Long-term illness

Comment

Comment by Suz on May 1, 2012 at 3:48pm

Chez2all and Kerryn,

Thank you for your comments. I am a two month widow and still reeling at times but I have promised myself to get out of the house every day and to interact with at least one person every day. It would be too easy to stay in my pajamas and eat cry, watch TV reruns and (maybe) eat bonbons. I know Jud would want me to live as full a life as possible. I do it in his honor and benefit myself in the process.

Comment by Kerryn on May 1, 2012 at 10:03am

@Chez2all,

You summed things up so well. This isn't the life I chose, nor did I have a choice in where I am now - I know that Dave would want me to do more than just survive - he'd want me to LIVE! He would always tell me how strong I was, that I was his rock.  I know, I need to make the choice to Live, not just survive.  It's just so hard to think of doing so w/out him.  But, it is something that somehow I have to dig in, find that strength he saw in me and do - not only for me, but for our sons.  Thank you! 

Comment by Kerryn on May 1, 2012 at 9:48am

Juls,

I also know Dave will say - what have you been doing - or - why weren't you ...... It just is hard.  It seemed like I worked to find myself thinking as a we instead of I when we got married - was afraid of losing "me", and now, I can't seem to find the "me" from the "we". 

Comment by Juls on May 1, 2012 at 9:42am

Dear Chez2all,

Thank you for taking the time to post.  It encouraged me because I'm facing the first year anniversary. I'm working with an individual counselor and the whole concept of piecing myself back together keeps coming up over and over.  While it seems impossible on a practical level - emotionally I know it can happen.  You are proof and I appreciate your inspiration.  I need to draw on his positive spirit and our happiness and love together.  I need to visualize him asking me "What have you been doing these past ......years"?  when we finally see each other again.  That big smile and those twinkling eyes - he will want me to tell him some really great stories.  Bless you.

Comment by chez2all on May 1, 2012 at 7:55am

Hi, I've just joined this group but my long-term care is from 11 years ago and my first husband (Glenn).  Even now 'stuff' can trigger those emotions that we sometimes feel we've finally got a handle on.  Following the suicide 7 weeks ago of Doug, my daughter and I have decided to move and to do so I found myself sorting through boxes in the shed.  Which is what has prompted this post - I came across all sorts of things I kept of Glenn's in case his children wanted something of his as they were all young when he passed away after a 16 month battle with brain tumours.  So many wonderful memories - it has finally encouraged me to write about some of my experiences as a carer that I was determined not to relive - ever!  The life-lessons gained have proven invaluable and I have become this amazing new person I never knew I could be.  Not having a choice in becoming a young widow was not going to make me just survive - I had to LIVE my life!  I would like to encourage each of you to draw on the strength of your love to move you forward into your new incredible life.

Comment by freddieb on April 28, 2012 at 4:18pm

Hello and welcome (sadly) to all the new members of this special group.  I haven't communicated in awhile, but I have been reading all the posts.  Sometimes I guess it helps just to know that we are not alone even if we can't express our feelings out loud that day.  It is so difficult to lose someone who you have loved and cared for completely, beyond even yourself, but I will say that my faith and my family and a few of my closest friends have brought me through the last 3 years and 4 months since Walter passed away.  The WV has been a wonderful place that I know I can go whenever I need to say something out loud and I know that others will understand exactly what I mean.  Today, I will be going to a wedding.  It will be the first wedding I've attended in 4 years - the last one was my daughter's when Walter was here with us.  It was such a wonderful day.  I thought I was OK with this until a few hours ago.  I thought I had experienced all the "firsts" until I realized that this is yet another "first" that I am doing without Walter.  I'm very happy for the couple who will be taking their vows today, so I am determined to be there and celebrate this wonderful occasion with them.  I know it will be bittersweet for me, but I'm getting used to that now because almost everything is.  I wish all of you a very peaceful day.

Comment by rburdo on April 27, 2012 at 11:01am

Dianne in Nevada your comment means alot.  My husband was sick for so long.  His life became my life. And his sickness was a curse and also a blessing.  I realize after reading what you said that even those were tough years they were OURS and we fought it together.  The small blessings of good days are sometimes hard to remember but I will cherish them

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on April 27, 2012 at 10:44am

CC - You are so right. It does make this journey easier to travel when we have others walking alongside us. I joined WV when I was about 4 months out; I'm now at 19 months. I honestly cannot imagine how I would be feeling at this point if I hadn't been able to connect with people here. Embrace this special place. Read and post here in the Group, but also read the Forums and Blogs. So many stories, so many journeys, so much love.

My Vern died 9/22/10 after a 4.5 year battle with Multiple Myeloma (a blood cancer) and kidney failure. Those were very tough years but, oh my, they also brought us such blessings. I'm now able to recall those blessings instead of only the hardships. Time does soften those edges.

Comment by Ccdague on April 27, 2012 at 10:02am

Tulsa Chris and Juls. We travel together....maybe we can make this part of our journey easier by walking together. These groups are incredible.
Find peace
C

Comment by Tulsa Chris on April 27, 2012 at 8:57am

Would have been 38 years with Susan today.

 

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