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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

In 15 minutes I will have passed my third day of being a widow. I have been bracing myself for this pain for 10 years, when my beautiful husband of 26 years was first diagnosed with advanced pulmonary fibrosis. But nothing could have prepared me for this pain. It's like a physical ache that won't go away. I cry all the time. Not pretty little tears rolling down the cheeks like in the movies, but screwed up distorted face, making weird animal sounds and snot running down my nose type- crying. When does this stop? I read once that the heart is the only thing that still functions after it has been broken. Perhaps that's true. Take care for now. Snow.

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Feb 2 was the one-year anniversary of my husband's death. A year ago I went through the same scenario as you. I had 6 months to prepare for his death after he was suddenly diagnosed with leukemia. It was a crushing sadness for me, we were so happy together. 

Your non-movie-like crying will stop eventually. I remember feeling like I had run out of tears. I still have my crying spells, but not intense crying and sobbing. The day after Mike died I went out on my back deck which faces an empty wooded area and just screamed and wailed. I never did that again after that day. On the anniversary of his death, I cried more than I had in a long time. I was reliving each hour of the day he died, I had to make the excruciating decision to remove him from life support and then watch him struggle to breathe for 11 hours until he breathed his last.

Everyone told me it would get better. I like to say it doesn't get better, it just gets different.

Your crying will subside, I can't say how soon, but it will. You have my sympathy, I know exactly how you feel.

Snow, you're in your first few days.  Just about ANYTHING is normal.  I also watched my dear husband die over a long period:  polycythemia, first diagnosed 10 years earlier, which morphed into acute myeloid leukemia.  He died 6 months later.  In my case, I'd seen a man who used to hike the Appalachian Trail waste away to 117 lbs. (he was over 6 feet tall) and become so weak that I occasionally had to pick him up off the floor when he fell.  I'd like to think that wherever he is, he has his old hiking body back and has spent the first year singing a perfect baritone in the heavenly choir.  (After that he was going to have a long talk with the apostle Paul.)  

Be gentle with yourself- no one bounces back from this loss easily.  

It wasn’t 3 days ago, but 20 years since my husband died after being sick for 10 years.  He was 47,and I still miss him. You are three days into your new life. You will feel everything so keenly, any crying or any other emotions are almost involuntary. Yes, your heart heals eventually, but now is for grieving. Please know you will feel better, but also know you will always feel his absence. Beans

I lost my husband two weeks ago. I have been crying a lot too. At first it didn't feel real,and it still doesn't in some ways. But reality is sinking in more each day and I lie on my bed sobbing away. I have been grieving for almost two years when he was diagnosed with incurable stomach cancer, but it still doesn't prepare you for the actual end. 

None of this is like the movies is it! 

Fromage, my husband also died after  14 months of stomach cancer. Would you be willing to connect with me to "chat" via message?  I sent you a friend request.  Thanks.

Snow, I am so sorry for your loss and that you had to join us here in this group.  No amount of preparation or anticipation could ever fully prepare us for the actual pain felt by the physical separation from our loved one.  

In these early days, anything and everything that you feel is perfectly normal.  Cry, cry and cry some more.  Grab sleep / naps whenever it comes...who cares what time of day or night it is? Drink lots of need to stay hydrated from all those tears being shed. Eat something....even if you don't feel like much of anything.  Your main focus now is to take care of yourself.  

Browse this site, post whenever you feel like it and I guarantee you will find plenty of support here.  

God bless you.   

Probably the longest three days of your life.  Nothing prepares us and I would not expect the physical ache to go away after three days. It has been six months for me and I still burst into tears at the oddest moments. We are not in a movie and there is nobody to judge whether our tears are 'pretty'. What I have learned so far: The important thing is to get those tears out. Cry as long and loud as you need to. It will all stop when it needs to. Until then just hang in there and know you are not alone.  My best to you.

I too thought I was prepared for grief  after my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer.  He got a prognosis of 15 months and got 4 years. He died here in our house on the 20th of April.  What that terrible disease to his poor body was undescribable.

I suffered with him because he only wanted to live and love. And when I think of the panic in his eyes in his last moments, I am collapsing myself. 

But nothing of this can be compared to the grief you have of him no longer there.  Not being able to hug him anymore, not being hugged by him anymore.  In the bathroom , alone, I sometimes yell to the walls.

He was 73 and we were together for almost 50 years.  I met him when I was 15 and he was 23.  From that moment on ,never there was anyone else for either of us. Because of the age difference we had to fight for each other. Our relation was in no way accepted by our community. That made us stronger as ever before.

Now we also fought with all possible means. But we did not make it. No one can fight against this and win.  And yet, we did so together with our children and grandchildren.  And we all miss him so very much.  I just am not a complete person anymore.

Every one called us : entwined. And we were known under only one name. How can I go on alone?  I know I have to do so.  I can't give up for our dear family.  My husbands goal in life.  Everything he ever lived for.

But it's so difficult.  Thank you for listening to me.

3 days! You astound me. You are a warrior. I don’t think I could even string words together at the 3 day Mark. My advice from the one year and 8 day mark: Let the tears flow. I also had a long long time to prepare—and when my sweet loving husband of 38 years slipped away, I didn’t understand. Still don’t. And yet. And yet I know he wouldn’t want me to fade away or avoid a healthy, happy continuing life. Take all the help you can get—share your pain and longing...


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