Long-term illness

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Comment by kittymom on March 12, 2012 at 10:25pm

Hi Bellabear, My heart goes out to you. It does get better. I am almost 5 mos out and my husband also died from a cancer whose statistics are just as poor as pancreatic cancer. There are actually many esophageal cancer widows on this site. I don't know if you are aware but 4 out of the top 5 growing cancers in the US are disgestive system cancers, pancreatic and esophageal included. Unfortunately, funding for research of these two types of cancers is just now growing because the number of deaths are growing. I like to think of my husband as a hero because thanks to him and all other victims of cancer, funding will grow and hopefully others can be spared. I have noticed others on our path begin to find some happiness and peace as the months go by. We will never stop missing the ones we lost but we learn to live without their physical presence and at times can feel their spirit all around us! Hugs to you Bellabear!

Comment by hendrixx2 on March 12, 2012 at 10:13pm

Hi Bellabear, so sorry for you loss, here you will find people who understand what you are going through, and are willing to lend support;  I'm so gald to read that you and Brian had those wonderful years together, and I can really understand how much you must miss him. Wishing Peace and Healing for you...

Comment by jules1092 on March 12, 2012 at 10:12pm

Hello Friends, I have not been posting a lot lately, doing ok but still on that rollercoaster ride up and down and sometimes  within moment of each emotion.  I am sending you all hugs and please know that I care.

Comment by Bellabear on March 12, 2012 at 9:55pm

Thank you all for the warm welcome.  I wish we were all 'meeting' under other circumstances but we have all found our way here instead.

 

I agree with the comment that all cancer sucks!  I also agree that there seems to be so many of us who have lost our loved ones to pancreatic cancer.  For a cancer that has a 5 year survival rate of only 6%, you'd really think there would be some more funding!

 

I was blessed to have my Brian for 12 years and married to him for 5.5.  They were the most wonderful years of my life and Iknew the 1st time we met we were destined to be together.  He was truly a special person and is missed by so many.  I miss him so much.  9 weeks ago today I took him to hospice.  He died 10 hours later.

Comment by Nancyfc on March 12, 2012 at 6:07am

I'm noticing too many pancreatic cancer deaths. If all CANCER were contagious do you think the medical community would work a little harder to find a cure? I'm making bets they would. You can survive with HIV/AIDS for years, but not much was done until the medical community figured out ANYONE could get it.

God Bless all - may you find some peace and healing.

Comment by gcortez55 on March 12, 2012 at 12:28am

not me. i still offer up a giant middle finger to the medical community, medicare, and hospice agencies. all of them did not listen to the caregiver. all of them are set up for other types of more common terminal illnesses. no one wanted to deal with us. the rage in me could move mountains when i think of all the extra stress they put us through!!!

Comment by Susan B on March 12, 2012 at 12:09am

while we are going through it all, we sometimes think it can't be true--it must be a dream but it IS real. How can we get through this in one piece? Most of us have had amazing help and moral support from the medical community and I would like to acknowledge that here. They are not superheroes, but just people like us, trying their best to make our loved ones comfortable and cared for, and well, if possible. How would we have gotten along without their help?

This whole cancer systemic illness thing seems to be spiralling out of control. Now that I'm alone, I wonder how in the world I would face a chronic or terminal illness without my 'Grado' to help keep things in perspective...

(((((((((((((((((  HUGS to us all)))))))))))))))))))

Comment by Cheryl on March 11, 2012 at 10:28pm

My husband had  a 5 bypass surgery, was a type 2 diabetic, had adrenal gland issues, was hard of hearing, had severe nuropothy (spelling) and mantle cell lymphoma. When you looked at him he looked wonderful-you would never know he was sick. He had a wonderful spirit and we both refused to let it get us down.  In April of last year he went into the hospital for treatment as his cancer had come back with a vengence. It changed from indolent to agressive. The first treatment didn't work-in May started another treatment-in June treatment was working but his mind was going along with the lack of control of bodily functions.  All the testing didn't show anything and they were puzzled. Finally at the end of July another MRI showed the cancer had gone to his brain. That explained all the other issues. They did radiation to eliminate pain and to hopefully bring him back mentally.  We were able to say our good byes but he passed on August 17th.  I was spending 10 to 12 hours a day with him at City of Hope. They were amazing and compassionate and caring.  I was blessed to be married to this wonderful man for 17 years.  The hardest time of my life but I wouldn't change any of the time I spent with him.  Life is precious.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone. He was diagnosed in December 2003.

Comment by Tulsa Chris on March 11, 2012 at 10:21pm

@gcortez, I cannot elieve the pain and frustration you went through with your beloved.  My experience was much gentler.  I cannot imagine your heartache both during and after.  Makes my heart cry. A bg old hug to you, girl.

Comment by gcortez55 on March 11, 2012 at 10:13pm

i was a full time caregiver too tusla chris. but no where near 7 years! (((hugs))) to all of you who took care of your spouses for years. 

my husband died from a rare form of dementia. he walked around defecating and urinating where ever, moved things around, had delusions, turned on appliances and gas, faucets... He became violent at times. picked me up and threw me by my neck. threw wine glasses at me, a dinning room chair, sexual violence...the list goes on and on. he didnt know what a car was and tired to get out when i took him to the dr's. he tried to commit suicide when he had found out what he had done.

I called the police many times to have him placed on 5150 holds. he was kicked out of a dementia assisted living facility after 3 days. No caregiving agency would come to our home. no memory care facilities would take him till 3 weeks before he died. 3 different hospices denied him. he was in and out of mental hospitals that aren't meant to house dementia patients. all this and i was caring for our two young children. all of this in just 7 months. 

and that wasnt even the hard part. the hard part of caregiving for me was watching my husband be in mental anguish. him not knowing where he was or why. him being trapped in his own mind and fighting to get back to his "family". me holding him for hours with urine and feces inbetween us just so i could rub his head and softly kiss his face so he could rest in peace. 

...i cant even finish this post. i am too upset now just thinking about that last part. thanks for listening. 

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