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Hi,

I have lost my wife Archana on 12th March 2018.

19 years of Marriage..

2 beautiful and lovely sons - 17 and 14 years..

15 years of battle against 2 deadly diseases - Kidney Failure and AIHA...

9 Years of Dialysis..

and

Many other health complications for all these years...

Now, she is gone and I am left alone in dark..

I am not able to understand and think as to how to live without her..

Please help, guide, advise and support me..

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Replies to This Discussion

Hello nayalivan, I’m not 100% sure I can help or advise, but I can say that there are many people on this site who have been in your unfortunate position, myself included. I lost my wife nearly two years ago after 35 years of marriage; she, too, had multiple illnesses over a nearly 20 year period. None of it is easy, and you just never get over it. But you will learn to adjust, in your own way.

For me, in retrospect, I believe her death was maybe a relief for her, after so many years of fighting cancer she was finally free. Once I was able to breathe, I realized that she was no longer was in pain. It’s a hard thing, accepting that inevitability, but I focused on her freedom from the fight and it got me through. It had been so many years dealing with her battles that, once she did die, I nearly felt cried out. I was more numb than anything else.

We all handle it differently. I was blessed and fortunate to make the acquaintance of a woman whose husband died within 2 weeks of my wife. We found far too much in common (both the good and the bad), consoled and comforted each other, quickly fell in love and recently married ... something NEITHER of us thought would ever be possible. But because we found each other and we’re able to share our grief it allowed us to open ourselves up to new possibilities. We met here on WV and both of us regularly credit the comfort and support of this site with saving our lives.

I’m not on WV much these days, I’m a blogger and that isn’t well received on this site, but I do check in periodically and your situation touched me. I hope you can find the peace and support here that I did. Don’t hesitate to reach out for me, I can share my story with you further if you’d like, and I always am willing to lend an attentive ear.

i understand where you are, it can and will settle in eventually, my best to you ... Ed

I am so sorry for your loss. 

There are so many things that can help, but no one can tell you which ones will work for you. Try as many as you have strength for. 

I can tell you a little about what helped me when my husband died. He was sick with kidney failure too. He was on dialysis for 8 years then he had a transplant and lived for 3 more. I miss him every day, He died 10/23/11. 

I went to bereavement groups.

I went to grief counseling.

I read many books. That was most helpful in the early months. 

I wrote in a journal. Both about my grief and letters to my husband. 

I read a daily meditation book called "Healing After Loss" by Martha Whitmore Hickman.

I read a daily blog written by widows/widowers, affiliated with Soaring Spirits. Here is the link : https://www.soaringspirits.org/blog 

Somewhere along the way I read something that I lived by in the early months. It said, "Never go to bed without a plan for something to do the next day."

It's good you found this site. It helps too.

There's a lot out there for grieving people, but it's never enough. Because nothing will take the pain away.

I hope you find some things that will help you carry your grief. 

Hi nayajivan, I'm fairly new to WV, but I already can see that all the comments and support is amazing. First: Breath, you have been through a lot for many years. Then take your time in discovering the things that make you comfortable in doing and the ones that you rather not do anymore, now that she is no longer with you. You have those lovely sons and they are your sunshine. I have two kids too, a girl 14 and a boy 12, my husband battled cancer for close to three years, different surgeries, treatments and complications. For me each day is a challenge, but I've heard that time heals all wounds I hope it does, and I have my faith most of all. Best to you nayajivan

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