of just existing . I'm hopeful this gets better over time. No human could possibly survive feeling this relentless pain and disconnection from life year after year.

Hugs to all who need one.

Comment by Loyd1960 on December 31, 2019 at 4:13pm

As I am reading through all these statements and comments,of so many new widows and widowers.It has taken me back to how lost I was the first year.Its been 4.5 years now since my wife passed from ovarian cancer.which she endured every chemo they tried and several experimental ones.But now I have learned to live with the pain and go on.Some days are good,some days are sad.All it takes is a song or a smell to change your feelings in a split second.Glad I found this site and look forward to reading all your stories.This is what I needed,I went to several grief classes and I totally got nothing out of them.Reading about people who have and are going through the same loss and grief is the greatest help for me.We were married for 34.5 years and she missed seeing are grandson born by one month.It seems so unfair,but I know I will see her again one day.So I will focus on my grandkids and be the best papa I can.I thak you all for sharing and helping each other through this very tough part of life.

Comment by riet on July 21, 2019 at 4:25am

Dear Flower Girl,
I feel for you. I can't say anything that will make you feel better. Just: take care of yourself now. I myself took care of my dear husband for 4 years, who fought against a brain tumor.
I know how tired you feel now. How exhausted. How everything seems so unreal now. How terribly lonely you will be now.
I thought I would be prepared because of his terrible illness. I thought I could go on because I had already done so much alone in this terrible time. But nothing was less true. How wonderful the time was when we were still together. Even though he was so sick.
What a difference now: He is no longer there, I can no longer hug him, I can never hug him again. He will never call me his number one again.
Do not believe the people who say: move on as quickly as possible because life goes on.
That is not the case for me: The world keeps turning . And there are still very beautiful things in my life. I am very happy with children and grandchildren. But "my" life died with him.
That has not changed in the 15 months that he is no longer there.
I hope that there will also be beautiful things for you. But take the time to discover them, all the time that you need.
And be gentle with yourself.
So bad that you had to experience this too.

Comment by flowergirl537 on July 20, 2019 at 6:21pm

My spouse died June 2019 after 9 years of battling cancer. I am exhausted, sad, grieving, feeling alone and often overwhelmed. It is so nice to have a group like this to connect with and share, learn wisdom and "feel at home". Thank you!! 

Comment by only1sue on April 15, 2019 at 3:11pm

I still belong to a couple of organisations that Ray and I belonged to for a long time. I kept on with them because these were the people who always supported us through Ray's long battle with stroked and dementia. Now I am able to pay back that kindness in small ways. Sometimes moving on does not mean letting everything from your past go but moving on within the life you shared. Of course my life is very different now but I am glad I have kept these friends on my journey alone.

Comment by Kimba on January 11, 2019 at 1:59pm

Hi Susan,  Like you I hate when people say that prostate cancer is the best kind of cancer to get, as if there isn’t any bad cancer to get.  This was my Don’s third occurrence and it came back stronger than ever.  I believe that his two previous treatments only left the strongest cancer cells in his body.  For us, the last two years were hard when Don was fatigued and nauseous all of the time.  But, we still lived, travelled, ate out and continued to live our lives.  My Don was so courageous and strong in his fight — it,was an inspiration.  

‘Thanks for,writing and have a great weekend!

Comment by Kimba on January 11, 2019 at 1:53pm

Only1sue:  For me taking care of my Don was the best and the worst time of my life.  I felt so honored that he would let me in during his darkest hours, yet it was stressful with lots of precipitory grief.  I know I did the very best for him — giving 110%.  Putting his needs in front of mine all of the time.

Now, I am finding my way without him and it is both scared and exciting.  There are still periods of grief but there are also small moments of Joy.  Like you, I will never not miss him but I know that he wants me to be happy.  So I just put one foot in front of the others, every day that I can.

Thanks for writing and have a great weekend.

Comment by only1sue on January 11, 2019 at 11:57am

Kimba, I looked after my husband Ray for twelve years with multiple strokes.  He died at the end of 2012. The life of a long term caregiver is hard whatever the cause. All I can say is we did our best and now we deserve a peaceful life. Hope you find some joy in the life you lead now. I will never stop missing Ray, we had 44 years together.

 

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